People Want Out Of Their Sticky "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
21. AITJ For Exposing My Dad's Inappropriate Texts And Ruining Our Family's Thanksgiving?
“My family life has always been rather rocky until the past few years when it improved significantly. My (f 21) parents have been divorced since I was six and have fought ever since, until a few years ago when my grandfather (Dad’s side) was dying from cancer.
There was so much drama with my dad’s side of the family so my mom, a nurse, came to help my dad and his family. We have lost all contact with his side of the family after his death, and my parents have been getting along quite well since.
I have seen my mom send him “I love you,” texts, she brings him food and looks for any reason to spend time with him. They have gotten along so well that for the past few years, we have been celebrating holidays together. Something I thought to be impossible before.
Losing my dad’s side of the family has made these events very important to him.
Everything was going really well until I ruined it. Last month I got a text from my cousin’s best friend containing screenshots of text from my dad (56) making unwanted advances towards her.
For some more context, this girl is (21) my exact age. To make matters worse she also looks nearly identical to my cousin who until very recently was living in my dad’s basement apartment. The texts disgusted me, I have never been more disappointed in an authority figure my entire life.
I did not know what to do so I sent the screenshots to my mom who said she would call Dad about it. When confronted my dad refused responsibility claiming he must have been sleepwalking. He has never done this before, and the texts were always sent at different points in the day over multiple weeks.
His lack of responsibility upset Mom. They have not really talked since.
This year both Dad and I will be spending Thanksgiving alone due to this situation. My mom and brother are going to spend the day with Mom’s family. I decided to stay safely a few states away and will be spending the day in my dorm.
I feel so bad that I took the holiday away from my dad and broke apart a family that was just starting to heal. Mom feels like she has been deceived, and is not planning on going back to see him anytime soon. I on the other hand am just so disappointed in him that I can not bear to go home and risk seeing him.
I am afraid I will be unable to control my anger and lash out at him. I just keep thinking that if I handled this situation differently things would be better. Maybe if I confronted him in the first place without involving Mom, maybe I could have salvaged their relationship.
On the other hand, this has made me question my entire relationship with my dad and reevaluate some of the things that happened between us when I was little. Has he been this inappropriate with anyone else? My cousin told me about times she would go upstairs and find him intoxicated and talking about inappropriate things, she is now away in Bootcamp.
If anything happened to her I do not think I could ever forgive myself. Did I overreact? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you didn’t destroy anything, your dad did. Your parents already had a rocky relationship, for whatever reasons. There were obviously problems already in their relationship, probably had been for years before the recent reconnection.
They were not happy together. Your dad did something absolutely disgusting. He is hitting on women young enough to be his daughter. Young women who are barely legal to be in a relationship with. And given that your friend came forward with the messages, I’d bet he was unwilling to take no for an answer and started harassing her too.
It sounds like you also suspect him of maybe committing inappropriate actions, or at least wanting to, and maybe even of behaving inappropriately toward you. This is a pattern of behavior, not an isolated incident or one bad choice he made. Your dad is a creep.
He destroyed any chance he had at a relationship with you or your mom when he started harassing women your age and maybe even family members. All you did was shine a light on the dirt that was already there. And you can’t clean up the mess and move on until you’re aware of it, so you did the right thing.
I know it sucks, because you wanted your parents back. But you need to remember that your dad isn’t who you thought he was. The person you loved didn’t really exist. It’s okay to grieve over that lost relationship. The person to be upset with here is him, not you.” Purple_Midnight_Yak
Another User Comments:
“Sooo NTJ. You had a moral obligation to show your mom those texts — you did what any good person would’ve done. Your dad was being inappropriate + you showed your mom that. I guess the only question I have for you is, do you WANT to forgive him?
I know you feel bad for ripping apart a family that was just beginning to heal, but this is something disgusting that will need to be addressed…” SerperiorSaturday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m very sorry OP. Your father is the one who brought this upon himself.
He sounds like a real creep and predator, going after a young lady who is your age. Your mother deserved to know the truth. Honestly, your dad seems to have a lot of problems and he needs to get professional help. If he does this again in the future, he can be in serious legal trouble.
I hope you do have a lovely holiday.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Long-Distance Partner To Track My Location?
“My partner (23m), has had a lot of trauma with past relationships. We have been in a relationship for about 5 years now, and recently, he asked me to share our locations with each other, since we live long distance and I (20f) figured it was just a small thing to check in on each other since we’re both always driving around our respective cities and running errands.
A couple of weeks ago, he started sending me texts like “are you still at the gym?” when I had just left the gym minutes ago and hadn’t texted him yet. I thought this was just a coincidence, but it kept happening more and more often.
I ended up asking him how often he checks my location, and he said it was just once in a while when I don’t respond for a while (over an hour or two he said). We ended that conversation there, and the weirdly timed texts kept happening.
Later on, he asked me to tell him whenever I left/got places and said it would just make him feel less anxious, which I at first didn’t agree with because I have a history of being tracked 24/7 and constantly micromanaged, but I offered to hear him out and I ended up saying I understood where he was coming from and agreed to do it.
The problem after that was that I kept forgetting to tell him when I would leave/get to places (once or twice a day, like I said, I’m constantly driving from place to place, all day), and he brought it up, very angry. The only way he could have known that I was forgetting was if he was actively checking my location throughout the day.
I ended up apologizing and I put in more effort to remember throughout the day, but of course it still slipped my mind again a couple of days later. This time it was while I was on a call with my mother while I was leaving the gym and heading to a store, and later leaving the local grocery store to head home (I was out with my mother this entire time).
Once I got home, I texted SO and told him that I had gotten home. Later that night, he asked to call and he picked up angry, frustrated, and with an already raised tone of voice. He accused me of lying to him, deceiving him, and spent an hour ranting to me loudly about how it’s such a simple thing and about how I don’t care, about how I don’t put ANY effort into the relationship.
I told him I didn’t feel comfortable continuing to update him every single time I left or arrived at a place, which ended up causing several more hours of ranting from him about how much I didn’t care and how little effort I was putting into the relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Oh dear this is how a controlling relationship starts. By giving into his ‘anxiety’ just feeds the problem, believe me, this will escalate. He needs to get help to deal with his issues and not put the onus on you to control his anxiety (eg; control issues).
If he won’t get help, run. Run fast.” DustyGate
Another User Comments:
“TURN OFF LOCATION TRACKING IMMEDIATELY. This is abusive control, and stop accepting it. You have your life to live. Even if you lived in the same town, SO shouldn’t be controlling or tracking your movements this way.
It’s creepy and his ranting at you should put you on alert that it’s only going to escalate to dangerous for you. NTJ and RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No no no, this is textbook emotional abuse and very controlling behavior.
He’s flipped it around on you to make you feel bad when he clearly doesn’t trust you. The fact that you’ve even had to come to this forum because you think you could be in the wrong is ridiculous! I would seriously think about the future of this relationship; this is a major red flag.
There may be a lot of other things he’s controlling about that you don’t even realize — these guys are smart like that. Do you argue a lot? Does he blame a lot of things on you? Do you always feel guilty? I had an ex like this who would want to check up on me constantly, check my phone, stop me from wearing ‘revealing’ clothes, etc. When I would call him out on it, he would say ‘well what have you got to hide’ and make ME feel like I was in the wrong.
It takes a while for you to realize how messed up they are being. Also past relationship trauma is no excuse. If he’s using that as an excuse, he needs to get his butt to therapy, not traumatize you instead. I have no idea what your SO is like, but please take a step back and watch how he’s treating you because this is a major red flag.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Telling My School Nurse To Let Go Of My Nose During A Nosebleed?
“I’m a senior in high school, and I got a nosebleed in the bathroom, and I thought it was over with so I removed the bloody tissue from my nose, but as I was heading to my next class, my nose started pouring blood onto the hallway floor in front of everyone.
I rushed to my next class and grabbed handfuls of tissues as my face was covered and my hand was stained red, and my teacher told me to go to the nurse. I ran to the nurse, but I kept getting stuck in the hallways due to so many people walking slow.
