People Question Their Goodness In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear Any More Of My Mother's Suggestions For My New House?
“So I just bought my first house. It’s a small log cabin-style house made out of old cypress logs and oak.
It’s my dream house and I absolutely love it. I started moving my stuff in and once I finished my mom and dad came over to help me unpack everything and decorate.
Now I always loved going to state parks and going into the small natural museums they have. I wanted my home to pay homage to my natural area which is mainly bayous and rivers.
So I have driftwood and pelts from different native animals as well as mounted native fish and it looks like a museum inside. I have arrowheads and other things I’ve found from old native tribes in our area and I love the feel and vibe of the home.
I also like to make wine and so a good portion of my house is also dedicated to wine and other spirits.
My mother however doesn’t like that my house is basically all brown on the inside with very little ‘color’.
She is an artist and so doesn’t like how it’s so ‘bland’. While they were helping me set everything up she kept moving things around that I would set up and say it looks better this way.
But to me, it didn’t. After the first few times, I was getting annoyed cause she kept doing it even though I’d say I liked it the way it was.
Finally came for the centerpiece of my house to go in and she refused to help me put it up cause to her it ‘didn’t look right’.
I finally snapped and said, ‘Mom this is my house, not yours, it doesn’t matter if you like it or not.
What matters is that I like it as it’s my house, not yours’. When I said that she started crying and left my house with my dad. She called me saying that she was only trying to help and give me a woman’s perspective as she didn’t feel a woman would be comfortable there.
She said I was acting like a jerk while she was only trying to help. I said I appreciate her efforts but I want my house to be comfortable for me not to accommodate others.
At that, she hung up and said she wouldn’t help me with my house until I see a reason. It’s been a few days since we spoke and I’m wondering if maybe she is right and I was a jerk when she was just trying to help.
So am I the jerk here?”
35. WIBTJ If I Want To Sell The Family House?
“I (43F) am a daughter of a narcissistic mother. Textbook narcissist. Thanks to therapy, I learned that I’m basically the scapegoat and my sister is the golden child.
She went to a private school while I studied in a horrible, public one. My mom paid for her college entirely, and she got her first job when she was 32 years old, while I started to work at 17, got loans to pay for my career, which I just finished paying after 14 years (yay me!).
My dad (the parent that actually loved me) passed away when I was a child and left us a house in the country. He left it to the three of us, not just my mom.
This was our vacation/getaway house but my sis decided to live in it, without paying rent, and also without asking me, just my mom. That means I have no freedom to use it anymore.
If I go, I have to ask for permission because I’m treated like a visitor. And now my mom wants to build a bigger house for my sister in that place.
I love that house because of the memories with my dad, the idea of losing this place really breaks my heart, but I’m sick of being their doormat. She could build something for my sister and me, but clearly, I fell through the cracks… again.
The laws in my country allow me to demand my part of the inheritance by demanding, through a judge, that the house should be sold. I could offer them to buy my share but I know they would try to bargain and it would be endless.
That’d be a point of no return, because I’m aware they love this house too, but after being humiliated by my mom my entire life, I’m getting these thoughts that if I can’t enjoy something my dad wanted me to, they shouldn’t either.
I feel like a bad person, but also I feel like I deserve some justice. Help. WIBTJ?”
34. AITJ For Selling All The Family Furniture?
“Mike (33M) and I (32F) have been together for 15 years, married for 8. We met through our mothers, who are both Scottish. We have always talked about wanting to raise kids in Scotland but really enjoyed life in the US.
When we moved in together 10 years ago, my family unloaded all their junk onto us. It was nice furniture, but bulky and large. We took it with a smile and used it until we got our feet under us.
Then we tried to give the stuff back, but my family told me to keep it. No one wanted anything back.
I put it into a storage unit, thinking I could give it to my sister or a younger cousin.
No one wanted the stuff back. I ended up being used as a dumping ground for a lot of old furniture. I had a huge storage unit we were keeping a boat in, but we sold the boat… and filled it with furniture.
I should have said no to the stuff, but I didn’t want to make people upset. We asked for about ten years if people wanted this stuff back.
So we assumed it was all junk.
Mike got a job back in Scotland. I want to start having kids. So I said let’s just sell everything and move. We sold our furniture and the furniture in the storage unit.
Mike has a friend Tom who does restoration and he paid us about 20K for everything. It was a lot of furniture.
I know it was probably a great deal for Tom because he looked shocked we agreed. I told him I wanted it gone, didn’t have time or mental energy to worry about it, and good luck to him.
Turns out the storage unit furniture was worth a lot more than 20K. There were a few really valuable pieces in there no one told me about. They just handed them off and said to have fun.
By the time we sold everything, with our cars, we had a good 45K and we left.
It wasn’t until my sister called that I realized people were angry. She said she went to the storage unit and it was not opening.
I told her we moved, so of course we didn’t have the stuff. She said she just wanted the old rocking chair in there. I said it wasn’t there, because we sold it.
She asked how much stuff we sold. I said all of it because we were not gonna take ugly old furniture with us to Scotland. I kept a few trunks but everything bulky was pretty much sold.
We even sold the furniture in our house, which we did like, so…
She said that all the furniture was an heirloom and I got ripped off. I told her she had 10 years to claim what she wanted and she never did, so I was not worried. AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Making My Ex's Family Turn On Her?
“My son is graduating in a few weeks. His mom, my ex, was supposed to fly in to be there at the ceremony. He hardly gets to see her since she moved across the state with her partner so he was looking forward to her being there.
I’m very proud of him and know how much of a big deal this is. Due to his learning disability, he struggled a lot in school so for him to be graduating with all As is a huge thing for him so of course he’d like her to be there.
My ex informed me that she won’t make it. When I asked her why she said because her partner is graduating from college with her BA that she went back to school for.
They’re just a day apart from each other so she wouldn’t be able to fly here and be present then go back home in time.
I cannot express how much this angered me, we had a full-on fight about it because I asked her why does she care more about her partner’s graduation than being present at our son’s when she knows how much he wants her there.
We talked again once things cooled down but nothing has changed. My son is still upset about it after their talk. His grandparents want to throw him a graduation party which my ex said she will attend but he told everyone he doesn’t want her there.
My ex-in-laws were calling me demanding to know why my son doesn’t want his mom there. They were mad acting like it was something I did or maybe said something bad about his mom in front of him.
After telling them the real reason they directed their anger at her for deciding to skip out on it. She’s been coming at me for being ‘spiteful’ telling them something that wasn’t their business to know about.
I could have only said there were personal reasons that they don’t need to know about and left it at that.
She’s calling me a jerk for making her family turn on her when she only wanted to support her partner overcoming something huge as well and she would have been at my son’s graduation party that following weekend.
And yes she’s right I could have not said anything at all but I didn’t like them acting as if it were my fault and not their daughter’s that my son no longer wanted her to come.
AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My In-Laws' House Anymore Because They Wouldn't Turn The AC On?
“I told my husband last week that I wasn’t going to his parents’ for the 4th because they refuse to turn on their A/C in the summer (or accommodate for the heat in any way really) and it’s an absolutely miserable time.
I told him he’s obviously free to go but I’m staying home. I don’t think he took me seriously because he just kinda laughed. He thinks his parents are ridiculous about it, too, but he’s been raised like that so he’s pretty much fine with it.
Well, it’s the fourth and I reminded him I’m not going and he’s somehow shocked to hear it. We live in a place where it is regularly over 100+ in the summer.
On multiple occasions in the past, I’ve politely asked if they might turn the A/C on for a few minutes, and each time they’ve responded that it’s not that bad and they’ll turn on a fan—on the lowest setting.
I get that they’re in their 70s and their blood circulation might not be great and it’s their home but being in a house where the thermostat reads 89-92 degrees on days like this is frankly wild.
Over the years when I’ve been there, I feel like I’m going to pass out, I just sit there and sip my quickly melting ice water and long to shuffle off this mortal coil.
I don’t understand how they think it’s okay to have people over and have this be the environment they’re subject to. For people who seem preoccupied with niceness, this seems rude.
Please note that on the occasions when they’re over at our place, they’ve complained about the setting of the A/C being at 78 (which I actually changed from 74 to accommodate them), they said it was a waste and called it freezing.
Housing is ridiculous in our area but they live in a ~2.5 million dollar home. They are doing JUST fine. They could turn it on if they wanted to. I’m not dealing with that mess anymore.
Anyway, no. I won’t be going. Told my husband to tell them I’m not feeling well and he acted like I told them to go screw themselves (it might have been implied).
