People Have Us Revisit Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories With Them
25. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My MIL Out Because She's Not Helping?
“Recently my partner and I had our first child. He was an accident, but a miracle as she wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids.
Long story short – my useless mother-in-law now lives with us, rent-free. We bought her a car. We helped her get some affairs in order – financially and also because she’s too clueless to do it herself.
All in the agreement she would be in-home child care. Financially beneficial for us, but also a good opportunity to have a relationship with her grandson and vice versa instead of paying for a stranger to care for him.
The problem is that she is useless.
She doesn’t help. She complains about taking him for more than an hour, or if we ask her to take him for a night so we can try and get caught up. Literally, the whole reason she lives with us. My partner is still on maternity leave for another two weeks but I have been cranking out normal days, coming home to cook, clean, and do my part in caring for my son.
I’m not asking for someone to do MY part in raising my son, but simply asking for the help we expected and agreed upon.
I’ve mentioned a few times that at this point, she needs to go. She is nothing more than a burden, financially and emotionally.
She is taking advantage of the ONE PERSON who was still willing to take her in (long backstory on her mother but she was kicked out of her sister’s house – my partner’s aunt). We are blessed to both have good-paying jobs and at this point, I’d rather pay to have someone properly take care of my son because she has proven she can not.
For example – she took an entire week off work to ‘help’ and didn’t come out of her room the entire time, minus one hour per day that she took him, but refused to feed him or change his diaper. She does nothing in the house to help, which is unacceptable even without a kid.
She even had the audacity to tell me she was going to be a STAY-AT-HOME GRANDMA and expected us to pay her bills! She works LESS than 20 hours a week.
AITJ for wanting to send her back out into the jungle? We don’t need her, in any way, shape, or form.
It’s like having two kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t let her stay either. You both have enough on your plate and you don’t need another stressor. Being a new parent is stressful enough. Just be prepared for her family to come at you and tell you you’re the bad guy… you’re not.
It’ll just be them not wanting to deal with her themselves. Use your block button, that’s why God made it. Haha. Congrats on the baby!” kelliesharpe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need to work out a solid financial agreement here. Who pays for what, and what things cost. She gets a room, utilities, groceries, etc and it is valued at $X.
She also participates as an adult in the house splitting the workload 1/3 each (you, your wife, her) for housekeeping duties. She babysits at $Y an hour. $x-$y = how much she pays you to stay there each week. If she doesn’t do her share of the house cleaning she is out, or she is paying that back also at $z an hour (whatever your hourly rate is).
Watch her get seriously butt hurt about this, declare you hate her, and remind her you have gifted her a car, financial counseling, and home until now. And then stand firm to it. She’ll pack up and move on to the next mooch.” Particular-Try5584
24. AITJ For Not Doing Chores In My Partner's House?
“I (22f) have been with my partner (26m) for almost a year now. I’m currently in the process of moving out and finding a new apartment while he’s living with his mom for the meantime. Occasionally, I would come over and stay at their place for a few days.
I wash the dishes and clean after their dog.
Just earlier, his mom had to celebrate a friend’s birthday so she’d be gone for a day or two. I came over to see my partner and it was all good until later in the day when he was annoyed about the state of the house.
Their dog was running around and broke a few things.
I helped pick up some stuff and clean the floor, but he was still annoyed because the dog peed in the bathroom. He asked me why I wasn’t cleaning it voluntarily and then called me lazy.
It never occurred to me that that was my responsibility.
I was confused, yet I still cleaned the bathroom to shut up his whining while he was on his computer doing ’emergency work stuff’. After a while, he was annoyed that we’re gonna have to eat dinner late because I didn’t remember to prepare food (his mother does this) and called me lazy again.
You could imagine that this turned into an argument when I confronted him.
I was called lazy, irresponsible, and dumb for coming to his house and not having the ‘common sense’ to do the things his mom normally does. We’re supposed to ‘help each other out voluntarily’, he said.
But I don’t think that’s what was happening.
AITJ for not doing the chores in his house voluntarily? I wasn’t even aware of some of the chores he claimed I should be doing. And it’s crazy to me because he never lifts a finger at my place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Now you know how the future looks with him in it. Just to be clear you would be his maid nothing more. He just showed you how he will behave if you live together. You are doing all the chores and he comes from work to a picture-perfect 50s housewife.
He will never lift a finger. I would have said, ‘Not my house, not my dog, not my responsibility!’ Have a serious conversation with him, on your and his expectations and decide if you are in for it… But remember he is not a team player or partner.
Good luck!” ChapterPresent4773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He expects you to do all the chores for him IN HIS OWN HOUSE, gives you an attitude for not doing them, insults you, and doesn’t lift a finger to return the favor when he’s at your house.
He’s opened a window into what living with him will be like for you. This is no trivial matter. He seems too stubborn for both his own good and yours. Without change, your current dynamics will lead to misery and resentment. Consider carefully if he’s worth the trouble.” BodyRoundLikeAPallas
23. AITJ For Not Giving My Concert Tickets To My Neighbor?
“I recently got extremely lucky and was able to purchase tickets for myself and my significant other to attend an upcoming Taylor Swift concert. The issue is that my SO became an ex hours later and didn’t give me a chance to tell her that I got the tickets.
I personally cannot stand Swift and was willing to make a sacrifice and am now stuck with tickets I won’t use.
My neighbor (15F) is a huge ‘Swiftie’, and would love to go. She overheard my conversation with her dad (Dave) as I told him the story over beers.
She begged for the tickets but her dad sent her away.
The next day her mother (call her Kim) asked me for the tickets again. I told her that I’d rather someone who likes her use them and I’ll give them to her for what I paid.
Kim frowned at this as she felt I should give them to her for free since they’d just go to waste.
Today I made the same offer to Kim. I got the same response. I decided to recoup my losses and put them up on StubHub.
Tonight, Kim came into the garage where Dave and I were drinking beers (with 15f). She once again asked for the tickets and I told them I sold them. This led to 15f breaking down in tears and Kim telling me I’m a horrible man, I’m a greedy jerk, I ruined her daughter’s dream, and so forth.
I admit scalping is of questionable morality but I did want to recover my investment. That said, I’m not sure if I should’ve held out a little longer and given them the chance to get them from me as the concert is some time away and the tears got to me.
I ask the jury, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What misplaced sense of entitlement made them think you should give them free tickets? It’s a shame your original plan for the tickets didn’t work out but you were always going to be able to find someone to buy those tickets so they were never going to go to waste.
Kim should have known that and jumped at the offer of buying them from you at face value if they wanted them so badly. Plus you made the offer twice. As the saying goes, you snooze you lose… If the 15-year-old is heartbroken, it’s because her parents allowed it to happen.
You are NTJ.” smmrhiffsd_htts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taylor Swift tickets are extremely valuable and I went to the Eras tour – the full experience is well worth the price of the tickets. To give them away for free would be kind, but a great loss on your part and you don’t owe this girl thousands of dollars worth of tickets just because she’s your neighbor.
If they had offered to buy the tickets and you said no just because you wanted profit then you’d be the jerk. But that’s not what happened; they wanted the tickets for free. It was well within your rights to say no.” runonia
22. AITJ For Making My Mom Leave My Wedding After A "Joke" She Made?
“I’m a 26-year-old woman and I’m now happily married to my wife (28). I just want you to know my mother is not homophobic and my problem has nothing to do with that.
My mother always made ‘jokes’ about me and my ex, my now best friend, whom I went out with before figuring out I was a lesbian.
I never did anything about it even if I always felt uncomfortable. It’s the same with his mother, both always say things like ‘Diogo (my best friend) will always be my son-in-law.’ or ‘You’re my favorite daughter-in-law!’
2 weeks ago, I got married to this awesome woman who treats me right and actually loves me, something I almost never had in a relationship.
I told my mom to not make these types of jokes at my wedding, and she agreed, she reassured me she wouldn’t, but that wasn’t exactly what happened.
Everyone was happy, celebrating, and I was talking to my best friend while my mother talked to my wife, they seemed to get along so I was happy.
10 minutes later, my wife sat next to me with a sad expression on her face, telling me my mother told her something like ‘I would be happier if my daughter married Diogo instead, but you’re a good second option!’
I got extremely mad. I got up from my chair, walked in my mother’s direction, and simply kicked her out of the wedding.
She refused to leave, but I threatened to call security on her if she didn’t.
Well, she left, and here I am now. My whole family tells me I was a jerk and that it was ‘just a joke’, but I wouldn’t just let someone talk to my wife like that on HER SPECIAL DAY.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and all the family trying to excuse her behavior are the jerks in this situation. And those were not ‘jokes,’ they were rude, hurtful comments. I am sure no one laughed. My opinion on abuse being justified as a ‘joke’: There is no joke.
You are not ‘too sensitive.’ This is just abuse. ‘Just joking’ or ‘You can’t take a joke’ is a classic behavior of the bully. The bully does or says something abusive to you. You react negatively, call them out, say stop, or this is not funny.