When I arrived the nurse led me into the bathroom, and I cleaned my face. Afterward, I sat down and the nurse told me to pinch my nose. I did, but it wasn’t working, so she walked over to me and said she was going to do it for me.
I agreed and let her do it for a minute but then she was squeezing my nose so hard that it was hurting and I couldn’t breathe because my mouth was so dry.
She told me to breathe through my mouth, but I could barely do it.
I told her to let go because it was hurting, but she wouldn’t so I tried to pry her hands off of me. She kept holding my nose and squeezing it hard despite my protests and she eventually let go after a few seconds.
When I said I would do it myself, she told me that “this was the way I was taught in medical school, and when the nurse tells you something you do it.” While staring down at me and talking condescendingly. After she sat back down in front of her computer I told her: “If I tell you to let go of my nose you let go of my NOSE.
This is my body.”
She kept trying to argue against what I was saying, but I kept saying that she should have let go after I told her to. Then a woman in the office came in and told me I was being: “very disrespectful” to the nurse, and that I didn’t have to keep saying that, and that I should have listened to her.
All the while I was dehydrated and embarrassed. I asked my mom to pick me up, but she kept telling me to go back to the room where I was embarrassed despite me crying on the phone. My mom didn’t understand why I was so upset about this and said I was acting “hysterical” because I was crying so much.
When I asked my mom to do something about what happened at my school she said she wasn’t going to do anything about it. Then my mom kept yelling at me about how she had to be on a call for work despite me still being upset.
I have frequent nosebleeds and I can’t handle anyone touching me that much unless I trust them because of a past history of abuse. My nose still hurts from that woman squeezing it so hard.
I think I’m the jerk because I overreacted to the nurse touching me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nurse shouldn’t continue if you say stop. Your mom doesn’t seem to be much help, either. You’re 17, I’m guessing. Time to take matters into your own hands. Why do you get frequent nose bleeds? See a doctor and find out.
Do research online on how to stop one, and carry what you need on you. Only advice I can think of.” deadbiker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your body your choice. You must give consent for medical procedures. You withdrew that consent. You should report the nurse, if the school doesn’t do something try the school board or medical regulatory body.
Tbh I doubt anything would happen but it’s important to have a record of this stuff.” Slouch_Potato_
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. Also, as someone who grew up with daily nosebleeds, often severe with huge clots, until I got the inside of my nose cauterized at 15, pinching your nose doesn’t really do anything when you have chronic nosebleeds like this.
I got so much bad advice from school nurses growing up because of my nosebleeds. Ice works way better. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. I also always kept tissues on me, no matter what. It sucks to get caught without them and bleed all over the place!
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Have you ever had a surprise nosebleed sneeze?? At least it wasn’t that lmao. But I understand it was still mortifying. And her treatment of you was horrible when you were already in a vulnerable state. I’m sorry your mom wasn’t understanding either.
You don’t deserve that. I hope you’re resting and hydrating now.” roadsidechicory
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change Our Trip Plans For My Friend's Underage Partner?
“I’m a 28-year-old guy. I have had the same close friend group since freshman year of college so 10 years now. There’s 5 of us. Every year we like to take at least one trip. Sometimes we do two like we did last year with airfare being so low.
This year (technically next) we are planning to go to Austin, Texas in March/April. All of us had heard great things. By the end of November, we would like to book the Airbnb. We actually decided on Austin back in June, but due to some work schedules and a wedding we will all be attending, we have to plan the trip for the spring.
The problem lies with my buddy “Craig”. Craig is a great guy and I love him, but he’s always been a little… odd. He doesn’t have great social skills and never does great with women. He’s just kind of an awkward guy but still one of my best friends.
So Craig is our age, he turned 28 in April. Well… in September Craig decided to introduce us to the girl he was seeing, because now they made it “official” and are in a relationship.
Craig is in a relationship with Mary who… is freshly 20 years old.
Apparently celebrated her birthday a few weeks before she matched with Craig on an app. I’m sorry I don’t want to be judgmental but.. yikes. It’s awkward because the rest of us feel so weird around her. She’s younger than all of our younger sisters.
But like I said Craig is just kinda like that. He hasn’t had a serious partner in many years too.
Well for the trip 3 of the guys including myself are bringing our partners. Craig is now asking that we consider changing the location to somewhere Mary could go.
I guess she has a fake ID (good lord why are we with someone who still needs a fake?) but is nervous the bars in Austin might not take it. Honestly a couple of others and I are wanting to tell Craig that Mary will have to sit this one out then.
He said it’s not fair because other partners are going and it’s not nice to exclude his. I asked him if she even wanted to go or if she’s too nervous about missing her Sigma Kappa philanthropy event (I know, crappy joke).
But we think 1. We planned this before they got together and 2. We just shouldn’t have to accommodate for this girl. Like Craig come on this is what you get for being in a relationship with a girl that young. 3. We all think it’s creepy and just don’t want to be around them.
Like I said we have younger sisters years older than her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you’re not old enough to drink, tough luck. Bring a fake ID, don’t bring one, who cares. It’s HER decision if she wants to go or not.
Tell friend to just let you know. It’s their/her responsibility, not the rest of you. Tough cookies, in my opinion.” HobbitQueen8
Another User Comments:
“Ahh… NTJ. I’d be direct that you are uncomfortable instead of making immature jokes that are going to offend him without getting your point across.
I am not a fan of age-gap relationships, I find them creepy. She’s not even drinking age. That being said, you can decide to express that part or you can decide not to. Either way, you still have the right to say you are uncomfortable bringing someone below that age, there is difficulty altering the plans because of it, and it simply isn’t going to work out.
Understand if he is the only single dude, he is going to feel uncomfortable going and slighted. It’s simply a tough pill to swallow. That’s the price he pays for his young partner.” explicitlinguini
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It’s up to them. She can come and risk losing it and just do stuff in the day with you all and dinner, etc. (she could get a backup ID or something before the trip.) or they can not come if it’s not worth the risk, but at almost 30, dealing with ID drama is ridiculous.
Tell them they should decide if the trip is still worth it if she cannot get into bars at night. If they decide to still come, you could be chill, in support of your friend, and try to plan at least one night that doesn’t require being 21.
The age thing is weird of course. But try to remember that if your friend is really awkward, in relationship maturity years they may be at the same level so no need to shame him. She’s not in high school.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Hanging Up On My Mom After She Kept Commenting On My Acne?
“This past week I (21f) celebrated my birthday. I got myself a haircut and some bangs, and then my mother organized a nice birthday brunch and got me a thoughtful & funny gift. We all had a great time & I thanked her.
A few months ago I quit my birth control for my own reasons, & that triggered LOTS of new hormonal acne (this is relevant, bear with me). It’s supposed to be temporary, & is mainly out of my control. I sleep with my bangs rolled above my head, I wash my face twice a day, and use retinol.
I’m doing everything I can. I’ll see a doctor or dermatologist in a few months if it doesn’t go down, but for now, I’m just waiting it out. The acne is annoying, but I FEEL so much better. It doesn’t bother my self-esteem, and I’d like it to stay that way.
So, for the past few weeks, my mother has been making multiple comments about how my face looks… like “oh honey…. you need to get back on the pill. Your face has never looked like that before. Here try this new cream. Keep your hair out of your face.
Do this. Do that,” etc., then she’ll seem to feel guilty and apologize. After a while it started to bother me, so I told her that it did, more than once. I love my face and all of its natural changes, and I don’t want to be convinced otherwise.
I made her agree to not speak of it anymore. The day after my birthday she FaceTimed me and we had a long, good conversation. Then at the end, she mentions my acne, AGAIN, after agreeing not to. So, I just hung up.
I expected her to roll her eyes and go to sleep.
I was meaning to be petty, not hurtful. But then I get a call back from her, and she’s sobbing and angry. Threatening to cut me off by saying, “Do that again and it’ll be the last time you do.” & even saying something about “taking my dog” away from me because she doesn’t want my dog around her ex in-laws??
I reflected, realizing hanging up came off as more rude than I meant it to. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, I just wanted no more part in that conversation. So I apologized, but I’m so confused and hurt that she would go as far as threatening those things?