But am I really the jerk? I’m removing myself from a situation that’s not for me. I’m not getting into arguments or demanding they do anything. I’m simply not engaging.
Edit: this story is VERY honest about my feelings of frustration, it’s the barest I can be about it, this is NOT the way I’ve spoken about it to them.
I’ve been polite and did not push. I internalized most of it until I was at my limit. I am also not the only one. My cousin-in-law once made a side joke about having something at her house instead so we all don’t fry.”
31. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Not Let Her Son Into My Room?
“I (M15) live with my parents, my older sister Sofia (F19), Sofia’s significant other, Adrian (M19), and their child Luke (M3).
Luke is a difficult child and is a menace sometimes.
Sofia and Adrian struggle to keep control of him. He is very hyper and destructive a lot. He always ignores being scolded and has no sense of danger.
We live in a 3-bedroom house.
My parents have their own room, I have my own room and Sofia, Adrian and Luke are in the biggest bedroom all together.
Sofia and Adrian think it’s unfair and think Luke should stay in my room because I don’t share my room with anyone.
I told them I don’t want to share my room with Luke and my parents think it was a silly idea anyway.
I have a little old TV in my room that can play DVDs which my uncle let me have as he was going to throw it away anyway.
I have lots of DVDs and I like to watch Disney movies on it.
Whenever I go to school Sofia puts Luke in my room and shuts the door to leave him to watch the TV.
When I come home, my room is full of the mess that Luke made. As I said, he’s a very destructive child. Sofia often lets him eat food on my bed and he leaves crumbs everywhere and smears food bits on the stuff that he has touched.
It is very annoying. I’ve asked Sofia to stop putting Luke in my room. She said I’m selfish for not wanting to share my TV. I said my room is not daycare.
I told my parents about this and they told me to share. They said Sofia is stressed and she deserves a break from Luke.
I’ve started locking my bedroom door when I leave for school and Sofia said I’m a bad uncle and said I only think about myself.
I feel guilty.”
30. AITJ For Talking About My Late Sister?
“My BIL and I became very close after my sister passed away suddenly in 2020 at 30. My husband and I took him in and cared for him as we all grieved together.
He has been with ‘Jen’ for 6 months now and they live together. I am happy that BIL seems to be happy and loves her. I want nothing but the best for him and I truly believe he deserves to find someone to love again.
The other night, we were all having dinner together and a song came on that my sister used to love. I commented on it and said exactly that which BIL agreed with.
Well, Jen said that she was sick of me always bringing BIL’s ex up and that I should put myself in her shoes. She asked how I would feel if my husband’s ex was always brought into the conversation.
She went on to state that it made her feel terrible and she allowed my BIL to visit my sister’s grave with me on my sister’s birthday and that we should be thankful but she was sick of hearing about his ex and if we could please refrain from talking about her when she’s around, that would be great.
It just rubbed me the wrong way and I snapped and called her an insecure jerk who was jealous of a dead woman. She yelled back that we need to leave my sister in the past and move on now because she was sick of her being mentioned and my BIL was with her now.
She said I should put myself in her shoes and understand where she is coming from. I told her she had no right to say that as her sister isn’t dead, mine is.
I also told her that my sister isn’t an ex, she’s his deceased wife.
My BIL told me to leave because she started crying. My husband and I left. I haven’t answered any of my BIL’s phone calls because he is now also sending texts saying that I need to understand where she is coming from and that if I want him in my life, I need to apologize, move on and stop mentioning my sister around them.
My husband agrees with me that I wasn’t in the wrong; however, when I told my MIL, she said that I really should put myself in her shoes and understand that we can’t always bring my sister up in conversation if my BIL wants his relationship to work.
I am still upset and am just wondering if I am the jerk. I do admit I frequently mention my sister but it’s not malicious. I just miss her. I also don’t want to lose my BIL as he, my husband and I have become very close.”
29. AITJ For Pointing Out What My Cousin's Baby's Initials Spell?
“So, I have a tradition of making tooth fairy pillows for my friends and family when someone is pregnant. I embroider a fancy crest on it with the child’s initials in the center.
One of my cousins announced she and her husband were pregnant (online) and of course, I was so excited for her. I messaged her and asked if she wanted me to make a pillow for her baby and she said yes.
I told her I could make it now or wait until the baby is born and make it then (I always give people the option to keep the name a surprise). She wanted me to make it now so that she could show it to her in-laws as the baby’s name was going to have significance to her husband’s family.
Well, this is where it gets awkward. She told me the name, and it’s a lovely name, however… The first name starts with an A. The middle name starts with an S.
And their last name is also an S. I asked her if she really wanted me to embroider that on a pillow. She video-called me at that moment laughing hysterically saying she didn’t even realize and that she was going to talk to her husband about it and to hold off.
I go about my business thinking ‘Phew, bullet dodged for that kid!’ And that she and her husband would get a good laugh out of their almost mistake. Nope. A couple hours later her husband called me and laid into me about how the name chosen was special and I was trying to turn it crass and making juvenile jokes out of something that was so meaningful to his family.
He said a lot, but that was the gist of it. He told me I was a jerk and that he didn’t want my ‘stupid pillow’ and told me to stay away from his family, as I clearly had no respect for them.
I honestly didn’t realize it would be that big of a problem. I just didn’t want to embroider profanity on a pillow (not for a baby anyway). His reaction has me wondering if maybe my mind is in the gutter and I’m the only one who has a problem with it.
So, AITJ?
INFO: I could just do one or the first and last initial, I have no issue. My cousin wanted all three because of the special meaning to her in-laws. Until I pointed out the spelling.”
NTJ, but he doesn't want a stupid pillow, though is marrying into YOUR family. Tell your cousin what he said and say goodbye. You sound like a kind and caring person who does not deserve something like this.
28. AITJ For Telling My Brother He Is Not Allowed To Bring New Girls Over?
“I (30f) have three brothers J (35), P (32), and R (24). Our parents passed away 6 years ago in a car crash. Before they died we would usually do Sunday dinner at their house.
Around a year after their death, I decided to take over this tradition and host family dinners. Mostly because I inherited their house.
Four years ago I and my partner welcomed our son into the world.
After that our family dinners would consist of: Me, my partner, our son, J, J’s husband, P, and R. Now here comes the problem; P does not like relationships very much.
Since he was a teen he’s had a revolving door of girls. This is not a problem, as long as he’s honest and treats them well I don’t really care if he settles down or not.
The problem is that he would bring these girls to family dinners. He would bring a girl two-three times and then break up. His relationships last roughly three months at most. Then it would be a couple of weeks of no date and then he would bring a new girl.
Until the latter part of 2019. He brought a girl over. They had been together for a month. She had baked cookies. Peanut butter cookies. My son is very allergic to this. P knows this.
The four of us (me, my son, P, and P’s date) were in the kitchen when I needed to leave the room to fix something. I asked P to watch my son and he said ok and then I reminded him to not let my son eat any cookies.
But apparently, P’s date thought we were silly for not allowing son cookies and fed him one. And then chaos. We had to go to the hospital and it was all a mess.
I was scared out of my mind. When we got home P was super apologetic but I was still furious and told him no new girls in my home and he accepted. He kept his promise and then 2020 happened so we obviously didn’t have any family dinners during that.
But as things calmed down we started having family dinners again. P hasn’t brought a date yet.
Now, things went down yesterday. My brother R is super shy and has never brought a girl home before.
But he has started seeing a girl now and they have been together for around four months. He asked if it was ok to bring her to dinner. I said of course.
Yesterday she was over. It went really well.
When the two of them left P confronted me. He said I had told him no new girls. I told him that HE couldn’t bring any new girls.
If he could stay in a relationship for more than six months she was welcome to join. But I don’t want any more strangers in my home and around my son.
I had let it get far enough when the last one came around and should have put my foot down earlier. P said I was discriminating against him and called me a jerk and left. My partner, J, and J’s husband are on my side but I’m wondering if I’m too harsh on my brother.
I just don’t want a bunch of girls HE barely knows around my son anymore. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Not Paying My Brother Back?
“I (23 trans-male) have a brother (21 male) we have been thick as thieves since we were babies and he has always supported me during my phases in life and transitions. My brother and I lost our father last September and I unfortunately could not go say goodbye.
My brother went for both of us and I handled the funeral and the arrangements, splitting the payment three ways with my brother, grandmother, and myself.
I have not seen my brother in nearly two years, and I miss him very much.
I have moved a lot in these past two years while he lives with our mother (38f) since my father got sick. My brother works as an assistant manager at a local gas station and makes really good income that he works diligently to save for, my mother, constantly steals it.
