People Discuss Their Unusual "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Not Putting My Phone On Airplane Mode At Night?
“I (19 M) am a university student in the UK and will be moving to another town for the next school year as part of my uni course. I have already decided with 3 of my friends that we will be getting a flat together, which is something that I am very excited about, as I don’t get along that well with my current flatmates.
The conflict began when Rose (20 F) posted a message in our common group chat, where she told us that her only condition for living with us next year was that we’d put our phone into flight mode before going to sleep.
One thing to know about Rose is that she is one of the nicest people there is, but unfortunately, her kindness makes her somewhat naive and prone to believe things that aren’t really supported by evidence.
For example, she was convinced that her house was haunted, or that someone had gotten in, because she heard a noise at night, and her toothbrush had switched places.
When I read the message, I did not think much of it, but Rose brought it up another time when the 4 of us were talking about next year.
I asked Rose why, and she responded that her dad told her that we don’t know the effect of waves on the human brain and that we should limit our exposition to it.
My other future flatmate, Martha (18 F), instantly told Rose that this was stupid and that she wouldn’t do it.
Rose first believed that Martha was joking, but when she realized it wasn’t the case, she turned to me expecting support, but I instead sided with Martha.
My main reasoning was that, although waves may have an impact on the brain (which I don’t believe after having done some research, but let’s assume it does), it would only apply to a device close to someone’s head, not to a phone that is in another room.
If that were the case Rose would also have to ask all our neighbours to turn their phones off at night.
When I pointed this out to her, she simply told me that all her friends (from her hometown) did that and that if we weren’t ready to do it then she would think about finding another place to live.
That saddened me greatly, as Rose is a great friend, but after discussing it with Martha, I do agree that giving in to Rose’s request would not be a good idea as she would definitely have another questionable request that would make our lives unnecessarily annoying.
We are also firmly against lying to her because honesty is crucial in our relationship.
To be perfectly clear, if Rose was able to provide me with proof that supports her claim, I would be more than happy to comply. But I do not want to make my life more difficult, simply because this is her dad and her friend’s belief.
I think I may be the jerk for refusing to do something as simple as turning my phone into airplane mode to make Rose happy. On the other hand, I do not think that I am wrong to set boundaries and be honest with her.”
36. AITJ For Coming To My Niece's Birthday Party?
“I am a very shy person, I do not like speaking to people and I even struggle to hold eye contact and a conversation with most of my distant family,
My sister (F 27) and I (M 19) have a really close relationship because she used to look after me a lot when I was younger, she has two children (Alfie – 4) and (Olivia – 12 months) I will note both of them really like me for some reason, I love them so much but I am not that good with babies or kids but for some reason, they just cling to me when they see me.
It was Olivia’s 1st birthday yesterday and my sister and her husband (M 29) who I am also really close with asked me to come round since they are having a party for her, I agreed and turned up with my presents and Camera bag since I was going out after.
When I got there I gave my sister the presents and went into the living room. At the party (It is allowed atm in my country and everyone is tested and all that) there were 2 of my sister’s friends and their kids and my sister’s MIL and FIL.
I don’t get on with these people (MIL and FIL) purely because they think it’s rude that I can’t look them in the eye when I speak to them which I can’t help. Well, I went in and kind of awkwardly said hello to everyone and my nephew sprinted over to me straight away with his sister following (she can walk without holding onto stuff which I didn’t think was done at that age but eh).
I sat in the corner of my sister’s living room on the floor and my nephew sat down next to me and my niece climbed onto my lap.
After a few minutes, my sister’s MIL tried calling both of them back over to play with my niece’s toy but neither of them moved. This went on for a while and MIL got moody and went to the kitchen and briefly came back looking even more annoyed but didn’t say anything.
The party went on for about another 2 hours with me just sitting on the floor and my nephew playing with one of my cameras (under my supervision), and my niece just going to my sister then back to me.
After everyone left my sister told me MIL went into the kitchen and told my sister and her husband to tell my niece and nephew to play with their toys instead of sitting in the corner with me, then after they refused she asked if I would be leaving soon and insisted that my sister should ask me to leave sooner since I was ruining the party for my niece.
They both laughed at her and told her to stop complaining.
I apologized to my sister which she told me off for and said I have nothing to apologize for. Then after everyone left I gave my gift to my niece which I think she liked but I couldn’t tell because she was more interested in the box it came in.
AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Telling My Teacher That She Made A Mistake With My Attendance?
“I have a teacher who is very old-fashioned, and I thought she liked me. Well, I noticed she marked me absent from last Thursday’s class (I have her on Tuesday and Thursday) and I sent her an email about it.
Didn’t respond. I then waited till the end of class today and mentioned that I was not absent for the day she marked me absent. I would typically let it go, but this affected my grade, and I am not gonna let that slide.
She kind of scoffed at me and said that being ‘tardy’ qualifies as being absent.
Here’s the thing: I wasn’t tardy either. I show up 3 – 5 minutes before class shows up which I know isn’t the earliest, but I am not late by any means. I told her flat out that she was wrong and I ‘showed up on time’, and she told me I was being rude to her as an elder.
I didn’t roll my eyes, with the utmost willpower, and she agreed, albeit with a major attitude, to change the grade. I don’t think I am a jerk, but my sister told me I was out of line and that I should have just let it go.
I am a very blunt person, it is just how I am. I call things as I see it, and I try to be nice about it, but I am going to get defensive if someone tells me I am doing something wrong when I literally didn’t.
I am also going to get defensive if it affects my grade and GPA; I want to keep things are good as possible so I don’t lose any scholarships. I now noticed she started to mark some of my grades lower with no response on what I could do better.
Maybe I just screwed up, but this teacher has a very… interesting reputation with people either liking or not liking her. Again, this is my first negative experience, but I don’t think I am out of line, more defensive than anything.
So AITJ for telling my teacher that they’re wrong and that I thought I was right?”
34. AITJ For Asking My Stepmom To Not Let Her Son Lick Me?
“My stepmom (37) got mad at me (20) for asking her to not allow her son (5) to lick me.
For some context, I have a bad phobia of other people’s bodily fluids. My own blood doesn’t freak me out but my sisters would. It’s not bad enough for a panic attack but it is bad enough to where I have to leave the table to dry heave.
My entire family knows this and takes great pleasure in making fun of me for this. They’ve never gone out of their way to show me anything that would trigger my phobia, just poking fun.
About two weeks ago, I was hanging out with my family and joking around.
I’m not really sure what led up to this but my stepmom, followed by my step-siblings and dad, started encouraging the 5-year-old to lick me. They laughed as he chased me around. He caught up to me and licked a big stripe on my shirt and I freaked out and pushed him back, it did startle him enough that he freaked out a bit too but it didn’t hurt him.
He just wasn’t expecting that reaction. I quickly showered, changed clothes, and came up and asked her to not let her child do that again. She got really upset and told me that I couldn’t be around him if I couldn’t handle it and that I was no longer allowed around him until I could grow up.
I told her that if I wasn’t allowed around him anymore, I wouldn’t babysit anymore. She got even more mad after that.
I have known my little brother for about 3.5 years at this point and have never had a problem with this and I don’t think I would have if my family hadn’t egged him on.
At the same time, he is a kid, and I should’ve expected this at some point. My family says I should let it go and apologize. I don’t think I’m wrong in being mad about this, but please tell me if I am.”
33. AITJ For Not Helping With My Sister's 2nd Wedding?
“My sister wanted to get married in 2020 but due to the global crisis, she had to cancel several times. In the end, she and her fiancé decided to have their civil wedding with 30 guests. In 2021 they were allowed to have their big church wedding. So basically they had 2 weddings.
Now, the first, small wedding took place in my garden. So basically although the whole family promised to help, it was only my father and me who organized the whole thing. We did decorations, pavilions, catering, and so on. I let my sister bake a lot of cakes and cookies in my kitchen and a few of her friends stayed at my flat over the weekend.
For the party, I also prepared a photo show and sang my late mother’s favorite song. Basically, I worked my butt off for that wedding while working shifts as an ICU nurse at the same time. I never got a real ‘thank you’ for all that, they brought me a small package of sweets from their honeymoon, but no hug, no words of thanks, nothing.
I was deeply disappointed and exhausted after that.
So for the second wedding (which was also not in my hometown but 6 hours by car away), I didn’t do much. I helped check the guests for negative tests and immunization documents and that was it. Because of another string of 7-night shifts right before the wedding, I was exhausted and glad I could attend the party at all.
Now, a year later, my sister brought up her disappointment over my lack of action on her ‘actual’ wedding. She said she had expected me to do something because she’d only marry once in her lifetime. I tried to explain to her that I am beyond exhausted with my job and have my limits.
