People Permit Us To Heavily Judge Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Excluding One Nephew From My Vacation?
“I’m (36M) childfree. I have two sisters, Lisa and Annie. Lisa has two boys (9M and 7M), and Annie has an 8M and 1F. They both struggle financially a little and I have a good job.
So this year, I offered to take my nephews on vacation with me (my niece is so small that I don’t feel comfortable being alone with her at all, and Annie totally gets that).
I told my sisters to bring the boys to my apartment for a weekend so that I could see if they’d get along and if I was up for taking them to the seaside with me for 14 days.
The boys came, and at first, we had a great time. I ordered us pizza, we watched a movie, played soccer, etc. The next morning, I woke them up and gave them cereal. The 8-year-old threw the cereal on the floor and said ‘I have waffles on the weekend’. I told him he couldn’t have waffles for breakfast today, but we could make them for dinner or breakfast the next day.
He said he didn’t like cereal. I told him he could then just have some toast with peanut butter or some fruit. He yelled at me for not making him waffles.
That day he also cut up my shirt because I didn’t let him have cookies for lunch, and told me I suck for telling him to eat his veggies before I give them ice cream.
He was a nightmare. The 7-year-old and 9-year-old behaved great.
When my sisters came to pick them up, I told Annie what happened and she said ‘Oh he is just high-spirited’. I told her I’m not taking him for vacation. I also told Lisa I’d be glad to take her boys with me, and they were super super excited.
My parents and some aunts have been biting my head off for treating the kids differently and denying a boy to go to the seaside just because he misbehaved once.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Going with you is a privilege, it’s not a right. And if he is behaving this way and your sister thinks it is normal behavior, how are you going to keep up with him while you are far away from his parent?
Because you can best believe that the next words out of his mouth would be, you are not my mom, I don’t have to listen to you. It would be a nightmare and he could possibly get hurt, so no NTJ.” KittKatt7179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The 8-year-old couldn’t even behave for 1 night so why would you subject yourself to his bratty behavior for 14 days?
This needs to be a lesson to Annie. No one is going to want her son around if she doesn’t start correcting his behavior. Cutting up someone’s clothing because you can’t have a cookie is not being ‘high-spirited’. It’s being a bad kid.
The 8-year-old doesn’t deserve a vacation from you when he has no respect for you or your belongings.
Maybe next time he’ll be better and get to come along.” User
24. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother For Stealing My Baby's Name?
“I (26f) have been married to my husband (26m) for 2 years and am currently 34 weeks pregnant with our first child, a son.
My husband has been watching a Japanese animated show called HunterxHunter. He often watched while I was cooking, so I was also watching a little bit with him. There was a character in the show called Illumi and I really loved the name and wanted it for my son, but my husband told me I couldn’t name our son after a character from his show.
We had a little bit of a disagreement but compromised and decided to name him Lumy. Which has a Norse origin and means light bringer. I loved it even more than what I was going to call him before and told my family what name we were going to give our baby. My mother thought it was a lovely name and told me it was way better than the first one.
I wanted to paint his name on the wall in his nursery, but after writing his name down several times. I decided that I wanted to have an I in his name instead of the Y. Thus his name was now Lumi. I got his name put on the wall, and on his clothes, and have already informed the company that will be making our birth announcement cards about his name.
5 days ago my SIL gave birth to a baby boy. Which was an amazing, but unfortunate moment for my brother and his wife since they were expecting a baby girl. My brother sent a picture in the family group chat and I asked what his name was, but he didn’t reply back.
Two days ago we went to visit my brother and gave them some baby clothes.
When we entered their house, we saw balloons with Lumy on them. I asked my brother what the meaning of this is. He told me he was really sorry, they didn’t have a name for him, so they gave him my baby’s name. That it wasn’t that big of a deal, because we have plenty of time to find a new name for our son.
I burst into tears after he said that it wasn’t a big deal. I screamed at him and his wife. I told him some nasty things, that he wasn’t my brother anymore and to never contact me again. I left and took the gift basket with me.
My family doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal, because it’s just a name.
I’m overreacting and shouldn’t have screamed those things at my brother. Everyone is mad at me for getting upset over a name except my sister who completely understands what I’m going through now. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t just planning to use the name for a fantasy baby, you already named the baby you are currently pregnant with.
Your brother knew this and deliberately used the name that he only even knew of because of you and your child. There are millions of names your brother and his wife could have chosen from, but instead, they chose Lumy, which is not only disrespectful to you but also shows a complete lack of imagination on their part.” spacemonkeypantz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you picked a unique name that everyone was aware you were using. The fact they only used it because they didn’t prepare for the possibility of having a boy is ridiculous, the child deserves to have their own name that was picked out by parents, not one grabbed at the last minute that required no thought from them.
Use the name anyway. You still love it and if you don’t mind having the cousins have the same name with different spelling. Tell brother you picked it first and are going to keep it. If they don’t like it they can change their son’s name.” Solaris_0706
23. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate's Cat Gone?
“I (22 NB) have been living with my current roommate, Brett (22 M), for a little over a year now. We’ve been friends for 10 years in total. Brett can be self-absorbed & doesn’t think about consequences beyond how they affect him. But usually, if you sit him down & explain to him why he’s in the wrong, he’ll come around.
When we moved in together, I brought my cat, Noodle. I’ve had Noodle for 10 years. She’s my little shadow. We eat at the same time, we watch movies together every night (Every time I call her from the living room she knows it’s movie time and comes running), & she won’t sleep without me. Noodle was also born very small & unhealthy.
She’s half the size of a normal cat & has health issues that I help her with.
Our place only allows one cat/dog per unit. I asked Brett if he was okay with me bringing Noodle. He said it was fine & he didn’t have any pets to bring with him. Since she’s my cat I paid the full $350 pet deposit & I paid the extra $25 for pet rent.
But about a month ago I came home to a new cat. My roommate had found her & taken her in.
