People Have Put A Lot Of Thought Into Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
21. AITJ For Not Offering A Meal To My In-Laws During Their Extended Visit?
“So, my (31F) in-laws (they’re both 68) phoned me this morning to ask if I’d like to have a visit with them today.
My husband is away for 2 months for work, and my parents and sister live across the country, so my in-laws have been really trying to spend a lot of time with me, I think. I’ve noticed my MIL calls me to chat and invites me out or comes over much more than usual now.
A few times a month now. It’s appreciated.
So, I told them that I would like to see them, and invited them over for 3 pm. They like to see our dog and we have a nice patio for visiting on. They ended up staying until 8 pm.
I put out drinks a few times, and some crackers and cheese around 5. I didn’t have any supper prepared for a group (I just didn’t expect them to stay so long. I didn’t mind but I had no food ready, I’m in need of a grocery trip.
I really only had snacks and microwave dinners).
Around 6, my in-laws asked if I wanted to go to the local diner for supper. They do not pick up the tab and I just didn’t want to spend money on a meal so I politely declined and offered to put more chips out.
They seemed a bit irritated but stayed anyway. So, around 8 they go home.
My husband told me tonight on our nightly call that his parents were really harshly complaining about me to him on the phone that I hosted them and didn’t feed them, and that I wouldn’t go out for supper.
I didn’t think it was a big deal. My husband said “you probably should have just gone for supper if you didn’t have anything at home”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They really should have taken the hint and left when mealtime came and there was no dinner plan.
They have no right to ask to visit, stay for 5 hours, and then complain about you. That said, the most polite thing to do in that situation was to acquire food. Either put together a meal with whatever snacks and staples were on hand, order takeout, or go out to eat.” thatsointeresting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was kinda weird for them to stay SO long. When they mentioned the diner, you could have said “Oh, I’m not looking to spend much money right now, but you two are welcome to go without me. Unfortunately, I’m behind on grocery shopping and don’t have enough food here for the three of us (as I didn’t know you’d be staying until dinner time).
If you’d like, I could order a pizza that we could share.”” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Point out to your husband that your in-laws invited themselves over. For a visit. NOT for a meal. And a reasonable length for a visit is 2-3 hours.
NOT 5 hours. Tell him if they were inviting themselves for a meal, they had an obligation to say that — at which point you would have said that unfortunately, you weren’t able to host them for dinner right now, but that you and their son would be happy to have them for dinner once he gets back home.
And tell your husband because of the way his parents behaved toward you today, and the fact that he wasn’t willing to correct them on their bad behavior, you won’t be having them over for any more “visits” until he gets back home — and when they do come over next for dinner, he will be the one cooking dinner and hosting them.
Honestly, I think you should give him the link to this thread, so he can understand just how out-of-line his parents’ behavior was here.” cat-lover76
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Abusive Step Family To My Wedding?
“I (28F) and my husband whom I’ll call Connor (31M) recently had a wedding.
My stepmom Mary (43F) and my stepbrother Jaxon (28M) complained about not being invited.
For context, I lived with my mom for the first 11 years of my life. She died in an encounter with her ex who had a drinking problem, and I had to be moved to my dad’s house, who got engaged to Mary not too long before I was moved to his house.
She was not what I was expecting her to be, she was absolutely terrible. The only interactions I had with her were her saying something about my appearance and making up lies to my dad, or trying to publicly make me feel bad, whether it was embarrassment or making me blow up at her in public.
A few weeks after Connor and I made invitations for the wedding, my stepbrother contacted me. He never really talked to me unless it was about Mary, so I read the message. They apparently found out that Connor and I were having a wedding, Jaxon just asked why they weren’t invited, and I explained that Mary might cause problems since she liked doing this to embarrass me or tick me off in some way.
Of course, Jaxon understood, but Mary was angry, she spam-texted me and blew up at me. She was calling me horrible things and she was saying she would ruin my life, make me lose my job and stuff, which I’ve heard from her before. I just blocked her and continued planning with Connor.
Fast forward to the week before the wedding, I woke up late and woke up to rude and cruel messages from my dad and family-in-law, I didn’t know what all the messages were about, so I asked Jaxon about it. But he only told me to check Mary’s recent social media post. Apparently, she had put up a post saying that I destroyed her house and hurt her badly.
Even with picture proof. Which was honestly kind of dumb, considering I live with Connor.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take screenshots of her social media post and speak with a lawyer about both suing her for slander and an official cease and desist letter and pay to have her served at home or work and have it filmed. Then completely go NC with all those people who supported her and believed her nonsense.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“”She was calling me horrible things and she was saying she would ruin my life, make me lose my job and stuff, which I’ve heard from her before.” Please tell me you still have those? Also agreed with the top comment about suing for slander and defamation.
Consult a lawyer immediately. Take screenshots of her posts, the comments, and all the messages/calls you have gotten since her post. NTJ.” mocha_lattes_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) Make sure you have screenshots of the social media post and the messages where she threatened to ruin your life.
2) Unblock her. People like that can’t help but continue to engage. You don’t have to respond to her messages but you will have a record of her harassment and, fingers crossed, she might actually admit to falsely accusing you of destroying her house.
3) Get a lawyer. You need a cease and desist for the social media post, and a restraining order for the harassment. If she fails to comply then you can sue her. 4) Go low contact with your dad. If he isn’t stepping in now to stop his wife from hurting you in this manner then he never will.” ExercisePleasant5606
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding but this is a hill to die on. Stand strong.
19. AITJ For Banning My Mother From House-Sitting After She Ignored My Instructions?
“For a little background, I have pets, and when traveling (which happens frequently), I often hire a pet sitter to take care of them.
My mother has offered to stay at my place and look after the pets so that I can save some money. Honestly, my relationship with my mother isn’t the best, but every time I say I prefer the pet sitter, she is sad that I don’t trust her.
Eventually, I relented, and she stayed over for one week during the past Christmas while I traveled. Back then, she decided to prune a flowering tree in my garden, which was over 2 meters tall, because she said it was dead. It wasn’t. She basically cut half of it off, and many of its branches died, and now they are dead.
Before that, they were still flowering on top.
I told her off back then and explained that she should have asked before doing things in my garden and house in general. She seemed to understand, but I still hired the pet sitter in the meantime, as I didn’t want anything like this to happen again.
My mother was once again sad I didn’t ask her to stay over, so last week, when I traveled, I asked her to stay here and look after the pets. Before staying over, she asked if I wanted her to mow the lawn (which was overgrown, but I didn’t mind), to which I said no and that I would get to it once I came back and the weather was better.
Fast-forward to today, when I arrived. She did, in fact, mow the lawn and also threw away a series of branches/sticks I had collected over several weeks and organized by size in the garden for a project I was working on.
This is the second time she has decided to do whatever she wanted in my house without me asking for it.
Today, I told her off about it and said she will never again stay over at my place because she can’t be trusted.
She complained that she was just trying to help and told me she would never again do anything to help me. When I asked her why she didn’t listen to me when I said no to the lawn or asked about the branches, she told me I never said anything about the lawn (which I did numerous times) and that she thought the branches were to be thrown away.
I basically told her to leave the house and that she couldn’t be trusted, and that was it. AITJ for telling her off? Or should I just be thankful for the help, even though I didn’t want it or ask for it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. If you keep letting her pet sit, she’s going to keep doing things to your property. So you can’t allow it. She can be sad all she wants but these are the consequences of her actions.
And you’re not responsible for her feelings. She’s just trying to manipulate you anyway.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“She is disguising her ‘help’ as a means of control and claiming your personal space as her own. I had a similar issue with my MIL who would ‘help’ by reorganizing my kitchen cabinets and decorating my house when I wasn’t home (once she hung up a hideous print she found at a garage sale in my bedroom).
After I realized she’d gone through my medicine bag that I kept under my bathroom sink, she wasn’t allowed in our house again without supervision. Time to set the same boundary at your house. NTJ.” Littlest-Fig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion, I wouldn’t even consider what she did help, because it’s only what she thinks is right regardless of your opinion and feelings in your home, what your mother is doing is not okay and I consider it egocentric, especially because she pretends that you didn’t say something you did say or didn’t bother to listen to you properly.