But she seems convinced working in shifts and in nursing isn’t that bad because her friend is an or nurse and did more than me for her church wedding. And she also said even if it was so exhausting for me I still should have done more because she is my sister…
I actually needed 3 years of therapy to get to the point of saying no to people no matter who if it is exhausting me too much. My whole life I put others before me, and therapy changed that. But after this talk with my sister, I’m afraid instead of self-sacrificing, I now fall into the other extreme and be egoistic.
So please help me out, AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Standing Too Close To A Lady And Her Daughter?
“I went with my partner to get coffee and we put our orders in and were waiting for our drinks. We were just getting the drinks to go so we went and stood over where this lady and her daughter were also standing.
They were standing against a wall, and my partner and I went to the wall also to stand. The shop was kind of crowded and I didn’t want to stand in the way of where people were walking up to get their orders. I guess I was standing too close to the daughter or something?
The girl was maybe 5 years old. I admit it was a tight fit but it wasn’t close enough that I bumped into her or anything.
A little bit after I got to the spot the girl moved and said something to the mom. The mom switched places with the girl and started standing awkwardly close to me, pushing into me and touching me.
I felt weird so I just moved off the wall and didn’t say anything. She then loudly says to the daughter ‘See he is offended because I violated his space just like he violated yours’. What?! My partner heard it also and whispered that we should ignore the lady so we did.
The whole time my partner and I were standing there the lady was loudly making comments about me. About how I was a bully who just wanted to make people feel small. I never said a word to these people and the lady just kept talking.
Honestly, the last thing in the world I’d want to do is shove a kid out of the way. I never touched the kid. If I had bumped into anyone I would have apologized. If I did stand too close, she could have just told me instead of trying to passive-aggressively escalate the situation.
The whole thing keeps bothering me because I keep wondering if maybe I should have apologized or something but I feel like talking to her would have made the situation worse.
Anyway was I the jerk in this situation?”
31. AITJ For Enjoying My Life While Taking Care Of My Little Sister?
“My (23 f) little sister (15 f) lives with me full-time.
Our dad died 11 years ago and our mother hasn’t been okay since and has been in and out of psych wards.
Our relationship with our mother, without getting into detail, is very estranged. It made more sense for my little sister to stay with me.
I have a good paying job and a nice three bed flat.
She’s a good kid and one of my best friends. She gets good grades and has a ton of friends. I give her the freedom a 15-year-old should have and I’m always there for her for school things, cooking her meals, laundry, etc. I always make sure to be there for her.
Despite this, I’m in my early 20’s and I don’t want to miss out on too much of that. I have a layer of responsibility my friends don’t, which is fine, but I still like to enjoy myself. I love getting dressed up – makeup, hair, tan.
As does my little sister, like most teenagers, in my opinion. I go clubbing or to bars with my friends most weekends, and my little sister hangs out with her friends or chills at home. She’s old enough and very independent. We also have lots of fun together too.
A family member of ours came across my socials and saw my photos and questioned what kind of role model I am for my sister and questioned my ability to take care of her (based on the way I dress and how I seem to be always out and doing stuff).
This turned into a heated argument and escalated to other extended family members (none of whom have offered, yet, to take her in ). I thought this was really unfair as I’m not her mother, I’m her sister, and I’m trying my best here. I know being with me, given our situation, is the best thing for her, but I also know she deserves a normal family life, but she’s doing just fine.”
30. AITJ Being Angry At My Mom For Making Me Dye My Hair Pink?
“I (17 M) regularly dye my hair various colors. A few months ago I dyed it red and it stuck with me so I kept dyeing it red.
Now I sometimes ask my mom (38 F) to get me stuff from the store when she’s going and I’m unable to due to school, hobbies, etc. She said she’d get me new dye as the color was fading.
I asked her to buy the darkest red they have as I always buy that one.
My mom however wanted me to dye my hair pink because my aunts are getting married tomorrow and the rest of my family (sibling, dad, mom) are all wearing pink accessories with their outfits.
My mom said I also have to wear pink because it’s a lesbian wedding so pink for 2 girls. This I already found kinda odd and stereotypical as I know my aunts both don’t like pink.
Whatever I don’t care, but I don’t really own anything pink because I’m very into the gothic scene and pink would kinda ruin my outfit.
My mom suggested I wear pink eyeshadow at first but I only like makeup when it’s done in a gothic style. I know makeup is for everyone but I still am a guy going to a wedding with all of my Christian and Jewish family members there.
So I told her that I wouldn’t do it. She suggests I dye my hair pink. This I absolutely do not want but my mom kept insisting. In the end, I just flat-out told her I wouldn’t do it and she got me the red dye anyway.
Or so I thought, she had without my knowledge bought both pink and red dye and had swapped the bottles. (when you mix the dye/apply it it looks very light pink in the bottle both with red and pink. You only see the real color after rinsing your hair.
I dye my hair as I usually do and after I’ve rinsed it I noticed it’s very pink and that’s when I realized my mom did something. So I confronted her, and she immediately confessed she swapped the bottles and I blew up as I really value my hair.
I should also note that I am trans and wearing the color pink makes me pretty uncomfortable because I grew up my whole life believing it’s a girl’s color.
I’m very upset at my mom and she’s also upset because I got upset. She told me I should’ve just worn something pink and listened and that I should put up with my hair this way now.
I have no extra dye to dye it back right now (I have no clue where she put the red dye she bought) and the wedding is tomorrow. I kinda feel bad for getting so upset over a color but it really hurt my feelings.
Am I the jerk?
EDIT: I am autistic and terrible at dealing with change, if I decide the change it’s not that bad but this suddenly happening really threw me off and I am very attached to my hair and will not shave it.”
29. AITJ For Not Allowing My Younger Sister To Go To A Nightclub?
“I (25) have a younger sister (18) who is a big drinker + goes clubbing multiple days a week.
Note the legal drinking age in my country is 18. On the day of my uncle’s wedding, my mom made her agree that she would be reasonable with her behavior and not abandon our youngest sister (14) as the two would be sharing a hotel room. My mom had to go home on the night of the wedding to give our cat medication.
I was staying in a separate room with my partner.
We’re having a great night and my mom goes home around midnight. An hour or so passes and my sister mentions she’s been asked to continue the night in a nightclub but she will stay behind with my sister if I want to go instead.
Passive aggressive much? I call her out and say that neither of us will be going – she is meant to be sharing a room with our younger sister and I’m going to bed – I did not pay for myself and partner’s hotel room to also babysit my little sis that night.
She started crying and defending herself saying they I was being unreasonable and she was always happy to stay which I say is nonsense. She asked why I was getting so annoyed when she didn’t even really want to go and could have a night out on the town any night of the week.
She started begging me to accept she did nothing wrong which I refused to – this caused a scene and several family members intervened to calm us down. I ended up calling her selfish and annoying and she is inconsolable.
We went up to the hotel room where the fight continued and she stormed out and left me with my youngest sister.
I had to take my little sis to my room as she would be alone. Meanwhile, our other sis went out on the town and we went to bed.
In the middle of the night, I got calls from my cousin to say my sister wouldn’t stop throwing up and said she may need to get her stomach pumped. I had to get up and go to their hotel room where she is in a bad way.
I got her dressed – I stayed until she seemed okay and made her drink water and then go back to bed.
I’m so enraged by her behavior. She did not apologize the next day. I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for not just letting her go out in the first place and avoiding causing a scene at the wedding.
She is only 18 and is immature but I just had enough that night. Am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Threatening To Take My Brother's Dog?
“I (f 17) will be moving out in a year, my brother (m 20) moved out a year ago. We never really got along but that’s our thing. Well, when he got ‘his’ dog he only lived with me and my mom (f 48) for a year and then left to go live with his friends.
Ever since I’ve been taking care of her, her name is Princess. I’ve taught her all of the tricks she knows. She’s always with me. But as I’m getting older I’m getting ready to go to college and live on my own, it’s just another year away.
So I thought I might as well take her with my cat. I told my mom about this, and my mom thought it would be great. Don’t get me wrong my mom loves her and all but my mom doesn’t like big dogs and Princess is a big dog, so it would just be easier for me to take her with me.
My mom told me I should tell my brother this so he knows. Well, when I went over to his place with her, thinking he wouldn’t have a problem with it. He flipped out on me when I told him and told me I had no right to do what I wanted for ‘his’ dog.
Then I reminded him that he hasn’t seen her over a year unless I brought her over and that was like once every 2 months. So why is she still his dog? He kicked me out and said I better not or he would call the cops.
I went home and told my mom what happened and that’s when she said that her name was on everything even the chip that we put in when she was a pup.