A couple of problems: One, our apartment management comes down very hard on people who break the pet rules. Two, Noodle hated the new cat (Missy). Noodle & Missy fight constantly. They can’t be in the same room without them screaming at each other & it almost always gets physical between them before we can separate them.
This is not only a problem because it’s unsafe for them, but Missy is twice the size of Noodle. When it gets physical it ends in Noodle getting hurt & hiding. It takes hours to coax her out from hiding. I asked Brett every day when he planned on taking Missy to a shelter to see if she was chipped & he kept putting it off.
One day when I asked he smiled really big & told me she wasn’t chipped so he’s keeping her.
I explained that this wasn’t going to work. Noodle refuses to leave my room even to use the litter box. She doesn’t follow me around anymore or come to me when I call her for movie night.
I have to coax her out every night so that I can give her the meds she needs. She went from a happy, people-loving kitty to a cat who flinches & runs at the smallest sound. I think her fur might even be falling out. Brett’s only response was that it wasn’t his problem & that I needed to do a better job of introducing Noodle to Missy.
I countered with Noodle’s enormous list of health problems, as well as the fact his cat was breaking our contract with the property manager. Which he also brushed aside. Finally, I brought up that I had paid a large sum of money to allow Noodle to live here & that I paid for Noodle to have a stress-free environment.
I told him that if he didn’t figure out something for Missy I would call the apartment office & tell them about her. He says I’m being unfair & says that I need to re-home Noodle if it’s unsafe for her. But if it was safe BEFORE Missy got here, it should be Missy that leaves.
I don’t want Noodle to suffer, but I don’t want my long-time friend to resent me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Missy needs to go, and if Brett won’t do it, then he needs to leave too. This was Noodle’s home first, she’s the legitimate resident and she’s being traumatized (and it will take a long time for her to get over this).
Let the apartment office know if you have to. And I really doubt that Brett actually checked to see if Missy had a chip…” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Poor Noddle.
Your roommate knew about the one-pet policy, and he agreed that you could bring your pet before he brought Missy home. He should have discussed getting another pet with you, as you live together, but he went behind your back because he would have known that he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
He’s completely in the wrong. He’s not being a ‘friend’ to you at all. I’d consider a situation like this an example of someone showing their true colors. I would report him if I were you. I know confrontation and grassing someone up isn’t nice, but he’s being so disrespectful and selfish; it’s ridiculous. He broke the rules, your cat is in distress, and I doubt Missy is in a better state because animals aren’t stupid.
Pets know when there is tension in a home. If your roommate wants their own pet, he can move out.
If he really doesn’t budge, OP, you might need to look at an alternative living situation for the sake of poor Noodle. You didn’t break the rules, so it wouldn’t be fair if you left, but sometimes, you have to take action when up against someone stubborn.” eppydeservedbetter
(And if your landlord tries to evict you too then get a lawyer because they shouldn't do that, but I'm sure there are some that would because that's just how they are sometimes.)
22. AITJ For Kicking My Daughter Out For Pawning Jewelry?
“I have three daughters, Lucy (F 21), Diane (F 17), and Rosa (F 15).
Their father, my husband, unfortunately, passed away in a work accident 11 years ago. We were all devastated and it was a terrible shock.
We were able to get by with my parents helping out with the kids so that I could work.
We’re doing much better now financially.
However, I’ve been having a lot of problems with Lucy.
Not long after she turned 18 and finished school, she suddenly went off the rails, mingling with some very sketchy people and I don’t know what to do with her.
She’s gotten into heavy smoking, partying at every opportunity, getting wasted every day and I suspect she’s been doing illegal stuff.
She’s started treating the house like a BnB and is very disrespectful to me and her sisters. I didn’t raise her to act like this and I’m at my wits’ end.
I’ve tried to get her into rehab and therapy but she just refuses to go and gets very angry when I bring it up.
Lucy stays with us rent-free. She works a job in retail and buys her own groceries but blows the rest of her income.
The last straw for me was something that happened 3 weeks ago.
Diane and Rosa have pieces of very expensive jewelry that they inherited from their dad’s mother after she passed away last year.
The jewelry had been in the family for generations.
Whilst they were at school, their pieces of jewelry went missing from their rooms.
Diane and Rosa were incredibly upset when they noticed the jewelry was missing. I asked Lucy if she knew what happened to the jewelry. Lucy lied and said she didn’t know. I pressed the issue and pointed out that she went partying and spent loads of money, and Lucy eventually admitted that she stole the jewelry and pawned it.
Even though it was kind of obvious that it was Lucy, I was still shocked that she would do something like that.
I told Lucy that this was it and that I was kicking her out. I told her that she needed to be out in 3 days. I didn’t think it was fair on Diane and Rosa to keep someone like Lucy around when she keeps causing chaos and destruction in our home, and I was also worried about Diane and Rosa being influenced by her.
Lucy left the next day and went to go stay with my parents, who are saying I’m a horrible mother for kicking Lucy out and that I’m clearly playing favorites.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your daughter has some things to figure out. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t, but ultimately you still have two other, non-destructive children to prioritize and care for.
She’s 21, and while you’ll always be her mom, she’s an adult and responsible for who she wants to be, where she wants to go, and what she wants to do. Meanwhile, you have actual minors to worry about.” FlyoverHangover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is addict behavior and you’ve acted accordingly. Your parents are about to find out first hand about it.
You’re doing the right thing for your younger daughters and yourself.
As for the jewelry have you considered filing a police report and going to the pawn shop to get it back? I’m pretty sure they legally can’t sell something if it’s stolen. It would of course mean potentially getting your daughter in legal trouble, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing either.” Careful-Bumblebee-10
21. AITJ For Throwing Away My Sister-In-Law's Cornbread?
My family has allergies so one night when they don’t have to worry about anything and can eat everything is great.
I am so frustrated. I host big dinner parties once a season. The whole family comes down and it is usually a great time. My brother is now married and he has brought his wife along.