I don’t know the history you two have together, but it’s always very hard to handle when a parent disregards their child’s opinion on things and doesn’t listen properly.” WhysosillyLilly
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Partner's Kids On Multiple Vacations?
“I have been with my partner for 4 years. I have a 5-year-old daughter who does not see her dad. My partner has 2 children, with different mums: boy 8 and girl 13. I earn more than he does. We live in my house & he doesn’t contribute financially.
I wanted to take my daughter to Disneyland. I didn’t think it was fair to leave his children out & knowing that he couldn’t afford it, I offered to pay for all of us to go on this once-in-a-lifetime trip. With my daughter only being 5 I would have been happy with Paris.
But, I agreed to Florida with his children being older. This is considerably more expensive. We were meant to be going last year but because of a very long story with his son’s mum, we didn’t end up going as she wouldn’t commit.
I can’t say I was super happy about letting my daughter down.
He takes his children to Cornwall every year. My daughter and I aren’t invited. So we usually take that time to go away with friends or family. We did go one year and he made us sleep in a separate tent to him and his children.
I am having a particularly hard time at the minute and really need a break. So I suggested going somewhere during the Easter holidays. My daughter gets 4 weeks for Easter, as opposed to other schools who only get 2. So my thinking was to go somewhere nice for 10 days outside of the normal school holidays as it’s cheaper.
My partner agreed. But has now said we need to take his children.
Now. My issue … I cannot afford to pay for 5 people to go to Disney and another holiday in Easter. His children have mums who also take them away. My daughter doesn’t see her dad and my partner is all she’s ever known.
He effectively is saying that if we don’t take his children then he won’t go; which means we don’t get to go.
I’m really upset and don’t really know what to think or do. Am I being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make it a mother-and-daughter trip, like he does with his own kids. He has it really cushy doesn’t he, place to live, no financial contribution, and has the nerve to dictate what you do with your money! I know your little girl would like him to be there too but you can make it sound like a huge special girly adventure.
Let him fend for himself for 10 days.” pengygirl1633
Another User Comments:
“This whole relationship sounds like a mess, honestly. Your partner doesn’t contribute, and he doesn’t sound very inclusive or respectful of you and your daughter. It’s reasonable that your partner doesn’t want to go without his kids.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. He can stay home; you and your daughter take a fun vacation. If it were me, I’d suggest he use that time to move out of my home, but that’s just me. NTJ.” Internal_Progress404
Another User Comments:
“OP – I mean this in the kindest way.
But have you read back your post? Read it as a third person. Your relationship does not sound healthy. It comes across very one-sided, and not to your benefit. Your current relationship doesn’t sound like it will go long term, and the amount of hurt this will end up causing you, and more importantly your daughter, does not seem worth this struggle.
You sound like a good mom and a caring person to your SO!s family. But it sounds like your SO is taking advantage of your pleaser personality. And drain your finances in the process. OP please look after yourself and make you and your daughter your main priorities.” iwishiwasjosiesmom
17. AITJ For Telling Off My Ex And His Partner For Overstepping Boundaries With Our Daughter?
“My ex’s partner oversteps her boundaries literally every moment possible. My ex’s parents have even noticed. So much so, I will be speaking with my 6-year-old daughter and she will chime in and give me her opinion of what is occurring AND/OR answer for my child.
I have a decent relationship with this woman. I don’t want to muddy the waters. But an example would be tonight, because I am leaving for a business trip, I wanted to have dinner with my daughter before I leave and cordially invited my ex and the partner with as it was his day for custody.
I brought along a treat for my daughter and being any kid, she asked if she could have it…Before I could even inhale to respond to MY child, his partner barked up and started telling my child she can’t. I’m literally sitting right next to my daughter as this is happening.
Now later on, after my daughter finished dinner, she asked again but asked her dad. He said it was okay but that she needed to check with me AND his partner! I was speechless. But I kept my composure.
This happens daily, as I FaceTime my daughter every morning before school.
If I am trying to converse with my daughter on the phone, his partner will start chatting with my daughter about nonsense, answering questions I’m asking my daughter, interjecting herself in all aspects. She has overstepped her boundaries so much so, that recently my daughter went from calling me ‘Mommy’ to ‘Momma’.
It was cute at first…
Until the day I was FaceTiming her and she said to the partner ‘Mommy’. And then stated that ‘she wanted to call her Mommy now’. Not only did that break my heart, but reaffirmed that the title his partner has given herself as ‘Mom of their house’ has not only confused my daughter but has started to give the perception to me, that SHE is now in charge.
These are just the recent incidents. At the beginning of the school year, my ex thought it was appropriate to have his partner of not even a year as one of my daughter’s emergency contacts without consulting me, I requested he not bring her to orientation because this is my daughter first year of school and monumental to ME as her MOTHER.
He stated he wouldn’t and then surprised me at the door with her in tow. (I should clarify, I DID NOT allow her to be an emergency contact and when she was at orientation, my ex received a lovely verbal lashing from me for the utter disrespect.)
Am I the jerk for telling off my ex and his new partner?
I can’t be mad at my daughter for having a big heart and loving us all. But to be pushed aside as though I have no authority over the child that I pushed out?
Feels very intrusive and demeaning.”
Another User Comments:
“Unless she is named on custody orders, she is not anything to your daughter except daddy’s partner. She should not be on the school emergency contact at all. You should talk to both of them and lay down the law for your daughter as per your co-parenting agreement.
No jerks here but you did need to establish a boundary here.” TanKris67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to start putting your foot down every time she interrupts while you’re interacting with your daughter. Basically, every time she tries to answer for her, stop and ask if her name is (daughter’s name.) And when she says no, then tell her you didn’t ask her, you asked (daughter) and you want to hear what daughter has to say.
It’s pretty obvious the woman is trying to edge you out. Also, when your daughter calls you momma, you might want to ask why she calls you momma now when she used to call you mommy. The answer might be quite enlightening.” IAndaraB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to get a family counselor involved right now. Your ex and his partner are doing damage and it has to stop. Talk to your ex alone and tell him that she’s overstepping and it needs to be addressed professionally. His partner is not your daughter’s “mommy”, they need to find a different nickname for her.
When your daughter calls you something else, correct her. You can start by referring to the partner as Miss (name) or something else. Do not just take this in silence, shut her down.” kol_al
16. AITJ For Refusing To Attend An Expensive Birthday Dinner We Can't Afford?
“My father-in-law’s birthday is coming up and my partner received a message from his sister saying that she and MIL have booked a restaurant for FIL’s birthday. We were not asked about our opinions or price range or included in the discussion.
Quickly looking at the restaurant information, I can see that they have a set menu and single price of about $120AUD per person, and that excludes drinks. Drinks are an additional $30 per person for a package or $15-20+ for a single small glass of wine (minimum some are apparently $60-90 per glass – not that I would order that)!
We told my partner’s sister that this is well out of our price range at the moment due to having a single income and a lot of unexpected bills. She said she didn’t care and to “work something out” as they had booked this restaurant and it is for their father’s birthday.
We have tried to tell MIL (we are not allowed to mention where we are going to FIL) that it is too expensive and we have just been brushed off and told that we are going and too bad.
Every person involved knows of our financial situation and went ahead and booked an expensive restaurant without speaking to us first — we were just told.
My partner is angry at his sister and thinks she is an inconsiderate jerk. She thinks that we are being unreasonable jerks in our concerns about how expensive this meal will be (we pay less for our electricity!).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “We have just been brushed off and told that we are going and too bad.” No. Not ok.
They don’t have the courtesy to involve you in the discussion, they don’t call the shots about where you go. “My partner is angry at his sister and thinks she is an inconsiderate jerk.” He’s right. Maybe think about a nice gift within your budget for FIL or something the 3 of you could do to mark his birthday.
I may be way wide of the mark here, but I wonder if FIL would be really upset about the way you & your partner are being railroaded/treated if he knew what MIL & SIL are pulling here.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can’t afford it, don’t go.
They booked an expensive place, so I can understand them not wanting you to not contribute if you went, but they also need to accept that if you can’t afford to splurge on an expensive meal, they can’t make you, and if they wanted you there they should have been more considerate of your situation.
If your FIL asks why you weren’t there, tell them exactly how your MIL and SIL went about the whole thing.” sfzen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. Mail FIL a nice birthday card. Then call or message him that “we cannot come to your celebratory dinner, hope you have a nice evening”.