She has had issues with substances in the past and we have no idea what she spends it on, but my brother is a bit of a pushover and lets her ‘borrow’ as much as she needs.
He even helped her buy a new car that she has already ruined.
But now to the issue. My brother was supposed to come visit at the end of June through the 4th of July weekend to see me and his other friends, he lives out of state and I moved back to our hometown.
My mother agreed for 300$ she’d drive him and our half-sister the 8-9 hours here, drive us all around, and drive them back. My brother was a little firm with her demanding she respects my name and pronouns the entire trip.
They never showed up. Every day my brother woke her up to leave it was some excuse until July 2nd when he finally snapped and said he didn’t want to go anymore.
He was tired of giving her money and her never following through. He asked for his money back only to find out she spent it. All 300$ in three days.
Now it’s August and my mother keeps calling me to vent/complain about her crappy partner and is angry when I don’t answer her calls.
She asked me yesterday why I don’t answer and I told her it was because of the trip. She said ‘That was almost a month ago. Why can’t you forgive me?’
I said ‘Because you never apologized. You never paid brother back. Why would I forgive you while you milk one of your sons for every dollar he has and never give him the change?’
She called me heartless and said she should have dropped me on my head more because ‘maybe you would have been normal’ and hung up.
My brother and half-siblings say I should forgive her but I can’t make myself even think about doing so.
AITJ for not forgiving her?
EDIT: My mom had me at 16. My dad was 17 turning 18.”
26. AITJ For Telling My Half-Sisters Their Mom Is Not More Important To Me Than My Own Mom?
“I (28f) had a party to celebrate my husband’s (28m) birthday two weeks ago.
My half-sisters (18f and 19f) were invited, as was my mom. During the party, my half-sisters went on a rant at my mom for being a terrible friend and person to their mom, who died several years ago.
Their mom was the affair partner of our father. She was also supposed to be my mom’s best friend. My mom hated her and my dad for what they did and refused to have anything to do with them or my half-sisters.
She always told me I did not have to hate them for her, but that I had to understand she would never be their family.
My half-sisters’ mother got sick several years ago.
She tried to make up with my mom but my mom would not go and see her and apparently, she died torn up about it, and many of her family believe she died faster because she wanted to see mom again.
They had grown up together and known each other from the age of 2 and they believe she truly regretted hurting my mom. A lot of anger was aimed at my mom for this.
I always told my half-sisters not to drag me into that mess, and that I would not stand for them insulting her around me. They were good about that. Until the party.
I also found out they had sort of planned to gang up on her and make a public scene because they said they had been waiting to say that stuff to her.
I was furious. I told them to leave. They asked how I could make them leave over her. That she’s their mom. I told them I did not care about their mother and that their mother was not more important to me than my own.
I told them they were no longer welcome. They argued back but were escorted out. They tried to call me several times since. I have not answered. They have sent texts saying I’m a jerk and how could I abandon them like this and treat them so terribly?
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Bridal Shower?
“My friend is getting married and asked me to be the matron of honor. She has a maid of honor as well. A few weeks ago, she mentioned wanting a bridal shower.
I looked into options and found a good one – $500 for an afternoon tea-style shower that included the space, food/drinks, and desserts. The bride and maid of honor said they liked the idea, so I inquired about the venue.
The plan was for me and the maid of honor to split the cost.
Today I received a text from the maid of honor saying that she and the bride actually planned the shower between the two of them, and that bride has now decided she would like her shower to be at a different venue that she (the bride) has found and selected, and that she (bride) is requesting we pay for it.
The maid of honor then let me know that the venue is $800, not including food, drinks, decor, or anything else, and that we need to find and pay for those things too.
Being in the wedding industry, I know how much vendors cost, and $800 + hundred in other expenses is not financially feasible for me right now. I mentioned that traditionally showers are thrown by the mother of the bride, so maybe the bride’s mom can join the planning and contribute to the cost. The maid of honor then said that the bride does not want her mom to pay for it, as her mom is already paying for a lot of the wedding.
I replied to the maid of honor saying that although it was more than I had anticipated spending, I was happy to pay for a portion of the venue, but that I need to know her plans for food, drinks, and rentals since they had planned this without my input or opinion, and that I don’t think I will be able to contribute more than what the venue costs.
I’m assuming the maid of honor then told the bride what I said, because I received a text from the bride a few minutes later saying that I need to ‘stop the drama’, ‘stop being selfish and realize this wedding is about her and not me’, and my favorite part, that she ‘finds it unfair that after seeing the things I buy for myself on social media’, that it’s weird that I don’t want to spend money on her wedding.
That she ‘never asks anything of me’ so it’s ‘outrageous’ that I don’t want to do this for her.
To be clear, I don’t know what she’s talking about with social media.
I don’t post things I buy. I HAVE spent money on her wedding and agreed to spend even more. All I said was that I couldn’t go much further than the cost of the venue (that I had no part in selecting) and would like to know how much more I’m expected to invest in this.
I know when you agree to be a bridal party member, there are financial commitments, and I have happily paid for part of the bride’s bachelorette, an engagement gift, my bridesmaid gown, hair/makeup for the wedding day, and booked my travel for her out of town wedding.
That’s expected. But this bridal shower thing seems out of line to me.
The conversation ended with the bride telling me not to speak to her. Don’t know if she means for now or forever and that I should assume I’m kicked out.
Either way, super curious if I’m the jerk.”
24. AITJ For Going Off At My Dad And Stepmom?
“My mom died so now I am stuck at my dad’s and stepmom’s and half-siblings all the time.
My one request was that they not make me leave my hometown so that I can be by her grave. I had several relatives offer my dad to let me stay at theirs in my town, and then go to his town every other weekend like usual. That way, I could be close to Mom, and the commute to school would be shorter.
He said no and his wife (who has no parenting rights to me) decided she had a say and they both forced me to go live there forever.
I have been keeping myself busy with school, tennis, and friends to avoid being at my dad’s and to keep myself busy in order not to think about my mom all the time.
I have no desire or want to be around their ‘perfect family with no dead main characters’, nor do I want to be around people who didn’t love my mom or care that she is dead.
It was her birthday Sunday and I had plans to stay in bed, but my dad and stepmom decided to be disrespectful and try and celebrate her birthday with me and tried to go to her grave with me.
I was furious at them both and asked them what kind of sick joke they were trying to play on me. I told my dad to stop acting like he cared about my mom when he divorced her.
I asked my stepmom what rights she thinks she has to my mom and asked if she wants to go pee on my mom’s grave to show that she’s a winner or something.
My dad yelled at me because my stepmom cried, so I wanted to know if I was actually a jerk or if it was my dad putting me last again.”
23. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep On The Floor?
“My husband (33) has a friend, ‘Carl’ (33), who he considers to be one of his closest friends. They do everything together, they’re even co-workers working the same job.
Unfortunately, Carlos’s wife passed away from cancer 3 months ago which caused him to distance himself.
My husband felt devastated for him, he recently started spending more time with him and brought him meals and new clothes.
We planned a 3-day vacation to another state. I made a hotel reservation for 2.
Unbeknownst to me, my husband had invited Carl to come with us, this made me upset because it spoiled the entire vacation (not trying to be dramatic) I only found out when he went to pick him up.
I sucked it up after my husband explained that Carl is a recent widower who’s been wallowing in grief for so long and needed this vacation. The problem is finances are tight and since Carl hasn’t worked ever since his wife passed he couldn’t pay for his own room and we didn’t have the budget for it.
My husband said we should just share one room and I again sucked it up since he said we’d be out all day on the beach anyway. The first night, I was in bed when my husband and Carl got back, I got woken up by my husband telling me to get out of bed and sleep on the mattress he put for me on the floor and he and Carl would take the bed. I asked if he was serious and he asked what else is he supposed to do, he said Carl was a guest we can’t let him sleep on the floor, and at the same time I can’t share a bed with Carl while he (my husband) sleep on the floor.
I told him I didn’t sign up for this but he told me to suck it up and tried to pull the ‘Carl is a widower’ card. I told Carl to get out then got up and got dressed to go home.
My husband started yelling at me calling me irrational but I wasn’t having it. I left the hotel and traveled back home. Carl didn’t say anything when he saw me leave except that I was making this non-issue an issue.
They got back and my husband refused to even talk about it but still said I ruined this for Carl and us and acted abhorrently and disgustingly. I admit Carl is struggling and I might’ve ruined this for him but I didn’t even know he was coming.”
22. AITJ For Not Saying I'm A Software Engineer?
“My friend ‘Grace’ invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her, her partner, and one of their friends, ‘Nick’.