Bully says you can’t take a joke, you are too sensitive, and makes you out to be the bad guy even though their behavior was hurtful and abusive. Then the bully will play the victim, you can’t take a joke and now the bully has hurt feelings, why are you so mean, don’t abuse the jokester, you awful person.
This is the typical dynamic of the ‘just joking’ routine. The bully gets to abuse you three times and makes you the bad guy. They abuse you with the ‘joke’, then they call you out for not liking the joke, or being sensitive, then they play the victim and accuse you of hurting them for not liking the ‘joke’.
Always call out the bully to explain exactly why and how their joke was funny, or tell them you don’t find their comments kind and want to understand exactly why they would say such an inappropriate thing. They won’t be able to explain their actions rationally, they will only be able to make you out to the bad guy or have a lame excuse of trying to do you some kind of favor or ‘what’s best for you.’ You tell the bully ‘now that you know I am not interested in your comments you can stop making them.’ Always tell the bully you will not tolerate them acting in this way again, and that you expect an apology for their actions.
And if no apology is forthcoming, if no changed behavior occurs, you put the bully on a time-out. You leave their presence or ask them to leave your home. Always enact consequences when boundaries are not respected.” EqualMagnitude
Another User Comments:
“Tell your mom and your entire family that you had made it very clear that those jokes were out of bounds on that day, YOUR wedding of all days.
That Mother had agreed to those boundaries and then promptly broke them ruining the day for you and your partner, forever tainting the moment. Then I would specifically tell your mother that you expect a genuine apology for her behavior and that your entire future relationship was directly linked with her language and how she spoke about and to your partner.
Sorry… but I’m sure you’ve now realized that your mother has a hard time controlling her mouth. Set these boundaries and expectations now… setting them down the road will only be harder.” ConsitutionalHistory
21. WIBTJ If I Tell My Wife What Our Daughter Did?
“I (M 38) have two beautiful children, Jon (M 17), and Clara (F 12), with my wife Linda (F 37).
My situation pertains to my daughter wanting to keep a secret from Linda.
Our daughter has always dressed more tomboyish; we didn’t encourage her, we let her pick what she wanted at clothing stores. So she has never had much interest in ‘girly’ clothes.
Today, I walked past the laundry room to find Clara holding up my wife’s bra with a very interested expression. She saw me and instantly panicked, throwing it back into the basket and shouting at me ‘Don’t tell Jon and mum!’ and repeated, ‘Especially mum!
I don’t want her to know!’ She waited for me to promise, which I did, and then bolted upstairs to her room.
Given how loud she screamed, I wouldn’t be surprised if her brother in his room knew something was up. But the situation gave me thoughts that she was perhaps feeling the struggles of puberty.
And I wanted to let Linda know, just as we discussed and actioned helping Jon through his physical and emotional struggles of growing up. More so me helping, so I wanted Linda to help Clara through hers.
But given how vehemently Clara didn’t want Linda to know, I am having second thoughts that I may be breaching Clara’s trust. I’m debating on easing the conversation by mentioning that Clara went through Linda’s laundry, and then broaching the subject about the bra.
Or should I mention it outright?
Either case would result in me breaking my promise to Clara. WIBTJ if I do so?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you told the bra story to your wife. Your daughter wouldn’t trust you to keep her secrets, which means you would be out of the loop on future ‘issues’.
But you should tell your wife that it might be time to talk to your daughter about puberty if she hasn’t already. And do so without telling the bra story. My 17-year-old son will often tell my partner of 10 years things long before he tells me.
When he found out that my partner wasn’t coming to me with the ‘gossip’, my partner became a safe place for him to talk to.” Loud-Hamster-5977
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ if your wife immediately (within weeks) goes to Clara and starts saying ‘Honey, you’re 12, I think it’s time we start talking about bras…’ I’m assuming your kid isn’t stupid and will know, and then lose trust in both of you.
But I think you need to have a conversation with Clara. She already knows you know. Let her know that you’re there for her, that she can talk to you, and that you can buy her what she needs, but that her mom knows more about bras and might be the better person to talk to.
Ask why she doesn’t want mom to know. (Is mom the type of person to gush over ‘my baby’s first bra’ or something?) Are kids at school talking? And that you are there for her for any other uncomfortable topics. Why she doesn’t want her brother to know is obvious.
Is she starting to show a need for a bra? Does she do sports?” Usrname52
20. AITJ For Refusing To Extend Our Stay At My Parents'?
“My partner and I are traveling from NC to OH for Thanksgiving to spend it with my parents.
It will take us around 8 hours to drive there which isn’t exactly a short car ride. My relationship with my parents has always been rocky. My dad is a controlling narcissist and my mom is somewhat of a heavy drinker. I told my mom we would be driving up on Wednesday and leaving on Saturday that way we would have Sunday to rest and not feel exhausted on Monday at work from the drive.
I’ve told her this multiple times.
Today she called and asked me to stay Saturday to which I replied no we will be staying for part of Saturday and then driving home. She said I couldn’t do that because she had invited people over to watch the game and had planned on me being there even though I had told her multiple times we would be leaving on Saturday.
She said that we could just wake up on Sunday at 6:30 am and drive back. I replied we can’t do that because my partner wouldn’t be able to help drive.
For context, he works the second shift and typically wakes up at 1 pm, goes to work, and then comes home and typically goes to sleep around 4 am.
He would be too tired to drive. She then started to complain about him and his sleeping schedule, implying he was lazy. I stood my ground and she hung up on me. I feel like a jerk because I know she just wants to see me but also I’m really annoyed she can’t respect my boundaries and has started to take it out on my partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would set a boundary of asking her not to ask again. You are staying for 3ish days and it sounds like that is already a lot of time to spend with your parents. I would tell her that if she can’t be satisfied with that and quit trying to manipulate and guilt trip you, you won’t be coming at all.
I also understand how hard it is to set those boundaries. It feels unnatural and manipulative that people will frequently say things like ‘I’m only bothering you about this because I love you so much’. Alternately you could practice grey rocking her and just not respond in any way when she brings up staying past your deadline.
Just don’t engage in any conversation about it. It is also ok to cancel the trip. You are NTJ. Do what you need to do to care for your mental health.” AsleepJuggernaut2066
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is seeing you. She has two full days with you.
She just sounds like she is embarrassed if you don’t stay and play hostess with her for her friends. She might have told them all you’d be there and now she thinks she’ll look bad and you’ll be thought of as rude if you are there.
I’d tell her she needs to respect and accept what you’ve told her or you guys can have your own NC Thanksgiving. Oh, and at the risk of sounding paranoid, if you do go, make sure you hide the car keys in a safe place.
Not your purse. Not the bedside stand. Your mom is coming off… a little demanding and used to getting her way. Sorry if I’m off a bit here.” Pretty_Little_Mind
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Talk About My Weight Loss Journey?
“I’m 19 and my whole life I’ve struggled to have a healthy relationship with food because of my parents. Since I was a toddler they would tell me things like ‘Don’t eat that cookie, you can eat it when you’re as skinny as X’, ‘Don’t wear that shirt, it looks bad on you because you’re fat’, etc. Looking back on pictures, I wasn’t even a fat kid but that’s beside the point.
Because of all that, I started binge eating and now I’m overweight and started having health problems that are related to that. My parents made me see a nutritionist and at first, I didn’t have high expectations but she’s actually really nice. I was expecting her to preach diet culture but she’s the opposite of that.
Things are going really well and I’ve started eating much healthier.
Because the root of all these problems is my parents, I’ve told them I don’t wanna talk to them about what the nutritionist says I should eat because I have this problem that when my parents tell me to do something I don’t wanna do it anymore, so telling them what my nutritionist is telling me will only make me binge eat again to spite them.
They think it’s ridiculous and constantly ask me how it’s going despite me exiting the conversation every time they bring it up. Yesterday, my mom pulled me aside and told me to at least tell her if I lost weight. I told her losing weight isn’t everything and that I’m fine.
She said that she was really worried about me and wanted to know what was going on because I was her kid and almost started crying.
I don’t wanna open this subject with them while trying to repair my relationship with food because I’m scared all my progress will be undone, but they seem really sad because of this.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 19 years old. You’re not 9. Your mom doesn’t need to know every single detail of your health and what you’re doing to change your health. You don’t have to explain to her, you don’t have to convince her.
You just have to keep repeating ‘I’m not discussing this, Mom.’ and then walking away/hanging up the phone when she won’t let it drop. Good luck to you. Those childhood voices are SO hard to set aside. You’re showing some amazing insight by realizing that you need to do this journey without your parents being involved.” Owned_By_3_Kittehs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Eating disorders and eating disordered behavior are so, so hard to deal with and the fact you’re able to have a better relationship with food by working with this nutritionist is wonderful. You know if you bring your parents into this space they will sabotage you.