Say goodbye and hang up or shut the phone. 2. Tell (message) your siblings and MIL that you CANNOT afford to contribute to this dinner and will NOT be there. Then block them on phone, text, delete emails without reading. Because there is nothing else to say or do, so why listen to their harangues?
As for the “deal with it” comment – you ARE dealing with it by being responsible and not spending funds you cannot afford. And graciously letting the inlaws know you are thinking of them.” bkwormtricia
15. AITJ For Telling My Twin Sister She Wasn't Mistreated Like The Rest Of Us?
“I (29F) have four siblings, Mark (33M), Josh (31M), Eva (29F), and Tony (26M). Eva and I are fraternal twins.
Our mother was a SAHM but she was emotionally absent.
Growing up, our father was very hard on us. He wanted his first son to be a doctor, so Mark had to work all the time. He had Josh learn violin at 4 yo and made him play for hours.
Tony had to be a lawyer. I had the “chance” to be a beautiful kid, and I participated in beauty pageants starting at 3 yo.
Eva was free of this, because she wasn’t beautiful, and my father didn’t think a woman could do much anyway.
She always had liberty and could do whatever she wanted, without pressure on her shoulders. She could have friends, had no care about her grades, and didn’t have to work her backside off every day. We are not proud of it but we tended to exclude her since she was slacking off while we were working so hard.
She also was a problematic teen: she skipped class, hung around with a bad crowd, and drank. She even disappeared for a week without notice when we were 15, stating after that she wanted to get away with her partner for a road trip while I wasn’t even allowed to leave the house for a night because my parents wanted to make sure I did my work and would only eat what I was allowed to.
Eva would throw tantrums, saying she was neglected and no one would care if she disappeared. I was enraged with her because she never realized the chance she had, and we only grew apart from that point.
After high school, I went far away and started working as a make-up artist. I eloped at 26 with Eli (27M) and never looked back.
Last month, our father passed away, and my siblings and I went to the family home for the funeral. We stayed for three weeks and reconnected a lot.
Mark had a breakdown at 23 from all the pressure and barely recovered. He is now happier, got a job as a tech in a lab, is married, and has two little kids.
Josh stopped violin and is a drummer and piano teacher, and Tony is a public defender. Eva chose to be a social worker.
It was a bit weird with Eva since we hadn’t seen each other for years and gave up contact too. She once again tried to dismiss what we went through, saying that she was as mistreated as us even though that is nowhere near true.
One evening she completely flipped out on us, calling us jerks and saying that we were like our father and excluded her. She kept going about how our parents never took an interest in her, neither did we, and that she went through a really tough time thinking she was worthless.
Mark started to cry so I took Eva out and lashed out at her, saying she was the jerk for being jealous of our misery and that she will never fit in with us because she never got mistreated and it was insane of her to claim she had.
She left that night and didn’t apologize to any of us.
When I went home, I cried a lot and told everything to my husband, expecting him to support me, but he said I should be the one to call and apologize to my sister.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister disappeared at 15 for a week and no one noticed? This is severely abusive. Not that it’s a competition, but it sounds like your strict father focused on kids he felt “worthy” and ignored her because … well what’s the message any kid would get from this behavior?
That she’s worthless, nothing, not worth the effort, invisible. You and your siblings may have felt the pressure to succeed but she was ignored entirely. This isn’t an enviable position in the family, it’s horrendous. You and your siblings are continuing to abuse her by minimizing her abuse and alienating her.
If you didn’t admire your father, then stop replicating his behavior.” ZebraGroundbreaking1
Another User Comments:
“But you are like your father and excluded her. You did treat her like she was a nobody because she didn’t bask in your shared misery. Everyone just ignored her because she wasn’t seen as pretty or smart, she was a lost cause not worth bothering with.
Any wonder she was acting out? How else would she be seen? You didn’t even notice when she went missing for a week. That’s just wrong. So, yes, YTJ.” DelusionallyObvious
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re all victims of your parents. You and your brothers had to bear the weight of expectations while Eva was completely neglected by your parents, and by you and your brothers because you couldn’t relate to her.
Eva’s teenage acting out is consistent with someone who isn’t getting any attention at home, and you’ve got a Mirabel/Isabela dynamic going on where you at least think the grass is greener for Eva because she has what you craved (ironically unaware she craved some of the attention you were getting).
If you don’t get the reference, watch the film Encanto because the song What Else Can I Do has a message you need to learn. You at least have Mark, Josh, and Tony for shared commiseration, Eva has no one because her siblings think she’s not appreciating the perceived freedoms she had, her mother completely checked out emotionally and her misogynistic father holds no value in her so he never gave her attention.
Even as adults you’re perpetuating the family dynamic that kept failing her.” lemon_charlie
14. AITJ For Trying To Be Friendly With Girls Who Ended Up Bullying Me?
“I am 16F and high functioning autistic, and I tend to people please sometimes.
It started with a school trip. While I was missing from school, I got a message from a classmate, let’s name her Sarah. On that day when I was missing, she got into an argument with her friend group, and she messaged me asking if we could share a room on this school trip.
Because I didn’t know how bad of a person she is, I said yes.
Sarah found a room with 2 weird and shy girls, let’s name them Jasmine and Mandy. I was staying in a separate room by myself. We played games together, and I saw Sarah record me while I was just making a meow sound that she made me do for fun.
She also recorded Jasmine and Mandy, and she also sent me the vids of them doing funny things.
Everything is going fine, fast forward and we were playing truth or dare. Sarah dared me to go to a random room in the hotel and ask for toilet paper.
I went into a completely random room with no one in and a girl, let’s name her Laura, opened the door. I asked her for toilet paper and then told her it was a dare. And Laura asked me who I was playing with. I told her the girls’ names.
And then I went back into Sarah, Mandy, and Jasmine’s room to see that they locked me out. I waited a while till they opened the door for me. And I suddenly saw Sarah all angry. She got mad at me because I talked to Laura and told her that I was playing with her.
(and that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever). Also moments before we were playing this game she started picking on my looks but I didn’t think much of it. Her behavior left me very confused.
I end up being fed up with it and leave the room, because Sarah started demanding me to go to a door again and do that dare again and she “promised” that she wouldn’t lock me out again.
I got fed up and said that I am going to grab my things and leave the room.
I overshared with them about how my mum drank and smoked while pregnant and just made a silly joke about how I had a crush on this creepy old man who is our history teacher, and I was also talking very fast because that is my way of talking.
They ended up using these against me to bully me. To sum it all up they all spam call me, threaten me with repeating the school year, and bomb my phone with texts for no reason. Once I replied to their phone call and they all started making meow noises to mock me.
Then they went to some classmates and played the recording of me making the meow sound so they all made fun of me.
The field trip ends and every day at school I hear Sarah and the three girls making fun of me. The most common insult they used is that they call me stupid and kept playing that recording of me just saying ‘meow’, and when I just ignored what they did they just called me deaf and even more stupid.
I just want some opinion about it because I am not much aware of social cues and I always feel like I have done something wrong to deserve this type of harassment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done nothing wrong to “deserve” harassment like this.
They’re just bullies. Talk to your parents and/or another adult you trust about it. If you’re in therapy, definitely talk to your therapist about it. Hopefully, someone can give you the tools to help you get through this. Just keep in mind that even if you misread a social situation and act improperly, no one should ever harass you like this.
You may get someone gently correcting you, or if it’s very inappropriate get angry, or if they’re close friends they may lightly tease you over it…but this sort of sustained and ongoing harassment is not normal behavior and is just jerks being jerks.” Abstruse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong. It sounds like these are just mean girls who enjoy making someone feel bad. They are actually very insecure and they pick on others, in this case you, because they think it makes them look cool. But believe me, anyone worth knowing at all is looking down on what they are doing.
They see them as the mean and gossipy little punk kids that they are. Just do your best to ignore all of them. If they get no reaction from you they will move on to picking on someone else, unfortunately, until they mature enough to realize they are being jerks and stop this sort of behavior.
Again, you are fine. You sound much wiser than them.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first of all. Secondly, fighting with kindness is always a good tactic but when it doesn’t work, recognize that you tried nice and it didn’t work. “Aw my fans are back” “why are you so obsessed with me, you obviously already have pictures” are good little starter comebacks.