So I called him and told ill give him a deal, if he came and got her anytime before I moved he could have her but if not then she would live with me and he cant do anything.
He also flipped out about that and told me he would come over to my place and take her without my consent.
So AITJ for giving my brother a choice of getting her back before her living situation is permanent?”
27. AITJ For Ignoring My Aunt While She Stays At My House?
“My aunt is not from here.
She is from a different country but is here to have a baby. What was supposed to be a short stay has turned into 4 months of her staying at my house. I’ve just gotten to a point where I have reached my limit.
She watches everyone’s every move and gets into everyone’s business.
It’s gotten to a point where when I try and talk to my mom, she gets in the way and answers for my mom. I can’t even talk to my mom now. Even when you go and get a glass of water, she just stares and asks questions.
She is staying in my room, and I’ve been practically kicked out of it. I feel like I sound like a jerk, because at the end of the day, she is my aunt, and I do love her. It’s just she already had the baby, and she is still here.
I started not speaking to her because like I said I am at my limit. I feel like no one should overstay their visit, and even more when you’re THAT intrusive. The cherry on top is that she has a husband to whom she tells EVERYTHING.
I occasionally get in fights with my family members, and I already know she is gonna go tell her husband how rude I am. I don’t find it fair how we opened the door to our house for her, and she is just gonna go blab how we act behind closed doors.
This is exactly why I stopped talking to her, because what’s the point in talking to her if she’s just gonna go tell everyone every word I say?
I really need to know if I’m the jerk and should just suck it in, or if I’m really in the right in not talking to her.”
26. AITJ For Leaving My Significant Other At The Table While I Danced?
“My (17 M) significant other (1 7F) was obviously who I was going with to our junior prom. I’m usually not one for school dances, but I figured since it’s prom I might as well go. My SO and I have been together for 4 years. She has social anxiety and severe noise sensitivity.
Months before prom I had asked her if she was okay with going to prom with me, I had explained that most likely our entire grade was going to go and there would be live music. She agreed and I told her that the latest she could back out was the week before prom, as I would need time to set up appointments for my hair, outfit, etc.
The night of prom approaches and we meet up with our friends to take photos. It’s hot outside and she spends the majority of the photo time complaining about the heat, and saying how she regretted being there which brought the mood down a bit.
I tried to be understanding as we were all hot and she was wearing a layered outfit, so I ignored it.
We get to the prom venue and she complains about the amount of people there, which once again, ignore. Then the live band starts and she starts saying her head hurts from how loud it is, so I offer to sit with her outside for a bit.
Eventually, one of my friends came to get me to dance, and I asked if she would be okay if I left for a song or two. She said yes so I went with my friend. About two songs later I found her back at our table alone with her head down crying.
I instantly panicked and asked her what was wrong but she wouldn’t answer me and wasn’t communicating. I sat and waited with her for about 6 songs until I asked again, she said she was fine and told me she just needed a minute, so I nodded and sat before one of my favorite songs came on and people started asking me for a dance.
I looked at my SO to gauge how she was doing and she told me to go dance, so I did just that. I periodically checked on her every 3 songs or so. But then, on the dancefloor about 5 different people asked me about her, asking if she was okay and what exactly I was doing to help.
This is the part where I started to get a little irritated. I responded that my SO was telling me she was okay, that she needed a minute, that I was doing the best I could with that information, and that I simply wanted to dance for a song or two.
I ended up getting dirty looks and I just awkwardly shuffled back to the table and spent the remainder of the prom sitting next to my SO as she sat and stared at the table in silence.
I get that she has certain sensitivities, but she told me she was fine so I left her alone for a while.
I tend to take things really literally, and I don’t pick up on emotions well, so maybe I’m in the wrong, but my friends think I’m the jerk for prioritizing my prom night. Are they right?”
25. AITJ For Being Angry At My Partner's Mom For Giving Us Unsolicited Advice?
“My partner (28 M) and I (28 F) have been together for a little over 2 years now.
We have started the process of looking for a place to move in together. The topic of moving in together has been a long and bumpy one because my partner has a 35-year-old brother who is slightly disabled. He isn’t autistic, he works full time, takes public transportation to work, does his own laundry, he functions well on his own, but has issues processing certain things that prevent him from living alone apparently (no one has ever explicitly given a name to his disability).
Their parents (both 65) have retired and moved to Florida and decided to leave the older brother with my partner as his responsibility. I have explained to my partner that if we live together, I want it to just be us, that it would be the first we both are living alone, let alone with a partner, there are things we need to experience as a couple and do to grow as a couple and his parents are fully capable of taking care of his brother.
My partner spoke to his mom about us wanting to live together and wanting them to take his brother back to FL with them once we do. She was shocked, but said she understood that we needed to live our own lives and that she should’ve planned better for her older son or considered what would happen once my partner had found a woman.
Now, my partner and I finally started to look for a place, and when we found one we put the application in and we were approved the same day. When speaking to my partner I could tell something was off about him and I finally got it out of him that he had spoken to his mom about it and she gave her unsolicited opinion on the situation regarding our finances and the commute and of course, she brought up the brother and how this is all a ‘bombshell to her and it’s happening to fast.’
He ended up completely backing out of moving into this place for all the reasons she gave when before speaking to her he was onboard. It’s always been an issue between us that he goes to mommy for validation on things but it’s been an issue that she always gives unsolicited advice.
I told him that his mom always feels that her opinion matters in our relationship, that he called her to tell her WHAT we were doing, not to ask her how she felt, and that what WE do shouldn’t be a concern of hers since it isn’t her relationship and that the only reason this is a ‘bombshell’ is because they wasted 35 years not coming up with a plan for his brother.
I said his excuses for not wanting to move into this place were all coming from her and to thank her because now I don’t want to continue looking because no matter what his excuses are always going to be the same and that his mother is an overbearing jerk and she’s intruding into our lives.
Now my partner is saying I was disrespectful and he’s not speaking to me. I understand I probably shouldn’t have called his mom a jerk, but AITJ for feeling how I felt about her and telling him?”
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Hangout With My Wife Alone Anymore?
“My wife suffers from severe anxiety.
She has medication and is in therapy but she’s still struggling.
She has horrible insomnia, it is hard for her to go out and working is a struggle for her as well because she can get distracted by a fly.
But for this situation, I want to emphasize how tough it is for her to go out.
It takes a toll on her self-esteem and she feels like everyone is giving her judgment.
So, today, my wife went to my mom’s house because my mom said that she wanted to have a girls’ day and bond with her daughter.
This was my only knowledge of what was going on and my wife as well.
Then out of nowhere, I get a call from my wife who’s sobbing loud music in the background asking me to pick her up. I asked where she was and she said that she was at a bar.
This is what happened. My wife and my mother were talking and I guess the topic of her anxiety came up.
My mom thought it would be a great idea to drag her to a bar, my wife was telling her that she was really not comfortable with going there but my mom continued saying oh honey I’m not taking no for an answer. It’ll be fun.
My wife kept saying she really didn’t want to go but my mom continued. My wife tried to leave and tell her that it wasn’t a good idea but my mom took them and said she would wait in the car.
Isn’t that the definition of peer pressure?
They got there. My mom was trying to make my wife drink. My wife said no and excused herself to the bathroom and that’s when she called me.
When she got there it was way overcrowded. When I walked in to get her I had to shove my way through because there were so many people.
I told my mom we were leaving and that she needed to get home too.
Mom left. I went back home and my wife hit the deck and was still asleep. I got a long message from my mom saying that I was being a bad husband and that she was never going to get over her anxiety unless she does something about it and I’m just milking her issue.
She does need to get out more and we do need to work on that as we are doing so ‘at her pace’. What good am I doing if I’m going to force her somewhere, LET ALONE A BAR?!?! I’m no genius but that would make everything worse.
I told my mom that until she does her research she can only see my wife when I’m there since she can’t be trusted alone.
She spread this information, or this story in her own way saying that I’m keeping her from bonding with her daughter-in-law.
And I would get banned if I said what some of my family members put in some of the texts. But to put it lightly they are all calling me a jerk.
All I want is for my wife to succeed, but how would this be the way to do it?
Again I’m not an expert, but I feel like my wife would grow to resent me if I forced her as opposed to guiding her along the way. I don’t even feel like you have to do research to understand that. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Letting My Dad Live His Life How He Wants To?
“I (40 M) have a father (62 M) who likes to live a very simple and secluded life.
After my mom had an affair and divorced him to run away with a younger man, he’s been very closed off. When we were a year into the global crisis, he asked me if he could build a sub-building on the back of my property and live in it.
I bought the property my grandparents owned, and there are six acres with some trees. You can’t even see where my dad built his little cabin. It’s really just a modified Home Depot shed he’s made into his own little house. He’s got power via a line run from my house, but also keeps a generator for when he needs it.