You’re protecting your well-being and maybe your life by keeping them at arm’s length. It might be worth asking your nutritionist if she can suggest a therapist who deals with eating disorders and family therapy. Get your parents in a room with a professional who tells them to stop trying to destroy you.” Lily_May
18. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Mother's Husband?
“My mom (68) and I are not very close, in fact, I never felt as if she really loved me. She has always chosen the church over her family. She recently married someone in the church (male 62). His family does not care for him, just his money and what he can do for them.
The people in the church are bullies and take advantage of both of them but neither of them will speak up for themselves.
For many reasons, my mom has decided to move with me but initially said she would be cutting all ties with the church and the new husband as she is not in the best health and it is difficult for her to take care of him.
She struggles financially and it is even worse since the family takes her husband’s SSI checks to help care for his family members. They did state they would give her some money, not all.
Her husband recently had surgery and none of his family would help take care of him while he was in the hospital. My mom had to take off multiple days without pay.
She works for the church and does not have PTO. She was told she did not need to be with him every day while he was hospitalized. In fact, the church they BOTH work for gave her a very difficult time taking off to take care of him.
I have my own mental health issues and financial issues that I am trying to work through and do not have the capacity to take care of a mentally disabled elder and fight with his family and the church.
AITJ for telling her I will not be responsible for him?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is being financially abused by her husband’s family and her church. You SHOULDN’T take care of him. You would be a jerk if you did. His family and church can step up. Threaten to call the government about them stealing the SSI money.
Also, tell them you’re not capable of caring for him and will call adult protective services the minute they try to leave him with you. Citing abandonment and the fact he’s not your relative and no, you DON’T know where the SSI money goes. In other words, tell them to screw right off.
NTJ.” IllTemperedOldWoman
Another User Comments:
“This is elder abuse of vulnerable people. Contact the authorities, he should be getting his money and that’s that. Your mom needs to look for another church and job where she will be appreciated and treated with kindness and understanding.
It’s not your responsibility to take care of anyone but yourself. Yes if you’re able to help from time to time but if you’re unwell then take care of yourself and no one else.” Petra1017
17. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Wanting To Invite Her Partner To Thanksgiving?
“I (25F) have an older sister Jackie (32) who does not get along with my mother’s partner, Mark, of almost 10 years.
Jackie doesn’t feel comfortable around Mark because he has made inappropriate advances on her that were very clear in text messages about 3 years ago. My mother continues to make excuses that ‘he was tired’ or ‘not wearing his glasses.’
For Thanksgiving, my mother invited me to come and spend the holiday with my aunt and uncle.
I was excited and accepted assuming my sister who lives in the same town as my mother would be invited. I told Jackie I would be coming home and asked to stay with her, she hadn’t gotten an invite from our mom but she was also excited.
My mom dropped by Jackie’s and Jackie stated she was very excited to see our aunt, uncle, and cousins, it had been years. My mom told her she didn’t invite her because Mark was going and didn’t want to cause any waves.
After Jackie told me this, I called my mother and apologized for inviting Jackie since it technically wasn’t my place, but questioned why she hadn’t extended an invitation at all. She told me that she didn’t think Jackie would want to attend since Mark would be there.
I told her I thought it was messed up after he asked his partner’s daughter to hook up and prioritized him being at a family event over her.
After my mother continuously defended Mark’s behavior and accused me of not wanting her to be happy, she claimed my siblings and I were now adults and that she shouldn’t have to make a choice between her kids and her partner.
She now will not respond to any of my messages and I feel sad about it.
AITJ for telling my mom it’s messed up to invite her partner over my sister to a family event?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – don’t go with your mom, reach out to your aunt or uncle to find out when your mother is planning on coming and going… then you and Jackie can go together when they’re gone.
I’m sorry she’s giving you the silent treatment but hopefully, she will get over it. If not, she made her choice and her feelings clear, there’s nothing you can say to change her mind, she’s blinded by this creep right now and until he does something horrible to her she’s not going to see things any differently.” wildflower7827
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except your sister. The guy is disgusting and your mother is even worse for allowing someone your sister clearly doesn’t feel comfortable with to live close to her (or with her). And you seem to be dismissive about the whole situation, first and foremost the fact that your mother is still with that person, which should be enough for you to go low contact as a person like that can be a maniac of some sort and you yourself can be in danger around him.
Also, do your aunt and uncle know? And if not, why did nobody inform them?” Chocolatecandybar_
Another User Comments:
“I would 100% go low contact or no contact with your mum. That’s absolutely disgusting behavior, and it’s so sad your mum is so desperate that she would want to stay with a pig like that.
Your mother clearly chose her partner over her daughters. I would spend time with my sister and let your aunt and uncle know exactly why you will not be there. NTJ, but just so you know, if you do go, then your mother will just continue to block your sister out.
If you go, know the pig is going, then you would be the jerk.” Ace_boy08
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Let My Pregnant Best Friend Live With Me?
“I (F 23) have a best friend Molly (F 23) whom I’ve known since primary school. We grew up together on a rough estate and she basically lived at my mum’s house as her home was not fun (drinking addict parents basically).
I worked really hard at school, got into uni, and now have a good job (not great money but lots of potential). I kept in touch with Molly and we see each other every few weeks. She works in a bar and has her own flat now but it’s not a great place to live.
2 weeks ago Molly told me she was pregnant. At first, I was happy for her but she doesn’t know who the dad is (a dizzying night out – although I don’t know if she’s telling me everything) and is really scared. Of course, I said I would always be there for her but she’s taken that very literally.
Last week she called and asked if she could move in with me. I have a spare room and technically I could fit her in assuming the landlady is okay with it. She was crying on the phone saying she doesn’t want to keep the baby because it would grow up in the same crappy estate we grew up in and she can’t do it on her own and her mum won’t talk to her and she’s scared. But if she could live with me we could do it together and her baby could go to a nicer school and she could pay rent.
I don’t know what to say. I want to tell her no I can’t live with a baby. It would ruin everything and I can’t believe she’s asked me. I feel like if I say no she won’t carry on with the pregnancy and she will blame me for that.
I don’t know how to tell her I can’t do it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen, we can’t always help people we like as much as they would want. That is just a basic life lesson that you have to learn. She is not only asking for some help or just the time to figure things out.
No, she wants you to be a parent to her child. Not because she is in love with you. Not because she believes you would be a good role model. But because she is scared and does not want to assume the consequences of her actions.
And I get it’s important to help our friends but this, this is just too much.
Sometimes when I face difficult situations I just ask myself, what would the me of the future think of my decision? Would I be able to be okay with the choice I made?
Do you want to raise this child? To spend your weekend taking care of him/her? To not be able to go out, being free as much as you are right now because now your life is focused on him/her? Saying no to her now is better than accepting and then having to tell her to take her child and leave because you can’t do it anymore.” The_cupcake_
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Do you want to house her, subsidize her and her child, and raise a child with her? Because that’s what she’s asking of you and it’s inherently selfish. She’s not considering you at all. She may be scared and in survival mode and has trauma from childhood, I’ll give her that, but supporting your friend does not mean you need to sacrifice your life.
I would let her down gently and use your lease as an excuse if you need to. ‘I’m sorry, Molly, but I can’t let you move in. It’s against my lease and I could be evicted. I love you and will help you where I can, but I cannot help raise a child.
I don’t have the resources and I’m not able to dedicate my life to that.’ I would also suggest that she not have the baby since she’s not yet ready herself.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Molly is in a tough position, but none of that is your fault.
Molly has made some unfortunate choices, and now she has to make some tough choices. I feel for Molly. But you two raising the child together isn’t the grand solution that she thinks it is, and you shouldn’t agree to it. You can help out, certainly, but you cannot commit to being Molly’s stability or filling in for the second parent.
What happens in a year or two if you want to move but Molly cannot afford to live on her own with the child? What happens if you meet someone and want to move in together, but Molly is still not independent? If she’s not able to do this independently now, how is she planning to reach independence with the additional burden of needing childcare to work AND the additional costs of having a child?
If Molly is not in a position to raise this child solo, it’s better she comes to terms with that now when she has options. She can choose to end the pregnancy, or she could choose to pursue adoption for her child. The worst option would be bringing another human into this bad situation with a band-aid solution, then have the child pay the price for that when the band-aid inevitably falls off because this was never going to work long-term.
If your friend hates you for not putting your life on hold to bail her out of a situation you had no role in creating, then frankly she doesn’t sound like a good friend.” tan_sandoval
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For The Food My Friend Ordered?
“Today my friends and I went out to eat food at a restaurant.
We had agreed before that it would be separate checks and we would pay for our meals. I only had money for the food I had ordered. I got a water and my meal which was 13 dollars rounded after tax. One friend got two meals with chips and dip, the other got one meal and chips and dip, and the other got a salad and pasta.
All of their food divided was already 15+ dollars.