I will say I’m a lot more confident and comfortable in the adult world because to simply state it, there are more consequences in the adult world. If any of them have jobs, straight up go to their managers, they’ll learn real quick how the real world handles it.” SnooChickens9758
13. AITJ For Not Changing My Last Name After Divorce And Remarriage?
“I divorced my ex-husband a few years ago, but never changed my last name.
I have four main reasons for this:
1. I like having the same last name as my child.
2. My qualifications are all in my married name and can’t be changed.
3. It’s been my last name for so long that I’m just used to it now.
4. And finally it’s a lot of hassle to change a name (bank, mortgage, doctors, passport etc…)
Also in my mind it’s just a name, I don’t think of it as belonging to my ex-husband or anything, it’s been my last name for well over a decade, to me it’s just my name now.
Here is where the issue comes in. My ex-husband is re-marrying this year and I’m re-marrying next year. However, I won’t be changing my last name.
My fiancé has no issue with this at all. He agrees with me that it’s just a name.
But my ex-husband is very unhappy with me keeping my last name. I told him it isn’t his business what my last name is, but he said it is his business as it’s his last name and his bride-to-be is very upset and angry as it’s her right to have the last name, and not mine.
I told him she could have whatever last name she likes, my last name again has nothing to do with her.
I then started receiving texts from her asking me to please change my last name. I politely, but firmly told her that I won’t be changing my last name and explained my reasons again.
She got angry and called me a jerk and said that I’m ruining her wedding.
I’ve since spoken to my friends & family about this. And it’s pretty split on what people think. I believe it’s mostly because it’s probably somewhat unusual to keep a married last name after marrying someone else, but my fiancé honestly doesn’t care, and neither do I.
So personally I’m not seeing the issue.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your name. My wife still has her ex’s name (same kinda deal, she didn’t want to have a different name than her daughter), and I never cared one bit. Or…just tell him it’s a lot of trouble on your end and if he wants you to change your name he’ll have to pony up $10k for the hassle.” 1987Husky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For me, the biggest reason outside of just not wanting to is the qualifications thing. This is your professional name, and thus makes it a much bigger complication to change it. Then there’s the whole thing with having the same last name as your kids, which is another perfectly understandable reason.
You and your fiancé are on the same page, and that’s what matters. Ex & his fiancée are allowed to ask, but it’s ultimately got nothing to do with them.” space_anthropologist
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for keeping your last name.
Your ex and his fiancée have no more right to ask you to change your name than you do to suggest they change theirs. Ultimately they will have to suck it up and deal with it. Depending on the ages of your kids with your ex I would suggest having a conversation about you keeping your name in case the ex or the fiancée (or other assorted family members) think it’s appropriate to make comments to them about it.” Low-Risk24
12. AITJ For Not Being Excited About My Parents Having Another Baby?
“My parents told me (15f) a few weeks ago that they’re expecting another baby. This will be my first sibling and possibly only sibling because it took such a long time for my mom to have another baby.
I’ll admit to not being that excited. And that really hurt my mom’s feelings. When they sat me down and told me I said oh and didn’t really react much but I was really surprised and also had like a lot of thoughts that happened so quickly and admittedly most of them weren’t that positive.
My mom was really upset by my underwhelming initial reaction and my parents aren’t super thrilled that after a few weeks I’m not more excited.
My mom was crying the other night because 10ish years ago I used to beg for a sibling and now it’s finally happened and I’m not reacting like they wanted or expected.
My dad was so angry when mom cried to him and he told me how disappointed he was in me that I was underreacting so badly. He said having a sibling is a blessing and our family is getting bigger and I wanted a sibling for such a long time when I was younger and now it’s like I don’t want one.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a shame it took so long, but by the time the kid can talk you’ll quite possibly have left home. Totally understandable, you’re no longer the age that wants a sibling to play with and they won’t be someone you can lean on in a close way.
At best you’ll have a cool aunt type of relationship, hopefully.” northerntropicaz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re entitled to have any reaction you want. They’re trying to force you and that’s weird because wanting a sibling when you were 5 vs 15 is a huge difference.
I wouldn’t care much either tbh because you’re almost an adult now so having a baby brother or sister is not something you need to be concerned with. They should be more understanding instead of demanding.” rollonover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A child’s mindset at 5 is very different to a 15-year-old’s mindset and by the time your sibling is born, you will only have around 2-3 years of bonding before you move out perhaps less if the bonding is working poorly or is forced on you.
Great that the parents are happy with their coming child but they are jerks for trying to force their opinion on you. For any potential forced babysitting, I recommend standing your ground to make sure that it doesn’t become a habit.” Tor_of_Asgard
11. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate's Friend Who Kept Coming Over Uninvited?
“I (F20) recently had to kick out my roommate’s friend because she kept coming over unannounced and uninvited. To give some backstory my high school friend and I (also F20) have been living in the same apt. Together for the last year and a half, we’ve had several roommates over that time but the last two are who this includes, Abby and Lee.
I don’t care when people come over, Abby has movie nights quite often and Lee usually has her partner over, and I’m not at the apt often anyway because of school or work.
The way our complex works is four girls to two rooms so it’s me and my roommate in one room and then Abby and Lee in the other room.
Ever since Lee moved in she has made friends with a girl that lives across the way named Ashley, and she quickly made herself at home. At first, it was subtle, Ashley would just open the door instead of knocking when she came over, and then she started coming over to grab something for Lee like a volleyball or something when they were both out doing something together.
(Why Lee couldn’t just come get it was beyond me, this happened several times)
There have been multiple times when Ashley will just get into our fridge/pantry and just take Lee’s food when they’re over, one time she used an entire ketchup bottle by herself and Lee said “hey you’re gonna have to replace that” and Ashley asked why.
Another time Abby (Lee’s roommate) was in their room working on a papier mache project with friends for school, when Ashley walked into her room unannounced, and Lee wasn’t there, she looked at Abby and said in a judgemental and concerned tone, “what are you guys doing” to which Abby replied “working on a school project, what are you doing in my room” to which Ashley just left.
I never said anything because it never really affected me until the other day when I got back from work and walked into my apartment to find Ashley in our kitchen eating my leftovers, by no means am I scrounging for money and couldn’t buy myself food but on terms of respect, what on earth?
I looked around and realized no one else was home, Ashley just walked into our house and started eating someone’s food. At first, I wasn’t sure what was happening so I asked “is Lee here?” to which she replied “no she’s camping, I don’t think anyone’s here.” I kind of just stood there before telling her to get out, that she didn’t live here and was not welcome to be here unless Lee was here also She said I was being dramatic and didn’t need to act like a jerk
I started locking the door every time I leave or get home no matter who is/isn’t in the apt.
Yesterday Ashley came over when I knew Lee wasn’t home, I just opened the door said “were you invited over?” and when she said no I shut the door.
I told some work colleagues and some sided with me while others did not, I figured what better way to figure out if I was too harsh than to ask random people on the internet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you REALLY have to know the person to walk in and check out their fridge.
I have a friend who used to come on holiday to the country I lived in. I have known him since I was 9, literally, he lands and asks what time I will be over. One of the times I got to the house everyone was upstairs.
I knew the code and dropped my bags in the living room and checked what they had to drink, at this point I had known him for like 15 years. I only have 1 other friend I would be comfortable going into their fridge and taking stuff out, while they aren’t home/around.” emp9th
Another User Comments:
“First, NTJ for kicking out the interloper. No one should feel entitled to walk into someone else’s abode uninvited…for ANY reason. But second, the whole bunch of you not locking your door is the biggest pile of stupidity possibly known to humankind.
The statistics for women being assaulted while at university (whether living on or off campus) are insane. Leaving your doors unlocked is about the dumbest thing one can do, short of taking drinks of unknown origin from strangers at bars.” chudan_dorik
Another User Comments:
“This brings back memories. The exact same phenomenon in my first apartment. I got pizza once a week, ate half, and put the rest in the fridge. Every week the leftovers disappeared entirely and I would bug my roommates who denied eating them. One day I came home and the annoying friend of one of the roommates who often showed up, the same way as in your story, was on the couch with no one there eating my pizza.
The crap hit the fan. I demanded that last piece he hadn’t eaten yet back. He yelled that it was partially eaten. Livid, I grabbed it and threw it across to the kitchen trash and missed landing on the floor. He yelled about wasting food.