I’m not besties with her. We are just polite to each other.
Now on the first invite, she asked what she should bring and I told her nothing, just show up and have a good time. Well, she brought food. I thought she was just being polite and I reiterated to not bring food since it throws off the menu I made and I don’t know what’s in it and some relatives have allergies.
You would think the problem was solved, nope. Next time, she brought more food. I told her again to not bring anything and that if she really wanted to bring a hostess gift bring wine. We had our summer dinner and before that, she asked what wine would be good for dinner. I told her a white wine and told her again she didn’t have to bring anything just being here was great.
Please don’t bring food. I assumed she would bring wine which would be fine.
She showed up with cornbread. I was so done at this point that when she was with the others I threw it away and just moved on with the night. She noticed the cornbread wasn’t served and confronted me later in the night.
I told her I threw it away and she got mad at me. We got into an argument about how I should be grateful she was helping me out and I asked if she couldn’t listen, since children can do it but apparently she can’t. She called me a jerk and my brother is mad at me.
I don’t get why I should be grateful since she is causing that problem and messing up my menu.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you constantly host these parties, and every single time, you have to repeatedly ask your sister-in-law not to do one thing and yet every time she does that one thing anyway, of course you’re going to react.
I mean, you literally even told her how to help if she really wanted to and she completely disregarded what you said about bringing wine. I don’t agree with throwing away perfectly good food like that but I understand how it reached the point of you being like, ‘screw it.’ Maybe next time she’ll listen.
Also, I don’t think it’s fair for people to call you a jerk because they don’t see an issue with someone bringing a dish. You have an issue and you’ve expressed that clearly. You’re the one who’s put in the work of hosting these dinner parties, cooking, cleaning, planning, hosting, etc., and have made it a tradition.
If you don’t want other people to bring food then they should accept that. If SIL can’t then she should just not come instead of trying to do it anyways.” freyesphinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you would be the jerk if you had not already asked her several times not to bring food.
OP stated that family members have allergies, and it could be due to allergies or sensitivities to food that OP is concerned about as well as her menu. I have several family members who can not tolerate dairy, so if you bring something with dairy in it and they don’t know it could really be a problem.
Also, the sister-in-law asked what to bring, and the OP suggested wine, and yet that woman insisted on bringing food again. This is the third time she’s done it even after being asked not to. Admittedly I would not throw out cornbread as I love cornbread and you could send it home with her. However, I would be highly annoyed if I explained my reasoning to somebody to not bring food to a party, but they insisted on doing what they wanted. Remember, the sister-in-law is a guest – not a co-host!
You follow what your host is requesting if you want to be a good guest.” Froodychick
20. AITJ For Telling My Sister That Not Everything Is About Her Or Her Weight?
“My older sister (29F) is obese to put it lightly, she’s 5’8 and is about 300 lbs. She’s very vocal about the fact that she likes the way she is and doesn’t want to lose weight, which I don’t care about, it’s her body. But it gets annoying when she criticizes literally everything for being ‘fatphobic’ and ‘diet culture’.
She complains that sugary options cost more than plain options, that clothes stores don’t all carry larger sizes, that I order less than her when we go out, when she sees a non-fat person wearing oversized clothes, etc.
I’ve been with my current partner for almost a year now. Due to a mix of parental influence, depression, and medical issues, he used to be overweight as a kid and a teen (overweight not obese).
In college, he started getting better both with his mental health and his medical condition, he distanced himself from his mother (they have a very toxic relationship) and got really into some sports and played on the teams. He’s now a healthy weight and this all happened before I met him.
Well, my partner came over this weekend.
This would be the first time he’d met my sister in person. They talked and everything seemed fine until it got a bit later in the evening when it got a bit cold, so my partner put on his jacket. It’s from a band he loved and he got it when he was a teen so it was a bit big on him.
When my sister saw it she very loudly started sighing until our mom asked her what was wrong. She started going on about how it’s unfair that privileged skinny people are buying clothes made for larger people making them harder to find since companies already don’t cater to all body types.
My partner shyly replied that he had this before he lost weight, which made my sister roll her eyes and groan ‘Oh you’re one of those people’ and started making assumptions like that my partner must push his ‘diet’ on me and shame others for not working out.
It was very clearly making him upset so I told her to shut up and that not everything is about her or her weight. She left in a bad mood and has now been texting me saying how disappointed she is in me that I’m not siding with her, my sister. And calling my partner some nasty and borderline homophobic names.
I’ve been ignoring her but maybe I just shouldn’t have been as rude as I was. I don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a little biased in that I hold a lot of contempt for the ‘pro-fat’ movement. I fail to see how being that overweight could possibly be a good thing.
Your partner put in a ton of work to put his life together which is an incredibly hard thing to do, of course her comments were hurtful and upsetting to him. If anyone is pushing their ‘lifestyle’ it’s your sister. The world doesn’t revolve around her, she can have her lifestyle but she needs to be respectful of other people having theirs too.” HaveAMorcelOfMyMind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you said and did the right thing just make sure you stick to your word. She was pushing it and just as much as she hates when people wear oversized clothes, a lot of people hate when others push their beliefs onto people. She got a taste of her own medicine and had it coming, you did nothing wrong.” RezeTheGreat
19. AITJ For Being Honest About How My Best Friend Looks In A Wedding Dress?
“My best friend and I have known each other almost our entire lives.
She and I have been through a lot together and she has been through a lot. Her dad died when she was 1 and her mother and two sisters treated her like crap. She was smaller than them and had a complexion more like their dad’s. Her mom would often tell her how ugly she looked in colors she liked and would dress her in clothes that were extremely hideous.
Sometimes she would do so honestly, saying that my best friend didn’t deserve to wear pretty things when she was such a little brat. Other times she would swear up and down she looked good. Her sisters never got that treatment.
My best friend and brother fell in love and now they’re getting married. She has never been ready to cut off her mom or her sisters but she grows more distant over time.