Did she overreact or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is overreacting and it’s essentially a tantrum because she actually has to face a consequence after disrespecting your boundaries for so long. The worst part is that she is making threats, which is basically saying “I’m going to talk about your acne wherever I want and if you don’t allow it I’ll punish you.” She needs to get a grip.” Gogowhine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mom is guilt trippin’ you. Pay it no mind and I doubt she can take the dog if it’s yours… In fact, the best to maintain your boundary of not talking about your face is to keep hanging up on her or leaving her presence when she starts in on it until she realizes it will keep happening if she doesn’t STFU.
Congrats on feeling better after quitting the pill! I’ve tried the pill a few times and every time it makes me feel like an emotionless zombie.” unjessicabiel_evable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad has similar behaviors and it’s narcissism at its finest. You’re totally well-adjusted and your mother continuing to make comments about your acne is really unnecessary.
You hanging up on her was 100% justified and was you setting/maintaining a boundary for your personal mental health. If she can’t have a normal conversation with you, you don’t have to participate. Good for you for sticking up for yourself!!” toast_mcgeez
16. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Roommate For Throwing A Party And Using My Booze Without Permission?
“Last Saturday night I went out for dinner with my partner for his birthday and we stayed in my apartment (because it was within walking distance from the restaurant). We were home and asleep by around midnight.
At 1 am my roommate came in, making a lot of noise, with about 6 guests in tow.
There were at least 6 people in our small apartment shouting and it woke me and my partner up.
I then heard my roommate saying “Absoluuuutely, invite your friends” to someone else there, and then 4 more people showed up. They also put on loud music on the speakers that are beside my bedroom wall.
At this point, I threw some clothes on and went to take my booze out of the kitchen, because she had stolen my beverages multiple times in the past when she had people over.
So I go into the kitchen, have to ask a dense group of people to move out of my way, and then I see that the booze I bought earlier that afternoon for Christmas had been cracked open (it was sealed previously) and a few measures taken from it.
So I bundled up my booze to bring it to my bedroom. She came over like what are you doing and I snapped, “I bought this TODAY and you’re after cracking into it, this was sealed!” and she was like, “Don’t get annoyed at ME ‘cause they opened it”.
She then said she should have booze somewhere and where was it, and I said I don’t know but this is mine that I got today – I’m sure as I had left it on the kitchen counter.
Note: I’m 99% sure she didn’t even know these people (bar 1) and they were randomers from the pub.
She kept asking me where her booze was and some guy pipes up “there’s booze in the kitchen” and I snapped at him that that was mine and he can’t help himself to my things as I’m not involved in whatever this is.
Anyway, I put all my stuff in my room and my partner and I left to stay at his house because we wouldn’t have been able to sleep. This meant driving there in the middle of the night on his birthday after having a drink (technically legal but makes me very uncomfortable).
I brought as many of my valuables with me as I could as I was actually scared these random people would steal from my bedroom (no locks on the doors).
Anyway, am I the jerk for getting annoyed at this? She has been avoiding me and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I’m actually getting annoyed again just typing it lol.
Some people have said I should just deal with the fact I can’t leave my drinks in the kitchen without them being taken but I disagree.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had approximately 10 people round without prior warning.
That would have been lousy if they came around at 1 pm but 1 AM? Absolutely a jerk move. Then she lets her guests drink all of your booze? Double jerk move. Keep everything you don’t want your flatmate to have in your room, with a lock, and look for a better flatmate.” Sure-Maintenance7002
Another User Comments:
“NTJ GTFO out of that apartment as soon as you can. Your roommate is being an absolute jerk. Shared space means shared rights to kick people out. Incredibly inconsiderate of her to host an impromptu party with randos. You need a real talk with your roommate; you most likely need to just get out as someone this clueless is likely to not be able to change.” egv78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This stuff happened to me EVERY WEEKEND with my roommate from heck. I would come home from work, and some random guys would be in our apartment, “Waiting for Jen, she gave us a key.’ The kicker was when I went away for a weekend, and someone slept in my bed and left their undergarments on the floor.
Oh…the anger meter was beyond red.” Different-Secret
15. AITJ For Gifting My Step-Sister Less Than My Biological Sister?
“I (29m) have a biological sister (27f) and a step-sister (28f). The step-sister joined our family when she was 15, my dad married her mom, so it’s not like we grew up together or anything. Also, I was kicked out of my room when she came, so there’s that too.
For me, she has always been someone who came to live with us after my dad got married rather than an actual sister. And I will admit that my dad divorcing my mom to get together with his now wife (who was also his ex in college), might also play some role in my decisions.
But they seem genuinely happy, so good for them I guess. I have always been civil with her, but I could never reciprocate her efforts at bonding. My sister and her on the other hand have a very good relationship, they are pretty close. And Dad’s wife seems pretty cool too I guess.
Anyway, my sister celebrated her birthday on October 5th, and I gifted her a Samsung TV, which comes with a hefty price tag. She has always been somewhat of a TV person and I wanted to spoil her a little so I went for the costliest model available.
And although it was very expensive she is very happy so it’s money well spent. Now, my step-sister’s birthday is on November 27th and I gifted her a 100$ gift certificate (the TV cost me around $1800) and I could see that she was disappointed but she didn’t say anything.
It was later that my dad told me that it was not nice of me to discriminate between my sisters like that. My stepmom also told me that my step-sis felt that I discriminated between sisters by my actions. But I don’t feel that. I gifted my only sister a nice gift because I wanted to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t to say that the step-sister can’t be offended by your actions, but at the end of the day, it’s your money, and your definition of your relationship with her is as valid, or more valid than any other person’s interpretation of what that relationship is.
If you don’t feel as close, as “sisterly”, that’s your choice.” bloodfeier
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re not obligated to give equally between the two of them, but I can see why your step-sister might have felt slighted or felt less important or loved by you.
You’ve said you can’t reciprocate her bonding efforts, so it seems like she wants a close relationship with you and so knowing of the big disparity in gifts might have made her feel (correctly) that you don’t care about her as much.
It’s not her fault your parents divorced or that you got kicked out so you shouldn’t keep her at arm’s length for that, but I understand that sometimes the chemistry for bonding just isn’t there.
Slightly different situation, but my friend’s dad remarried and the new wife had kids of her own.
At Christmas, her kids would get really nice gifts (like TVs and game systems) and she would get a sweater. It made her feel really excluded and hurt obviously. If your stepsister threw a fit over it I’d call her a jerk but it sounds like she held her tongue but told her feelings to her mom, which is fine, and your dad and stepmom decided to take it into their own hands and tell you.
Maybe you could take her out for lunch or coffee as a small celebration/attempt at some bonding? If she’s still upset then it’s about the money and not the fact that she feels rejected by you, at which case I’d say move on.” leannabananaa_
Another User Comments:
“Honestly it’s your money so it’s your choice what to do with it. This comes up with a lot of blended families, some bond, and some don’t. The thing is that’s ok, you didn’t have a say in it. You are not close with your sister so are prepared to spend money on her.
Stepsister isn’t entitled to your or anyone’s money just because her mum married your dad. You see her as a roomie, rather than a sister and that’s fine too. What your parents expect and what happens are two different things. I wish blended parents would stop trying to force relationships that the kids, especially older kids don’t and will never want.
NTJ.” Wildcard344
14. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Sister's Jobless Partner?
“I (M32) come from a middle-class family, my mother is a nurse and my father is a security guard. My parents always supported me through med school, they paid for my apartment for years, bought groceries for me, fixed my car, everything so I could become a doctor, and I did.
My family is very traditional, I’m very grateful for my parents that’s why I help them financially because they helped me even if they were struggling, but they never ask for money. My partner and I are okay since he has a high-paying job too, we recently got married. He understands that I help my parents with money because that’s how we do things.
My husband and I are paying my med school debt, which is not that big because my parents helped me with that.
My sister (F29) is a High School teacher and she has 2 kids. I’m not stingy, I know my sister struggles with money and I make enough money to help her sometimes.
Her partner and father of one of her children doesn’t work or help her with anything, not even with the kids. He doesn’t know how to maintain a job or do anything. She has been with this guy for 7 years, I already told her to dump him but she doesn’t listen.