We went to get drinks in pairs.
Grace was going with her partner, meanwhile, Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa. So Nick and I had plenty of time to talk just the two of us.
Nick started the night by telling about his recent career change, he decided to quit his previous job, and go to a coding boot camp and he got a job as a developer one or two months ago.
He was very proud of himself and his new salary and told me this multiple times.
He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying ‘Sorry, you don’t understand that, haha’.
During the entire evening, I never told him I have been working as a software engineer for the past 4 years, because he never asked and honestly, I found it a bit entertaining.
When it came to the drinks, he invited me to every single one. ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem with my developer salary.’ I told him multiple times he doesn’t have to pay for me, but he insisted.
At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, he took out his phone to send me a friend request on social media. My job is listed in my profile, so that was when he realized that I’m a software engineer.
He asked me if it’s true that I’m a software engineer and I answered yes. He asked me why I haven’t told him, why I let him believe I was a cashier like Grace used to be (??
I never implied that), and why did I let him pay for everything when I probably earn more than him.
I told him that he never once asked and it was his fault he assumed. He could have simply asked me about my job, but he only wanted to brag about his.
But if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks.
He was angry and said I made a fool out of him. I think he did that, not me.
But now Grace and her partner are on his side too, saying that it would’ve cost me nothing to tell him early in the evening and I only kept it to myself for my own entertainment.
Well, I did find it entertaining, but I don’t really feel like I did anything wrong. AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Act Like A Stepmom To My Husband's Daughter?
“I (33F) have been with my husband Joe (42M) for 2 years, married for 3 months. Joe has a daughter Eve with his ex Kim.
I didn’t fully move in until a few weeks before we married so Kim left me alone but now I’m getting an increasing number of calls about Eve.
Kim is difficult.
She is weirdly controlling, demanding, overbearing & seems to feel she has authority over me. She is the primary parent because her location is way more convenient for Eve but Eve is choosing to spend more & more time at her father’s.
Kim will call to tell me she should be having spinach in her eggs in the morning or that I need to enforce her bedtime or not let her bike the ½ mile to the store or whatever.
Eve is 17. She’s incredibly academically successful, an avid performer, a shelter volunteer, and a dedicated dog owner. She’s maintained the same close friend group since 1st grade. She’s been in a relationship since she was 15 & their relationship is adorable.
She wakes up & exercises every day on her own. I mean all this to say that she doesn’t need me breathing down her neck. Eve blows me away with how responsible & awesome she is.
Don’t misunderstand – I have a great relationship with her but I’m not going to step into this girl’s life at this age & try to parent her, especially not in the way her mom wants.
I’m not saying I would or do let her do anything she wants but I’m not about to tell her what to eat or when to go to bed. That’s between her & her dad.
And Joe doesn’t think it’s necessary either. But his & Eve’s approach to dealing with Kim’s demands is simply to agree to her face and then disregard and do as they wish.
I realize that it’s easier but I’m not going to play these games.
So when Kim called me yet again to tell me that she didn’t want Eve to go to her friend’s party today because it might be dangerous (a pool party.
In her friend’s backyard…) & I wasn’t allowed to drive her there, I told her that she was delusional. Eve was going, she’s not a baby & there was nothing dangerous about it.
She started yelling about how I am a ‘stepmom’ now, not a friend & I needed to start acting like it. I told her that I was never going to be a stepmom, I’m just her dad’s wife & that’s the relationship that’s working for all of us.
I told her to stop calling me & to see a therapist. I stopped short of telling her that she was trashing her relationship with Eve by being so overbearing because it wasn’t my place but a part of me still thinks I should’ve said it because she needs to hear it.
Kim showed up to yell at all of us in person & now Joe is super annoyed with me. He says he knows it’s not ideal but their system of just keeping Kim out of the loop has worked for them & it wasn’t cool for me to take it upon myself to shake everything up.
Eve agrees with her dad & I feel bad that they’re both upset with me. I understand this has been a dynamic that worked for them for a long time. But at the same time, it feels like an unhealthy way to handle this & I don’t want to play along.
Edit: I did not give her permission to go to the party myself; that was given by her father.”
20. AITJ For Joining The Rival Softball Team?
“I have played softball for a couple years now and I was a great asset to my team and even made captain last year.
However, after we won the championship our team went on as the best team around.
(This was last year, by the way). Now, this year we came back to defend our title and I was aiming for captain again, however when I got to the tryouts I was told that I was not allowed to try for this team again as I had suffered from an injury last year during the championship which resulted in me spraining my ankle and not being able to play for the rest of the game.
My coach told me that ‘we can’t risk an injury like that again, we almost lost because of that, sorry’.
Now, I was angry at first and shouted at my coach, I mean who wouldn’t?
But I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I was talking to my significant other about how mad I was and how I now have to find a whole new team to play.
My SO is in the rival team to mine, we met last year during the championship and have been together for 7 months now. She offered me a place on the team and of course, I wasn’t going to say no. So I tried out and got on the team.
And it was just my luck that our first game was against my old team. Now they were all shocked at first but moved on.
Long story short, we ended up winning and my old team was so mad.
My best friend and I ended up in a big fight where not-so-nice things were said. She even told me that I betrayed our friendship.
Now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Like maybe she was right and that I was being petty after being kicked off the team. So AITJ for joining the rival team? Please help me out.”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting Any More Uninvited Guests?
“A few weeks ago, I created a social media event invite to invite a few friends and their significant others to my apartment to have a small gathering before Christmas.
I should mention I have a one bedroom. I invited my two female friends (Amanda and Christy) and their SOs (Josh and Kyle), as well as my SO (totaling 6 including me.) I wanted to make Christmas cookies, a charcuterie board, and do a small gift exchange.
A few days before my party, my friend Amanda told her two friends about my party and they said they wanted to come. I told her okay, that’s fine. (Even though I didn’t know them too well and was a little wary about 8 people in a small space and had to buy more food.) The night before the party, Amanda’s husband, Josh, announces to his three guy friends that I am having a party and now they want to join.
I am not close with these three guy friends, and a small couples event has turned into an 11 people party which I just don’t have the space for. One of the guys who is coming has been particularly disrespectful to Josh’s wife Amanda in the past and I didn’t like that.
I told them no, I don’t have the space or extra money to accommodate 3 more people.
Josh kept pushing it, and I told him no. He asks why can’t we just have a party at his house (his house is particularly dirty and usually they go into his computer room and play video games all night.) He announces he’s not coming, that his friends basically hate me now, and it’s ‘messed up of me to do this.’
I have been apologizing and even tried to change my plan so we could all just go out to a bar so everyone could go and be included. Josh told me ‘Good, because you’ll have to apologize to my friends when we’re out since they’ll be there.’ He ruined the night, he refused to talk to me.
He sat in a corner and played Pokémon Go all night.
Since this happened, my friendship of five years with Amanda has been ruined. She insists we are okay, but Josh continues to talk badly about me.
I have been avoiding them. AITJ in this situation?”
18. AITJ For "Stealing" My Sister's Best Friend?
“My sister (26f) and I (25M) aren’t talking right now because she claims that her best friend Hailey (25f) was stolen by me like she was her property or something.
They were close friends since their last year of high school, then Hailey and I had the same college classes together. So that’s how we became friends too.
For me, I fell in love with her by the end of our first semester because we got to know each other so much and spent tons of time working on projects or assignments together.
But I never said anything because we had a good friendship so I didn’t want to weird her out or make it seem like she can’t be friends with a guy because he’ll end up wanting more from her.
Hailey was still hanging out with my sister this whole time, but we were also spending time together. Then 2 years later she asks if I feel the same way she feels about me so we had to stop kidding ourselves and just went for it.
We decided to see where things go on the down low, not tell anyone until we know for a fact we’re serious.
We told everyone after 8 months. My sister wasn’t happy about it at all.
But then we got mad at her when she made a joke that it won’t last and she’ll have her friend back after. Well, a couple of months go by and we found out Hailey was pregnant!
It was a total shock to us because we were trying to be careful but crap happened anyways and we’re so happy to meet our baby boy.
My sister threw a huge fit.
And then she didn’t want to talk to either of us. So we didn’t for months and that was fine if that’s how she wanted it. My partner is over 7 months pregnant.
Last Saturday her sister threw her a baby shower and we all went. To our surprise, my sister showed up too. But all she kept talking about was her friendship being ruined thanks to me ‘not being able to keep it in my pants.’ Hailey tried talking to her a couple of times to tell her they can still be best friends and she doesn’t love her any less.