I yelled that it is my freaking food to waste. I threw him out and he vowed revenge. That crap and his coming over when no one was there came to a screeching halt when I laid down the law to the roommates. No revenge occurred and he got banned if no one was there and has rarely shown up since.
Your work colleagues that didn’t side with you? They are idiots. I suggest you get Lee and the other roommates to lay down the law as well.” CommanderChaos999
10. AITJ For Leaving My Daughter's Birthday Celebration Because My Mom And Grandma Were Being Mean To Her?
“I (34f) have a really difficult history with my mom (60f) for many reasons. For brevity’s sake, I’ll just say she can be very hypercritical and judgmental. We’ve had blow-ups in the past so I try to keep things superficial. She can also be critical of my kids so again I try to limit contact.
My kids are 12F, 10M, 7F. She is especially annoyed by my son because he’s hyper.
I thought I had a good idea by inviting my mom and my newly widowed grandma to come with us (me and 2 daughters) on a trip to a store in NY for my then 6-year-old’s birthday.
It’s heartbreaking to admit this, but I thought it would be a good idea because my son wouldn’t be there, so I thought they couldn’t get annoyed. We were going to spend 1 night there and go to the store in the am. As soon as we got to the hotel, my daughter was very excited. She kept interrupting the adults and my nana and mom kept snapping at her saying “WE ARE TALKING”.
I took her aside and nicely explained she needs to be patient and say excuse me. After that, my daughter asked them multiple times if she could read them a story. They brushed her off.
We go to eat upstairs and my daughter is sitting next to me.
She had a little stuffy she brought with her and started making it dance on my shoulder. That apparently bothered my nana, who yelled at her pretty nasty to “STOP IT RIGHT NOW”. My daughter started to quietly cry with her head in my lap, which also annoyed them.
They made comments like “oh why is she crying? Does she not want to be here? And why does she have to be all over you all the time??” I tried to ignore them and not get mad while trying to soothe my kid. She said she missed her daddy and they rolled their eyes.
I was starting to reach my limit.
My daughter begs my mom to sit next to her, but she won’t. My daughter was telling me about a boy who has a crush on her and we giggled, my mom asked what we were laughing about.
I went to answer but my daughter shot her hand up to cover my mouth because she was embarrassed and said “no don’t tell her!” When I looked back up at my mom she looked very annoyed and wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Apparently, this bothered them too.
So I said, “I have a feeling you want to say something?” My nana yells “YES I have never seen a child that needs to be all over her mother and the center of attention ALL the time.” I saw red.
I said “Wow that must be awful for you I am so sorry.
A child that wants to talk at their own birthday celebration? That’s insane. I can’t believe you are getting mad at her for acting her age.” A bunch of other things were said. My poor daughters were crying and I felt like the WORST mom ever.
When we got outside my youngest was saying that it’s all her fault for making them mad and that she’s an idiot. It KILLED me. Of course I told her it was not her fault at all, it was mine for thinking this would be a good idea.
I felt so low. I dragged my kids out of a birthday celebration I had set up (my mom paid for the hotel room which makes me feel guilty as well) AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t do anything like this again. Your mom and grandma are seriously toxic people.
There will be a day when you wish your daughter showered you with the attention she is giving you now. When your mom and grandma do this again, please STAND UP for your daughter. Don’t try to ignore it. From your daughter’s perspective, if you ignore this, she will think you condone it.
I’m glad you finally said something but this wasn’t enough. They were being awful. Just get up and leave. Who cares if mom paid for the hotel room? That doesn’t give her license to be a jerk. Please don’t subject your kids to them. Please don’t think “They’re family”.
That’s a nonsense excuse. Family can be awful to other family. It’s not acceptable.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“Your mother and grandmother are from very different generations, although I am the same age as your mom, she simply doesn’t understand or want to understand that children are not mindless robots who are only seen and not heard.
I am so sorry for you and your daughter and am proud that you ended the abusive adventure, letting mom and grandma be abusive to one another. I would be going very low contact with them in the future.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – How awful for you, the girl is a 6-year-old child ffs!!! How did they expect her to act? Like an adult? No of course she’s not going to, plus it’s her birthday they are all supposed to be celebrating! I would never ever let my mother bully me like that, she has made comments when my daughter was younger that we were too close and it was ‘odd’ but I said look she’s an only child, I’m a single mum, we are close, live with it!!
It came from a place of jealousy as my brother and I were never that close with my mother growing up. Please don’t feel guilty about the hotel cost, it’s the least your mother could do in the circumstances. I really feel for you and think you need to put your foot down, no one is to tell your children off in family circumstances but you and their father.
And your poor son, I have no words, how awful they don’t have the patience and love to see him? Our children are the center of our world, maybe not in your mother or grandmother’s day, but they are today and your family members need to recognize and respect that.” Accurate_Place_349
9. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Mom Babysit For Free?
“My mom started babysitting (from home) for her friend about a week and a half ago. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea (due to the underwhelming amount she is being compensated for) but I was nonetheless happy for her, given that she is doing something for herself.
Her first day into babysitting, she asked me to help her. I’ll be honest and say that I really wasn’t thrilled about it. Not because I don’t like babies (the opposite) but because I just felt that it wasn’t my responsibility or commitment.
I let her know exactly that, I told her how I felt but she brushed it off and insisted that it was something I should do.
Following this conversation, she “asked” me to wake up early and help watch the baby (3, btw) on Tuesday and Wednesday while she went to her two doctor appointments.
Again, I wasn’t happy about this but I reluctantly agreed.
On Thursday, my older sister (31f) came over to visit. For lunch, we had leftover pizza. As we were heating it up, my sister told me to heat some up for the baby. At this point, I was kind of fed up with being asked to help (in this specific situation) so I told her I hadn’t eaten anything yet and my mom could do it.
The baby was not present during this and wasn’t asking for it.
She got very upset with me and told me she was disappointed. She said she didn’t think I would do something so mean. I tried to defend myself and say it wasn’t out of a place of meanness but just wasn’t my responsibility.
My mom joined in and told me she was disappointed in me too.
Fast forward to today, my sister sent me a text saying she’s been hurt about the situation and that it breaks her heart because she’s about to be a mom (she’s pregnant).
She said she’d hate for someone to be mean to her baby, even if they weren’t related to each other.
She said she doesn’t want me to turn into my other older sister, who is known to be a jerk. I’ve talked about this situation with my partner but I really wanna know… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom has taken on a job and is now not doing it and is passing it on to you. It’s irrelevant if you live with her or not; it’s her paid job and not yours. If she’s got doctors’ appointments then she needs to reschedule them around her working hours, OR she needs to cancel the babysitting OR she needs to pay you for it.” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if your mom keeps pushing this on you or even asks you need to ask how much you are getting paid. It is not fair for you to assume her responsibilities when she has overbooked herself and not get paid.
Otherwise, go get a part-time job so you aren’t available and you will end up with some cash in your pocket.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“I’m not surprised both your mom and sister are disappointed in you. You aren’t cooperating and letting them take advantage of you.
Your mom agreed to be a babysitter. Therefore, it’s her responsibility to do so, not yours. If she isn’t willing to follow through with the commitment she made, it’s not up to you to bridge the gap. As for your sister, it sounds like she’s laying the foundation for making you a default babysitter in the not-so-distant future.
NTJ.” Anxious-Routine-5526
8. AITJ For Being Upset My Friend Uninstalled The Game I Bought Him?
“A few months ago my (27F) friend (24M) was telling me that he saw people play Baldur’s Gate 3 and how he wanted to give it a shot. I was halfway through the game at this point and I was excited to start a new run in multiplayer mode, so it was perfect timing to play together with him.
He’s not exactly swimming with cash, but I really wanted to play with him, so I decided to dip into my savings and bought him the game, thinking we’d have a blast playing together. The same day I bought it for him, we played for a couple of hours and had a generally good time.
We logged off and agreed to play again another time.
Fast forward to now, 2 months had passed and we’d been busy with things, but he’s recently been free enough to start playing games again. I mentioned we should play Baldur’s Gate 3 together since it’s been a while, but he said he had uninstalled it for other games.
He said he had no storage left and he wanted to play/finish other games.