Later our friend who had brought us ordered 2 dessert cakes which cost 10 dollars each, even though nobody had said yes when he asked for dessert. When the check comes, he says we should split it evenly. I told him that I wasn’t gonna pay for food I didn’t eat, and we ended up spending 30 minutes arguing over who was going to cover the cost. They told me I was selfish for not wanting to pay for the food, saying I was rich, and that 10 dollars would be nothing for me.
I said we wouldn’t be in this spot if he hadn’t ordered 2 cakes that nobody had asked for. They said it didn’t matter because they had already brought it to the table and they didn’t want to just send it back, which I agree, but we wouldn’t have to do any of that if we just hadn’t gotten them.
Eventually, one friend just paid for the rest. They still kept complaining even after we left and kept saying I was rich, I could make that money back in an hour, which isn’t true, but even if it was, why does that mean I should pay for stuff I didn’t buy?
I guess I just wanna know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was agreed before going out or ordering that each would pay for their own meal, then your ‘friends’ are the jerks for trying to get you to pay for their orders.
Why do they think you are rich? Having wealthy parents doesn’t make you rich. Having a good-paying job doesn’t make you rich (if carrying debt). Having nice things can merely be a sign of shrewd shopping and doesn’t mean you got everything brand spanking new.
That they think they are entitled to your money is truly ignorant.” BonusMomSays
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘friends’ PLANNED to order food they expected you to pay for. They didn’t even care about the food. They just ordered food because they thought they could and got you to pay for it.
They think that you are rich and want to spend your money for you. Why do they think you are rich? Why do they want to spend your money – even when they don’t care about what it purchases? You had agreed on separate checks in advance.
Not sure why you consider these people your friends, but if you are going to continue to hang out with them:
1. Try to spend time doing things with them that don’t involve money
2. If you go out to eat, don’t bring more cash than you intend to spend on yourself.
Don’t brink any form of debit or credit card
3. Tell them up front that it’s separate checks. Tell the wait staff up front that it’s separate checks, adding that if any person orders an item, it goes on that person’s bill
4. If someone orders what seems like extra (e.g., two desserts), say, ‘Oh!
I hope you enjoy those two desserts that you are going to be paying for!’
5. If they tell you that you don’t have to keep bringing that up, tell them – ‘Apparently, I do. You seem to think I’m rich; you seem to want to spend my money.
You seem to conveniently forget that we agreed on separate checks. Until I believe you’ve learned to stop trying to spend my money for me, I’ll be making sure you are crystal clear that I will not be buying you things.'” swillshop
14. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Just Take Our Daughter To The Salon Next Time?
“I (39m) am married to my wonderful wife (38f) and we have a daughter, Becca (13f).
Our daughter asked her mom if she could get bangs 3 years ago. People at school started commenting on how they thought she had a big forehead.
Until yesterday, Becca had curtain bangs that went down to under her eyes. Usually, when she needs a haircut, either her mother or I take her to the salon.
Yesterday, however, while I was at work, my wife decided to cut Becca’s bangs because they were getting too long. My wife thought that cutting Becca’s hair herself would be better because she thought that it would just be a little trim and not that hard.
When my wife finished cutting Becca’s bangs, Becca was pretty upset and said that kids at school were probably going to bully her now. I’ll be honest, I don’t think my wife did a good job. Becca’s bangs are pretty blunt and about a centimeter above her eyebrows.
When I got home, I was pretty shocked and asked my wife why she didn’t just take Becca to the salon. My wife was pretty defensive and said that it wasn’t even that bad. Today, I took Becca to the salon to try and fix her bangs, but there wasn’t much they could do without making it even shorter.
After I got home from the salon today, I told my wife that although I understood she didn’t mean for Becca’s bangs to turn out like that, she should take Becca to the salon next time instead of cutting our daughter’s bangs herself. My wife called me a jerk for saying that and still thought that Becca’s bangs weren’t really that bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, but Becca at 13 could probably tell her mom and run away next time. And unless Becca doesn’t have the internet, she could’ve figured out how to fix it herself. A 13-year-old can cut her own bangs. The answer is usually DRY hair, not pulled taut, and vertical scissors making tiny snips to un-blunt the ends.
But Becca should have 4 days at least of growth before she goes back to school, so she can see what needs to be done. Bangs are hard and everyone has a horror story… what was your wife thinking without hours of YouTube research! It’s why YouTube exists!
By the way: I do cut my own hair (have done at least two cuts per year) and my husband’s (since 2020). That mess can be tricky, and you have to own when you screw up not double down (like forget the guard on the razor – yep did that!).
Mom is not cool for being so defensive. Take that loss and move on.” Typical2sday
Another User Comments:
“‘Becca was pretty upset and said that kids at school were probably going to bully her now.’ Your ‘wonderful’ wife butchered your daughter’s hair to the point that the child doesn’t want to go to school for fear of bullying.
Even the salon couldn’t fix the Dumb and Dumber Special your wife inflicted on a 13-year-old.
Give your daughter the gift of body autonomy – to be able to say ‘no’ without retaliation. If she didn’t want your wife to touch her hair, her hair shouldn’t have been touched: no forcing, yelling, manipulating, etc. This is a good lesson for your daughter regarding parents – and other people, like boys, coaches, religious leaders, and teachers.
She should be able to say ‘no, don’t touch me’, even to her parents, and be safe. As for your wife, if she truly believes it doesn’t ‘look that bad’, she should cut her own bangs EXACTLY the same way in solidarity. NTJ.” Avlonnic2
13. AITJ For Not Sharing My Winnings With My Brother?
“Last month, I hit a small jackpot on a lottery ticket—nothing life-changing, but a decent amount that I could really use to pay off some debts and maybe take a small vacation. I’ve always been financially cautious, saving where I can and working a couple of jobs to keep myself afloat.
My brother, on the other hand, has always been the opposite. He tends to spend his what he makes as quickly as he earns it, often on things he doesn’t need, and then struggles until his next paycheck.
When he found out about my win, he immediately asked (or rather, demanded) that I give him half.
His argument was that we’re family, and we should share our good fortunes. He reminded me of a time when we were kids, and I’d promised to share everything with him, including any prize I might win. I do remember making some promise like that in the spirit of childhood, but I never imagined it would be held against me over something so significant.
I refused, explaining that I had plans for the winnings, which included paying off debts and saving for emergencies. I offered to help him out with some financial advice and support to manage his finances better, but I made it clear that I wouldn’t just hand over half of my winnings.
Since then, my brother has been cold, calling me selfish and accusing me of not caring about family. My parents have tried to stay neutral, but I can tell they’re disappointed in the situation. Some relatives say I should have shared to keep the peace, while others agree with my decision.
So, AITJ for refusing to share my lottery winnings with my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can do as you want with your winnings. And you don’t have to share them with anyone, without further explanation. Your brother just wants your winnings and he’s trying to manipulate you to have it, mentioning promises you made as kids or the classic ‘family should help each other out’ argument being used to benefit the narcissist of the family.
People tend to show their true colors when finances are involved. Enjoy your prize.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The relatives that are saying you should share would probably come back and say we’re family too, I want some. Tell brother yeah, you made that promise as a child and if you ever won anything as a child you probably would have shared it with him.
Since playing the lottery was not something either of you thought of at that time it wasn’t included in the promise.” wlfwrtr
12. AITJ For Calling My Wife's Son And His Pregnant Partner Idiots?
“My wife (40F) and I (42M) have been married for 3 years. We don’t have any kids together, but she has 2 kids from a previous relationship (21F & 19M).
I have decent relationships with her kids but due to their ages when I met their mom, I never assumed a father-type role and they never expected me to fill that for them. Their bio dad is involved in their lives and we all get along pretty well.
My stepdaughter is at college so we don’t see her very often. My stepson (Joe) lives a few hours away from us with his partner and works full-time.
A couple of weeks ago, Joe called my wife and asked if he and his partner could come to visit.
My wife was very excited because she hadn’t seen Joe in a while. But Joe never just visits for fun. It’s almost always when he needs something and knows my wife has a harder time saying ‘No’ if he asks in person.
So I wasn’t surprised at all when Joe and his partner excitedly told us that they just found out they were expecting and the woman was 9 weeks along.
After the initial excitement and tears from my wife, Joe dropped the question I knew was coming. They want to move in with my wife and me while they get their feet under them because their current 1-room apartment isn’t big enough for a baby.
My wife looked at me and must have sensed my hesitation because she said this is something we all need to discuss first to make sure it will work. Joe and his partner agreed and told us to ask them anything. My wife asked a few questions about whether or not this was planned and what their plans were besides moving in with us.
Joe and his partner started talking about how their apartment could work if absolutely needed, but it’s tiny and there’s no separate room for the baby. They could also save a lot of money by living with us and get a better place sooner that way.