My parents told her she should leave, then I heard her tell them no because I ruined her friendship so it’s only fair she ruins our day. The fact that she was only there to try to mess things up is what got me mad.
I made her go outside with me and that’s where I told her off about being a brat, the whole world doesn’t revolve around her, and she got so mad she left.
Now my sis keeps saying I’m such an insensitive jerk for trying to minimize her feelings and she’s allowed to say what she wants. And okay yeah she can say whatever she liked but it was to intentionally ruin a day Hailey’s sister planned for us with other people who aren’t even involved in the drama.
I don’t know, my parents feel she was definitely crossing a line but I crossed one too telling her those things. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Not Letting A Child Have My Plushie?
“So I (21F) am traveling this summer and I’m wondering if I was in the wrong regarding an incident on the airplane.
I left on my trip earlier this week and packed two favorite childhood stuffed animals (please don’t judge, they make me happy and help with anxiety): a Webkinz sherbet bunny and a Ty beanie boo cat in my carry-on backpack.
Partway through the flight, I needed to grab something from my bag and put my sherbet bunny and some other things on the tray table because the thing I needed was at the bottom.
One of the little girls in the family next to me saw the bunny and started squealing over how cute she thought it was. To humor her, I made the bunny wave and say hello and thank the little girl for her compliment.
She then asked if she could have the bunny, and, to be honest, I didn’t feel comfortable giving up one of my favorite things to a random kid whose name I don’t even know.
I got it as a 6th or 7th birthday gift and because my parents were strict on being clean, the bunny is still in immaculate condition. This specific Webkinz is rare and was retired over a decade ago so I don’t know how easy it is to find a new one not to mention the sentimental value.
I said something like ‘No, sorry, I don’t feel comfortable giving this one up, she’s special to me’.
The little girl didn’t like that answer and started throwing a huge temper tantrum.
She was screaming about how much she wanted that bunny, and a lot of people nearby turned to give us dirty looks bc nobody wants to listen to a screaming kid on an airplane and she was yelling loudly.
The mom gave me a massive stink eye and yelled at me because apparently if I show a plushie to a kid, the kid is going to want it. I apologized and explained I was just trying to be nice and thank the little girl for her compliment about my bunny’s cuteness.
She then told me if I was actually wanting to be nice, I should just give the bunny to her daughter. The kid was still screaming and the mom was demanding that I should ‘just let my child have the stupid rabbit because I’m too old for plushies’.
I didn’t give up the bunny and stood my ground. Eventually, the child stopped screaming and fell asleep, but the mother was shooting dirty looks and giving me the middle finger all throughout the flight.
I ignored her and continued watching stuff on my iPad.
When we landed, the mother sarcastically apologized to one of our seat neighbors, and said ‘I’m sorry for the noise, but SOME PEOPLE (looks at me) are too selfish and put THEIR own needs above an innocent child’s!’ I told some of my family about what happened and they’re split.
Some said I shouldn’t give something up just bc a child wants it and others said I could have just given it up to keep the kid from screaming and bought a new plushie if it means that much.
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Not Agreeing That My Partner's Accident Was Partially My Fault?
“I (24F) have been in a relationship with my partner (25M) for almost 3 years now.
We work at the same place and he lives in an apartment near our place of work while I live almost 12 miles away. We were hanging out at his place and I was about to leave and was about to uber home.
He was going back to the office to pick up his friend who was coming to his place as well. He wanted me to go with him back to the workplace and then get an Uber from there.
I thought the idea was stupid as that would waste my time more and I’d have to wait on the street in front of our office for the Uber, but here I could stay in the apartment till the Uber got here.
He didn’t say anything but I could feel that he was not happy with that. I didn’t talk about it either but I didn’t feel good ending the day on a sour note and was sad.
He got on his motorcycle and left and then I got into the Uber and left as well.
Two minutes on the road, I saw him riding back and I didn’t think much of it at the time.
I just assumed that his friend had gotten another ride to go home and therefore he was just on his way back home again. He called me about 20 min later saying that he had actually been in an accident and I saw that and I didn’t return.
I did not see this happening, all I saw was him going back. Anyway, I turned the Uber back to the hospital where he was getting medical attention for his leg. I stayed with him in the hospital that night and left with him the next day when he got discharged as well.
Let me tell you what kind of an accident it was here: He was angry at our earlier Uber discussion and rode the motorcycle very fast and hit a dog and fell down and hurt his leg and the dog.
Now he is telling me that the accident was partially my fault. I told him, a person’s reaction is their own responsibility. He disagrees saying that his anger was ‘ignited’ by me and expects me to be guilty and also to apologize.
I don’t agree with this at all.
AITJ for not feeling guilty about this?
Edit:
- I wanted to clarify that I was not about to stay in the apartment alone waiting for the Uber.
He was not in a hurry to leave, he was going to leave for the office when I decided to leave.
- In the past 3 years, this has not been a common occurrence regarding everything.
He does have a problem with anger and this is the second time he has reacted this way. Once was in the first year of our relationship when he broke his phone during an argument and blamed me for making him throw the phone.”
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hang Out With A Kid?
“I (16f) don’t drive yet and because my mom’s out of town for a week and I have school/extracurriculars I’m staying with my grandparents for a week.
A week or two ago my grandma said that some new neighbors moved in. They had a daughter and my grandma told her about me and she was excited to meet me.
My grandma said I’d really like her she’s a nice girl.
I assumed she was talking about someone roughly my age, like 14-17, and went to a different school or AT LEAST middle school age.
Yesterday after dinner the neighbors were outside so my grandma talked me into going over there with her to say hi. Their daughter ‘Sasha’ is like 5 or 6. Way too young for me to be friends with, it’d be more like babysitting and I don’t do that either.
I work in the summer just so I can make money without having to babysit.
This morning my grandma said, ‘Maybe after school you can go play with Sasha’. I said, ‘Uh no I don’t think so’.
She said ‘Why not? It might be fun and you could make a new friend’. I said ‘She’s like 5, I’m 16. I don’t want to be friends with 5-year-olds. Besides, I’ll probably have homework’.
She said ‘Oh come on Sasha is a nice little girl. She’s just looking for someone to play with.’ I said ‘Well there are other kids around here she should play with them.
I’m too old’. My grandma said ‘Too old? Just because you’re in high school doesn’t mean you’re too old to play with a little girl. Don’t be mean.’
My thing is after going to school all day, and doing my homework the last thing I want to spend my free time doing is playing dollies with some kid.
I don’t really tell people but I don’t like little kids, I think they’re annoying and boring. Whenever I tell people they say ‘It wasn’t that long ago you were a little kid’ so telling my grandma would be pointless.
If my grandma had said ‘Sasha’s parents need a babysitter for the night and they’ll pay you’ I’d probably suck it up and do it. I feel like they just want a playmate for her though or for me to keep her occupied for free.
AITJ for refusing to play/hang out with Sasha?”
14. AITJ For Not Allowing My Fiancé's Niece To Try My Engagement Ring On?
“I (f36) recently got engaged to my fiancé (m34). He’s in the military and has an extended family.
He’s close to his sister and 21-year-old niece (his BIL is deceased).
When I met his niece, she seemed sweet but kept making passive-aggressive comments about me, like how I look older than my fiancé, how we’re incompatible just due to our star signs, or whatever.
And when we announced my engagement she told my fiancé he is moving too fast (we had been together for almost 3 years, a long-distance relationship).
Yesterday I visited my future inlaws and his sister and niece were there.
His niece saw my ring and commented on it saying ‘I bet this is the fanciest one you’ve ever got! Just like my uncle!’ I felt offended and thought that was rude but I ignored her because of how MIL was looking at me.
But she (his niece) asked if she could try the ring on, I was taken aback I said no, and she asked again but I still said no. Next thing I knew she got up from her seat and stood in front of me extending her arm expecting me to take the ring off and give it to her.
I was like WHAT?! I said ‘Please go back to your seat, I already said no’. SIL said it was fine but I said I just didn’t feel comfortable. SIL then looked at me quizzically and was like ‘Are you serious?
That’s his niece, just let her try it on!’ I said I’m sorry but no.
Niece threw a fit and went upstairs, her mom said I had no reason to act like this and said she didn’t get what my problem is.
I took my purse about to leave after she kept berating me for not letting her daughter try the ring. MIL asked me to stay but I insisted on leaving. SIL tried calling me and because I needed time to answer she sent a text saying my behavior was alarming and that she will bring this incident up to her brother when he gets back because she sensed that I’m trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and my fiancé for whatever reason.