I was sad and disappointed about this, but I offered to buy some secondhand storage for him so we could play. He refused because he said he doesn’t have enough space for another SSD/HDD.
I asked if he’d ever wanna play again and he said “Uh, maybe? After I uninstall some games I’ve been meaning to finish, idk,” unenthusiastically.
That was when I said, “If I knew you wouldn’t wanna play, I wouldn’t have bought it for you, since it’s turned out to be a waste.”
It probably wouldn’t have upset me so much and I probably wouldn’t be so mean about it if he said something like “Hey, I know you were really excited and you took out a good chunk of your savings for this, but I can’t play this right now.” But, alas.
Anyway, he got upset and told me he felt like he owed me something now. We kinda stopped talking after that, but was I the jerk for saying it like that? The game really isn’t cheap and I told him from the beginning that I was willing to shell out a good amount of money because I really wanted to play with him, so I was upset to hear he has uninstalled it like it was nothing…”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is not a new fight. People have been having it for as long as there have been multiplayer games. You bought him the game. He tried it, he’s not in love with it, and there are other games he’d like to play more.
If you hadn’t made such a nasty deal about it he probably would have come back eventually but now you’ve created negative feelings and expectations around the game that makes it harder to come back to it. So, you know. Enjoy that.” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t give gifts with expectations. It sounds like you gave the gift with the expectation that he’d play with you. I get it that it’s a bummer he doesn’t want to play right now but acting out isn’t okay.
If you weren’t comfortable with spending your savings you shouldn’t have dipped into them.” fckinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You buy him this game because you want to play, but then guilt trip him for not playing it enough? You say Baldur’s Gate isn’t cheap, but what you paid isn’t nearly enough to buy a human being, which appears to be what you really think your money entitles you to.” mifflewhat
7. AITJ For Explaining To My Nephew Where Meat Comes From After Watching Babe?
“I (33M) had my 6 y.o. nephew for the weekend and we ended up watching Babe, the classic talking pig movie from the 90s that was one of my favorites growing up.
I used to watch it all the time when I was around my nephew’s age and either I didn’t notice back then or it didn’t stick with me so much that the movie has a darker undertone because there’s the constant threat that some of the animals in the farm (Babe included) will be eaten by the humans.
I’m not a vegetarian myself and it wasn’t my intention to “push” for any kind of message when I chose this movie, I just wanted to share something I liked with him. But he was somewhat shaken by the end of the movie and kept asking me where his food comes from.
From what I gathered, he knew some of our meat comes from animals (i.e. he knew on some level, maybe not rationally, that a steak was once a cow, and chicken wings come from chicken), but he didn’t know bacon and ham came from living animals too.
Most of all, I think he was impressed because the movie made him think of animals as people.
So what I did was: I explained to him what were the things we normally eat that come from animals, but also explained to him that those animals are not like Babe and the characters of the movie.
I obviously said nothing about the process. I thought that was the end of it, but apparently not.
Now my sister (his mother) called me saying he has been refusing to eat meat for the past 2 days and telling me I had no right to have “the talk” with him.
I was shocked – I didn’t even know this subject could be “a talk”, and she was acting like I showed him videos of animals being slaughtered while all I did was watch an age-appropriate movie and answer his questions honestly.
So I told her she was out of line for suggesting I was overstepping my role here, but now I’m wondering if I could be the jerk for not dodging his questions and waiting for his parents to decide how to approach this with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is being ridiculous. This is the reason why every kindergarten around here makes excursions to farms so that the kids can see the sweet little calves, piggies, and lambs that will land on their plates unless they are vegetarian/vegan.
I grew up on a farm so I was in the know from the beginning. We did sometimes have a pet calf, usually at the same time as some neighbors had a pet calf. When it was time for them to be turned into fricassée, my parents would usually swap with the neighbors.
They did not think we should be raised to think it is OK to eat one’s friends after all.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I watched Babe with my daughter and she was around your nephew’s age. She realized what was the possible ending for some of the animals and swore off pork for about a month.
Your nephew will most likely do what she did…. forget about your discussion and move on to other things that is of course if your sister lets it die down and doesn’t keep bringing it up.” Spiritual-Duck1846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s actually a bit crazy your 6-year-old nephew didn’t realize ALL meat comes from living animals.
I actually got my kids to eat pork when they were wee toddlers by telling them it was Peppa Pig. It actually makes it a bigger deal hiding it from him for so long… like some horrible secret, when really it’s just a fact of nature that omnivores eat other animals.
On the side though: It’s sweet your nephew has decided to abstain from meat after watching Babe. What an empathetic child he is. It’s entirely possible he would have made the same choices after watching the movie, even knowing where meat came from.
I know some vegetarians that became one after watching films on meat processing.” Jellyfish0107
6. AITJ For Asking My Foster Teens To Consider Birth Control?
“We have two teens in kinship foster, meaning it’s not formally through the state foster care system, we’re just helping house and care for our teen cousins (15 and 16 yo girls) who were at risk of homelessness about a year ago.
We have three main house rules: if you’re failing classes, then no sleepovers, plug your phones in the kitchen at night, and curfew is 10 pm weeknights/11 pm weekends. The 16-year-old is about to get her license and we asked her if she would consider taking birth control to safeguard against teen pregnancy when she’s driving our cars around solo and she said no. That was about a week ago and tonight she said she and her sister are pursuing emancipation in order to move out when the school year ends because we’re too controlling and have too many rules…
For the past year, we have asked nothing of them but what I stated above and this recent conversation over birth control. We’re happy to drive them wherever still but we’re hoping she’d consider some form of birth control option besides just us trusting them to use protection?
We have housed them without expecting anything in return, paid for all their food and clothes, took them to every doctor and dentist appointment, and generally cared for them like our own children. Am I the jerk for asking that they consider birth control before having free rein to our cars and going wherever they want to go?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think suggesting birth control was a bad idea, though connecting it to driving a car is kinda wacko if you ask me. Every house has rules and yours don’t seem bizarre or overbearing. If they want to live on their own, then I wouldn’t stand in their way.
They’ll have to look after themselves. I would discuss the fact that they will need to find housing, pay bills, buy their own car, get car insurance, buy their own clothes and food, etc., as well as everything else. I don’t know where you live, but people under 18 in the States can’t legally sign a contract, and most people need their own credit scores and credit cards to be able to get insurance and a rental. So I’d sit down and go over their budget, where they plan to get their money and so on and so forth.
And be clear that they will be following the rules while in your house. Give them a crash course in the cost of living and go over how much money they’d need to earn to live on their own. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s reasonable to ask them to consider birth control, I wish my parents had been as understanding of the importance of birth control when I was a teenager. However, it is worth noting you cannot MAKE anyone take birth control, as it is their body and people have all sorts of reasons to not want to put hormones in their body.
Nonetheless, it is still a good idea for them to discuss options with their doctor at that age. I would guess that they are bluffing, as teens are very impulsive and do not consider all sides of situations before making erratic decisions or claims about what they will do.
Furthermore, they will have fewer opportunities or freedom with cars if they do not live under your roof, so it is a silly argument. Give them some time and I bet they will come around.” Bluehotchilipepperz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Forcing her to take birth control would absolutely be a jerk move, but it’s your job as a parental figure to make sure she knows about the risks of pregnancy.
While birth control has some risks, pregnancy is a lot worse! Your house rules don’t sound unreasonable for kids that age. I wasn’t allowed to drive solo at 16 (in my state, you can’t even get a full license until 18). Honestly, I’d be even more worried about other unsafe behaviors while she’s out driving.
Do you really think she’s going to keep her cell phone turned off, never touch booze, and refrain from transporting distracting passengers? She doesn’t sound like the most mature or responsible kid. If I were in your position, I absolutely would not let her drive my car unsupervised. As for the emancipation… lol.
Not gonna happen unless there’s provable abuse or neglect, or if they’re capable of supporting themselves. They can threaten all they want but the chance of actually getting a legal emancipation is next to zero.” shinkouhyou
5. AITJ For Wanting To Skip My Manipulative Mom's Wedding For A Planned Trip?
“My (25f) mom (47f) is getting married for the 3rd time. For a bit of context, my mom is a mess. She’s emotionally manipulative and abusive, especially towards me, and any time she’s called out she plays the victim and it’s more hassle than it’s worth to do anything about her actions.