Then Joe’s partner said that it wasn’t planned but they are both so excited to be parents. She said that she had to switch birth control due to a hormonal imbalance and that Joe hates birth control and it just kind of happened. Joe then laughed and joked about how much contraceptives suck.
I had been mostly quiet up to this point. But after Joe made that joke, I spoke up. I told them that it sounds like both of them knew that the woman was in a transition period with birth control and they knew this sort of thing could happen and yet still chose to be stupid about it.
I told them they were both idiots if they thought I was going to be OK with them moving in with us with a baby when this situation was completely preventable by them not being dumb. Joe’s partner started crying and my wife and Joe immediately started consoling her.
My wife scolded me for being too harsh and that we all still have a lot to talk about.
My wife and I have been fighting about this ever since. She thinks we need to help in any way we can and I think that since Joe and his partner were dumb enough to get themselves into this, I don’t want to end up being responsible for a baby when they inevitably do something dumb again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they move in from their current residence – a few hours away – that means they both will have to quit their jobs and find new ones. At 19 years old, I’m going to assume he’s at minimum wage or a bit higher?
And what does the woman do? Even though it’s illegal, as soon as she starts showing she’s going to not get job offers. All that means OP and his wife will be paying for EVERYTHING. WHO is going to provide daycare, formula, and food for 4 instead of two?
You have an increase in utilities, not to mention baby stuff takes so much room. What’s the division of labor going to look like? How long do they think it’ll take to get ‘on their feet’? I’m with OP on this. Bet Joe wouldn’t dare ask his dad if he and his partner could move in with him.” disney_nerd_mom
Another User Comments:
“Nineteen-year-olds sometimes do super dumb things… shocking. I guess the big deal for your wife is the first grandchild and that Joe lives a few hours away, so the grandbaby would be a few hours away. I’m sure they’re also banking on the help.
But! Why are they leaving their full-time jobs in order to move back home where they don’t have full-time jobs? Does his partner think she’ll have an easy time applying for a new job while pregnant? And why does a literal brand new infant HAVE to have a room to themselves?
Sure, at some point, the kiddo should have their own room, but at the start, the baby doesn’t care and will need so much attention anyway. In general, NTJ for your not having signed up for this possibility, and also having some questions about Joe’s reasoning.” fallingintopolkadots
11. AITJ For Having My Son's Significant Other Come With Us On A Cruise But Not His Cousin?
“We went on a family cruise that has become a yearly tradition.
The only difference is my son, who is 18 years old, wanted to bring his significant other (Morgan) this time and we said it sounded like a great idea. We paid for her trip and everything she’d need, and it was pretty costly.
Because of this, we couldn’t pay for our niece, 16.
Her parents don’t have much expendable money, they are pretty poor, and she was unable to come on this trip. We promised we’d go on another cruise during Summer and pay for her to come. I felt bad we couldn’t bring her, but we wanted our son’s SO to feel welcomed.
Well, she has been a little difficult. I had met her before and thought she was a lovely girl, but I got a completely different impression of her on this trip. When she first saw her room, she said she was expecting more and it seemed small.
That really rubbed me wrong, but I ignored it. My son told me she came from a wealthy family.
My kids were sad their cousin wasn’t here, but I told them to spend time with Morgan. Unfortunately, they’ve been getting into fights. Morgan yelled at my kids because they used a handicapped elevator, specifically designed for disabled people.
She said it was rude and entitled.
My kids pointed out that they got lost and had no idea where they were. They found the elevator and decided to take it up. They said no disabled people were using the elevator but if they were they would have given it up immediately.
But Morgan said it was really entitled and trashy of them. I’m not sure I understand her logic here. It seems like she’s starting fights over nothing and I’m confused by how she’s parenting my kids.
She’s been getting into multiple fights with my daughters, who are exhausted of her.
I overheard them talking about how awful she was at dinner and approached them to tell them to shut up. People can hear them, and we don’t want Morgan to feel unwelcome.
They said they were tired of her. She was super entitled and still complaining that we didn’t spend money on a better cruise or better things to do.
(Unbelievable because this cruise was around 2k for each person.) They said I was a jerk for leaving their cousin at home and inviting this entitled person instead. They said their cousin should be here, not this lady.
I told them we needed to show support for their brother’s relationship, someone who could be a part of the family one day.
I’m sad to leave my niece home too. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can’t believe you went over to police their conversation. So what a bunch of strangers could hear that they don’t like her? They’re absolutely allowed to have opinions and discuss them with each other.
Where have you been the whole time she’s been ruining your children’s vacation and calling them names? Why does some random girl get put before everyone else? Why on this earth would you pay $2k+ for your son’s teenage partner to go on a cruise with you?!
Especially when the odds are they break up, hopefully, sooner than later, from the sounds of it.
The only part of this ‘fun family vacation’ that your kids are going to remember is how awful this girl is, how she ruined it, and how you did nothing but tell them to shut up and take it.” agarrabrant
Another User Comments:
“Ok, well now you have spent more time with her, you now have an entirely different view of your son’s SO. If you invite her on future trips, well, you know what you will get. I know I wouldn’t be interested in inviting her on any upcoming trips.
She obviously isn’t having a good time, and the accommodations aren’t up to her high standards. Why would you subject her to this torture again? If your son protests, tell him flat out that she was ungrateful and unpleasant and nobody wants to spend time with her so she will not be invited back.
But future trips are months in the future. You just have to endure this one. I am sure you can do a lot to avoid her if you really try, cruise ships are pretty big, you don’t even have to all eat together. Do invite your niece on the next trip, she sounds nice.
NTJ, it sounded like a good idea, now you know it wasn’t, but you will be off the ship soon.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was nice that you wanted to let your son have his SO along, but if it was a money issue and she supposedly comes from money, she should have paid for herself.
You obviously had not truly spent any time with her prior to this trip. This reads disaster on any trip. Telling your kids to suck it up on THEIR vacation because she may be family someday? Shortsighted and really inconsiderate of your own kids.
Sounds like your son is the Golden Child if they have to kowtow to his entitled SO.
He is only 18, do you REALLY think she is his forever? Basically, you ruined everyone’s vacation due to being short-sighted and allowing your son to dictate the invite list.
Next time, get to know someone before you bring them on vacation with you and your family to ensure they will actually mesh with your family.
Stop being an even bigger jerk by trying to get your daughters to spend time with her. They obviously do not care for her, and she does not like them… forcing them to spend time will not fix this and will only widen the chasm.” Odd-End-1405
10. AITJ For Not Telling People I'm Not Deaf?
“Due to a brain injury when I (20F) was little, I’m left mute.
This generally doesn’t cause me any problems in my daily life. My family and I communicate with sign language, some of my friends have learned sign language, and with those who didn’t I communicate either by writing notes, or using text-to-speech on my phone (though I find that a bit awkward, that voice is so grating on the ears).
Because I use sign language, a lot of people automatically assume I’m deaf. Which is sometimes really convenient because they’ll talk about things thinking I can’t hear them. The two guys making a bet about who can get me to go home with them while standing next to me definitely stand out (the answer was neither of them).
I figured I’d use that to my advantage. So whenever I’m out (in a café or whatever), and someone I don’t know (and I don’t want to talk to) comes up to me, I just pretend not to hear them. If they tap me on the shoulder or whatever, I’ll just start signing at them and they usually leave me alone because most people don’t know sign language anyway.
One of the people I know (not really a friend but more like an acquaintance) found out what I was doing and told me it was wrong for me to pretend to have a disability that I don’t have. And I can understand that point honestly, but in this case, it’s caused by people’s assumptions in the first place.
I never directly say that I’m deaf, I just ignore people I don’t want to talk to and use sign language when I can’t ignore them.
AITJ for making people think I’m deaf?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are the ones assuming you’re deaf.
Unless you want/need to wear a little pin that says ‘not deaf, just mute’, you have no obligation to explain to each and every random person who wants to chat when you have no interest. Heck, even the pin would bring up questions you’d either have to sign or type out and you don’t owe random people explanations.
You’re just a person trying to go about your day. And we all use what we can to ‘not hear’ unwanted men/people trying to get our attention.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As several people have pointed out, you are under no obligation to correct people’s wrong assumptions.
If you claimed to be deaf that would be something else, but you don’t. You just use sign language. Honestly, it makes total sense to pretend you don’t hear people when it is with random people on the street and the like. Most people do not sign, and it must be exhausting to acknowledge that you heard them – and then having to explain in writing or with an app or whatever why you cannot answer.
That is annoying and time-consuming when you just want to be left alone.
If it is important, they’ll find a way of communicating – deaf or not. If they don’t even bother trying, why should you? I think it is more of a jerk move to just ‘give up’ when realizing (thinking) that other person is deaf.
Besides, even people who are deaf often have SOME hearing – plus they often are good at lip reading. Talking about them thinking they cannot hear is risky business anyway. Badmouthing someone when they are standing right next to them is just jerk behavior, and they deserve to be called out and embarrassed.” Muted_Radish_9011
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Brother Money For A Pizza Party?