We haven’t talked after that and I really don’t know what to think of this. I don’t know if I acted poorly but I’ll leave this to you maybe I’m missing something.
AITJ?
Background for some clarification: My fiancé has 2 sisters and he’s close to this particular sister and her daughter. Her daughter hangs out a lot with him and sometimes refers to him as ‘Kev’.
I found that a bit weird but since he’s the youngest uncle (he has 2 older brothers too) then I thought no problem. She follows all his social media accounts and even knows some of his friends, also she drives his car whenever he visits and uses his workout equipment as well.
I talked to him about some boundaries but his sister gave me no chance and accused me of putting space between the family and him so I kept my mouth shut.”
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent After My Car Got Towed?
“I (F20) live in an apartment with 3 other roommates.
We’re only provided a 2-car garage for the whole unit, but that’s not an issue because there are only 2 cars.
Occasionally we would have guests over before the second car was bought and anyone over was welcome to park in the garage, no one cared because better used than not.
From the beginning, I’ve been charged $50 extra a month to park in the garage; apartment policy, they use it to clean the flooring if requested (no additional cost); this is $50 per unit, not per person.
When the other person moved a car in, I didn’t think to bring up this cost because I am financially stable enough to handle it and it secures me a spot in the garage.
Last night I came home to find another car in my spot, I was told they had guests over while I was out for the week but was told they would park in the street or be gone before I came back.
I came back relatively late and felt rude to bother them about moving their car, so I asked if I parked on the street if any of them would be able to give me a ride back (about a mile uphill at midnight with no lights).
They said no.
For safety, I parked in front of the garage and let them know that if I was towed, I wanted help paying it off; they said they’d pay it in full.
I’m 5’ tall, no pepper spray, and about 100 lbs so I could in no way fight someone off.
I woke up to my car towed and let the roommates know, when I called the company they told me the bill would come out to about $500.
In total, it would cost me about $700 given the hourly rate and time it would take to get there. They said no and lied that I never even asked (I have text messages).
I said whatever and paid for my car since I had the money on hand.
Payment for rent is coming around at the mid-month mark and I have no intention of paying rent.
My rent in total is also about $700, I have the money on hand but still. I talked to my landlord and he said so long as it’s covered by anyone, it is alright; we’re a unit and not individuals, and if one person doesn’t pay everyone is in trouble.
I sent that to the chat and gave them a week.
They tried to bargain with half, but I mentioned I have paid $500 in total while living here for the garage in the fees and said I would pay $200 if they did the rest and they said no. I also pointed out that the other person doesn’t pay to use the garage and also could have moved, but they said they pay rent in general so that’s enough.
I feel bad, but financially I would be on a tight budget (no gas, no food, no tuition payment kind). AITJ for refusing?”
12. AITJ For Proposing To My Partner With A Custom Ring?
“I’m a 29-year-old guy and have been with my partner who is 28 for 4 years. We’ve discussed marriage in the past and it’s something we were both interested in so we knew it was in the cards in the future for us.
While at her grandparents’ for a family Christmas dinner a while back I saw some old pictures; among them was her grandmother when she was younger with a beautiful ring.
I learned it was a family ring that a relative had sold to buy illegal stuff and they were never able to get it back.
My partner commented how she’d looked forward to inheriting the ring when she was older and the family lamented the loss. In private I actually asked her grandmother if I could borrow one of the pictures as it gave me an idea.
I got a custom engagement ring made as close to the picture as possible, there are small differences but beyond that, it’s very close. It was a little more expensive than I’d been originally planning to spend but I thought it a nice gesture and the perfect ring all in all.
When I proposed with it my partner was shocked thinking I’d tracked down a ring that looked similar and happy until I explained that no, I’d had it made, then she got upset with me.
She was of the opinion if I was going to get a custom ring made I should have had her help design it so it was to her exact taste. I pointed out that she’d said she’d wanted to inherit this ring and I thought it was a good gesture and a way of bringing the ring back into her family, she disagreed stating it’s not the same ring so it doesn’t hold the same sentiment and I should return it to get a new custom ring.
Obviously, I can’t do that, it’s a custom ring which means there are no refunds, which made her upset. I wanted to surprise her with a gesture that I thought would mean a lot but it backfired. I’m a bit upset that she was happy with the ring until she learned it was a custom ring.
We’re not yet engaged as the proposal kind of backfired as you can all see. AITJ for doing this?”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Everything For My Partner?
“So my partner and I had a fight yesterday. So bad that she was screaming at me and refused to talk with me the next morning.
She always asks me to buy stuff, like dresses, clothes, things she wants like food, restaurants, takeaway, trips to places, expensive activities, or things she needs like a printer, room decorations, etc.
For context, we are pretty broke because we are both students, not working due to health issues, etc.
I personally feel like I am generous with my money. I receive student loans and occasional help from my family if I really need it.
And she receives a scholarship. Each month I receive 1200-1300 dollars, and my partner receives around 1100 dollars. I do all the grocery shopping, handle the finances, and pay for most of the groceries, and every month I go way over what we can afford in food because the money we receive is not sustainable to be able to survive.
So every month I’m in minus.
For comparison, in April I spent a total of 1000 dollars in groceries, and my partner spent 200 dollars (she claims she pays half). That same month, she wanted me to pay for going to restaurants (which I did), pay for a printer (which I did), and pay for things for her office (which I did).
Recently I have had a very low amount in my account, around 10 dollars for two weeks. When we have gone to the store together, she gets upset when I make her buy her own soda, and then calls me cheap and says I’m not a gentleman.
I reply that I am broke and can’t afford it. A few days later, she asked me if I could pay for half of a dress she is ordering for 300 dollars, and I reply that I am not sure if I can afford it right now.
She also asked if I could pay half of her doctor’s bill for 100 dollars. I reply that we are gonna start working soon, and she won’t have to rely on me to pay it when the bill arrives.
She then calls me cheap again. Everything I spend, I already spend on her or us, not a single thing for myself.
The difference between her and me is that she is an immigrant in a vulnerable position, without any family help.
She wants to pay off debts from people who have helped and she wants to help her mom to move to another country. I offered myself up to help her pay once we start working.
I don’t mind spending on my partner, I just don’t like being called cheap every time I say no.
Edit: I don’t pop a champagne bottle every meal. I am not from the US and I live in one of the most expensive countries in the world.
The food is expensive but quite affordable if you are working as salaries are high. Student loans, however, haven’t been raised enough to be sustainable. I want to reduce spending on groceries and I think it is pretty realistic for us to reduce that spending by 700 dollars a month.
She is not very much a fan of the few cheap foods we have available (mainly bread). I used to spend 400 dollars a month when I was living alone. Prices have gone up a lot.”
10. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other He's Not Included In The Family Vacation?
“I (21F) have a significant other (23M), let’s call him Charlie.
Around a month ago my mom mentioned a family vacation while in a call with me. Charlie and I have been together for about 1 year. He has still not met my mom’s side of the family, only my dad’s.
My mom (42F) lives in my home country together with my stepdad (50M) and my stepbrother (24M) lives there too but not in our hometown. Because of this, he hasn’t had the chance to meet them yet.
Yesterday I mentioned it to my best friend (21F) who I have been friends with for 17 years now. I was on the phone with her. She is still in the city we grew up in and goes to university there, because of that she often sees my parents.
My mom invited her like any other vacation and this time she decided to come. The trip is fully paid for by my stepdad and my mom. My stepbrother will be bringing his fiancé (21F) too.
Charlie was in the room while I was on the call and asked me what he should pack. I looked at him confused and asked if he is going somewhere. He said that he needs to know what to pack for the trip.
I laughed and thought he was joking since I never said he was coming.
When I realized he was serious, I sat him down and told him that he isn’t gonna be able to come and there was no reservation for him plus it will be very inappropriate to invite him, knowing that this is a family trip and it will make a bad impression like he is trying to come just because it’s gonna be free.
They have never met him and there aren’t any rooms left, he doesn’t have a passport and other reasons that I tried explaining. He flipped out on me telling me that I’m a jerk and that I’m probably having an affair and that’s why he is not invited. I tried explaining but he left the apartment.
He hasn’t returned since yesterday and at 4 AM I have to leave for the airport. I’m worried sick. I called many times and texted but he isn’t responding.
So AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Copying Me?
“My sister has always copied the things that I loved. I couldn’t have a hobby that was mine because the moment she did it, it was automatically hers.
- Archery
- Choir
- Reading
- Drawing
- Writing
Anytime I bring up that I did it first or my own accomplishments in the same fields as ‘hers’ it is shut down and incomparable to her mediocre work.