I refuse to keep supporting a layabout and good for nothing. She asked me for 5,500 dollars to pay bills and to pay for her son’s therapy since he’s autistic and I said no because I’m tired of providing for this man. My sister doesn’t speak to me because she defends him!
Her partner texted me and accused me of being a “cheap jerk”, I know my husband and I have money, and I know we don’t struggle but I feel like this is unfair. My sister doesn’t see that this man is ruining her.
I told her I would only pay for my nephew’s treatment. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ no one is ENTITLED to your money. Why is she expecting you to help but not expecting him? If you want to help with your nephew’s therapy, you could always pay the center directly this way he isn’t impacted further by your sister’s choice in baby daddies.
Even if you opted not to, you still wouldn’t be the jerk.” Few-Entrepreneur383
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your money and you are not obligated to pay for anyone. If you don’t mind I’d advise paying for nephew’s treatment if you actually have money to spare, not his fault his parents can’t provide for him and he will benefit from therapy.” psycobookwormMD
Another User Comments:
“You know I was reading this thinking Y TJ all the way up until I got to the part about her partner. NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to fund this man’s life. Your sister should be holding him accountable, not getting him to be unpleasant all over you.
It’s very generous of you to pay for your nephew, this is what I would have done. You can’t stop other people from making poor choices. Both my sisters are married to very similar men. It infuriates me but it’s none of my business.
Luckily they don’t come to me for money.” emccm
13. AITJ For Leaving Dinner After My Friend Tried To Set Me Up On A Date Despite Knowing I'm In A Relationship?
“I (21, F) agreed to go to hang out with my friend, B (28, F) yesterday. A few months ago I started seeing H (29, M) after being friends for two years and I fell in love like never before.
During the summer, B invited me to go on a double date with her and I told her I couldn’t because I was in a new relationship and she seemed to understand. H and I were going through an argument and B made a comment about how she would set me up with someone she knew and I just laughed it off, thinking it was a joke.
These two incidents were minor in my head but I did tell H about them because I like being honest about things with my SO.
LAST NIGHT: I agreed to hang out with B because she said we would go eat and do a release exercise.
She changed the place she originally wanted to eat at and suggested we go to another place and I agreed because I didn’t mind. She comments about how she knows someone that is eating there and I asked her who, it was her on-and-off fling and his friend.
She asked me to meet him and I said okay because I didn’t want to seem rude. (We were waiting for our own table) I told her I would meet him but I didn’t want to eat with them. She agrees. I meet him and she sits down at their table.
I’m standing behind the chair and she tells me to sit down. I sit down and stay quiet. SHE STARTS ORDERING FOOD. She wants me to talk but I stay silent and on my phone. I’m texting my partner what’s going on as the situation just doesn’t feel right to me.
The entire time she’s smiling like nothing is wrong and saying I was being rude. I told her that I thought we came to eat as friends and were going to get our own table and that I didn’t want to eat with them. She says we can move when we get our table.
When we get our table, I tell her that I’m going home and she rolls her eyes. She texted me hours later trying to guilt trip me by saying that I was rude and that I left her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stated your boundaries, and B is acting like she never had any intention of respecting them.
Who sets up their friend on a blind date when they know she’s involved with someone else? Ex-friend is right. B should be consigned to ex-friend status.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You (and we) don’t know for a fact that she was trying to set you up romantically with Fling’s Friend last night.
I think it’s perfectly plausible that she found out her Fling was also dining there and decided to introduce the different friends. Just because Fling’s friend is a member of the opposite sex doesn’t mean she’s trying to throw you together. I introduce my friends to other friends they don’t know all the time.
Idk what “release exercise” is, but she would have been rude if she had scratched that part of your agenda so she could have a longer lunch with Fling instead, but I guess we’ll never know if she would have or not because you left.” Violet_sky21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m not sure why your friend thought manipulating you by lying about setting you up on a date was okay, but good for you by not letting her guilt you into staying. If she pulls crap like this often, you should re-evaluate the friendship.” Kellymargaret
12. AITJ For Laughing At My Best Friend's Unrequited Love?
“I (42F) have been best friends with a man, J (43), since before I can remember. We grew up in the same tiny town, and our moms are best friends too. He was even “Maid of Honour” at my wedding.
He’s the “perfect man”, handsome, charming, intelligent, a bodybuilder.
We joke about how girls melt when he’s around. Because of this, he’s never been in a relationship; he thinks it would be stupid to settle down when he’s got so many choices (his job takes him around the world so he has his pick).
About 10 years ago he met up with a woman named C. The day after, he was gushing about how it was “the best night of his life”. I suggested that he be with her, and he laughed.
They probably meet up about 1-2 times a year on average.
I don’t know the details, but he mentioned that she baked cookies for him, she knitted him mittens. Small things.
Late last year, C got a job where I work. I suspected it was her from the start because she’s got a pretty unique name.
Everyone likes her. She’s hilarious, sweet and gorgeous. I think all the men have a bit of a crush on her.
We’ve become friends, and she told me that she’s sworn off men because she’s approached for “just intimacy” so often they’ve turned her off even wanting to be around them.
She’s told me some stories, and J is featured in one of them. According to her, she asked if he could see it going any further and he laughed in her face; she lost all romantic interest immediately.
In a chat earlier this year I mentioned to J that I was having a few people together while he was home.
I told him that C was going to be there. He confirmed it was her and got pretty excited; I figured it was because he thought he was going to have a good time.
That day C showed up… with her new partner. J decided to leave.
I went to see him off and he said “I can’t believe she showed up with someone; I’m in love with her”. I laughed (since I knew the whole story) and jokingly said “Oh come on, we both know the only person you’ll ever love is yourself”.
Then he left.
Yesterday, I saw him in person for the first time since then. Guys, he looks like crap. Like he’s aged about 10 years. I was shocked. I asked him what’s up, and apparently, he’s been really depressed about C. He is also upset with me for laughing at him.
Now I feel super guilty; I had no idea he was serious. He’s told our moms about it and they think I was a jerk to him. So does his brother, who called me just to tell me off. My husband also thinks it was a bad move.
So I’m ready to be judged. AITJ for laughing at him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, if he wanted her, he should have let it be known he wanted more. He’s known her for a decade and it’s ARROGANT of him to think she was someone who would always be around.
He reminds me of guys who dither about being serious with the girl in their life and are SHOCKED! SHOCKED! she found someone else because he never made a serious effort. C wanted a serious relationship and I say GOOD for her.” Maleficent_Ad_3958
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He laughed in her face when she, as an adult, asked about the potential for a real relationship, and he laughed when you suggested that he be with her. That’s the point of reference for both C and you. She’s allowed to move on and pursue a romantic relationship, and you’re allowed to make comments based on his previous statements to you and his intimacy-only history.
If he truly wanted a real shot at a relationship with C, he would have contacted her directly and been clear about his feelings and desire to have one. He didn’t do that. And now he thinks he can be all in his feelings since she is now in a relationship.
And everyone who doesn’t support those feelings is a bad guy, including you. Your friendship with J aside, C got a lucky break when he dissed her. I hope the relationship with her partner goes well. J has no right to play the victim – he shot her down and she moved on.
Too bad, so sad.” Apprehensive-hippos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was fwb with a guy a couple of years ago. I asked him if we could be more and he said he didn’t want a relationship. I started seeing someone for a couple of months and suddenly he wanted a relationship.
When I stopped seeing the guy, FWB didn’t want a relationship. Rinse and repeat for the few other guys I went out with before my current partner. I ended up blocking his number about 18 months ago because he would never respect that I was seeing someone and wanted me to dump them for him.
I’ve been with my current partner for nearly a year and it’s been great having no texts from him! I told my partner about him and, tbh, it’s a good thing I do have my old fwb blocked because my partner would have “had words” with him… Only because he wouldn’t leave me alone when I was with someone.” TayLou33
11. AITJ For Suggesting My Wife Should Cook More Because She's Better At It?
“I am not a bad cook by any definition, but my wife is a much better cook than me. We’ve divided household chores in a way that I do most of the cooking and she does most of the cleaning, laundry, and dusting. I do these chores sometimes, and she cooks sometimes.