“The 6th grade science teacher uses a point system for behavior management. 100 points earn the class a pizza party.
These parties are at lunch and students have to pay for food.
My brother’s class just had the party. The teacher announced the prices for everything. $5 gets you 2 slices of pizza, 2 breadsticks, 2 desserts, (cookies, brownies, donuts, etc.), as much juice or soda as you could drink, and whatever leftovers are available.
An extra $5 gets you a smoothie/milkshake from a smoothie shop near the school.
Our mom never pays for this kind of stuff. She always tells us to figure it out. My brother asked me to give him $10 for the party. I said no because we have neighbors who are always willing to pay for some chores to be done and if you tell the teacher that you don’t have money, he’ll give you some chores and will cover everything but the smoothie.
He went around to the neighbors but doesn’t like kids/isn’t willing to ‘babysit’ (keep kids occupied while mom makes dinner), thinks washing cars is too hard, and helping to clean out a chicken coop/the surrounding area is too gross. He also thinks telling the teacher he doesn’t have money is too embarrassing so I obviously have to pay.
I told him I either worked for the money or had to tell him I couldn’t pay when I had that teacher so he has to do the same.
My brother ended up refusing to do both and missed the party. Now he’s mad at me for not giving him the money.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Kinda feels like your mom is the jerk here unless there are legitimate financial concerns for her, that do not exist for your household. Yes, your brother could do chores to earn the money but he’s also like 11 or 12 and in theory has already ‘earned’ the party.
You’re obviously not obligated to give your brother anything but unless he’s asking for a handout every week, this seems like a small ask and it sucks that he missed the party. If I decided to give the brother anything, it’d be $5 for the pizza and if he wanted a fancy smoothie he could earn that money himself.” Aggressive_Today_492
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know who the real jerk is, big sibling? The teacher! Teachers get crappy pay, have to supply a lot of their own stuff, etc. like I get it. That being said, what kind of reward is it to have kids pay for their reward like that?
Haha. Especially in this economy, there’s gotta be a more economical option. Or, in this day and age, he could send an email or letter to parents with this type of pricing and they can donate their child’s portion to a PayPal/venmo/whatever account.
If the kids keep a pre-determined average of points for good behavior, then that money is put toward the pizza party at the end of the grading period. But that’s not in your hands. That’s the teacher’s problem. See, you have no obligation to financially support your sibling unless you feel like doing so.
What ended up happening here for your little bro is he just received a very important life lesson: sometimes we have to do things we find unpleasant in order to earn money to treat ourselves.
I do have a possible compromise? Perhaps your brother can earn the $10 from you in exchange for doing a chore for you?
Babysitting rates are WAY higher than $10, so honestly there he’d have probably been a sucker to accept that rate – unless he was gonna end up making MORE? In which case… he could’ve had several pizza parties! Truthfully, your mom should’ve stepped in and done this for some damage control, if only to save him from embarrassing himself by coming off as self-entitled. So, the teacher and your mom are in jerk territory, but you’re good.
It’s not like little bro bailed you out for a couple of slices of pepperoni before.” Emrys_Morgan
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Use My Car?
“I (27f) live with my sister (25f) in a small housing unit a few states away from my parents’ place for work. We both have a car each, mine pretty new and bought by me, and hers was a ten-year-old car given to her by my parents.
Her car has needed oil changes, brake pad replacement, tire changes, etc over the years, while mine just needs to be brought for servicing maybe once every half a year or more since it’s pretty new. A few days ago, my sister asked to borrow my car so that she could take a long road trip to the beach with her friends during the coming weekend.
Her explanation is she cannot risk her car breaking down so far from the city.
I said no, because, one: I don’t want it to be scratched again. Two: her car is a four-wheel drive while mine is a sedan. The road to the beach is a bumpy and unpaved road, so I do not think my car will come out unscathed. Three: She has borrowed my car before and got it scratched up while visiting friends.
She explained it was because she had to park near some bushes, which caused the scratches. Both sides of the car were scratched, by the way. Four: Her car had never broken down before. At most, a tire or oil change is needed. Five: She doesn’t exactly have the cleanest record of not hitting anything while driving.
I have explained to her why I’m not risking my car and that her car would do a great job going off-road and other things for such activities, heck, it even has more room to fit things and people, but she is saying she would have lent me her car if I were in her shoes.
I told her no is no or go borrow someone else’s car if you want a newer car. We don’t see or talk to each other much due to our own social and work lives, but I can tell she is still mad that I said no when we are both at home.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to lend her my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already know that your sister will not care for your car the way you care for it. That car is likely your main asset and she is not entitled to it to use as she sees fit.
Obviously, she scratched it in the past and hasn’t fixed that. Besides, I assume you need your car and, if she damages it to where you can’t use it, even temporarily, that would be a hardship for you. Plus, if she has an accident, that could cost you.
Your sister needs to work to buy herself the car she wants, not take yours and then not treat it as carefully as you do. Let her pout, you are well within your rights to not loan out your car just because she asked for it.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the bushes didn’t scratch your car, she did. It’s not like they ran across the carpark and dragged themselves down the side of a stationary car. She has a car, she just doesn’t want to use it. You’re not obliged to fill the non-existent gap with yours.
The real reason I suspect she wants your car is to impress her friends on the trip.” Diligent-Comfort-191
7. AITJ For Not Thinking I Am Breaking Any Rules?
“I (23f) am a working model/musician and live in a co-ed sort of sorority house with about ten other students. Most of the residents have been here for years, but I only arrived about 4 months ago. Here’s where the problem is. They had a way they liked to do things, and I didn’t follow.
For example, we have two nice dishwashers that nobody in the house uses for some reason. So I started using them. This made a few of my roommates upset. Since nobody uses them, they expected I also wouldn’t. In another instance, we have a ‘common use cabinet’ for utensils and pans we can all use.
Nobody likes to share things so it was basically empty. So I loaded it up with brand-new utensils and pans for the house. My roommates got upset again. In another instance, I needed to record some vocals for work. I sing quietly. Like Billie Eilish.
It’s not screamo or anything. The rules state we can make noise from 7 am to 10 pm. I only record within that window. Maybe for an hour and a half per week on average. They also got upset.
We’ve butted heads about small things like that many times.
Each time I cite the rules, and that I’m not breaking them. And each time they say they ‘don’t care about the rules’ and that I’m ‘being disrespectful’ by not doing things the way they prefer. I’ve stood my ground. So now they just glare at me whenever they see me.
And berate me periodically. I really don’t understand.
I don’t feel like I’m hurting them in any way. I barely even talk to them. And I’m also not getting in the way of them doing what they need to do. So I keep using the dishwasher, letting the house use my things, and recording during the noise hours.
Why do they insist I adjust to the way they like to do things? I’m not interfering with their activities. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is there someone in charge of the sorority house you can talk to about the bullying?
Because that’s what this is sounding like. ‘That’s not how we do things’ is a ridiculous concept when you’re being given access to clean dishes and additional ones you can use if required. You’re following the rules, and your way of doing things doesn’t sound like it’s causing any actual harm to anyone, because otherwise, they’d be able to give you an actual reason why you shouldn’t do something.
Like ‘Oh, yeah, the electricity and water bills are huge if we use the dishwashers, so please don’t!’ or ‘That shelf is actually structurally unsound so we’re worried it’s a safety hazard!’ or ‘X is on shift work right now and is asleep between x and y, so you’re actually waking her up’ would be valid reasons.
But ‘that’s not how we do things’ isn’t a valid reason, and certainly not something you need to care about upholding.” Scree_fox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you gifted communal pans and utensils (that’s a score for any student accommodation!), they have never told you why they don’t use the dishwasher or why they got weird about you using it, and you’re only recording for 1.5 hours per week?!
That’s nothing. Everyone makes noise, whether it’s someone playing their guitar (uh there is usually at least one in every larger shared student space LOL), blasting the hair dryer for 20 mins straight, or running the hoover when you were trying to get a nap.
No one has tried to communicate with you instead they’ve just frozen you out and not left you with any answers other than ‘that’s just not how we do things’. Okay, so what is it they want? Is there a specific time window they would prefer for you to choose to record?
No problem. They could just ask and since it’s only 1.5 hours it would be easily accommodated. For Pete’s sake, you’re not sitting in your rooms scratching up decks playing DJ at all hours, leaving stacks of dishes, taking other people’s food, not contributing, or doing any other common roommate annoyances that happen in groups your age, I don’t see what their problem is… they sound like a group of cliquey teenagers.” Affectionate_Milk81
6. AITJ For Holding My Son's Funeral Without His Brother?
“My son was adopted by me four years ago after his brother (24M) had already aged out of the system. His brother has always been welcome in our family, and while we aren’t exactly his parents he stays with us whenever he’s in town, goes with us on trips, etc.