They invited themselves along to the dress shopping experience so my friend invited my mom, aunt, grandma, and my brother along as well as me. She had asked me to be totally, brutally honest if her mom managed to push a dress onto the consultant in the shop.
Which she did. And the dress was horrifically bad.
Pretty to some, I’m sure. But it did not look good on her at all. The color was not made for her skin tone and it clung to parts of my best friend’s body she is self-conscious of, as well as making her look way larger than she is, and so I was brutally honest when she came out in it.
I told her she looked horrendous in it and she should get it off her as soon as possible. She smiled because she thought the same. Her mom was furious with me and got kicked out of the bridal store. This is the woman who said the dress was perfect and ‘suits the bride who is wearing it perfectly’.
I thought that would be the end but my aunt told me I took it too far, even if I was helping, and I could have just said it didn’t look nice and left it alone.
My best friend was happy with my honesty. But I guess a sliver of doubt exists now because my aunt said I was too harsh as well.
And I never, ever, ever want to treat my best friend in the whole wide world like her mom does.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did exactly what the bride asked and she was happy about it. Her mother sounds horrible. If there’s another shopping excursion for dresses, don’t tell anyone else, including your aunt.
Just go alone so Mommy Dearest can’t crash it. Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past that woman to try something either before or on the wedding day to ruin the dress. Your friend should seriously reconsider having any contact with her mother. Wow.” Izzy4162305
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you’re nervous about it you should check in with your friend/future SIL because her feelings are the ones that matter here.
Just to make sure she knows that it was the dress that sucked, but she’s gorgeous.
But honestly, it sounds like her mom was trying to gaslight her and you did what you had to do to make sure your friend doesn’t get stuck with a dress she doesn’t feel confident in.
Doesn’t sound like her mom cares about how your friend feels in her own clothes. I have regrets about what I wore to my wedding because I was trying to make my mom happy. If I could do it over and pick something that felt more like ‘me,’ I would. I wish I had brought a friend like you with me while shopping to help me stand up for myself.” Ana_Rampage
18. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Take My Ring Off?
“My (18F) significant other (20M) got me a promise ring this past Christmas.
It’s a beautiful ring and wasn’t engagement ring price but definitely wasn’t cheap. I wear it every day and it means a lot to me and our relationship.
My mom (53F) came into my room one morning and woke me up, which was unusual. While I was still half asleep she sat down on my bed next to me and I noticed her fiddling with the ring (which I keep in the box on my nightstand overnight).
I then noticed her trying it on. I asked her to please not put it on because it means a lot to me. She told me to ‘shush’ and continued trying to get the ring on her finger. She wears a larger ring size and I was worried it would get stuck on her finger, plus the ring means so much to me, so I kept telling her to take it off.
This is where I think I may be the jerk. She got really upset and told me the ring ‘doesn’t mean anything, it’s not like it’s an engagement ring or anything.’ I got really upset and told her that she did not have any consideration for me and didn’t understand that it didn’t need to be an engagement ring to mean something to me.
She’s always had this ‘what’s yours is mine’ mentality with me and I told her I was sick of it. She just said ‘Whatever’ and left. I feel like I may have been dramatic for getting so upset over something so small in the long run, but I was also scared of allowing her to think the ring was meaningless and something she could wear if she wanted to.
I don’t know, I’m a little conflicted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom clearly doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. She believes ‘What’s yours is mine,’ but do her actions show ‘What’s mine is yours’? From the way she talks to you, I’m assuming not. Gifts from people we care about can have tremendous sentimental value, promise rings even more so.
It’s literally a promise to get engaged, an engagement ring if you will. I don’t know if anyone else feels the same way, but it’s weird to me that she wanted to admire it on herself.” clairebearattacked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get rid of the conflicted feeling. There is NOTHING to be conflicted about.
This is YOUR ring, YOUR property.
It is also a promise ring. That is NOT meaningless.
What you said was absolutely spot on. That was NOT dramatic. She needed to be put in her place.
By the way, keep the ring in a safe place. I have the same concern you do, that she is just going to wear it and she will not be able to get it off.” User
17. AITJ For Kicking My Nephew Out After He Dented My Wife's Car?
“Around February, my nephew, AJ (17M) called me asking to be picked up and explained his parents were kicking him out over a disagreement.
I took him to my home and spoke with my brother and SIL later. I learned AJ had been untruthful about the argument; His parents told him that if he wanted them to continue paying his phone and car bills then he had to do his chores. AJ had chosen to leave. We talked together and decided that perhaps some distance would be good.
My wife and I had done our best to be understanding while also keeping up boundaries. We tried getting AJ to see a therapist and had him try several. He insisted that he didn’t like any of the therapists and that therapy was a waste of his time.
Before he moved in, AJ always was a polite, decent kid towards us.
As soon as he moved in, AJ started having problems. AJ would refuse to do chores and was frequently caught stealing from us. He also has a horrendous attitude; Referring to us using curse words was typical. Just having absolutely no respect for any of us. An example was how my daughter, Tina (11F), and I had gone shopping.
AJ insisted on staying home. We found out AJ had locked Tina’s emotional support dog, Gracie, in the backyard for hours because he thought Gracie was ‘annoying.’ It was a miracle that Gracie didn’t overheat; It was almost 100 degrees and she had no water. We yelled at him for the first time, and he seemed shocked and seemed like he had finally taken us seriously.
The final straw happened last Wednesday; Tina, my wife, and I were at the community pool. AJ wanted to stay home. He’s never liked swimming, so this wasn’t odd. We got a barking alert from our Furbo camera. We have it enabled as Gracie rarely barks. We checked and Gracie was insistently barking at seemingly nothing.
I texted AJ to ask if he knew why Gracie was barking. AJ responded that he didn’t know and was making a snack for himself in the kitchen. But the Furbo has a clear view of the kitchen and AJ was nowhere in sight. My wife and I were suspicious and decided to head home early.