And his little building only has the basic necessities. And above all it’s quiet.
He spends his spare time there reading or watching DVDs when he’s not out working. He drives trucks for a living and my mom took a chunk of his retirement when they divorced. So he’s decided to live a minimalist life in a quiet place.
He has a wood stove he uses for heat. Keeps food cold in a small fridge. Cooks everything with either a microwave or propane. Built his own composting toilet, and gets his water from a hose line that comes directly from our well. He’s got a cell phone that works fine down there as well.
So he’s not completely off the grid. I leave him alone 90% of the time because it’s that peace that he treasures now.
Other members of my family however don’t like the way he’s living. And they’re calling me an enabler. But he’s happy with the way he is living now.
My sister and aunt are both pressuring me to get him to come back to civilization. But he’s literally just deep in my backyard. My kids don’t even bother him without permission. There is literally no drama between us. He comes over for dinner regularly and loves spending time with his grandchildren.
But when he’s alone in that cabin, that’s exactly how he wants it to stay. So we don’t bother him there.
But my sister, aunt, and a few others kept pressuring Dad to move in with one of them. Or get himself an apartment. They are all city people, and they refer to his way of life as unclean.
But he keeps himself and his home very clean and does his laundry regularly. My relatives can’t seem to come up with a valid excuse as to why they want him out of his cabin. But they won’t let it go either. I’ve refused to be in the middle over this, and they are saying what I’m doing is slowly hurting him.
But he seems healthier than ever. So I don’t believe them for a second. But the pressure is getting to me because they keep saying that I’m just waiting for him to die alone in there. AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Reporting Our Parents To The Police?
“I (18 F) grew up in a toxic family.
My dad leaves the family every 2 weeks to gamble at casinos for money (which was our only source of income). My mom neglected me, and I had one little brother (8 M).
By the time I was 16, I got a job, a nice paying job at 11$ an hour, and worked overtime.
Once I opened up my first bank account my mom made me give her the info since I’m still a minor and I’m legally required to. I shrugged and did.
But I’ve noticed that a bunch of my money was gone, I had hundreds I earned from my job, then realized that my mom has been taking my money and using it to pay off debt and the electric bills, which I wouldn’t mind if she just TOLD me first. I brought this up and she told me I’m just a child and I don’t know better, which I shrugged off.
Throughout my 16 and 17 years my mom and dad have been more aggressive towards me about the job, stressing me out and making me work overtime, it was to the point where I was too tired for school work and had failing grades, and nearly failed 11th and 12th grade.
At the same time, my little brother was being highly neglected, he was skinny, only eating school lunch food, and begged me for some money which I happily offered to give him for snacks. I was heavily infuriated with my parents and confronted them about and my mom simply shrugged it off saying that he was just a waste of money.
By the time I graduated, my dad kept insisting on living here for a long time, but it was very clear at this point they wanted my money, so I told both my parents to get lost. That night, I snuck my brother out of the house, grabbed all my money and we went to the local police station and told them everything that was going on, and said that we were going to stay at my auntie’s house.
We went there and my aunt accepted us, we got settled in our temporary rooms and slept. The next morning my aunt said that my parents had been taken by the police for child endangerment, and said that she’d have to legally adopt both of us…
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Wanting To Know Why My Brother Suddenly Wanted To Reconnect With Our Parents?
“About 12-15 years ago my brother (call him C.) cut himself off from our parents almost completely. No visits, no calls, no emails, no opportunities for them to spend time with their only grandchild. The cutoff happened shortly after they went on a cruise together with my parents and the reasons for the cutoff did not seem sensible to my parents or me.
He mainly cited his unusual political beliefs as the reason. But, we noticed that although C’s in-laws did not share his beliefs, he still associated with them regularly. He also cut himself off from our other brother at the same time. Kept in touch with me sporadically and then cut me off too about 6-8 years ago.
No one got an opportunity to fix the relationship and make it better. It wasn’t like there was an action anyone could take to bring us together. More like, this was his decision and there was nothing anyone could do.
A couple of years ago C’s in-laws passed away.
C quit his job. I presume that means his family got enough from the legacy to enable that action. Then C and his family almost immediately moved to the state where our elderly parents live, within an hour’s drive of them. All of a sudden the relationship is mended, no explanations offered or asked for.
My parents won’t do it; they are just happy to have him back.
C and wife are almost falling all over themselves to see my parents regularly and be a part of their lives. Then my other brother and I got this email where C states that he plans to care for the surviving parent after one of them dies.
My parents are quite elderly and something of the kind is going to happen soon. He plans to MOVE INTO their very nice house along with his wife and adult son in order to do this. He has not consulted my parents about this and is looking for the approbation of me and my other brother.
AITJ for being extremely suspicious and defensive about his motives? AITJ for wanting to demand an explanation for his dramatic and rather peculiar change of heart? I need to know what to do here. Help!”
20. AITJ For Dropping Out Of Being A Maid Of Honor After I Got Sick?
“I am the maid of honor for a girl who I was close with in college, but now we really have nothing in common. She still refers to me as her best friend, but I do not feel the same. I felt obligated to say yes to being her maid of honor because she only has one other friend whom she hasn’t known for a while.
I think it is important to add that being her maid of honor did come with the stipulation that I lost weight leading up to the wedding so I didn’t ruin her wedding photos.
My maid of honor duties have been extensive. Aside from all of the normal duties, I have had to help design her wedding invitations, assist with the wedding registry, choose decorations, and make all of the wedding signs.
Never once has she said thank you.
She demanded I throw her a bachelorette trip. She never asked if I could afford it (I am also a bride-to-be and saving for my wedding and a house), what my availability was, or any other details. She texted me one day out of the blue to tell me the location of where she wanted her trip (nine hours from me, but five hours from her), when she wanted to go, what theme she wanted, and that I needed to start planning.
Since she only had one other friend, I had to pay for everything. I paid for the travel, lodging, decorations, party favors, gifts for her, and more. When it was all said and done, I spent $1,000 leading up to the trip and the bride didn’t pay a dime.
Again, never once did she say thank you.
On the way to the destination, I started showing signs of sickness. Fast forward about 12 hours and I tested positive once we were out and about. The bride told me that it didn’t matter that I was sick, that we were sticking to the itinerary (that I planned and paid for), and that I could just stay in while they went out.
She insisted I transfer all of the reservations from my name to hers so they could continue having fun while I stayed in. My health quickly deteriorated and I knew I needed to go home, but no one else wanted to. Once the other girl started feeling poorly after about 36 hours, we insisted we go home.
The bride cried, said I ruined her trip, and demanded I plan another trip the month before her wedding. Even though I ‘ruined her trip’ the bride never thanked me or the other attendee for anything we did for her.
After we returned, both of the bride’s parents, as well as her friend, checked on me multiple times to ensure I was getting well.
She never checked on me herself but continued texting me asking me to do things for her wedding.
Now, three months before her wedding I want to drop out as her maid of honor. I’ve already paid for a custom dress, but I do not want to take time off work to put more money into something for someone who is ungrateful and obviously does not care about my health.
Honestly, I do not even want to be friends anymore after how she treated me. I don’t want to ruin her wedding but now I’m angry and hurt. Am I doing the wrong thing by dropping out and not attending the wedding?
Anyway, AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Being Happy After Knowing My Friend And I Were Going To Different High Schools?
“I (15 f) live in Romania, where we take a set of exams before going to high school. Based on how high or low the grades are, we can or cannot go to a certain high school. I had great scores and made it where I wanted to, but my friend’s (15 f) scores were too low, and she didn’t make it.
I comforted her but secretly felt happy.
We’ve been friends for 12 years now, and I discovered this year that she caused my mental health to go really down. She would constantly make fun of how I looked, dressed, acted, ate, walked, talked, of the things that I liked doing, basically everything I ever did.
When I reasoned with her, she always made me the bad guy, saying I was too sensitive and that I shouldn’t take everything so seriously. She never even defended me when another ex-friend commented that ‘nobody wanted to hang out with me’ when I asked if they wanted to go out that weekend.
On top of it, she decided to ignore me for an entire day and shot me looks of disgust because I had been less talkative the day before.
I felt incredibly down this whole year and even had points where I seriously felt I shouldn’t have existed because of her remarks.
I was already stressed because of exams and other family issues and everything she did to me only made it worse.
She’s been my friend for so long though and I can’t bring myself to leave. We have had a lot of moments where I felt really happy in her company and I feel like maybe it was my fault that I was too sensitive and not hers.
When I heard that we’d be going to separate high schools, I felt happy that I didn’t have to meet with her every day and could grow more distant and told my mom pretty happily that she didn’t make it. She gave me a strange look and I figured I must have sounded like a brat for thinking that way.