I won’t go into detail, but my son was murdered a month ago. He was fourteen, and it made the news. At the time, his brother had just gone on a trip, and it was an off-grid ordeal. I was unable to contact his brother for the following week, so we held my son’s funeral without him.
Eight days after the funeral, he called me; he was finally connected, and he had found out that his brother was dead from a news article. He was angry that this was how he had found out, and I can understand that, but we did try to contact him.
He said we should have tried harder, but calmed down then asked when the funeral was so he could get a flight here right away. I told him that the funeral had already happened, that it had been two weeks.
That made him far angrier, and I told him that we couldn’t just wait for him to show up when we didn’t even know when that would be.
And he was all ‘I told you it wouldn’t be longer than a month’ but waiting a whole month to hold my son’s funeral is not something I would want to do. And that’s assuming he didn’t end up taking longer, which he has in the past.
My wife is incredibly regretful about the entire thing and says that I talked her into not waiting for the funeral, so I suppose I’m just trying to find out if we actually messed up here. AITJ for not waiting for him to show up?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m so sorry for your loss. You did what you could and have done nothing to be blamed for. Neither would I blame your son’s brother. He’s grieving, he’s probably blaming himself for being off the grid and it’s easier to put the blame on someone else than to feel even more sad about missing his brother’s funeral. It’ll take time to process but try to stay in contact and be kind to your son’s brother and to yourself too.
Do you have adequate grief counseling? That’s something that can be really helpful in cases like this. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.” VineViniVici
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with soft YTJ. Your wife even wanted to wait but you did what you wanted. How did you try and contact him?
It sounds like your decision was made pretty selfishly and it sounds like you only took your own feelings into consideration.
They waited 24 days to hold my grandma’s funeral because my dad needed to get things in order to travel to his home country. You could have waited longer than a week.
While I am sorry for your loss, he wasn’t just your son, your feelings weren’t the only ones that mattered. Your wife’s feelings and his brother’s feelings also mattered. You took away the last chance for him to say goodbye. That’s something you’re going to have to deal with.
Also, you’re gonna have to deal with your wife feeling that you pressured her into doing it so soon when she wanted to wait. Yes, your grief matters but you weren’t the only one who was going to grieve. Again I’m sorry for your loss.
No parent wants to bury their child.” No-Olive5027
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Everyone here is coping with a terrible situation just as well as they can at the moment. You made a reasonable decision about when to hold the funeral in light of not being able to contact the brother.
You aren’t a jerk for doing what you felt was best to allow you to grieve the loss of your child. He’s understandably devastated and upset and lashing out like a young adult who just found out he missed his sibling’s funeral while away on a trip pretty typically and naturally would.
It’s a really normal response to the situation.
There’s no doubt that not being included in the funeral complicates and compounds his pain, and you made an active choice to do something that makes the experience harder for him because that was best for you.
He’s not a jerk for being upset by that and telling you so. He’s probably angry at himself for missing it (even though he had no idea that would happen, and it was basically unavoidable if he was truly off-grid) and at you for not putting his attendance at a higher priority in the planning (even though you were just doing your best to survive an unimaginable situation).
I am terribly sorry for your loss, and I hope in time the brother will come around to acceptance that you were doing what you had to, despite its unintended effect on him.” harpsdesire
5. AITJ For Not Wanting Guests Over?
“I’m 19 and moved out of my parents’ house for the first time a couple of months ago, I live alone now.
Since I moved out, two of my close friends, my partner, and my cousin have constantly invited themselves to my house, mostly not just for a visit but for one or two days of staying over.
One of my friends was living with their cousin and offered to split the rent to live with me.
But I refused since I really needed my own space after leaving my mother who doesn’t know about boundaries or personal space when it comes to me. I understand that he really did not like living with their cousin and would be comfortable if I accepted their offer.
Still, I have this space of my own for the first time in my life and I don’t really want to share it with other people most times (not all the time).
Today, my partner said that he could visit me at my house while we were texting and I directly said no. He laughed and I said that it wasn’t funny at all.
He asked me whether I was mad at him and I told him yes but didn’t explain the reason.
Now he doesn’t know what he did which makes me furious because we have talked about this before at least 3 times and I asked him not to invite himself to my house.
I said the same thing to my friends last week.
Now I feel like I’m being selfish and acting like a spoiled kid. I don’t know if I’m right or if I’m setting too many boundaries. Help, please!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ when it comes to refusing that people invite themselves over; the boundaries are justified. No one’s entitled to your space just because you have more of it than many of your friends/family members/partner the same age.
It’s actually pretty common at your age because people gain their independence at different times, so those who have their space first tend to become the hosts of the group. But you shouldn’t have to be that to your friends if you don’t want to.
‘My partner said that he could visit me at my house while we were texting… I asked him not to invite himself to my house’. There seems to be a communication issue here. He seemed to be offering to visit you without inviting himself. I mean, it’s true I don’t have the context of the conversation.
But he didn’t just show up, he talked about it first. I feel like in a romantic relationship, it’s not wild to imagine visiting a partner at their place every once in a while, because, well, it’s a romantic partner and you want romantic interactions.
If you don’t want him to come AT ALL, then instead of getting angry, might I suggest that you offer to meet someplace else?” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk for turning them down, but YTJ because you didn’t tell your partner why.
And on top of it, you got angry because he couldn’t read your mind. YOU can control this situation by simply telling him, ‘Look, I don’t want people at my house. You know that. I’ve explained it to you. I won’t discuss it anymore, and if you bring it up I will exit the situation.’ And then do it.
Just do it. Don’t walk around being angry at other people because you haven’t done that. You even let people stay for two nights! So you haven’t been consistent with them. How are they supposed to know you mean it ‘this time’? Boundaries are only as good as your enforcement of them.
I think you can do better in the future and then you won’t be.” Fredsundertheblanket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your own space and setting boundaries. But… I get that you’ve said it to your partner repeatedly, but he’s really not going to know why you’re mad right now and is going to think it’s cause of something else.
That’s a bit of a jerk and childish thing to do, and is not effective at all – it might seem to work a few times, but that approach has diminishing returns. The more you do it the less the person cares to try and work out the enigma that is ‘Why are they mad at me right now?’ and you’re setting yourself up for the ‘You never tell me what’s wrong’ argument soon because, although you’ve done it three times, right now you’re not telling him what is wrong, and he’s putting effort into guessing what he did instead of putting effort into apologizing and learning from his mistake.
If you say, and he then doesn’t take you seriously… that’s a whole other problem, but if you don’t tell him, that’s a jerk move.” sixtequilas
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Dad For Embarrassing Me At The Bookstore?
“I (16F) and my dad (47M) have a pretty bad relationship. Years upon years of emotional and verbal mistreatment from him have left a sour taste in my mouth.
I guess the thought of losing his only child scared him because he started inviting me out to do things with him.
Normally I’d say no, but I didn’t want to seem like an ungrateful kid. So I went with him and he took me to a bookstore.
When we arrived he asked me to leave my phone in the car.
But he brought his. I didn’t think anything of it until while I was looking for books, I heard a video playing full blast from his phone.
He tried to turn it down but he was fumbling and loudly cussing as he tried to turn it off.
It was still playing softly when he was done and the librarian asked him to leave.
He mumbled some curses and stormed out. When I asked Dad for money to buy the books I picked out he was surprised I wasn’t leaving with him and lectured me about being selfish before shoving money in my hand and told me to ‘make it quick’.
I bought the books and he yelled at me in the car about how he’s never been so embarrassed in his life.
I asked him how he thought I felt when he cussed like a sailor and blasted a video like that.
He then yelled at me saying I was ungrateful and said if I was going to be spoiled I could leave the books in the car because I bought them with his money.
He dropped me off and yelled at me when I tried to pick up my books.
So… was I being ungrateful?
It was just embarrassing having him acting like a child who was in trouble for something that could’ve been prevented.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be honest, it might be time to just give up on him. A grown man acting like this sounds like one of those boomer-fail videos. It’s pathetic and nauseating that a man his age can’t even function in a bookstore without throwing a shameful tantrum.
This is honestly just gross. Start refusing to be around him op, his presence is just going to bring you stress and drama.” EchoMountain158
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your father is the epitome of childish hypocritical behavior. He tells you you have to leave your phone in the car but he takes his in?
Then blasts videos loud enough for an employee to come along and ask him to leave? Yet somehow you’re the one at fault? He’s projecting his sins on you because he simply can’t bear the thought that HE might be the problem here. You’re fine – and that’s coming from an old fart (54M) that has zero patience for teenagers stepping one toe out of line.
You are not ungrateful, he’s a pitiful child that never learned how to act in public.” RayEd29
3. AITJ For Refusing To Subsidize My Husband's Taxes?
“I (39F) have a good corporate job with a good salary and excellent benefits. My husband Simon (34M) runs a small business that doesn’t bring in much money. I make roughly 3X what he does.