We’re both working from home full time and work Monday-Friday from 9-6.30. When we were working from the office, we would eat our lunches at work and sometimes grab dinner outside. For the past year and a half, we’ve been eating most of our weekday meals at home.
She cooks once or twice a week at max, but when she does, she makes really elaborate and delicious meals. She’s South Asian and knows how to use her spices well.
So yesterday, she cooked us a delicious Indian meal for dinner. I complimented her on her amazing cooking.
She replied that she cooks whenever she’s fed up with eating my “bland” food. I don’t know how to use spices, but my food is decently edible. Just not up to her standards (I buy pasta sauce from the store, while she makes the sauce at home from scratch).
But I agreed that she was a far superior cook and suggested that she cook more often. I offered to take up most of the cleaning responsibilities. In effect, I suggested that we swap responsibilities. That way we would both be eating better food during the week.
She was very angry upon hearing this and accused me of being a “typical male chauvinist” and patriarchal for asking her to cook more often just because she is the woman. When I pointed out that I could do more of the cleaning her response was that I would do a half-hearted job and it wouldn’t be up to her standards anyway.
So she would have to redo all the cleaning, in addition to cooking.
She thinks I’m a jerk for suggesting that she cook, instead of learning how to cook better. She likes her spices, slow-cooked over hours while I am more of a quick pasta, salad, and some oven-roasted meat guy.
Doesn’t take me more than an hour on average to whip up dinner from start to finish. I can try to cook better, but she’s still going to be the better cook. I don’t see what I said wrong.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, if you think she cooks better, cook with her and learn how to use spices.
Take a cooking class. Buy a cookbook. You’re capable of learning how to cook more delicious foods. I think everyone sucks here because you approached this from completely the wrong angle. And she really didn’t hear you out. There has to be a compromise. Plus when you’ve cleaned has she had to go behind you and clean again?
Is that a valid fear that she has? I think there’s plenty of room for compromise in this. Maybe a couple of days of her cooking, and you take over bathroom cleaning duty. There are options that you and the wife need to discuss once you’re both calmed down and ready to listen to each other.” Stace34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You suggested a swap because she’s better at a certain thing. Nothing wrong with that. She didn’t need to insult you either. I do all the cooking because I’m just better at it than my husband, and since we both love food, it makes sense to eat good food we both enjoy.” EngineeringOwn2299
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You obviously do a half-hearted job cooking relative to her so I have no trouble believing you’d do the same with cleaning. Plus her version of cooking takes hours while yours takes like half or less the time since you use shortcuts.
So I have no doubt that if she takes over cooking, she would be working more hours doing that than you would cleaning. I don’t think your motivations are from a sexist place but I think you’re the jerk for not putting in as much effort as she does.” Turbulent-Being5212
10. AITJ For Calling The Police When My Friend Disappeared, Unknowingly Exposing Her Illegal Stash?
“I (29f) and my partner (29m) were looking for a friend because we could not contact her for the last 3 days. She was not online and her mobile was deactivated. Yesterday we were supposed to have dinner together with another friend of ours (29m), the four of us together but apparently, she did not show up nor reply to our messages/calls.
I was worried a lot because it was very unusual for her to just disappear. Another friend who has known her for the last 10 years is also searching for her and said it was very unusual. We had the info from someone whose friend is her coworker and he said that she was not even in the office the day before and didn’t come to work.
We visited her apartment and tried to ring her and knocked on her door but looks like nobody was there. Since she had been missing for more than 48 hours, we decided to go to the police. We could not contact her family because they do not live in the same country as her.
The police decided to go into her apartment and gave us info that they did not find anything, she was not there and everything looked fine. We thought we could not do anything else and decided to go back home. Last night she called me back and my friend, she was screaming and said we were destroying her life.
She went to another country and did not tell us and now after 2 days she just came back. While I was so relieved that she was fine and healthy, she was so mad and cursing us with all the bad words that normally she did not use.
Apparently, when police were checking the apartment, they found her illicit substances, almost 30 gr. We are living in Europe country and such substances are illegal. Even though there‘s no huge consequence if you consume that. She said that the police took that from her and they might put her in the police database, therefore in the future, she could not buy such substances anymore without facing any consequence.
At this time the police did not do anything and just let her come back home and gave her the key. She said she lost money and she said she really needs those substances to function and for her mental health. I have transferred her money 500€ to replace the substances that the police took from her.
I was worried when she was suddenly missing. I did forget that she might have illicit substances in her apartment.
AITJ for calling the police?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t randomly disappear for multiple days without saying anything to your friends, especially when you had plans with them you bailed on.
This is why you communicate with people. Sucks they took her substances but she could’ve been dead for all you knew.” goblin_kidd
Another User Comments:
“This is a great reality check, and an opportunity to take stock of your own personal values and review your self-worth.
You are referring to this person as a friend. They ignored you, disregarded the value of your personal time, and berated you when you did, objectively, the right thing. They don’t seem to take any personal responsibility for their decisions, and instead, are transferring the responsibility of their actions to you.
Judgment about substances aside, they are making the conscience choice to break the law. Even if you KNEW there were illicit substances sitting out on the table in their apartment, should that stop you from calling in a welfare check? Only you know if you were overreacting to the situation because the little details matter, but I can unequivocally say you were not wrong doing what you did.
I’m worried this friendship may be unilateral. Do you even want this person as a major part of your life? Verdict: Your “friend” – huge jerk // You – NTJ.” Therealuberw00t
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she should be grateful that she has people looking out for her.
She could have been seriously hurt in her apartment hoping someone would come round to check on her because she couldn’t raise the alarm. Also, she went away but had plans with you that she just ghosted, she should have been polite and canceled!
At least you would have known where she was. You were genuinely concerned and acted accordingly and even paid her for her lost substances. I’m not sure I would have done that to be honest considering her attitude. You deserve an apology, for the emotional pain of causing you so much worry and concern and for the follow-up where she was a complete jerk.” SarNic88
9. AITJ For Asking My MIL To Respect Our Privacy During A Difficult Pregnancy?
“My wife is pregnant with our first child, only at 5-6 weeks right now.
She has had some early complications that resulted in an ER visit and frequent bloodwork, which unfortunately happened while I was out of town for work. The risk/harm to my wife has passed, but we’re now dealing with a potential early miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, which we are running to ground with our doctors.
Pre-ER, my wife was adamant that her mom not find out until 2nd Trimester because she is the epitome of a helicopter parent who wants to remain involved and pester and generally make stressful situations more stressful by needling. My wife told my MIL about the trip to the ER which led her to find out about the pregnancy and subsequent risks.
My wife and I have asked her to let us provide updates in our own time and to not notify MIL of every Dr appointment and result because the risks we are talking about are baby/fertility and not the health and well-being of my wife.
Unfortunately, MIL is being persistent and calling 6+ times a day for updates, lab results, etc. My wife is not one to pick fights with her mom so ends up telling her stuff and then after the phone call having anxiety spirals because of the rabbit holes her mom sends her down, IE sending her articles about what removing fallopian tubes ectopic pregnancy means for future impregnation.
I’ve already intervened once with a very nice message (reviewed and approved by my wife before sending) that said we love you but let us bring you along at our pace because this is sensitive info, but MIL is still insistent that because it’s her daughter she has a right to know everything.
My wife says she’s indifferent but recognizes that her mom sends her in an emotional spiral, but when it comes to the actual phone calls and texts she just sort of gives in because MIL is relentless in her questioning.
This is my first time being the husband of a pregnancy, and a difficult one at that, but WIBTJ for saying a kinder version of “your daughter’s uterus has nothing to do with you, and only affects our current and future children so please stop harassing us for updates while we process the news of each of these appointments?”
FYI we’re in our 30s and have been together for over 10 years.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but be careful how you present this. “Look, MIL, I really appreciate how much you care about my wife/your daughter, but we are dealing with a lot right now and while I appreciate how much you want to be informed on your daughter’s condition, it is greatly adding to the amount of stress we have right now.