So, am I the bad guy?”
18. AITJ For Calling My Brother Selfish?
“I (17 f) and my brother (17 m) got in a huge fight while making a grocery list. Our parents only let us add a few things that we wanted that weren’t specifically for the house. Whenever my brother gets something I leave it alone, as it’s his, and respect that.
Recently though there was some ice cream in the freezer that I assumed was the house’s, it turned out to be my brother’s. He flipped out about me eating his stuff and I told him I wouldn’t do it again.
Now when we were making this most recent list, I asked for a specific candy that’s one of my favorites.
My brother then decided that he also wanted that candy and he could just have some when the groceries were picked up. I told him he couldn’t have any as they were for me and I would be taking them to my room so he couldn’t eat them all.
He has been known to eat the whole pound (we buy in bulk) in less than a week, leaving me with none. He said that I was greedy and rude to hoard the candy, it was for the whole house. He then said that I could just have half of the pound and the other half could be for the house.
Which would be reasonable if we got groceries more often, but half a pound wouldn’t last the month in between grocery trips. I told him I wanted the whole pound so it could last me a while.
I also brought up the ice cream incident and he told me it was different.
That it wasn’t the same since he wanted some before we bought it so he was allowed to have some. He also refused to ask for his own bag since he also wanted something else and he knew he couldn’t get both. I then told him that he was being incredibly selfish for having such double standards and he was yelling like a child who wasn’t getting his way.
He then told me it was because he’s autistic and I was being an ableist by calling him selfish and self-centered because he’s autistic.
This then developed into a screaming match about how it has little to do with his autism and more to do with his inability to admit he’s wrong.
I’m not going to pretend I was nice during the argument, I said some mean things. But now he’s telling everyone that I made fun of him for his disability and hate people who are autistic. Am I the jerk?”
17. AITJ For Cutting Off My Friend's Significant Other?
“My (20 F) friend N (23 F) has a significant other, R (21 M).
She texts me quite often about how he is behaving. Most of the time he is quite disrespectful to her and the rest of the friend group. He says he had OCD, which is not diagnosed, and he expects everybody to live around his triggers but refuses to tell us what those triggers are.
When he feels mad or sad and people are happy he starts acting like a child so people will join him in his emotions. Like he tries to make you feel guilty for being happy.
When he is with her this is really showing, because she is not herself around him.
He is constantly berating her, for example, she was cooking pasta for the both of them and he did not help but complain about the unions being too big, and next time he had to cut them so they were perfect for him.
A few weeks ago I asked him how he was doing because they seemingly broke up.
He started putting a lot of blame on her so I told him how I, along with the rest of her friends felt about the things he said and that it was mostly him that was being disrespectful to her and us. He then started to blame me for saying that and he started saying that we could better handle his triggers.
I kind of lashed out and said that we are in no way responsible for his emotions or triggers and that he can’t expect us to tiptoe around his triggers possibly with the result of getting triggered himself. After that, I said he was too tiring to have in my life and I blocked him.
AITJ for being hard and straightforward with him?”
16. AITJ For Wanting To Continue Our Family Tradition Without My Father's Partner?
“My (24 F) father (57) met a new woman 3 years ago after my mom’s death. I will call this woman ‘Lana’, she’s 60. And here is a thing – I don’t completely like her, while she tries to get closer to me and, according to my father, already considers us a family.
She has her own son, who is older than me, but he’s living abroad, so is not in the picture.
She is not a bad person, but she has some personality traits that I don’t quite like, and my father finds them a little troublesome.
See, we can’t tell her that we have been somewhere together without her, as she will be upset that we didn’t invite her. Second, when we were together at the beach my father received a call from his old female friend (whom Lana and I don’t like) and spent a little time talking with her, Lana was so upset that gave my father the silent treatment for a while, before I somehow handled the situation, because the tension was awkward.
Then, when it was the birthday of her relatives she became upset that my father didn’t tell her how much money she must give to the relative as a gift, and that he didn’t congratulate said relative according to her plan, which even her other family was unaware of (she didn’t even tell him he should congratulate this relative at all, just mentioned it, and she was crying because other family members congratulated this relative only after her and much later and not how she imagined it to be).
She generally is a little childlike, sometimes whining about things or repeating phrases like children do, and I don’t understand why she does it. I can’t say that I am behaving like a grown, responsible person, as I still live with my father and do not even work because I study, but I think that there should be a difference between me and her.
Like, sometimes I feel like I am the only adult there.
With everything mentioned above, I try to have as little contact with her as possible without being impolite. My father goes to her place often, when he doesn’t work and I only mind when I want to spend some time with him and he mentions that she will be upset if we exclude her.
We had a tradition with my parents to go to the forest and have a barbecue together, and after my mother’s death this tradition continued with my father, and I want that to remain that way, without Lana, whom I can’t think of as a part of family.
I am not opposed to celebrating big holidays and birthdays with her, after all, but I want to have these little moments with my father without her intervention because she makes sure all the attention is on her.
So, am I the jerk for trying to spend time with my father without his partner?”
15. AITJ For Selling My Ex-Roommate's Bike?
“So I lived with this girl Julianna (24 f) who didn’t particularly like me a few months back. We got along fine enough to live together but we weren’t friends. She was moving out at the end of the month several hours away from where we were both living at the time.
I was moving out a month later.
She took all of her belongings with her except for her bike. The house had several things that had been left from past tenants that the new tenants did not want so I chose to sell these. One of these things left behind was Julianna’s bike.
A bike that one of Julianna’s friends gave her for free when she was moving away because she didn’t want to move with it.
I posted the bike on social media to see what I could get for it. This was about a week before I was going to move out so Julianna had already been gone for more than 3 weeks and had never communicated with me about her return or retrieval of the bike.
I ended up selling it within a week to a friend of mine. Julianna texted me months later after I moved out screenshots of the post and was asking if I sold her bike. I didn’t respond initially because we didn’t leave on good terms and she kinda made my life miserable while I was living there in the end.
I didn’t feel like any conversation we had would go well.
Eventually, she texted me again to which I responded I had sold the bike. She got mad at me and told me I had no right to do that. She claimed that she was going to come back for her bike and she had plans for her brother to pick it up for her as he still lived in the same town our house was in.
I was annoyed because it seemed like this wasn’t true and she was just mad I had gotten money for the bike she left behind. I stopped responding because I felt she was being petty and we weren’t getting anywhere.
I only ended up getting $50 for the bike.
Within a few months, one of our other friends told me what I did was wrong so I ended up sending her the $50. Am I the jerk for selling the bike in the first place?”
14. WIBTJ If I Take Everything From Our Place?
“I lived in a flat shared with my friend (him M 25, I’m F 24) for the whole year and it turns out that things went wrong for several reasons.
To put things into context, he didn’t look for a flat when we were supposed to find one and didn’t even look at the ads I sent him. In the end, it was his mum who found a flat for us.
When we moved into an empty flat, he brought absolutely nothing except his bed and desk for his room.
I furnished ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING else while he could afford to buy a table, chairs, couch, or even plates, cutlery, or pots and pans. Literally everything in that flat that he used on a daily basis the whole year except his bed and desk was mine.
He didn’t mind not taking care of them and scratched, dirtied, etc my furniture, and kitchen utensils… throughout the year, well, never mind.
Here we have decided that we will stop living together as things have gone really badly, so we have to move out.
We talked about the schedule and how to get organized for moving out and he said ‘I’ll be quick for me, I only have my room to move and it will be done in a day’. I told him that he also had to move the living room, the bathroom, and the kitchen with me because even if it’s not his stuff, he still used them all year and clearly couldn’t have done anything without them (no TV, nothing to cook and eat, no living room, dining table, etc).
He said no, that it is MY stuff and therefore it’s not his job to deal with that.
So he has no intention of bringing anything back to the storage room to store everything (which is 3 min away from his new home), nor of helping me pack stuff, etc. We are both moving to the same town, more than 2 hours away from where we are now and only 5 minutes away from each other.
I feel like he has to help me with the moving, as he took advantage of all my stuff the whole year. I wasn’t even asking for help, just for a contribution, which I find logical as he was living there and using all my stuff too.
He absolutely has to stay until the last day of our lease in the flat as he only gets his new place the day after the lease ends. As he has no intention of helping me with that, I was planning to leave a week or two earlier, with all my stuff, leaving him with absolutely nothing to cook, shower, eat, sit on, etc. just with the intention of annoying him.
All of that knowing I could wait until the last minute to clear everything out with the help of other friends to let him use what he needs until the end of the lease.
WIBTJ for acting this way?