We live in a modest apartment in NYC mortgage-free because I had enough savings to pay for most of it in cash, while Simon chipped in the rest with his savings and some help from his parents.
We have no kids and split bills evenly.
We filed joint taxes recently, and our CPA told us that we owe taxes – specifically Simon does – even though he’s been paying quarterly estimated taxes for his business. My understanding is this is due to my annual salary increase bumping us up into a higher tax bracket and the estimated taxes he’s been paying were not enough.
The CPA also explained if we had filed separately I would actually be getting a refund and Simon would owe more than double what we owe jointly.
This was a shock to him as he did not think he’d owe taxes this year. I reminded him that if we had filed separately he’d owe even more, but he was extremely upset and suggested that I help contribute to his owed taxes since it’s MY FAULT we’re in a higher tax bracket.
I reminded him that as my husband he gets excellent health benefits through my company’s insurance, that I pay for all of our meals, and that we live mortgage-free mainly because of my financial contribution. He feels married couples should pool all their money together in a joint account and share the wealth.
I disagreed. I worked my butt off to get where I am in my career, and I feel I’m already making good contributions. I don’t think it’s fair that I am being guilt-tripped into subsidizing his career choices just because I earn more.
AITJ for standing my ground and not subsidizing my husband’s taxes?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sounds like you both need to grow up. He needs to rethink his business if it’s dragging you both down financially. You clearly don’t think much of your partner from the way you describe him in this story.
Reminding him of something the CPA had already told you – that his individual tax bill would be higher if you filed separately – reeks of resentment. You’re also filing taxes jointly so the amount owed is your joint liability regardless of how you want to mentally divide it.” Simple_Reception4091
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Plenty of couples do not pool all their money together. Many think it’s wise to pool SOME money together for the joint expenses, but the rest is personal ‘fun’ money. Even for the joint expenses, not every couple splits them 50/50. Some feel it’s better to not be handicapped by the lowest earner, so split the joint expenses in the same ratio as their earnings.
Although I can see you calling taxes a joint expense, particularly filing jointly, then the additional tax should be split according to how you’ve agreed to split your joint expenses. You have an excellent point that if you were filing separately, then it would be entirely his burden.
Of these two options, the most favorable to him is that it’s a joint expense so you would bear some portion, but not all of it, so I think you’re right to decline to pay all of it.” SickDelirium
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Fly In For My Stepbrother's Birthday Party?
“Right now I (16m) live with my dad several states away from my mom. My parents divorced when I was 2, I think. I know it was before I could remember anything.
And when I was a lot younger they shared custody of me. My dad was the parent.
My mom was a lazy parent. To get an idea of how she was just picture the stereotypical dad who pawns their kid off on everyone and doesn’t put their kid first. That was my mom.
She was also very bitter that my dad divorced her. So she made life really difficult when I was younger. She wouldn’t communicate with Dad about relevant info, like meetings with my school or parents conferences and usually, I would just get some kind of note about them to bring ‘home’ and if I was at Mom’s then she wouldn’t tell Dad about it or let me take the note to him so he could attend.
It was stressful because I didn’t always remember enough of the details. My mom wouldn’t sign things she needed to for my homework or school and it got me in trouble a lot. I couldn’t get to my dad to ask him to do it when it was mom’s custody time.
The weeks my dad had me he communicated and never let me suffer because they hated each other.
When I was like 9 my mom started going out with her husband. He had three kids who had some pretty big trauma and they were really looking for that picture-perfect family.
But my mom was still the same, though she was kinda better for them than she was for me. And I wasn’t interested in playing pretend for others my mom brought into the home when she couldn’t be a decent parent to me.
My dad ended up with primary custody of me around the time my mom got married, which wasn’t long after she met her husband.
So I only saw them every other weekend. But mom’s stepkids really latched onto me as a big brother, especially the two boys.
Anyway, they had more of a connection and a longing for us to be close than I did. I really just hated going to my mom’s house period.
She never got better as my mom. I longed to be with just my dad instead of going where my mom didn’t care.
Last year my dad was offered a job in another state and I wanted to move with him. So we went to court and won so dad could move with me and the parenting plan was updated and I was given permission to choose whether I’d visit my mom at all.
The long history and my strong feelings meant the judge didn’t want to force it. My stepsiblings were upset and asked me to live with them instead but I just wanted to go.
Now that my stepbrother is turning 10 he wants me to be at his party.
So my mom called and told me her husband was willing to fly me in for the party so the kids could see me, especially the birthday boy. I said I didn’t want to go and to save the money. Mom called me dramatic. Her husband called me three times since and berated me for saying no when this means so much to his son.
He said I should be really touched that his kids care that much about me instead of acting like a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry your mom is taking all her negativity toward your dad divorcing her out on you, that is never a good thing.
It speaks volumes that the judge ruled in your and your dad’s favor on moving out of state, and if/when you choose to go to her house. Though your age might have played a major factor there.
Now as for the step-siblings, it’s never a good idea to try and force a relationship like that, it can and will cause some very negative feelings and actions, like resentment and having no contact with people.
But try to keep in mind the age of the kids, it’s not their fault, it’s the parents putting crap in their heads. That said if you do like the kid even a little, maybe try calling or FaceTime them, but you don’t have to.” stoned_introvert420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to be part of your mom’s life, she doesn’t sound like a very good mom. Try to be kind to the little kids, though, if your stepsiblings have been through a lot in their very short lives it would be good for them to have someone they’re in contact with (even if it’s not for the party) who is steady and good to them.
You may not have asked for that, but you were given it, and one of life’s fun lessons is that sometimes you just have to adapt to circumstances. If you’re not going to go, the little guy is going to be disappointed, I think it wouldn’t be too much to ask for you to send him a fun present and call him.
Ten is a milestone birthday for little kids.” saucisse
1. AITJ For Telling My Son He Can Say "I Love You" To Anyone?
“We live on the same street as my in-laws, my husband’s parents live a few doors down and his sister and her husband live on the other side of the road.
This means my children see their grandparents more or less every day.
About a month ago I was taking my youngest (M 11) to school and we saw his grandad, so he waved and they chatted for a bit, and then my son said ‘Bye Grandad, love you’ and Grandad called back ‘Have a good day at school.’ In the car, my child asked me why Grandad didn’t say ‘Love you too’ and I said he was probably distracted and not to think anything more about it.
It happens again a couple of weeks later, and again I don’t make a big deal of it.
Last night we were all round at my sister-in-law’s house, and as we were leaving my child said bye Grandad, love you and Grandad said, ‘You’re too big to be saying that now; men only say that to their wives.’
At which point both my husband and I had a ‘WHAT?!’ moment and I leaped in and said ‘Grandad means he only says it to Grandma, sweetie, you can say it to anyone you like.’ And my husband immediately backed me up and said, ‘Yeah, look – love you (nephew)’ and my nephew (16M) without looking away from the TV says ‘love you too Uncle.’
My father-in-law turned red and left. Now my sister-in-law says we shouldn’t have embarrassed him like that and we need to apologize.
I haven’t seen my husband’s parents yet but I really don’t see why I should apologize, I didn’t do anything wrong except protect my son from something that I think was quite hurtful.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yep, YTJ. Not the time and place. He told you, without telling you, that he comes from a place where his ability to verbally express such things is stunted, so you, from your place of greater ability to verbally express your emotions chose to humiliate him?!
Take your child home, explain this to him, and keep him emotionally open. Humiliating the guy who was emotionally mistreated as a child was the wrong way to go. Really, it took you all these years to notice this about your FIL? Surely, you aren’t THAT lacking in observation.
People like that say, ‘I love you’, by the things that they do for you or the other things they say, like ‘Have a good day at school’. I shudder to think about how that got drilled into him when he was a kid.” lookn2-eb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a jerk for this, you were making sure your kid learned it’s ok to say ‘I love you’ to people and not some old-timey ‘Men don’t say that!’ nonsense. It’s a question of how you talk to your FIL next.
My recommendation, when you do talk to him, is to let him know that you understand he doesn’t say it to anyone but his wife and that’s OK, you have no issues with that. However you don’t want your son thinking it’s not OK if he wants to say it to others, and so you weren’t trying to embarrass him and are sorry if you unintentionally did.
I say this because I don’t think you actually wanted to embarrass your FIL, just not have the wrong lesson taught. Hopefully, that’ll be enough to smooth this all over. Good luck.” SingularityMechanics
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I agree with your sister-in-law. I think your grandfather was attempting to instill practical or moral values in your son.
You may disagree with them, you may have a conversation with him to say it’s not wanted, you can explain it to your son, etc. But it’s overall harmless if it’s under your supervision and you can overrule it. So yes I think you went a little too far.
In case it’s not obvious, I happen to agree with him that 11 is getting to be a little old for children to say ‘I love you’ to family in every interaction. They should be graduating to other ways of showing respect and affection.” atmasabr
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