Now she wants my job because it is ‘stress-free and easy’. It isn’t but my grandma is in full agreement and I hate the idea. She can find her own job instead of taking mine when I leave.
What makes me even madder is that she wants to do my wheel-throwing class.
I’m a senior bout to graduate and she is choosing classes for next year. Despite telling me all year she hates clay and heavy things, she chose my favorite class, wheel throwing.
Everyone thinks it’s cute and adorable she wants to follow in her sister’s footsteps but I think it is rude and annoying. She isn’t letting me have my own identity and instead making her own with my work.
So I snapped and said she needed to get her own life. That life is going to be stressful and that she is going to have to deal with it instead of taking everything from me like it’s a giveaway.
Saying she needs to find her own path and get off the one I cleared for myself.
She is really upset, saying she never copied me and that I was blowing it up outta proportion.
My family is on her side saying I’m overthinking it. But my friends see it as I should’ve said it nicer and that while she copied me, it wasn’t that big of a deal.
So AITJ for wanting her to do something else and let me have pottery?”
8. AITJ For Not Dressing Nicely For Our Date?
“I dress up for dates and outings all the time.
My partner and I probably go on more nice dates (where I dress nice) than most couples. She is not lacking opportunities to dress up and get romance.
About 2 or 3 times a month my partner and I will go out to a nice restaurant.
(for reference, $30-50 entrees and $15 drinks) My partner is more into the whole experience while I’m more interested in just trying interesting foods. I don’t really care for dressing up and the restaurants around us have pretty relaxed dress codes.
My partner is the type of person who will put on makeup and do her hair even if we’re not doing anything.
Recently, she flat-out refused to go with me cause I was going to show up in sandals, some comfy pants, a T-shirt, and a hat.
To clarify, the clothes weren’t raggedy or dirty. I was still clean cut – just not putting on slim pants, a collared shirt, hair product, cologne, etc. It’s not just the process of putting these things on, I also find them uncomfortable both physically and mentally.
The circumstances leading to this dinner were somewhat spontaneous – I randomly decided I wanted to try this place, called, and happened to score a reservation about 2 hours before. I just wanted to go try the food and not have it turn into a ‘date night’.
This kind of thing has happened before, but usually, I just give in and dress up. I feel like it should be ok to not be fancy once in a while. I ended up dressing up cause I didn’t feel like arguing.
My partner says I’m a jerk because I should care more about looking nice, especially when she puts in the effort. I say it shouldn’t ALWAYS be necessary and I’m not telling her how to dress.
I put in effort 90% of the time. She also says it’s rude to the restaurant to come in looking like that. I definitely stand out a bit from other patrons, but does the restaurant really care?
We order a lot and I tip well. Plus, it was my idea, I made the reservation, and I’m paying (which I almost always do). I will say, if I was going to this restaurant with my friends or myself (I do eat at nice places alone sometimes), I would probably be dressed even worse than what I tried this time.
AITJ?
Edit – to clarify, comfy pants don’t mean sweats or pajamas. In this case just visibly older and not a flattering fit. Other times it might be shorts. Or maybe joggers.
But I don’t like wearing my slim-fitting pants – especially if I’ve been exercising a lot and just want to be able to move freely (which is often).
I also wear a hat because my hair gets in my eyes if there’s no product.
I don’t like how the product feels and I already have to wear it 5 days a week for work. Neither my partner nor I like my hair shorter. And my partner hated it when I grew it out enough to tie.
7. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Putting Our Dog Down Without Informing Me?
“We had two dogs, Kona and Argo. Kona was rescued from an abusive situation. He’s always been anxious, and afraid of men, but hasn’t bitten anyone, just growls and hides until we introduce him and then they’re best friends.
Kona was 6/7.
I found Argo under a dumpster 2 1/2 years ago on New Year’s Eve at 3 weeks old. I brought him home and hand raised him, bottle fed him, the whole nine yards.
Kona and Argo started fighting a couple of months ago. Little spats. I suggested talking to a dog trainer, which I’d help pay for and having a friend who is qualified that offered to help at a steep discount.
Also for reference, I haven’t lived with my mom in three years, however, she kept both dogs of her own decision.
On the 8th she messaged me that she was going to have Kona put down.
I asked if she was willing to give him up for adoption, and she shot it down. I asked for some time to process.
The morning of the 9th, I messaged asking if she was willing to wait until next weekend as that’s when I was next going out to visit so I could say goodbye.
She saw the message and ignored it.
She eventually messaged me at noon to inform me he had already been put to sleep.
I told her I need her to not contact me for a while, as I was hurt that she didn’t even let me Facetime to say goodbye to him.
She is now acting like it’s unreasonable for me to need space as this is ‘hard for her too’.
While I’m upset that she wasn’t open to ANY other option, my need for space is entirely because she didn’t give me the chance to say goodbye.
AITJ for telling her that I need space?
Edit to add: Legally, they’re both her dogs, however, everyone considers them family dogs. I am unable to have a dog where I live, and I’m unable to move at this time.
I spent the night looking for someone to take him, and didn’t know when he was being put down.”
6. AITJ For Not Telling The Guy I'm Seeing That I Am Living With My Ex?
“I (f30) have recently started seeing someone again. My husband (m30) and I have been separated for over a year.
I met someone we will call Nate (m45) who I really connected with. We went out a few times and began talking every day and gaming together in our free time. Nate knew I was married and separated.
Nate asked about coming to my place this weekend and I told him I wasn’t ready for that. I told him I wanted to be in a more stable relationship before anyone met my kids and that my kids live with me.
He asked about when they were with their dad and I told him I still live with my ex. He freaked out and said that I had lied to him (I hadn’t, we never discussed my living situation) and he feels like my ex and I are still together (also not true though I can understand the questionable nature).
The thing is, my ex and I live together because neither can afford to live alone (my only other option is to move in with my sister but my kids would have to share a room and switch schools and I would have to try to sell my car to buy a different car with a lower payment in order to afford the bills).
My ex would probably have to move in with his sister. And we would have to sell the house. I tried to explain all of that and that the house has 4 bedrooms so I have my own space and that my ex and I work opposite shifts (I work mid-shift, my ex works overnights) so we barely see each other.
Nate says I am a jerk for not disclosing this ‘upfront’ and he has asked for space (which I am giving) but my friends are torn. So I come here to ask AITJ for waiting for the subject to come up to disclose my living situation?
Edit: I want to make it clear that Nate and I were not in a relationship and both still were open to knowing other people. We were getting to know each other and I thought we might have been heading into a relationship but we had never had a discussion about it.
We have not been together physically. Had any of that come up I would have disclosed my home situation in advance.”
5. AITJ For Not Perfecting My Partner's Drinking Water Temperature?
“I (35M) like to drink cold or chilled water and my partner (33F) likes room temperature preboiled water.
To accommodate both our needs, we have a kettle for boiling water, after which it is transferred to 2 water jugs, which are either left at room temperature or used to refill the dispenser in the fridge.
Onto the situation, 3 months ago I emptied both room temperature jugs into the fridge and boiled more water at night before bed. My partner came down and was furious she had no room temperature water to drink and we came to an agreement – don’t fill up both jugs into the dispenser and leave her one.
Fast forward to today, there was going to be some burst water main repairs outside by the utility company so in the morning before my partner woke up, I decided to make sure we had enough water to drink.
I filled the dispenser with 1 jug, then halved the room temperature water in the other jug into both.
(We had previously shattered a jug on a cold day when we poured boiling water in, so I thought I’d temper this by making sure the boiling water would enter lukewarm water reducing chances of shattering the jugs.)
I went back to work and thought nothing of it. My partner wakes up and goes down and she is furious. She doesn’t have any room-temperature water. I try to placate her by mixing the lukewarm water with water from the dispenser to make ‘room temperature’ water but it’s futile.
She won’t relent. She tips the entire bottle of water I mixed out into the sink and tries herself and can’t get the temperature right either. She is absolutely raging at me at this point for not listening to her or caring about her needs.
She storms out of the house in a huff.
So AITJ here or is perhaps this being blown out of proportion and mixing water to a specific temperature is not as big of a deal?
More INFO:
Who boiled the kettle and filled the jugs the previous night? I did.
Why did you touch all the water? Firstly, we don’t have one jug for her and one for me, we have 2 jugs for the household (me and her).
I forgot about the water mains being repaired until early this morning when the trucks showed up and they started working. I rushed down and made sure there was enough water for both of us.