We will call you once a week with an update, or more quickly if something big happens. If you don’t hear from us, you can assume all is well.” Best of luck with everything! MIL aside, this is a difficult time for you and your wife.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, unless your wife is willing to go along, there is nothing you can really do about the situation with MIL. But, more importantly, how do you think this is going to play out once there is a baby? You either need to figure out something with your wife now, or you’ll be dealing with MIL’s interference in your life for the rest of your married life.” Veridical_Perception
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We had a similar situation with my mother earlier this year. We lost our first pregnancy around 8 weeks. I didn’t tell my mom anything about the situation until we had confirmed the appointment for the D&C… And holy crap was she awful to deal with.
She was sending multiple texts after I told her I didn’t want to talk, asking if she could be at the hospital, and talking about how much she was grieving. My wonderful husband stepped in and made all contact with my mom go through him.
We lost one of the twins from this pregnancy last month and he did the same thing with anyone I needed him to handle. Please protect your wife right now. Those weeks of not knowing were one of the worst times in my life and the stress is going to still be there no matter which way your situation goes.” RomanSquirrel
8. AITJ For Leaving My Mom's House To Spend Time With My Brother Instead Of My Step-Siblings?
“I (25f) finished my master’s degree this past spring and decided to move back to my hometown to be closer to my parents and brother.
My parents are separated and my brother Alex (14) usually lives with my mom during the school year. I wanted to be there for his first day of high school so I got up early, went to McDonald’s to get us some breakfast, and went to my mom’s house.
My mom’s husband answered the door and let me in, I asked my mom where Alex was and she said he was at Dad’s house. I asked why, she told me he was staying with Dad until he could behave better with his siblings (he has 3 stepbrothers around his age).
I said my usual greetings and goodbyes and made my way to leave. My mom’s husband asked why I was leaving and I told him I was going to see Alex. He looked upset but said goodbye anyway. I spent the rest of the morning with Alex and my dad and drove him to school.
My mom texted me calling me a jerk cause I showed up with McDonald’s in a house full of my “stepsiblings” (I don’t know them or consider them family) and don’t offer them any or wish them well on their first day. She said what I did was rude because her husband’s kids saw me with food and thought I was there for them.
She asked me to come back around the time they get home and to take them out so they didn’t feel left out. I asked if Alex would be there and she said no so I told her I’d be happy to take Alex out with the kids if Alex wanted to go out with them.
He of course said no and now she’s accusing me of trying to break up her family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re 11 years older than your step siblings, the family relationship between you will be limited just in that nature because you’re all in different life spaces.
Your mom’s Brady Bunch vision is unrealistic and her accusations that you’re trying to break up her family are off base. And if you’re feeling spicy, point out that she is doing her part to break up the family by shipping her son off to live with his dad when things got rough instead of working on it at home.
That would do absolutely nothing to help things and would likely pour gasoline on a fire, but hey…sometimes I like to stir up trouble.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have half sisters that I love more than anything. They live with their dad, my stepdad, and at one time he was living with a woman who had two kids around my sisters’ ages (young teens).
Whenever I came over to bring them anything or spend time with them, all the other kids got was a hello and other pleasantries. How awkward it would have been to have to spend time with the other kids when I wanted to spend time with my sisters.
I would definitely NOT have brought them anything if I had to just because I also brought my sisters something. That sounds so needlessly expensive, too. If it were my kids that I felt were left out, I would tell them I could take them to eat myself after school…I would never think that would be your responsibility.” Odd_Tune4093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would your mother’s stepchildren think you were “there for them” when you, as you mentioned, don’t know or have a relationship with them? That’s a massive assumption on their, and possibly your mother’s, part. You clearly stated you were there to see Alex.
That should have clued them in. And that he wasn’t there, on his first day of school, definitely gives me a ‘red-headed stepchild’ vibe about his relationship with your mother’s husband, not just the other kids in the house. And yes, maybe you could’ve diverted a little goodwill the kids’ way and wished them a good first day of school – but that’s not what you came for.” NotARobotDefACyborg
7. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend Over Criticizing Our Stuffed Animals?
“My (27M) partner (28F) is diagnosed with a pretty severe anxiety disorder.
She’s in therapy and takes medication, both of which help her a lot, but she still gets anxiety and panic attacks sometimes.
She’s prone to getting really bad nightmares, which can cause panic attacks for her. Something that’s really helped her over the years are stuffed animals.
Having them near her makes her feel safer, she says.
We’ve been living together for about two years now, and there must be about twenty stuffed animals on the bed with us. My one boundary with them is that there still has to be room for both of us to sleep comfortably on the bed, and we have a king size mattress so that’s never been an issue.
I’ve grown pretty used to them by now at this point.
Anyway, we had a few friends over the other day, and one of them, we’ll call him Mike (30M) went to go use the bathroom. Another friend was in our main bathroom already, so I told Mike he could go use the bathroom connected to our bedroom.
When Mike came back, he had a smug look on his face and told me that it was no wonder I was going soft with that stuffed animal army on the bed. I tried to brush it off, but Mike kept coming at me, saying that I wasn’t a real man because I slept with so many stuffed animals.
I’m very secure in my masculinity, and Mike’s known to joke around with us guys a lot so I wasn’t too offended, but I could tell my partner was getting uncomfortable, so I told him more firmly to drop it. He wouldn’t let it go, so I lost my temper and yelled “Darn it Mike, shut up about the dolls already!”
The air in the room got tense, and my friends left soon after that. My partner quietly told me I didn’t have to make a scene, but I could tell she was relieved I said something. Our female friends think I’m in the right for saying something, but the other male friend who was there thinks I took it too far by yelling at him.
So, AITJ for yelling at Mike about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When a guest is over at your house, whether they’re a friend or not, it’s rude of them to do what he did. He wouldn’t drop it and that’s not only rude but it’s annoying.
To criticize your bedroom “decor” is off-limits. He’s the jerk. Good for you! You handled it fine.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Hi, I am a female with severe anxiety and depression with panic attacks, I still sleep with a stuffed animal and a fan constantly making a noise, and I am 28.
All I can say is, thank you for being an amazing, understanding person who sticks right beside his partner. Be proud of yourself, the stuffed animals don’t hurt anyone. If they help her anxiety, by all means, do it! Also, to your partner, you’re not alone and don’t be ashamed of your stuffed animals.
If they make you feel better, if they give you relief and help deal with those horrible panic attacks, keep doing what you are doing, and never, ever be ashamed. You’re strong for doing what’s best for yourself. And honestly, I am so, so happy to know I’m not alone, either.
NTJ.” JulietOfTitanic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thanks for standing up for her. I know how it is with anxiety and panic attacks, I used to suffer from them for a while. She should not feel bad about having stuffed animals. I have a lot of them myself and I try to keep 2 or 3 on the bed so my husband can sleep in the bed. Stuffed animals are the best when it comes to stuff like anxiety and panic attacks.
I know people, including myself, that take stuffed animals with us where we go, mine is more for my ADHD. She has nothing to be ashamed of. Please let her know that. They are there to make her feel safe and that is a good thing.
Please give her a big hug and tell her she is not alone with the stuffed animals as a comfort item.” larxene135
6. AITJ For Telling My Grandma To Accept My Body Modifications?
“My grandma is a mean old woman and is overly critical of anybody who doesn’t live ‘traditionally’.
She’s extremely harsh on women who go out to work and study instead of staying home and having children.
So when I turned 18 early this year and began to get body modifications, I hid them from her. It was fairly easy. My long hair covered my earrings, I could flip my septum piercing up and take out my nose rings and lip ring, and I wore clothing that could easily hide my tattoos.
My cousin who I don’t talk to because she’s just a younger version of grandma, took screenshots of my social media and showed them to grandma. This past Sunday we all got together for lunch for my dad’s birthday and Grandma ended up yanking up the sleeve of my cardigan and told me she knows all about my tattoos because of my cousin, and that she couldn’t believe me.
I shrugged it off and told her that I’d had them for a while now and she never knew, then walked away because I didn’t care to get into a fight. Over lunch, I heard her complaining to my parents and my aunts/uncles quite loudly and calling me all sorts of names.