Precision: He was supposed to buy half of the furniture, and utensils… himself, and I the other half.
After more than a month, he still hadn’t done it and I had to buy the rest myself (because yes, you need a table, chairs and cooking equipment in a flat). I couldn’t forbid him to sit at the table once I had bought it of course…
So he just waited for me to pay the money this way he wouldn’t have to do it himself and enjoy the furniture… without having paid anything and not even ‘giving it back to me’ at the end (at least that’s how I feel because he clearly could afford it).
Plus, he was my best friend
WIBTJ?”
13. AITJ For Going On A Vacation With My Best Friend Instead Of My Partner?
“My partner (23 F) and I (23 M) have been together for 7 years. Throughout our time together we have had some money issues through attending university and finding jobs after graduating.
We are now both in a position where we are steady financially and in good jobs. When we first began working at our respective positions we decided to start saving for a house together. A few months ago we made the decision to dip into our savings to take a holiday/vacation together.
We have never been away just the two of us, only with friends/family, and our last vacation was 4 years ago with her parents. We were both elated at the idea and began planning. We decided on a location and began planning dates/flights/budget.
Everything was going great.
We decided on a period for our holiday and I proceeded to book the time off work well in advance as days off get eaten up pretty quickly at my job. All that was left was to book the trip. We decided to hold off for a cheaper rate so we could extend our stay and make the most of it.
The issue now is that my partner has suddenly decided she wants a new car. Her car works absolutely fine and she loves it. However, after seeing a car she liked online she has decided to go for it.
I called her today just for a normal chat and at the end of the call she told me her plans.
She said she felt conflicted as she knew we were saving for a home/vacation but really wanted this and would be using half her savings to get it. She asked if we could push the vacation back by 1/2 years and maybe look for somewhere cheaper.
I was angry for sure. I told her she could spend her money on what she wanted and didn’t need my permission to do it. However, this is where I may be a jerk. I told her that she could buy her car but I would still be going on holiday this year.
She seemed taken aback asking if I was really planning on going on my own? I told her no and would ask my best friend (22 M) if he wanted to come and change it from a romantic getaway to a fun friends’ holiday. She told me that I was just doing this to spite her and I said ‘You do what you want with your money, I’ll do what I want with mine’.
She slammed the phone down on me and part of me felt guilty. I feel bad I’d be going away without her but I also feel like I shouldn’t have to put my plans on hold (especially since I’ve already booked the time off work) just because she’s decided she wants a new car.
AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Not Helping In Paying For My Aunt's Plastic Surgery?
“I (32 F) had an extremely tough childhood. Most of my family was extremely neglectful, except my dad. He had died when I was 11 though, but I got a step-dad. He would ignore me most of the time and refuse to feed me. My mom wouldn’t feed me either, because the family was pretty poor.
We were living in a mobile home, and we were struggling. I immediately moved out of the house as soon as I was 18, because I would not allow my family to torment me any longer. I had eventually become critically underweight, which made me realize I needed to hurry and move out.
I ended up moving in with my aunt since I had nowhere to go otherwise. At the time, I was living in Sarasota, FL. I had to move universities since my aunt was living in Miami, which is 3.5 hours away from where I was previously living.
My aunt would refuse to feed me, and whenever I asked for food, she’d say the same thing: ‘You dragged your butt here, not me. Pay for your own food or start paying bills.’
After 2 months of living with my aunt, I had lost 10 pounds.
I was already critically underweight, and getting abused as well. I was extremely bony whilst my aunt was extremely strong, so I had to move out if I wanted to survive, again. I cut off all ties with my aunt.
After roughly 13 years of not talking, my aunt somehow has my phone number and calls me, explaining that she urgently needs surgery.
I thought something horrible had happened, thinking she was in the hospital. Eventually, she ended up telling me that the urgent surgery she needed was PLASTIC surgery. She was complaining about her cheek bones and other parts of her face, and said she’d probably even get her lips done.
She told me that my paying for her plastic surgery would be me ‘paying back for everything she did’. I immediately turned her down and told her that she had not done anything for me, and I may have at least considered paying for surgery which is urgent.
Not plastic surgery. She called me cheap and that the way I behaved was no way to treat a family member, and she treated me deservingly. This all happened 3 months ago. AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Not Letting A Trainer Use My Friend's Horse For His Lesson?
“My friend (we’ll call her Ash) has a horse, a flea-bitten grey gelding named Arrow.
He’s a great horse, and rarely spooks. Ash has had him and boarded him at our barn for as long as I can remember. She was kind and never asked me or anyone to do anything unreasonable for her.
The said trainer (I’ll be showing her as T) started using Arrow without Ash’s permission.
So Arrow would be tired, overworked, and not even hosed down to cool off after T used Arrow. So Ash couldn’t even ride her own horse. Here’s how the convo went when Ash confronted T:
Ash: T why are you using my horse in your lessons?
T: I’m the trainer I use whatever horse I want! The fac-
Ash: You can’t use my horse, end of it. If (me, I’ll show myself as F) F or I see you using Arrow without my permission I’ll get the owner involved.
T: Whatever!
Then 2 weeks later (when this took place) Ash said that she would be out of town for a while, and feel free to ride Arrow.
T saw me riding Arrow, so I guess she took that as she could use him again? So, the next day, I started tacking up Arrow, and T came up to me and said, ‘How kind!
But I want the lesson kids to be here to watch!’ I just ignored her. Then she left and I finally finished tacking up Arrow, then the lesson kids got there. And I mounted up to warm up Arrow and get going out of their way.
Then T saw me and ran to me.
T: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Me: Huh? Going on a trail ride? Ash said I could ride Arrow.
T: NO NO NO! I saw you riding him yesterday that means I can use him! Get off now and let the kids ride!
Me: Ash said I could use him, not you. Goodbye!
I then left on a trail ride and this is what happened when I came back.
T: I hope you’re happy!
Me: Yep, for riding a horse I was told I could ride? Yep pretty happy!
T: I lost 200 for you!
Me: Put the kids on horses you can use it’s not my fault you’re dumb.
T: Jerk!
Then I have a few people at my barn calling me a jerk for not letting the kids ride, and the kids’ parents are mad too.
So, AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Kicking One Of My Bridesmaids Out Of The Wedding Party?
“One of my bridesmaids (Ashley, F 30) is having financial issues.
I truly empathize with her. Her husband lost his job and she only works in retail. Since things are tight, when I offered her the position of bridesmaid I told her that I’d be okay if she turned it down. I had no intention of changing my plans for one person.
She insisted that it would be fine so I happily let her be a bridesmaid.
Things seemed to be going well. I tried to choose an expensive wedding dress and shoes, finding an inexpensive makeup artist and nail salon. In total everything was around 350.
I’ve chosen to have my bachelorette party at Disneyland.
Which is expensive and I understand but it’s been my dream. Was the trip neared, Ashley still hadn’t bought her tickets. I asked when she’s going to do that since due to the global crisis the parks are still at limited capacity.
Plus I’m getting tickets for fantastic dining and need a number for the people coming (I’m only asking them to pay for half of that).
I asked Ashley if she was buying a ticket and she lost it. Telling me it’s inexcusable for me to expect her to spend upwards of 1000 dollars on all the festivities when she can barely afford rent.
I told her she didn’t have to be a bridesmaid and she told me it’s ridiculous I expected her to sit out on the activities because she can’t afford them.
Ashley told me that if I wanted her to participate, I should’ve paid for it.
I responded that she doesn’t have to worry about it anymore because she’s no longer invited to the wedding. I blocked her, but some of my other bridesmaids think I overreacted and should let her be in the wedding again. So, AITJ for kicking Ashley out of the wedding?
EDIT: The price wasn’t 1000 dollars, not even close, it would’ve been around 550 per guest. I also explained to Ashley I would’ve been fine with her not going, as there were other bonding activities that we were doing that I could pay for.
Ashley also called me selfish, and a jerk, and told me my wedding wouldn’t last, which contributed to me blocking her. I told her she didn’t have to come to this if she didn’t have the means to do so.”
9. AITJ For Siting On A Man's Hand On The Bus?
“So, I (f 30) am 8 months pregnant. I take public transport to work daily. I’m always exhausted cause I have to work extra time to be able to afford basic necessities. I take the bus to work every day and often times it’s packed, but I get lucky enough when decent folks volunteer their seats for me.
Now I should mention that I Don use my pregnancy as an excuse to get what I want but people just offer me their places by themselves which is kind and sweet.
Wednesday, I get on the bus like usual but this time there’s one empty seat, I go to sit but I find a guy in his business attire sitting there with his hand on the empty seat (sort of like resting it?) I said excuse me and asked him to remove his hand so I could sit, but he told me the seat was ‘taken’.