Not just me. On top of filling all the jugs and the dispenser and boiling another kettle full of water, I also filled a few sinks so we’d have extra water to flush the toilet if need be.
I honestly thought the water would cool enough by the time she woke up since it was a cold day, but I guess I was wrong. I didn’t expect her to react the way she did.
Does she have OCD? No, she’s just pedantic about certain things and needs them to be a specific way. But I don’t think it’s any more demanding than any other person who is neat and tidy and has certain idiosyncrasies.
Why don’t you drink from the tap?/Are you Asian? Yes, we are an Asian couple. Drinking boiled water is cultural, and a preference. There is nothing particularly wrong with the tap water in our country (Australia), but it ‘tastes’ better to my partner after being boiled. Warm, but not boiling water tastes different than cooled to room temperature boiled water to her.
So it’s a preference? I preferred chilled water but I’d happily drink room-temperature water or even warm if there wasn’t any chilled water. I drink what we have, but preferred to have chilled. It doesn’t affect me in any big way.
This morning I just filled everything I could, including the dispenser.
Why don’t you use ice? I can definitely use ice but our fridge has a built-in dispenser (that we have to manually fill) so I do that from time to time with water from the jugs.
Normally I will only ever use one, and leave one for her. This morning in my haste I used both as I wanted to make sure everything was full – dispenser, both jugs, and kettle.
Why don’t you have more jugs? Trust me this is definitely our next step. As well as the Brita water filter, but worried she might not like the taste… plus she might insist we boil it first before it goes into the Brita.
Why did you pour half the water into an empty jug and fill both with boiling? We shattered a glass jug on a cold day previously pouring boiling water directly into it, because… science, I don’t know the physics here.
Anyways I was trying to avoid that and thought the boiling + room temperature water would cool sufficiently by the time she woke up. I calculated wrong.”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Off My Shoes?
“I have plantar fasciitis (inflammation of the plantar fascia, tissue in the foot used during walking and foot movement) and am in the middle of a rotten flare-up.
One of the most important aspects of handling it is making sure to keep your arches supported at all times. This means that I basically haven’t walked around barefoot for more than a minute here or there for the past like… 5 years.
I have a pair of OOFOS for inside only, they’ve never been beyond the front door to my house. Then I have extra supportive other shoes as well. Then I have a pair of travel shoes that I take with me if I’m ever visiting someone’s home.
Well, I guess that was a huge issue for my MIL because we visited their home for the first time since it started. I thought everything was going to go fine until I switched into my house shoes and she got on my case about ‘no shoes in the house.’ I explained like I did above, and she just said it’s the house rule and always has been.
I looked to my husband for support or guidance and he told his mom that it wasn’t a big deal, the shoes have never been outside, etc. Mom wouldn’t budge.
I really wasn’t looking to make my flare-up worse, especially when we had plans to go hiking with them. So I said that if I can’t wear them, I’m going to have to probably stay elsewhere or join them outside.
MIL said I was being melodramatic, and then said ‘I’ve had PF before and I didn’t need to wear shoes all the time.’ I told her that was great, but that it had nothing to do with me.
Well, she did eventually cave and she was pretty passive-aggressive about it all. She kept staring at my feet, staring at the carpet after I’d walked on it, etc. Then when I took out my tennis ball to do my foot exercises while we were just sitting around watching a movie together she kept huffing and rolling her eyes.
So in general I wouldn’t think I was the jerk, but my FIL took me aside on day 4 and asked me if I could just try to meet her halfway and maybe just wear them when I was walking around in the guest room.
He said that they had extended enough hospitality and I could at least try not to be a poor guest.
I just said no and told him to talk to my husband about it.
He said there was no need for that and just sighed and that was that.
I am kind of worried I was a nightmare guest. AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Not Making My Son Wear A Helmet While Skateboarding?
“My (42M) son (15M) is a good kid and loves to skateboard. He’s actually pretty talented and is even ‘sponsored’ by the local skate shop. He’s skated since he was 7. Until he was 13 or so I always made him wear a helmet.
He started resisting wearing a helmet around then, and while I would prefer that he wears a helmet, I know I can’t control every aspect of his life. By that point, his body had learned how to fall ‘correctly’ when he screws up a trick (I used to skate back in the day.
If you skateboard you know what I mean). So I made a compromise with him – if he’s just out street skating with his friends, he doesn’t need to wear a helmet, but if he’s at a park that requires it or is skating a bowl or half pipe, or if he’s otherwise attempting something dangerous for the first time, then he needs to wear one.
He readily agreed and has been good about wearing a helmet in those circumstances.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago my wife (41F) was running an errand the other day and saw our son skateboarding, doing tricks down a small 5-stair set, and he wasn’t wearing a helmet.
She flipped out, pulled over, yelled at him in front of his friends, and made him come home. Now… it’s not that my wife didn’t know about my helmet ‘rules’, but in her view what he was doing qualified as dangerous (he can ollie down stair sets almost 3x that size).
She’s never really loved that he’s been into skateboarding (she always wanted him to do team sports) and as such, I don’t think she fully appreciates how good he is for his age nor does she understand that he knows what his limits are and what he’s doing.
She is now insisting that he wear a helmet at all times much to my son’s chagrin.
I pointed out to her (privately) that this is ridiculous. He’s at an age where he can make this choice himself, and on top of that, our daughter (14F) who does cheer and gymnastics doesn’t have to wear a helmet despite head injuries being fairly common in those sports.
To make my point, I got one of those cheerleader helmets and declared that she now needs to wear a helmet too since her brother has to now. Our daughter is kind of a weirdo and to her credit thinks this is all pretty funny, and said something like ‘I will be known as the Helmet Queen’ and started wearing it at practice.
My wife is now freaking out because she doesn’t want our daughter to stick out at games or competitions and make people think that she has special needs (yes, seriously she said that).
My wife is saying I’m both undermining her and encouraging our son to do dangerous things and that our daughter is going to get bullied for wearing a helmet. So AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Telling My Son I'll Pay Him More If He Cancels His Plans To Babysit?
“I’m 41M, married to 39F. We have three kids together, 7M (he is autistic) and twin 2-year-old girls. I also have a son (17M) from my first marriage (his mother and I share custody).
My wife is currently in the hospital (nothing too serious) and I’m working 4 hours in the office and the rest from home. Last week my wife went to the hospital and my son was staying at my ex’s that week, so I got a nanny for the kids for the 4 hours a day I have to work in the office.
The nanny didn’t work out, she just came for one day. My 7-year-old son is very particular about his needs and wants and is a difficult kid to take care of. The twin toddlers are obviously a lot of work.
My 17-year-old son watches his younger siblings a lot when he is at our house, he likes it, and the kids adore him, and when he is watching them alone (so my wife and I can go out for a date night or something), I always pay him 50$ an hour (which is what a nanny gets for 3 kids like mine per hour).
I called my son last week, asking him to come to babysit the kids for the remaining 3 days of the week, then I’d get some leave and stay home myself. He told me he already had plans to go to the beach with his friends and take a road trip with them.
I told him if he can come for those 4 hours for 3 days, I’ll pay him 100$/hour instead of the usual 50, and if he can reschedule his plans for just a few days to next week, he’ll then have a lot more money to spend on his vacation.
He then agreed and was really happy about our deal.
His mother called me later furious, saying that I am parentifying our son, that I should let him have a life, and that it’s not his fault I had more kids I can’t manage.
AITJ for asking my son to babysit?”
1. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Dress More Appropriately?
“I am very proud of my daughter (23f). She is a smart and beautiful young lady who has worked hard her entire academic life to make me proud. She is now in another province doing her master’s and I am very proud of her.
But I am scared of how she dresses. She likes to dress like a ‘goth’ and her clothes are all black and she wears dark make-up and she wears chokers on her neck.
I told her to stop dressing like that but she is so stubborn. I have a lot of money to buy her nice clothes but she still will only wear black.
She will even pretend to dress nice around me, but I sometimes catch her around her friends dressed like that or I will find chokers hidden in her room and I confiscate from her whenever I find them.
But now she is in a new province and I can’t control what she wears anymore. And I am afraid she is lying to me about what she wears.
She tells me she will only dress like this to hang out with her friends and that she dresses professionally for work and school.
But that’s not enough. Clothes are a reflection of who you are and her clothes give the reflection that she is a bad person. And I don’t want her to be associated with bad people and I am afraid of her ability to find a nice man if she keeps dressing like this.
Every time I bring it up to her she gets mad at me and insists that it is who she is and she wants people to like her for who she is.
But I just think that as a grown woman with a career in the future, she should dress more professionally.
AITJ?”
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