We arrived home just a minute before AJ did; He pulled up in my wife’s car, which now has a massive dent in the passenger door (AJ is unlicensed.)
AJ told us how the dent happened in a drive-through and told us to ‘just replace it.’ I asked my wife to take Tina on a walk.
I waited until they were a block away and honestly lost it with AJ. I called him a selfish jerk. We opened our home to him and he just doesn’t care about anything but himself. I made AJ pack his bags and dropped him off with SIL’s parents. FIL is a retired cop and MIL is a retired schoolteacher.
They are honestly the best people to handle AJ right now.
Others are calling me a jerk uncle. That I’ve given AJ abandonment issues by ‘throwing him away the second he screws up.’ I love my nephew, but we can’t deal with his behavior. AITJ for kicking AJ out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Abandonment issues are not self-imposed.
He chose to act out, be disrespectful, lie, steal, and who knows what else? You didn’t kick him out ‘the second’ he screwed up. He took a huge LEAP of the boundaries of common decency into criminal activity and animal cruelty.
He isn’t being abandoned, he’s learning that he can’t crap on people.” Remarkable-Camp-2477
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have more patience than I would have had. Just the disrespect and refusing to do his fair share of chores would have made me put my foot down. You did him a favor and all you got in return as thanks were him stealing from you, disrespecting you and your wife, putting your dog at risk, and a dented car door.
I’m surprised you didn’t kick him out after, let’s say the second or third time you caught him trying to steal from you.” Plenty_Metal_1304
16. AITJ For Making My Ex Cancel His Business Trip?
“I had a nanny, Cora, who worked for both myself and my ex. While my ex paid her, he left most of the decisions about her employment and how she would care for our son to me.
Cora asked me if it would be okay if she could bring her niece with her to work while she cared for my son as her sister was in the hospital. Her niece and my son are both close in age so I thought it would be nice for him to have a child to play with and Cora has honestly been a lifesaver for the 2 years she worked for us.
Things were great until Cora called me to tell me she was quitting after my ex’s partner told her she couldn’t bring her niece into his house even after Cora had told her I had said it was fine. I tried to convince Cora not to quit but she said the woman spoke to her so rudely that she couldn’t continue working for us.
When I called my ex he agreed his partner was in the wrong but thought this would just mean I would stay home to care for our son and he would take care of us financially again. I told him he needed to cancel his business trip next week because our son is supposed to be with him from Thursday to Sunday.
He told me he couldn’t just cancel as the trip was important but I was annoyed so I told him that was too bad and it was a good thing he was his own boss then because he had to watch our son on his days and he couldn’t do that from the US.
Now he’s upset with me and his sister told me he broke up with his partner in front of everybody because he was angry after our conversation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His childcare was lost due to his partner and he is responsible for finding backup childcare during his parenting time. Most parents have to schedule their business travel when their children aren’t with them if they don’t have alternative care.
So he needs to parent, he didn’t have good boundaries with his partner about her minding her manners with the important childcare provider he employs and now he has consequences.
I hope you can give the nanny a good reference for her next role. She did not deserve mistreatment. Hopefully, you find an excellent new nanny shortly as well.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s troubling that you’re even asking if you’ve done anything wrong.
Your ex’s partner caused the nanny to quit. Therefore your ex needs to find a solution.
Not only that, he is meant to have the children when his trip is scheduled, so he can’t force you to be responsible for something you are not responsible for.
You already have the responsibility of finding a new nanny (don’t trust your ex to do it) and that’s enough to deal with.
I get the impression that you’ve been conditioned to clean up your ex’s messes. You don’t have to care if he is upset. What needs to happen is for him to learn to take responsibility.
Maybe he’ll be more careful next time he chooses to bring a woman into the house. This is the first step in his journey towards being less of a jerk.” User
15. AITJ For Offering To Pay For My Sister's Kids' Childcare Instead Of Babysitting Them Myself?
“My partner and I are child-free by choice. We considered surrogacy a few years ago but ultimately decided it wasn’t for us – we both like children but other things are more important to us, like having a quiet, peaceful home.
This has been especially crucial with my husband working longer hours recently. Our home also isn’t the most kid-friendly. We have expensive furniture and décor around that make it inconvenient for children to be there.
My sister and her husband recently ran into some financial trouble and can no longer pay for daycare.
Her husband’s parents aren’t in the picture, ours are away on vacation, and they live about 2 hours away from any other family members (my husband and me included.) She called me and asked if there was any way I could look after her kids for the week while they work. It would be inconvenient for both of us and the children to drive two hours to pick them up/drop them off and back every morning and afternoon, so they would be staying with us the entire time.
As much as I wanted to be a great brother and say yes, I knew it wasn’t a viable option. I hated the thought of leaving my husband alone for a week when he’s been stressed from work, so I didn’t suggest I come to stay with them for the week like I might have otherwise.
What I did was offer them enough money to get through the next month paying either for daycare or a trusted babysitter in their area.
This offer was not taken well. My sister said they would’ve asked for money if they needed it (despite their issues clearly being financial in nature), and that I can’t just throw money at people and call it a ‘favor.’ I simply said the offer was still on the table if she wanted it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s obnoxious and entitled to demand someone watch your children for a week under any circumstances, but considering they live two hours away (and would expect you to drive both ways?), your home is not appropriate, and you just don’t want to? Your offer was very generous, and your sister and BIL would be stupid not to accept it.
NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You offered a very comparable solution. They could continue using their existing daycare or a sitter and they decided that’s not okay with them. It sounds like they were just trying to get free childcare, which you aren’t required to provide. I think it’s great that you left the offer open for them to decide maybe when they’re in a better frame of mind.
Being financially unstable can be very stressful and people don’t like to think they need help.” RedGecko18
14. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law Out For Making All Of Us Sick?
“My husband (30M) and I (33F) have been married for 6 years and upon marrying he moved here to the US from Europe. My husband is the only child of his mom. MIL has been having a tough time the last 4 years or so and has had to seek mental health treatment. Two years ago her long-term partner of 20+ years left her in a really trashy way.
