People Tell Us Their Unpleasant "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I'm celebrating my intimate wedding in May. My fiancee and I only invited our parents and our brothers and sisters, along with their respective partners.

No kids.

Two months ago, when we booked the venue, I told my father, who lives abroad (4-hour flight), that his new partner was invited, obviously. I just sent the invitations, so he hasn't received his yet, and of course, she is included in it, as I had already told him.

However, they haven't bought their flight tickets yet... only because his partner is 'waiting for me to call her' and vocalize my invitation to her, specifically, even if I already told my father several times that she of course is invited.

We have a good cordial relationship, but I don't feel the need to call her only to tell her what she's already supposed to know... through my dad!

I didn't personally call my siblings' partners to let them know that they were invited. It's not only obvious, but I explicitly told each of my brothers and sisters that they can bring their spouses and partners.

Also, I have never seen anywhere that the bride calls their siblings, and separately, their SOs.

I'm my father's oldest, and first daughter to get married... My unnecessary separate call to his partner shouldn't be a requirement for their (or his?!) attendance at my wedding. Flight tickets are getting more expensive by the day, and they're just wasting their time unnecessarily.

Am I being a jerk for feeling annoyed by this?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. You sent invitations with +1. Your father's partner wants you to call to be invited. Not to be just a +1. Is there a problem with your father? Why doesn't she feel legitimate?

A +1 is not a guest and that's why we don't call +1s: the guest chooses his/her +1. So your father is supposed to confirm HER to YOU. You can't confirm to her she's invited because she's not BY YOU. Maybe there's a problem between your father and her, but it's not your problem. You can just tell her that you don't mind if she comes but not that she's invited or you'll have to send her an invitation, and they'll be authorized to come with a +1." Lyzab77

Another User Comments:

"NTJ but also not worth getting upset about (easier said than done around a wedding, I know).

This is not your problem, this is your dad's problem. It’s his job to invite/reassure her, not yours. You’ve already extended an invitation via YOUR DAD where she is only welcome AS his partner. In what world would you be inviting her if she wasn’t attached to him?

It sounds like it’s time to set some boundaries with your dad and let him figure it out. He can sort out his own plane tickets. He’s an adult first and foremost and can be held accountable as one. He doesn’t need a special envelope to know when the wedding is because you’ve already told him.

What’s the logic here? If it got lost in the mail, no invitation exists, and therefore no attendance?

Release yourself from this weird power play. It’s not your responsibility to deal with it. Focus on your wedding, may it be a joyous one!" User