She’s never held a job for longer than 1yr and so I have helped her many times to pay bills among other things. On top of that, I have been her therapy child for decades.
Anyway, the process of planning this wedding has been a nightmare.
She keeps moving venues, days, and pretty much everything. As a gift to her, I have offered my service as a hairstylist and MUA for JUST her but she has told her bridesmaids, maid of honor, and in-laws that I would be doing their hair and makeup too free of charge.
Which was not what I agreed to.
The latest move has been to Oct 2025 which is a time myself, sister and 2 friends have planned a 2-week trip to Japan for that same time frame a min of 8 months ago. She also knew about this trip and the timeline.
I have been so fed up with planning her 3rd wedding and being taken advantage of that I am done.
So would I be a jerk to skip out on my mom’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would go NC or LC with your mom.
She is taking advantage of you and playing mind games. Your mom is being a narcissist. She’s choosing your vacation date to prove that she is more important than your vacation. If you cannot go NC or LC let mom and everyone else know they need to make arrangements for hairstyling and makeup because you have a prior commitment your mom is aware of and out of the country.
She cannot take advantage of you unless you let her. You need a therapist to help you deal with the trauma of having a narcissist as a parent.” Crazydogfostermom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. Go to THERAPY. Don’t walk. Run! She has parentified you, she doesn’t respect you or your boundaries and she manipulates and abuses you.
She sounds very toxic and narcissistic. 2. Limit contact with her. Back out of any wedding planning and rescind your offer to do her hair and makeup. Your time, money, skills, and resources are important and you deserve to be compensated. Stand up baby girl! 3. HAVE FUN IN JAPAN!
Go on your trip and have the best time of your life. And don’t you dare feel guilty or regretful.” Humble_Bee_4827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she schedules her wedding for when she KNOWS you’re going to be out of the country, you have no choice!
(I know. A normal mom doing this would be giving you a clear message that she doesn’t want you there. To your high-drama mother, though, it’s a test: Will you choose her over your vacation?) If I were you, I’d take a giant step back on all of the wedding planning.
Let her plan. Don’t remind her of your trip. Be quiet. Do nothing. No arguing. No defending your trip. Nothing. Don’t bring it up. Don’t engage in the drama. If, in the fullness of time, her wedding date sticks, remind her about 10 days before her wedding that you’ll be in Japan.
Then leave.” pineboxwaiting
4. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Family For Ignoring My Birthday Due To The Shared Date With My Late Grandma?
“To start off, my grandma and I (17M) shared a birthday. She was my favorite person and I loved that we shared a birthday together, she always got me the best stuff.
Sadly, she died four years ago, a month before our birthday. I was 13 and heartbroken.
We didn’t celebrate my birthday because it brought too many emotions. I was fine with this because I was grieving as well and I didn’t want to celebrate without her.
Well, this happened in the second year as well. I get that it was a year, so it was fine.
I will admit that I expected a make-up birthday on a different day but it never came. Everyone else had their birthdays and got amazing gifts and parties and whatnot.
The third year I actually set up a bunch of plushies that my grandma loved and a picture of her on our dining room table, so she could celebrate with us in memory.
The morning of my birthday, I came downstairs and was immediately scolded for “trying to have fun on a sad day.” I went back up to my room without saying anything and played Zelda: Breath of the Wild for the rest of the day.
My birthday was within the last week and my parents told me to get dressed in something smart because we were going “somewhere special.” I was super excited because I thought that my family would finally acknowledge me on my birthday.
After about a 20-minute drive, we reached this garden that my grandma loved. It was her favorite place in the world, and I came here often with her. The whole family was there when we arrived, but there were no happy faces. Turns out, we went there to be sad.
To just sit in silence. No one even said hello to me. I had enough and yelled at them all and accused them of not caring about me anymore. I went on a rant. A lot of my words probably weren’t coherent because of how upset I was.
After I had finished yelling, I went back to our car and sat next to it (after forgetting the keys).
Ever since then, I have received a load of messages from the family members of whom I have the numbers, all telling me I’m a jerk.
I asked my friends, but they’ve shared their dislike for my family so they’re probably biased. I just want an outside opinion. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family, though……. I think that it’s time to sit down with your parents and have a chat.
Ask how they celebrated. “A”’s birthday last year. What about “B”? How did they celebrate that? What about the year before? What did they do? Then ask what they did for YOUR birthday last year. And the year before that. And the year before.
Point out that you loved your grandma and miss her too, but that completely ignoring your birthday every year, while celebrating other birthdays is really unfair and hurtful. That the party/dinner/outing does not have to be on that day, exactly. And as a last point…..
point out that next year, you will be 18. A milestone birthday. If they decide to ignore that, too, then you will know exactly where you stand.” ZookeepergameWise774
Another User Comments:
“I understand being upset that your life is being eclipsed by your grandmother’s death. That sucks.
You aren’t wrong for how you feel. Your timing could have been better, and probably your delivery, but you weren’t wrong about the issue. No offense, but yeah, the family is going to think you are a jerk — in the short term. You blew up at a solemn occasion.
When it sounds very much like they were blindsided, not because you were wrong, but because they were ‘looking in the wrong direction’, so to speak. Next year go do your thing, for you, on your day. Your family might have gotten the clue, but unless they have some serious talks with you in the coming year, I wouldn’t bet on seeing a change.
Best of luck. And a belated, Happy Birthday. NTJ.” ThinkingT00Loud
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Happy birthday! People grieve differently, etc, etc, but none of that is an excuse to not celebrate you. The way I see it, you have a few options. This year, throw yourself a small birthday party, invite some friends, go out, and have fun.
Next year though, you can either wait to see if anyone will say anything to you or you can just plan another party for yourself and friends. I’m petty, so I wouldn’t explicitly invite any of your family. (They’re welcome but l wouldn’t expect any of them to come).
This is the important part: Tell them that you’re planning on celebrating your and your grandmother’s birthday with or without them. Spend the next year telling folks you plan to celebrate your birthday. Even go as far as to plan parts of your birthday in front of them.
Let them decide on their own, but put no expectations on them. Then do your own thing. Have fun! Enjoy yourself! You’ll be turning 18, which is a big deal!!! Here’s where my pettiness rears its head. Just remember who chose to celebrate you and who chose not to.
Then remember that on their birthdays. Celebrate those who celebrate you (with the exception of those too young to know better). Don’t give those that didn’t any more effort than they gave you.” codebleu13
Ask them why they mourn her instead of celebrating the fact that that day brought them you. Grandma would be horrified at what they are doing.
3. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Friend's Expensive Pottery?
“Here’s the deal: A good friend of mine (we’re both 29M) recently picked up pottery and has gotten pretty serious about it.
To support him and because I thought it would be nice to have some unique dishes, I mentioned I’d be interested in buying some of his work for my new place. I didn’t ask about the price at the time, which I now realize was a mistake.
We were texting about it, and he sent me photos of a set he made specifically for me: 6 plates and 6 bowls. They looked great, but then he mentioned the price – $450, with a “50% friends and family discount.” I was taken aback by the cost. While I appreciate the effort and skill that goes into handmade items, $450 is a lot more than I was expecting to spend.
I responded, pretty surprised, saying that the price was higher than I anticipated and suggested that he might be able to sell it at full price to someone else who could appreciate it more at that value. I thought this was a reasonable suggestion, considering the price was beyond what I was comfortable spending, even with a discount.
However, this seemed to upset him.
Now, things have escalated. He cussed me out over text, refuses to speak to me, and has even backed out of a planned trip with our group of friends because of this argument. I’m left feeling confused and guilty over the whole situation.
So, AITJ for not wanting to pay $450 for some bowls and plates?”
Another User Comments:
“Ohmygawd you are NTJ! You mentioned buying some pieces for your new place, and without discussing the price with you, he made a set of dishes that are too expensive for you.
If he had talked to you before and you’d agreed to the dishes and the price and then backed out, you’d be in the wrong here but that’s not what happened. And you’re right, if he’s any good he can sell these pieces to someone else.
Don’t let him guilt or manipulate you into thinking you’re at fault here. Enjoy your trip with your friends without any drama he would have brought along.” glimmerseeker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lesson learned – always get the price before you agree to buy.