Then the global crisis happened.
I just had twins a few months ago. The US lifted the travel restrictions for Europeans in Nov. and she immediately asked to come to visit for 3 months (the full-time US travel visa is good for). My husband was insistent that it’s good to have help, but I kept reminding him that we don’t speak the same language and I really get stressed when people are in my house, which is small (2br/1ba).
I said I think 4-6 weeks are more than enough and that we only see my parents for one week twice a year. At one point he was tearful about how his mom ‘has no one’ and is depressed with him living in another country. I proposed a compromise. She can come for a month (December) and then for the next two she can stay somewhere else in town (it’s a fun place to visit that she enjoys).
Everyone happily agreed.
Well, my husband dropped the ball on finding her another place to stay. He scrambled to find a place where she could stay for just one week at the beginning of January and he said he was working on another place. The first month was mostly fine, with some tension but nothing serious.
Then while she was staying at the other place for a week she came over one day and I noticed she was blowing her nose. She has a constant chest cough from being a pack-a-day smoker so I couldn’t tell if that was her normal cough. She disclosed nothing to me or my husband about any symptoms. Of course, we all came down sick later that week, including the babies.
It was awful.
Since then the situation has devolved to where I’m crying almost every day because of the stress of having her here. The main issue is I just hate having another person constantly here, I can’t relax. There’s no escaping her and I’m tired of reminding her about the rules of our house and how to care for the babies.
A couple of days ago I yelled at my husband and started sobbing. I told him that I was questioning whether our relationship could survive this and I was frustrated that she agreed to be outside of the house staying elsewhere and the solution was to simply just rent an Airbnb and yet neither of them has done it!
He booked an Airbnb for her the next day and she’s about to stay out of the house for ten days. We are paying for the whole thing.
She seems hurt by all of this but I am just asking for what she agreed to initially. I think I might be the jerk because she’s had a rough couple of years.
Should I have just let it go for another month?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There might be cultural differences, but it’s YOUR house and you have newborns? That’s so much to ask of you. Also, respecting your boundaries was not something that happened here.
Even if you’d known her forever and she was legit helping in a meaningful way, you’d still not be the jerk for needing space to nest with the new babies and not have visitors thrown on you.
Especially when they bring sickness back to your house.
You gave a LOT and expressed reasonable boundaries. Also sounds like, for whatever reason, your husband entirely dropped the ball. That’s two people (MIL and Husband) who weren’t respectful.
I get that she’s going through a lot, but you have limits too, and dumping her stress on you is not any kind of okay.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I’m sorry your husband wasn’t more respectful of his promise to you.
Thought you might need to have a hard conversation about boundaries with the husband in a calm moment.
He needs to be on board, on your side, and you need to be a team.
This might have been brain fog on his part, or it might have been intentional. I can’t say and won’t speculate.
However, I have seen this kind of thing done intentionally in my own family by people who are jerks. If I had to put it into words, I think, ‘If I don’t do this thing, maybe they won’t complain and I’ll get away with it’ is pretty close to how they operate.” use_more_lube
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your husband is trying to move his mother into your home knowing darn well you’re not down for this.
He’s trying to steamroll you into doing what they both want, funny how easy it was for him to find her a place to go to all of a sudden.
You just have two newborns to worry about and are super stressed and your husband is only adding more stress. Frankly, it’s super concerning how little he cares about your comfort.
You are not being unreasonable. Do not let him make you think that you are .” User
13. AITJ For Shaming My Grandpa In Front Of His Employee?
“I work at our family business and my grandpa is my boss.
He’s always been super stubborn and sexist and I’m leaving soon because it’s just way too much to deal with. That’s another story though entirely.
Anyway, so the other day this guy came in, one of the managers of one of the other companies he has, and the guy looked at me and smiled and said ‘You really look like your mom the older you get, I haven’t seen her in like 20 years but she was always so pretty.’ (not in a creepy way) I smiled at that because my mom is in fact pretty and it’s a compliment to be told I look like her.
My grandpa who was standing there also said ‘Not so much anymore’. And the guy goes ‘How do you mean?’ And my grandpa said ‘She’s really putting on weight these past few years, has a belly on her.’ This annoyed me right away because it was so uncalled for and unnecessary.
My mom struggled with Anorexia in her 20s and 30s and it affected her metabolism and her relationship with food severely.
Sure she’s no size 2. But she’s not ‘fat’ by any means. She’s also been working really hard to lose weight the right way this past year. She walks for an hour every day and eats better. So I looked right at my grandpa and said ‘What, like you’re a prize? You have a bigger belly than she does.’ He got all huffy and sort of dropped it and later he mentioned to me that I was being ‘disrespectful to my elders’.
Sure that was the case but I feel like if you can’t take it then don’t dish it out especially when my dad or mom wasn’t around to defend her.
After some thinking, I think I might have been a jerk because I called him out in front of a guy who works under him.
AITJ in this situation or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I hate that whole ‘Respect your elders’ garbage. It’s code for letting them bully you into their crap. Take none of it. If your mother had an eating disorder, I’d be willing to put some money down that his comments about her weight in her youth had something to do with it.
What a garbage man. I’m glad you’re getting a different job OP.” Straight-Kick5824
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good for you calling him out like that. I can’t stand that ‘respect your elders’ nonsense attitude. You don’t automatically deserve respect just because you’ve managed to not die yet. You forfeit your due respect once you start disrespecting other people.
Thank you for putting an old jerk in his place, OP.” BusGo_Screech26
12. AITJ For Not Insisting That My Daughter Apologize To My Sister?
“Last weekend my sister was over at my house. We hadn’t seen her in a while because people in her household got sick, then she got sick, then she got some more plastic surgery and had to heal so it’s been a while now.
My sister is a very beautiful woman but I think she’s gone too far now with her surgery. She’s gotten a lot of surgical and cosmetic work done but this time she got her third nose job revision and the end result looks horrible. Her second was a bit botched but ten times better than now.