I got fed up when she said, “I can’t believe my beautiful granddaughter had to do this to me in my lifetime,” so I told her I’d had these done for months and she’s never known about them and now that she does she can deal with it.
Then I said I shouldn’t have to wait for her to die just so I can do what I want with my own body.
I was asked to leave and I did so gladly, but my sister and mum think I shouldn’t have said anything because grandma came from a time where tattoos were for criminals and gang members, so obviously that’s what she associates them with.
Dad thinks grandma was out of line but thinks I shouldn’t have been so harsh.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Grandma sounds like a piece of work and it sounds like your family is enabling that. She also grew up in a time when it was acceptable to be racist and bigoted, but times change.
Now… you probably could have handled it with a bit more grace, but honestly, with her saying rude things about you to your family where you could obviously hear it, I doubt grace would have been the first, second, or third reaction you had.” SaraRainmaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – My grandmother literally asked me to wait until she dies before getting any more tattoos. I told her that I’m an adult, it’s my body, and I’m the one who has to live with any consequences. Sure your comment was harsh and unnecessary, but your grandmother is not going to change.
But that doesn’t mean you should have to put up with verbal abuse just because she’s family and old.” UnwantedRedRoses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guessing Grandma also grew up during a time when women “traditionally” kept their mouths shut since their opinions didn’t matter much?
She sure thinks her opinion matters now. Doesn’t matter if she grew up in a different time, she was rude. If she doesn’t like something, she doesn’t have to. But that doesn’t mean she can bash others, like she did to you.” NottheNSA94
5. AITJ For Reporting My Friend Who Ripped Up My Assignment?
“So recently in one of my (F17) classes, we had a test which was worth 20% of our overall grade. That usually wouldn’t be an issue but I performed really badly on the test (I barely passed with 52%) and my overall grade took a big hit (went from a comfortable A to a low B).
Luckily, since a lot of other kids in my class didn’t do too well either, our teacher gave us another assignment and said she would grade us based on whichever test we got a higher score on. Naturally, I want to do very well on this new assignment so my overall grade won’t be heavily affected.
Well, just yesterday I was finishing my assignment (it’s on paper) while discussing it with a friend (M17) when suddenly he snatched my paper and started reading it. I was a bit annoyed but at the same time he was only reading it so I didn’t say anything or try to get it back, but when he did finish reading it, he ripped it into pieces and told me that I could’ve made it much better.
I was so angry at him because the assignment was due at the end of that day (and he knew this) and unfortunately for me, I did not have a draft or copy of it on my laptop to hand in instead (I don’t think he knew though).
I didn’t say anything to him at the time because I was too panicked so instead I just took the pieces he ripped and tried (heavy emphasis on “Tried”) to tape my work back together. For the rest of the day I pretty much just spent it trying to rewrite my assignment but I was nowhere near done by the time I had to give it in so instead I just gave the teacher my ruined paper.
She was extremely upset at me and asked if I thought the class was a joke to be handing assignments in like that. At that point, I was really stressed and panicked so instead of making up excuses I just told her the truth that my friend ruined it.
Luckily she believed me and allowed me some extra time to hand in the assignment (I handed it in today after spending the rest of yesterday and this morning rewriting it). My friend however wasn’t so lucky and he ended up getting a week’s worth of after-school detention which is really bad for him because he also has after-school activities.
I’ve received a few messages from him and his friends saying about how I really messed him up and should not have sold him out like that over one assignment. I didn’t really think about it at first but after reading the messages I started feeling bad because it is true that it was just one assignment and I maybe could’ve made up for it later.
But then I also told my parents and some other friends and they think I was in the right.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He chose to mess with your grade by ruining your paper, not the other way around. Had he been a normal person who just critiqued your paper, he would have never gotten detention.
Also, someone who goes out of his way to sabotage you and your grade is not your friend. I suggest you look elsewhere for friendship.” Long-Week
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What was he thinking just tearing your work apart? And on the basis that it’s not up to his “impossible standards”?
He tried to mess you over this way. Only right that he gets some of his own medicine. See, he ain’t liking it.” CorrosiveAlkonost
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. He shot himself in the foot when he tore up your paper. What happened next was his actions brought consequences on himself.
Had he not snatched or torn up your paper, this would not have happened. You should get some better friends than him. As for the other people defending him, did they hear the full story? If they did not, then they are not likely to believe what you say now.
You should cut your losses and find some better friends if they refuse to believe you. Don’t beat yourself up. At least you were able to turn in your paper, even if it did take more time.” Friglefarb989
4. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Housemate's EpiPen After They Ate My Unlabelled Food From My Personal Mini Fridge?
“I have a housemate (Jilian 26f) who is severely allergic to peanuts. There are 5 of us who rent a house together and we all agreed to put a label on our food containers to help keep Jilian safe and avoid contamination. I have a mini fridge in my room where I store my drinks so that I don’t have to go to the kitchen if I want a drink in the middle of the night.
Well, last Friday my Filipino partner gave me an authentic Filipino dish for lunch at work. It’s called kare-kare, it’s an ox tail stew with a rich peanut sauce. It’s in a glass container, and I saved some so I can have it for dinner.
When I got home I put it in my mini fridge but I forgot to eat it that night because we ordered pizza for dinner. Saturday I went out with my partner and got home at around 9 pm. When I arrived Jilian’s partner (Trish) confronted me saying I almost caused Jilian severe harm.
I didn’t know what she was talking about, she went on saying how irresponsible it was of me to not label the food in my mini fridge. I asked one of our housemates what happened and he said Jilian had an allergic reaction to my stew because I didn’t put a label on the container.
I told them it’s inside my personal mini fridge and how dare they enter my room. Trish said they were looking for beer when they saw my stew. She and another housemate ate it, Jilian only tasted it and she went into anaphylactic shock where they had to use her EpiPen to stop the swelling.
Trish then demanded that I need to pay for the EpiPen. I told them that is not going to happen. If anything they should apologize to me for trespassing and stealing my food. They called me a jerk. She and 3 housemates said I nearly cost Jilian her life and the least I could do is apologize and pay for the EpiPen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Literally none of this would have happened if they had not invaded your space, without your permission, taken food that did not belong to them, and eaten said food. Perhaps this can be a lesson to them in the future, to not enter a space they don’t have permission to enter and to not eat food that they do not have permission to eat.” EngineeringOwn2299
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was the common area then yes, but they went into your room and stole from your mini fridge. I have bad allergies. I never eat anything without finding out what’s in it first. When I go to someone’s home I specifically ask about dishes as I don’t expect them to remember my allergies.
If anything your roommates should buy you a new meal.” emccm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was a simple reason why the stew was in your mini fridge in your room: it was yours. The way you describe it it seemed that you didn’t intend on sharing it with anyone and that you wanted to eat it yourself.
Why should you label it then? Besides, taking food without asking is just rude. It may sound harsh but I would say they are more at fault than you ever could be in this scenario. If anyone should replace the EpiPen, it’s them.” SimpleMindedFool1
3. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Harassing Classmate, Resulting In His Suspension And Lost Internship?
“I (20f) am a college student. In my country, a lot of students hunt for internships cuz it helps in getting a better pay package during placements. I’ve been casually talking with this guy ‘R’ who’s also my classmate.
He was all friendly at the beginning but started flirting recently. I never once flirted with him and always just ignored his moves but last week he asked me out and I said no. In fact, I apologized to him to have him think that somewhere in our conversation I might have led him on.
He ghosted me and I didn’t think much of it.
But 2 days later, he texted me again, asking me out. I told him that I already said no to which he replied he gave me time to think over and that I should be grateful for it.
Ngl, I got annoyed and told him to screw off. And he got annoyed and called me all the names under the moon and just shamed me for it. I blocked him but he made his friends cuss me out too. I got super frustrated and called him out on my story along with attaching the screenshots of our chats.
Around 300 ppl saw and one among them was a placement mentor (4th year student). I didn’t think much of it after the story as I blocked them all and went ahead with my day.
The placement head saw this kind of behavior as unacceptable and appalling.
So he reported this to our department head. Apparently, in my college, this kind of behavior is labeled as harassment and punishment can lead to suspension. The department head (DH) and placement mentor called me to DH’s office to get my statement and I did.