He’s asking $37.50 per piece. Unless he is incredibly talented, he is not going to be able to sustain that level of pricing, particularly since his real asking price would be twice that. Let him be mad at you. That is a large amount of money for a small amount of product.
If he knew he was going to be charging that high a price, he should have made it clear to you before making the product.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His reaction to your very polite way of declining to spend a good chunk of money makes it very clear that there isn’t much you can do here.
Go on the trip with your friends, enjoy your time, let him figure out the friendship on his end, and until then, go on with your life. If people ask, you can decline to comment or say something like “he got upset with me for declining to buy his pottery at what I would say is a significant amount – and it is beautiful by the way – and he cussed at me for declining.
I’d rather leave it at that as I don’t want to make it a bigger issue.” He doesn’t get to cuss at you and then leave you feeling bad for not spending money on his pottery. If he wants to sell his stuff, he’s going to have to act more professionally and less sensitive, even with friends.
If he asked you to spend $10 on a ticket to see him perform, I’d say go. If you are very well off and he was asking you to buy $50 worth of pottery, I’d say go for it. Even then, if said no, he shouldn’t cuss at you.
It is good to be able to be a friend who supports other friends in their financial pursuits or artistic endeavors, but it is very unfair for friends to EXPECT their friends to shell out cash to them.” mfruitfly
2. AITJ For Wanting An Adults-Only Vacation With My Sweepstake Win?
“One of my (39M) hobbies is entering raffles, sweepstakes, radio contests, etc. I’ve won tickets to concerts, sporting events, some household items, gift cards, but never a grand prize like a car or vacation.
Until last month when I won a free trip for 4 people to Florida for 5 nights. Obviously, I was super excited and told my wife (38F) about it right away.
After our initial excitement wore off and we started talking about details, it became apparent we had conflicting ideas about this trip.
Before I could even make suggestions about what I wanted this trip to be, my wife brought up how excited her 11-year-old daughter would be and how we could go to Disney, SeaWorld, etc. She then said that we can bring her mom with us to help watch her daughter so that we could have some time for ourselves.
She was so excited about it and was getting wrapped up in planning things without even hearing what I wanted. I told her that all of that sounds like fun, but I was thinking that we could invite another couple and have it be an adult-only trip instead of bringing my stepdaughter and MIL with.
She did not like my idea one bit and told me that she wouldn’t feel right taking a free trip like that and leaving her daughter behind. She also said that her mom has never been to Florida and this would be a perfect opportunity for her to go there.
We argued back and forth a little bit before deciding to take a break and come back to it before telling anyone about it.
Well, that lasted about 24 hours before my wife let it slip to her daughter that I had won a trip. So, of course my stepdaughter immediately got excited about it and started looking into all the things she wanted to do.
I asked my wife why she told her daughter and she said it was an accident, which, come on. It started a fight between us and emotions got a little high. I told her she was wrong to bring her daughter into this after we agreed to wait and that I never agreed to take my stepdaughter or MIL on this trip.
I told her that I was the one who won the trip and she was acting like this was something specifically for her.
She told me I was being selfish and that we should include those closest to us in something like this, especially when neither stepdaughter nor MIL had ever been to Florida.
She said that bringing another couple and leaving her daughter home would be cruel, especially now that she’s so excited about it.
I told her that her daughter is only excited about it because she decided to blab to her about it instead of waiting like we had agreed. I told her if she wants to bring her daughter and MIL then she can also pick someone else to go with because I would rather stay home by myself than go on a vacation where I don’t get to be involved in any decisions.
I said that if she wants to go that route, she certainly can, but I’m not paying for any of it (we have separate finances). Now she thinks I’m being a jerk and should be happy about having a free family trip.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bordering on ESH. The reason it’s borderline ESH is because you’re married, you both need to be open to discussing how to play out an unexpected windfall like this, and you seem oddly contemptuous of your stepdaughter. The reason it’s NTJ is: you DID win the trip, and therefore should get a weightier vote on the outline of the trip.
Your wife is absolutely attempting to emotionally blackmail you into doing the trip the way SHE wants by telling your stepdaughter. She definitely decided the trip was for her and not for you (you, being both of you).” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I live in Florida and Ft Myers is a perfect spot for a couples getaway!
It is about 3.5-4.5 hours to Orlando, depending on traffic. Tack on theme parking all day and it just doesn’t make any sense. Explain that to them. Show them a map! Florida is huge! And Disney is suuuuper expensive! It defeats the point of taking a free vacation!” Ok-Mine-5739
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I see both sides of the coin what it comes down to is that as you won the trip, you should get to decide how it is used. I would certainly be bummed if my spouse won a trip and then wanted to take it without me, but that’s not what is happening here, and I think your wife’s insistence on controlling this and her judgment of you for not having the same vision for the trip are really unfair.
You aren’t a bad person or a bad stepfather for wanting to take an adult trip – LOTS of couples do this. It’s not cool of her to act like you’re awful just for having another idea. And I agree with you that it was especially out of line for her to TELL her daughter (accidentally or not) about the trip because she knew that would make it harder on you.
Really not cool. The one other thing that stands out to me is how you initially only refer to your stepdaughter as your wife’s daughter – repeated references to ‘her daughter’. I wonder if there is a dynamic in play here where your wife worries your stepdaughter doesn’t feel like she’s part of the family, or if the girl worries about losing her mom, etc. It’s a stretch based on what I’m seeing, admittedly!
Just thought I’d plant the seed that if you think there is anything sticky in your blended family situation, that this trip is surfacing, you should talk about that separately!!” owls_and_cardinals
1. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Cookies For My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“I bought a custom cake for my daughter’s birthday and altered it to her specifications. She’s not crazy about frosting, for example, so I asked that less be used.
My husband proposed I make a separate trip to the grocery store to buy an individual cookie, and we didn’t need anything else.
I was in the middle of baking 4 dozen cupcakes for our daughter to take to ABA the next day.
Neither of my kids is typically developing, and a clear response from my daughter to being asked “what dessert do you want for your party?” was kind of a big deal. My husband knew I was special ordering a cake way in advance and approved the design.
Both my children gravitate toward savory, rather than sweet, foods; neither one has an aversion to desserts or even a favorite food.
My husband walked in, and the first thing he said was “do you think we should buy some cookies for the birthday party?
Something (our daughter) will actually eat?” and I was floored. I told him that was a strange – and hurtful! – thing to say, since he knew in advance about the cake order and the cupcakes our daughter was bringing to school. I told him that hurt my feelings because I was really excited about the cake and I made choices about it based on my kid’s preferences.
I pointed out that he could have said something about also wanting cookies any time in the last month, but that mentioning it less than 48 hours before the party and in the middle of my baking the cupcakes wasn’t helpful.
He had zero response and gave me the silent treatment, which also stung.
He brought it up again this morning when I asked if we needed anything else for the party. He was surprised and miffed that I told him if he wanted cookies, he could go to the store; I would not be buying any cookies, since I had purchased cake and ice cream and sent cupcakes to school with her.
AITJ for not purchasing “even just one cookie” for my daughter’s birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your husband thinks there should be cookies for a birthday party, that’s legitimate! He can go buy birthday party cookies like a big grown-up person. “Something our daughter will actually eat” – ahem.
Okay. If he thinks the options provided will not be eaten, he can buy something else for the party. That comment in the middle of party prep makes him the jerk. Not you. Happy birthday wishes to your daughter! The cake sounds yummy.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is not even about the cookies. This is about the fact that you have been putting time and effort into making your child’s birthday special for weeks, only for him to waltz in at the last minute. If he had a different opinion on what treats were needed for the birthday, then he should have made that clear during the planning stage – not wait until things were already finished/in progress.
If he wanted to help at the last minute he should have asked what task he could take off your plate, instead he just tried to add an additional task to your plate.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why is your husband asking a simple question so triggering for you?
If he believes your child will want cookies it’s a legit ask. About the silent treatment, he was probably shocked that you were absolutely floored over asking about some cookies and didn’t want to trigger you further. Like you said, it takes a quick run to the store to buy some cookies so I’m missing what makes this such a sensitive issue for you.
If it’s because you are doing all the work you could have simply said that’s a good idea, go get the cookies.” ScattyPimpen
You spent money...
You made kiddo help decide..
You got a cake because you wanted a cake.
I think hubby understands kiddo more than you.
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