I asked by whom and he said his hand. I’m not gonna lie… I laughed a little but wasn’t feeling well so I asked him to remove it so I could sit but he refused again. Folks started staring and I told him I was tired and needed to sit and he replied saying my pregnancy wasn’t his problem.
I had enough at this point, my legs were burning and my back was hurting, so I went ahead and sat on his hand. He freaked out and tried to remove it quickly while shouting at me. He then started arguing about how disrespectful I was to do this inappropriate thing and in public no less, I argued back, I’m not gonna lie, but then he got off after saying I was being inappropriate and disrespectful.
Everyone stared at me and I just sat there feeling a bit of shame about what happened.
I told my husband about this incident and he was angry the entire time, then said that I did indeed act inappropriately and shouldn’t have made this guy uncomfortable by sitting on his hand like that.
He told me I messed up and this was totally inappropriate despite me saying I was so tired of standing and was in desperate need to sit down.
AITJ?
ETA: I do get offered seats from others so I’m being treated well most of the time, but unfortunately run into some people who don’t do that.
This guy seemed to be upset about something and then the argument probably made it worse. I could’ve de-escalated by maybe talking to the driver. However, I’m pretty sure he didn’t pay for the seat just to put his hand on it (who does that?).
Also, most of the passengers were younger folks that day. I normally would get a seat from older folks.”
8. AITJ For Refusing To Transfer To A Basement Bedroom?
“I have a group of 6 female university friends. Last year we signed a lease for a 6-bedroom house (3 rooms up 3 rooms down) all paying equal rent.
There was a huge disagreement initially about who would be upstairs but before we could draw names once we agreed it was the fair way to do things, 3 girls (who are all closer to each other) opted to be in the basement on their own accord and we did not draw in the end.
The remaining 3 (including myself) went upstairs. Not all rooms are equal layout-wise. Two of them, including mine, are spacious and I love it quite a lot (so does my cat).
Now we are resigning the lease for this year, two girls (1 from upstairs and 1 from the basement) are moving out as they’re done school, so an upstairs room is available.
One of the remaining girls from the basement, Nicole, already claimed the other spacious vacant upstairs room as she will be here the entire school year. The other girl, Ellie, is only returning for one 4-month term (Jan-April ‘23) and will continue to sublet her room from Sept-Dec ‘22.
For clarity, the other two basement rooms are being filled by acquaintances next year.
Ellie came forward and said she hated her basement room because it was dark and bad for her mental health, so she wanted a room upstairs. Ellie has only lived in her basement room for one term (Sept-Dec ‘21; this whole year 2022 a sublet will be in her basement room as she is away for her job).
The two remaining upstairs rooms are mine and Mary’s, whose ‘window’ is actually a sliding door onto a deck – that is not up to Ellie’s standards. She thinks she should have a room upstairs even though room swapping was never discussed unless someone moves out permanently.
Because I’ve never had a bad room in the house, Ellie argued that should have my room, sublet it in the fall then move into it in Jan. If not, she said she’ll find somewhere else to live for the single winter term when she comes back to school.
Nicole immediately came to her defense and also agreed I should move downstairs (they are closer friends remember).
I’ve never once moved out of the house and don’t think I should have to give up a room I’ve never vacated, especially since room swaps were never discussed previously.
Ellie’s schedule requires her to go back and forth between cities for co-op and school, and I feel she shouldn’t be forcing Mary or me to go downstairs when we haven’t had to move the whole time. This seems to all be coming out of nowhere and an attack on my space (I’ve never lived anywhere with a spacious room before, I’ve always had a very tiny, shared, or both, space, which Ellie knows).
She says because I’m her friend I should move for her and that it’s only fair. AITJ for standing my ground and not moving and telling her to sublet somewhere else Jan-April, or should I be accommodating and give her a room she wants?”
7. WIBTJ If I Tell Our Manager About What My Coworker Did?
“I (19 F) work as a tech in a retail pharmacy. My coworker, let’s call her Nancy (around the same age as me), is a nice person, but she’s honestly kind of incompetent, and the only reason she was hired was because she’s related to the last manager we had (he quit a couple of months ago).
Another coworker of mine (21 F, let’s call her Mia) has told me she was also frustrated with Nancy’s behavior.
We have queues in the pharmacy. For instance, the fill queue tells us when scripts need to be filled and by when. DE (data entry) is something everyone must do when they have time (e.g. in between customers), otherwise, we get a bunch of unprocessed scripts piling up, and if we don’t process and verify them then we can’t fill and sell them.
Nancy is terrible with queues. She doesn’t really process DE even if she has time, counts pills one by one, and has no sense of urgency. Mia’s certified. She’s told Nancy multiple times to count by 5s to get the queues down, all of which Nancy will brush off.
The queues have gotten up to 70-80 (70-80 scripts were waiting to be filled) and Nancy would still be counting pills by 1s without a care in the world.
Friday night is one of the busiest times of the week. Queues were piling up, and Nancy spent at least 10 minutes counting out 270 capsules of gabapentin (which needs to be double-counted in MI).
The pharmacist working that night was swamped with no time to correct her because all the techs had to use the time they’d use to process DE to get fill queues down. 2 techs (myself included) had to stay until closing to help.
What’s even worse is if she couldn’t immediately find something (or decided it was too much work to fill it), she’d mark the item as out of stock, and our system would order it, so we’d end up with an unnecessarily high amount of excess stock.
So everyone working the next day had to comb through the list of out-of-stocked meds and fill the scripts (and that’s not even mentioning the patients being delayed their medication). She messed up so badly that even the people working the next day had to take extra time to fix her mistakes.
Today I talked to Mia about what Nancy did last Friday and the chaos it caused both that day and the next day, and we’ve decided to bring this issue up with our current manager.
Because these incidents have occurred more than once, I wouldn’t put it past the manager to fire Nancy, since we’re already short-staffed and she’s causing more issues for us than we’d be having if we were missing a person.
I know Nancy wants to work in the pharmaceutical industry in the future, so losing this job would probably be really upsetting for her. I’ve gotten mixed opinions on whether I’d be the jerk.
So WIBTJ if I potentially get her fired by telling my manager?
I feel like I might be being harsh since she doesn’t work much and therefore has little experience, but I don’t think I did as badly or was as unwilling to listen when I first started.”
6. AITJ For Thinking About Moving In With My Stepbrother After Our Parents Divorced?
“I (20 F) never met my biological father. When I was 6 my mom got married to John, who became my step-dad and who also has a son, Robert, who was 8 at the time.
I never got too close to my stepdad, don’t know why. He never treated me badly or anything, he was a good parent, I just never clicked with him. Robert and I got along great, from the start. I never saw him as a stepbro, always considered and do consider him my brother.
We are extremely close and have never ever had an argument. I love him just as much as I love my mom and I don’t even remember my life before him. Robert moved out for college in 2019 and I stayed at home, but he’s not far so we’d see each other all the time.
When the global crisis hit my mom and stepdad started having problems. Soon enough there were full-blown fights happening and it only took a few months for them to separate and file for divorce. My stepdad became a completely different person and did his best to take everything he could from my mom, she later found out that he had an affair with two of her ‘friends’ and all sorts of things.
My mom went through a very dark time, but she’s better now.
Here’s the problem: I now found a job (it’s an internship, but it’s paid and it’s a great opportunity) in the same city where my brother lives. He invited me to live with him and I was so excited to do it until I told my mom.
She’s not ‘forbidding’ me from doing it but she says that I’m betraying her and that I should stay away from both of them. I hear her crying in her bedroom all the time and when I ask what’s wrong she doesn’t want to talk.
The other day she started crying at the dinner table and said ‘I can’t believe you’re choosing Robert over me. If you were on my side, you would have cut him out of your life’. Every time I bring up the subject, it’s the same, I can’t say anything.
I’m honestly heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. I understand that she’s in pain and I understand that I’m all she has at this point, but I can’t just give up on my brother. First of all, he didn’t do anything wrong.
She’d know that if she unblocked his number and listened to how he also judges his dad for what he did. Second of all, it was not my choice to bring Robert into my life, it was hers… she can’t just ‘take him away’ because the man she loved hurt her.
I don’t want my relationship with my brother to change, but I can’t watch my mom cry constantly and feel like it’s my fault… She won’t even let him come to the house, because she can’t look at his face (‘when I see him, I see John’).
She’s been an amazing mom to me and I want to be on her side, it hurts to see her like this. But I’m going mad even imagining a world where I’m not close to my brother.
And honestly, I do wanna live with him.
It makes sense in every way, especially financially.
So I’ve been considering moving in with Robert and hopefully, my mom will get used to it. Would I be the jerk?”
5. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Of My Parents' Home?
“I (23 F) have really bad anxiety.
I was diagnosed after having failed my driver’s test 5 times due to my leg shaking too badly (I live in a country where we only drive gearshift).
My anxiety started to change into depression in 2020. I graduated from uni and started working. I felt so stuck at home and had to face my parents every day.
Me and my dad have a bad relationship. He constantly tells me how great my half-brother (33 M) is and how much more he loves him than me. My mom doesn’t agree or disagree with him. She always stays out of it.
My dad also insults me daily or acts like I’m not there.
He makes rude comments about my partner (24, and named Jack for this story) and his family whenever I go to Jack’s house during the week. Jack and his family are much more well-off than my family, but they’re really nice people.
Recently, Jack asked me to move in with him and I was so happy!
This would be perfect for me to work on my mental health, and could even improve my relationship with my parents.
I told my parents and my dad instantly shut me down and said I should support my parents and they’ll be completely alone if I move out.
I told him I’d visit a lot since Jack lives close, but this wasn’t good enough. He started saying that I was just after Jack’s money, and I snapped.
I told him that if they’ll be so alone, then he should ask my perfect half-brother to come and visit once in a while.
I told them that I’ve supported them even though the mental misery they’ve put me through (I’m doing very bad financially and that’s due to the fact that I had to take out debt to support my parents and their business, keep us off the streets and food on our plates).
I feel guilty saying all that to them especially since my mom isn’t really involved, but she honestly does not support me either.
So, AITJ for wanting to move out of my parents’ home?”
4. AITJ For Not Giving My Parents' Streaming Account Password To My Roommate?
“So I (19 F) live with my roommate (19 F) in a college apartment. I share a streaming account with my family and my parents pay for it. The other night we decided to watch a movie only available on that streaming service in her room on her personal TV (we are also good friends and have been for a while), so I used my family credentials and logged in.
I have recently noticed activity on my personal account and realized that my roommate has continued to watch shows on this account without asking me, but it’s not like I ever told her she had to log out. We also recently had a conversation and she told me that she and her significant other had started a show exclusively on this streaming service but have started to complain about always losing their place due to my watching the same show on my account.
Flash forward two weeks and I get a text from my parents to myself and my siblings saying they changed the password and logged the account out of all devices after receiving a notification they had hit their device limit and any friends who may have had the account are no longer allowed to use it unless it’s on a shared tv like the one we have in the living room in the apartment.
My roommate texted me for the new password to log in to her TV and I explained the situation to her, saying she is free to watch it in the living room but my parents don’t want anyone outside our family to have the login info or on their personal devices.
Now she’s mad and calling me a bad friend and selfish because I won’t let her have it on her own personal TV and they won’t be able to finish the show. She thinks I should just tell her the password or log in on her tv myself because it’s ‘not like my parents would ever know’.
I am just really frustrated and frankly, she has been pretty rude to me before this even happened. In all honesty, even if there isn’t actually a device limit (my parents can be technologically challenged at times). I don’t want to give her the password considering my family is paying for it and she’s being a jerk to me in regular life lately.
I feel like she is being very entitled and putting a lot of pressure on me to go against what my parents (who again are paying for it) want me to do. Please help. AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Untying My Tie?
“Growing up I (33 F) was constantly experimenting and pushing boundaries fashion-wise. I’ve since settled on basic goth wear (mostly just ‘regular’ black clothes). It just helps me feel more confident and at ease.
My family, though they’ve come to accept it, has always found my fashion sense a bit ridiculous. My dad, who was a very traditional Latinx guy and could be quite macho and controlling in other ways, never once harped on it, though. He understood my need for self-expression and got me a Tasmanian devil tie as a gift during my teen punk phase.
I could never remember how to tie it, so I always went to him and had him do it for me, which he always seemed happy to do. We had a rough relationship and I think he enjoyed the few occasions he got to do proper fatherly stuff with me.
He’s since passed and I kept the tie, as he was the last person to knot it and it reminds me of how kind and understanding he could be when a lot of our other memories aren’t so great. It’s been hanging in my closet untouched for close to a decade now or was.
I’ve recently had my partner (also 33, NB) over for an extended visit and while I was away they decided it would be fun to rifle through my closet, found the tie, thought it was weird it was kept knotted, and said it was lopsided, so they took it upon themselves to untie it and smooth it out.
I was livid. Especially because I’d told them the story before. I didn’t want to say anything I would regret, so I just asked them to please leave, they had just ruined my dead dad’s handiwork. They said it was super manipulative of me to use Dad as a punishment and that they would because I’d stooped so low.
I’ve had a good cry and relaxed now, but they’re still sending me texts guilting me about it. I’ll admit I wasn’t thinking clearly – AITJ?
Edit: They knew it was the tie. It’s the only one in my closet. Their justification was that ‘They’d be bothered knowing there’s something lopsided when they could fix it and my dad is still dead and they’re not, so their feelings should matter more’.
They don’t have OCD or anything that would make this a pressing need, which is why I was so furious. They did have permission to use my clothes/go through my closet which is something a lot of commenters are focusing on. That’s not the problem for me, I’d expressly said they could, so that has me wondering if I’m wrong here as well.”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Sister's Wedding?
“I (29 F) grew up really close to my sister (28 F). She’s usually the first person I tell when something major is happening in my life and vice versa.
3 months ago, she had a mental breakdown and broke up with her partner, quit her job, and went to rehab for six weeks.
After getting out we decided to celebrate Thanksgiving in Virginia to avoid seeing our family who was not supportive of her going to rehab.
During our trip, she expressed to me that she saw no future with her then-ex even though they still lived together.
I wasn’t surprised since she enjoys more toxic relationships and her ex was not that type. I told her that’s okay and she’s still young and thought nothing about it after.
New Year rolled around and she was away on a business trip.
Our other sister (27) and her wife (23) came over for dinner and expressed to me that she was planning on getting married. I was super surprised. She not only didn’t tell me that they’re back together but also now she’s engaged. I was livid but gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought she would tell me when she saw fit.
Fast forward to a week ago and my mom called to ask if I knew what day in February my sister was planning to marry. I was dumbfounded! How did she completely overlook the fact that I still ‘didn’t know’ but our mother, who practically berated her for being depressed, knows??
But still, I kept quiet and composed myself to speak with her about it later. But I never got the chance because she added us all to a ‘save the date’ chat. I cried out of pure frustration and anger and she happened to call at that exact moment.
I answered and demanded to know why she didn’t tell me. Her answer? ‘I didn’t think it was that important, you know me I don’t make a big deal out of these things’. What?! My response: ‘You thought getting a new job was important, getting put into rehab was important, and telling me your partner isn’t the one was important but getting back with him and getting married isn’t important?’
She continued to tell me that she didn’t mean anything by it and just wanted to tell everyone via text. No apology or anything. A few hours after the call she had the audacity to ask if I’ll be making her cake. I refused and told her I probably wouldn’t even go to the wedding since it’s not important.
No, we’re both upset and unwilling to hear each other out.
So… AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Allowing My Teenage Cousin To Drink At My Home?
“I (21 F) have a little cousin (16 F). A few months back I got a scare when I was woken up at 1 am when she called me crying as she felt unsafe with some people in her friend group and she was too scared to call her parents as she was wasted, so I went and picked her up and took her to my flat to sober up.
Once she was sober I sat her down and talked to her and told her that I’d prefer she not drink at her age but if she HAD to then let me know and she and a friend or two could drink at my place as at least then I knew she was safe and not on some street corner, my country has an issue with underage drinking and it’s very, very common and I myself did it when I was young… I figured it better to give her a safe area to do so as if she wants to drink she’s going to do it regardless of what I say and not only can I keep her safe but I can limit what she drinks.
In my country she is technically underage for general drinking though she could order beer, wine, or cider if ordering food at a pub so she’d have access to liquor if she tried and that is not even counting the fact many young people just get older friends to buy it for them.
She and her best friend sometimes come here for the odd drink though I always stop them from getting TOO wasted and ensure they drink plenty of water too, my aunt and uncle found out about this however, and are mad at me, telling me I had no right to ‘encourage’ her to drink and I should have told them and prevented her from drinking at all… they didn’t like when I told them she’d be drinking regardless of me allowing it and I only did this to try and keep her somewhat safe as I knew if I tried to tell them she wouldn’t trust me enough to call me when she needed help again.
They are now fighting with my parents who are siding with me and my dad brought up the danger my uncle got into when he was a young lad out drinking even younger than my cousin, and how if they’d had an older cousin doing what I was they wouldn’t have gotten into as much trouble as they did.
I admit maybe I should have told them but I figured it was best to keep her safe and keep her trusting me.”
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