I showed them everything. Well, he got suspended for 3 months for his behavior. He was about to get a very good internship in a Govt company but since he got suspended that internship is also gone. Our Professor P loves him and he called me to his office to go and make another statement to DH that I forgive him and there’s also wrong on my part.
Our DH, called me, R , his parents, and our two professors (P and Q). DH asked me if I’m willing to forgive him (this will get him off the suspension). Somewhere inside of me wanted to see him suffer so I told him no. I was harassed and I want him punished. His mother berated me in front of everyone saying that I’m the one who led her son on and I’m doing this purposefully cause he’s my competitor.
And her son is the victim here. DH didn’t listen to her and gave R his rightful punishment well at least according to me.
Well now, our internship started and a few of my friends said I took it too far. He just called me names while texting and I got him suspended for that.
Some of my other classmates called me a bully and jerk for ruining his bright future and Professor P called me outside the class today and told me that he’s extremely disappointed in me and it’s because of girls like me, potential careers of men are ruined. This actually made me cry and I’m rethinking whether what I did was actually extreme.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well done to your mentor and DH for stamping out this behavior. You should raise a complaint about Professor P, whose behavior is appalling. It wasn’t you that affected R’s career, it was R with his harassing behavior. But I can see you might not want to make this last any longer than it already has.” Ok_Smell_8260
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t ruin his bright future, he did that all by himself. Harassment is a serious offense. He should have known better. If you’d have let him off the hook, he would have suffered no consequences and learned nothing. If he’s lucky, he will learn from this and get his head on straight.
NTJ.” cat-lover76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He destroyed his life. You didn’t. You were just a victim. You owe him nothing. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing a woman can do to “lead someone on” that justifies being harassed. Even if you had flirted with him (but you didn’t), and then you said no and he did this to you, he would still be 1000% in the wrong.
You also probably weren’t the first woman he harassed and likely won’t be the last. You were just the first to stand up. Forgiving him and allowing him to get away with it would just accept his behavior and likely make him more aggressive toward women since he would feel like he could get away with it.
It doesn’t sound like he even tried to apologize, so them asking for you to forgive him is ridiculous. He likely has no remorse.” Affectionate-Show331
2. AITJ For Deleting My Partner's Chess Account Out Of Frustration?
“My (23F) partner (24M) is a massive chess buff. He will spend hours rambling about chess, days arguing on forums, and spend eternity on his online Chess account. He’s spent around 10 years building up his account and loves to play.
I, on the other hand, can play, but am nothing compared to him.
However, he has recently been even more engrossed in his Chess obsession. I’m talking all-nighters spent on that darn site following silly tournament streams and replaying other matches (why would you replay someone else’s match btw?) Even more suspicious is the fact he is now using his phone for chess, something he previously swore to not do since according to him, ‘the phone UI is terrible.’
His phone now always keeps pinging with chess notifications, and the most suspicious part is that they are messages from someone on the site. The notifications don’t tell me who they are or what they are saying, just that ‘Someone has sent you a message.’
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he told me with 2 hrs’ notice that he would be leaving for a Chess tournament, but he told me at 5 pm. Who holds a tournament at 7 in the night and stretches it to a night over?
He told me it was a University event, and showed me an unrelated message that was apparently proof. He then got upset when I told him he wasn’t to go because I was fed up with him treating me like a side table in his house.
He told me that I can’t tell him what to do and then left early.
What I did after this was I did the ‘forgot your password’ option on his account, reset the password logged into his account, and deleted it.
An hour later my phone gets blown up with texts from him, which I say I will talk to you later, enjoy your ‘tournament’ and blocked him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, a massive YTJ. If you’re feeling insecure or jealous, you talk to your partner. Or you break up with him if this is a deal breaker and he’s unwilling to work on investing in your relationship. What you don’t do is, well, what you did.
What an immature and petty thing to do to someone you are supposed to care about.” Likely-Lemon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly, the law needs to catch up with the times. This is destruction of property. You insinuate that he was having an affair, but if that was the case, how would he find out about his account being deleted, right around the time that this tournament is?
Maybe because that was indeed what he was doing, you childish, jealous jerk.” Rastavaray
Another User Comments:
“YTJ without a doubt. If you think something fishy is going on, if you’re tired of being second-place to chess or whatever else it is, then talk to him like an adult or leave.
Oh, and as a chess player – you replay matches of others so you can learn from them. You learn new ways of playing. You see mistakes to avoid. You learn how they react to situations should you ever find yourself across the board from them.
It’s no different than a sports team watching tapes.” DerekScott
1. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Touch My Sick Baby?
“My baby (6 months) had just been checked after days of having a fever ranging from 98-103.
As a worried couple with our first child, we were stressed and tried to take him to the hospital out of desperation in which his mother began to criticize my husband (20M) and me (21F) for even having such an idea and that we should go ahead if we wanted our baby to get ill from other causes.
I was able to receive an appointment with the closest pediatrician and received medication to treat his fever, as well as the pediatrician recommending that we try to have the baby “isolated” from being with others since he explained that germs could be passed from bottles to pacifiers to having unclean hands to sharing bottles from which we drink and sharing food.
My child is always putting things in his mouth because of his teething, so I have to be careful and be on the watch and clean everything with antibacterial wipes.
I let my parents know about this and I let my husband know that he needs to let his family know as well because his mother has the habit of feeding the baby with her fingers.
We get home and that’s the first thing she tries to do but his mother tells my husband that she figured he got sick from the bottles while being on the phone. Mind you I’m living with my MIL because my husband wanted me with him as well as his mother.
While treating my son with his medication and removing his nasal congestion with a nose syringe my SIL walks in trying to touch the baby in which my husband tried to tell her to let the baby be because he is sick. Meanwhile, my child is crying and I’m trying to wrap him in a cool towel.
She finally leaves mad after my husband had to tell her several times. Then walks in my MIL trying to touch my baby and pry him from my arms where I had to tell her no because he is sick and we are trying to remove his boogies because he is having trouble eating and breathing through his nose.
She begins to scream in my face, still pulling my child from my arms when my baby starts to cry from all the pulling and screaming. He was finally released and I was able to bring him close to me and calm him down. After this, she begins telling me all kinds of things and letting me know why she hates me so much, as well as telling me it was my fault the baby was sick.
I never disrespected her in my whole life and still didn’t when she yelled profanities in my face in front of my husband and child. I only stared in shock and listened to everything she had to say, not being able to explain myself to her let alone have an opinion.
My husband didn’t stay quiet and let her know she was in the wrong and that she over-exaggerated the situation and shouldn’t be disrespecting the mother of her grandchild. Needless to say, we are currently moving our things out and we agreed that she will no longer have access to the baby since this isn’t the first time she has been disrespectful to the both of us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What on earth did I just read? You (and I cannot stress this enough) NEED to set boundaries with the mil before she gets any worse than she is in regards to your child. It sounds like she’s trying to make the baby hers and does not in any way, shape or form respect you or your husband’s boundaries.” d3mon_queen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL was completely out of line. She refused to follow medical advice and tried to take your baby from you. I’m glad to hear you’re getting out of there! A gentle word of caution: you might want to be careful with those antibacterial wipes.
A lot of them aren’t as sanitary as they sound like they are, and they also may not be safe for baby’s skin or for using on bottles or other things that go in his mouth. Regular soap is incredibly effective at killing bacteria because it destroys the cell wall of the germs, kind of like popping a bubble.
Once that cell wall breaks down, what’s inside can’t spread any further. I hope your little one starts feeling better soon!” Purple_Midnight_Yak
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Your mother-in-law should respect your wishes, no matter how irrational your fears. Infants have higher fevers than adults, FYI, and you were probably overreacting by thinking that you had to take him to the hospital. I also don’t believe you when you say she “pulled him out of your arms.” I think if you’re honest with yourself you’ll admit that you’re a hormonal new mom who overreacted and that your mother-in-law probably meant well.
I think it’s good that you’re moving out, though. You’re a mother and an adult. Go get your own place.” Parking_Initial4551
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