It threw off her facial proportions that she had already tweaked and she looks like a completely different person now. It’s very sad to see since she’s only 34.
When she came over I hid my shock but even my face couldn’t hide it. She said that she’s still healing and it’ll look better in a year.
I pray so. She still wants other work done and was telling me about it. Before you ask if we’ve advised her to stop the answer is yes. She got her chest done 18 decades ago and hasn’t stopped with work so there’s nothing we can do or say. My daughter (10) had just come home from school in the middle of our conversation and when my sister greeted her she jumped back and said ‘Wow Aunt ____ did you get stung by a bee in the face?’ And she said it so concerned too.
My sister just gasped laughed and looked at me. I looked at my daughter and told her to go to her room and that there was a snack in the kitchen for her and she turned around and left.
My sister said ‘So you’re just going to let her say that to me?’ and I was so shocked. I asked what she meant and she said my daughter just insulted and disrespected her appearance.
I said she didn’t mean to and that she just hadn’t seen her like this and my sister started crying and left. I was shocked at her reaction. She hadn’t returned my calls so I called her husband and he told me that their own kids asked her what was wrong with her face and she cried about that too and that she hadn’t told him that our daughter said anything.
A few days ago my sister called me and said that she wanted my daughter to write her an apology about not insulting people’s looks and being kind and this and that and I said no immediately. I said that my daughter didn’t even mean it as an insult, she doesn’t understand what plastic surgery is, and to her, it just seems like her aunt’s face hurt and she was concerned. My sister said I’m enabling my daughter to make rude comments about others and raising her to be a bully.
I just hung up and she texted saying I’m a jerk for ‘allowing my daughter to bully her.'”
Another User Comments:
“Your 10-year-old showed thoughtful concern for your sister. If your sister doesn’t want anyone to notice that the emperor has no clothes, she shouldn’t be around people who tell the truth.
Good for you for not ‘correcting’ your daughter, who was not ‘bullying.’ But do tell her now that Auntie X is very sensitive about her looks so she shouldn’t say anything about them when she sees her again.
That is part of growing up to be polite, alas. It’s learning to ignore the elephants in the room (to mix my metaphors). NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister sounds deeply, deeply insecure and I really feel for her. Having a sense of self so affected by the opinions of others must be a nightmare to navigate.
You’re not the jerk for saying no. Your daughter didn’t mean it and you would essentially be punishing her for nothing.
It may even be a good place to start a conversation on when to say things about others’ appearances and when not to. Your daughter didn’t mean it, and your sister was way wrong, but it may be a good time to casually talk about when we say what we’re thinking and when not to.
However, I’m even cautious about that because I wouldn’t want her to think she was being horrible to her aunt.
Your sister needs a lot of help, but your daughter, not so much.
Good luck with everything!” artemis__hunt
11. AITJ For Putting Labels On My Drawers?
“So, I have a really sweet MIL (my husband’s mom) and we get along most of the time. However, when she visits our home I notice that she goes through my drawers in the bedroom looking for a charger or something.
I find it a bit invasive and embarrassing especially when she opens the ‘wrong’ drawer that would have personal items in it and then goes on to complain about how uncomfortable it is for her every single time. We’ve gone back and forth on this and when I stated that she was wrong for even looking at personal stuff she said she got confused and didn’t know what drawer had the item she was looking for.
My husband suggested I should just bring her whatever she needs instead of having to go inside and look herself but she never asks.
So I decided to label my drawers… meaning I put a sign on every drawer to eliminate dear MIL’s confusion. For example, I put a ‘socks’ sign on the sock drawer, then an ‘undergarments’ sign on the undergarments drawer, electronics, makeup drawer, etc. You get the idea.
The next time MIL visited she walked into the bedroom looking for something while I was in the kitchen cooking. Minutes later she came in with my husband asking about the signs I had on each drawer. I told her I just labeled each drawer to end her confusion and help her find what she was looking for quickly.
She looked offended and said that she was neither a small child nor stupid to be treated like this. I said I was really trying to help and also try to prevent her from seeing ‘stuff’ that upset her in the past. She got madder and kept arguing then left to stay at my BIL’s house.
BIL called and berated both my husband and me and then my husband lashed out saying I caused this mess and I needed to apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“This is next-level gaslighting.
So, this woman has zero boundaries and rummages through your personal items on the regular. Then gets upset when she sees something that should actually be there.
Then she overreacts and gets offended when you ‘treat her like a child’, even though she has behaved like one on numerous occasions in your house.
She follows that up with this chaser: Let’s talk smack about OP and get everyone mad at her.
There is no way you are the jerk, but that doesn’t really cover it adequately.
There really is so much wrong with this. I think you might need a reality check. This family is sick.
NTJ.” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your MIL should not be rummaging around your drawers in your bedroom, to begin with, no more than she would want you to be rooting around in her drawers at her home.
If she needs something that is not in a public access area then she needs to ask for assistance and not go snooping through your personal stuff.” Voldemar_H_Guerta
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex-Brother-In-Law Access His Kids' Inheritance Fund?
“I lost my older sister 12 years ago. She left her husband and two kids behind. In her final year of life, the marriage had been rocky.
Once she got sick he started seeing other people. Our family knew, my sister knew, but she didn’t want to dump more trauma onto the kids by leaving him and potentially having the truth come out. So she stayed and she tried to not dwell on the fact she knew he would have no problem acting as though she didn’t exist. She made sure my parents, brother, and I all had access and a relationship with the kids so we could make a point for grandparents’ rights if we needed to.
When she died she had set up a small amount of savings for both her kids and after she passed my parents took over the account and saved for her kids’ future. For the last four years, I have been left in charge of the account with the instructions my sister and parents left.
My ex-BIL was sort of aware money was kept out of his reach.
It bothered him but not as much. He married fast after my sister and has a stepdaughter and a son with his wife. Over the years stuff between him, my parents, and me was rough. He didn’t want us having a relationship with the kids but he also didn’t want any sort of visitation being granted through the courts.
He also didn’t want the kids to find out he brought one of his hookups around when their mom died or that he had had an affair throughout her illness. I would like to say none of us would have. But my brother despises ex-BIL with such a heated passion that I could see him wanting the kids to choose us and abandon their father.
But anyway. Both my niece and nephew are now over the age of 18 so the funds and the accounts were signed over to them. They were surprised to find it was there but no less happy. Ex-BIL was mad when he realized the sum of money was significant and on top of gifts and experiences with my family over the years, the kids had real savings, and nothing was given to his other kids.
He told me I should have allowed him access. That he could have made sure things were equal in his family with his kids. He said as the father of my nephew and niece he had a right to that money while they were minors.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Their mother left that money to them specifically.
She probably knew he would try to spend it on future children and she did not want that. His other kids should understand that their older siblings lost their mom and were sent a gift from her since she couldn’t be there as they became adults. It was never their father’s money so not his to give them.
I don’t understand why he’s talking about how he should have been allowed to make things equal with all his kids. Two of his kids have a living mother and two don’t so it’s already not equal. If he was a good father he would be happy for his kids that they have this surprise leg up on expenses for college or room and board etc. Instead, he’s hurt and insulted by greed. Sad.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents and then you were in charge of this account specifically set up outside of her husband’s reach to ensure that it got to her kids at the appropriate age. There is a litany of horror stories where one parent burns through their kids’ trust in household needs or personal wants.
And even then in a blended household it’s unquestionable that there would be times their trust fund would be spent on some group need rather than theirs specifically.
Your sister’s husband is upset because he’s already going through his mind figuring where he could have patched some household financial problem with the trust fund which ain’t what that was for.” gdex86
9. AITJ For Not Talking About My Termination At Someone Else's Birthday Party?
“I used to be the chairman of a theatre company and also participated as an actress in the plays we put on. I didn’t have huge dreams of ‘making it’ as an actress, I mostly did it for fun, but I was really ambitious regarding the company.
I spent so much time going to meetings, handling the economy, planning new productions, etc. I did all of this in my free time because the company was new, didn’t turn great profits and I had another full-time job to make my living.
However, the rest of the troop didn’t think this was enough if I didn’t dream of making it big.
So they all talked about me behind my back, of how I didn’t deserve to be on stage, then kicked me out. They did this ‘off books’, meaning it didn’t happen through an official vote or an official meeting. They had all talked it through without me and told me two days before a meeting I HAD PLANNED. They did say that I could still be with the troop as chairman and do all the paperwork, but I couldn’t be on stage with them.
And I’d have to be unpaid. I pretty much said ‘screw you’ and left.
After this, I was very angry and did some petty things. I cut the company credit card in half and I also reported them to an authority after they refused to take down pictures including me from their social media. (Within the EU a picture that can be used to identify a person is considered a piece of personal information and if a company doesn’t delete it upon request then legal action can be pursued and fines issued) Eventually I got over my anger and I am now feeling fine about the whole situation, I’m happy.
I even told some of them whom I was less angry with that we could remain friends. The company wasn’t fined either, they just received a warning.
Fast forward. My best friend X had his birthday party the other week and one of the members of the company, Y, showed up. I feel a little uneasy by this, but not enough to spoil my mood.
However, Y and I used to be friends and so he expects a hug, which I don’t give him. He gets annoyed and tells me I’m being childish and if I can’t act like a grown-up then I’m proving everyone in the company right. I tell him that I’m not angry anymore, but I won’t discuss this with him in this situation.
It’s X’s birthday after all and I’m not going to ruin his night by being dramatic, instead, I want to have fun with the others. Y gets more annoyed and says he doesn’t believe I’m not angry and that we should have it out. I say, again, that I don’t want to, not now. Then I say that if he has unresolved feelings about the issue and wants to talk to me about it we can make a plan for next week and meet up, but that won’t be for my sake.
This makes him officially angry and says that I’m a hypocrite for suggesting that we could remain friends.
So, I ask: AITJ for not discussing this with him at X’s birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘he expects a hug, which I don’t give him. He gets annoyed and tells me I’m being childish’
Nope.
He’s got that 100% backward. Adults recognize that other people get to choose when and how they want to be touched. Kids get upset about being told ‘no’ because they don’t understand boundaries yet. Similarly, he needs to recognize that he’s not the star of your reality, and just because he thinks the big dramatic confrontation should happen as soon as you’re in the same place doesn’t mean you need to agree to that.
Even if the big dramatic confrontation wasn’t over his completely erroneous belief that being a good company manager has anything to do with personal ambition.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is completely unsurprising that the person who wants to make drama at someone else’s party is in a theater troupe that would kick out someone for not being dramatic enough.
Also unsurprising is that the person deemed ‘not dramatic enough’ would have enough common sense not to cause drama and ‘have it out’ at someone else’s party.
They were probably living for the moments when you told them to take down the photos and upset that you got over it so quickly.” koalapsychologist
8. AITJ For Drinking Margaritas By My Late Brother's Grave?
“So my (23f) brother (30m) died from cancer 5 years ago. He told me that his dream was for me and him to go somewhere tropical and drink nice drinks and chill with our partners.
He unfortunately died before we could do that. His wife, my partner, and I all made a pact that we would make margaritas (for them before I was 21, I had coconut and pineapple juice) and hang out at my brother’s grave every year on his birthday. We told him this before he died and he loved it.
One of the last things he said to me was to not be sad and know that he wasn’t hurting anymore. It was really hard for me but it’s getting better with our tradition.
His birthday was last week and we went to his grave with the margaritas. While we were there talking and joking, a lady (about 50f) and grandkids (10-13 f maybe) came and sat at the grave next to us.
The kids were talking and then the lady saw our drinks. She came over to us and said ‘It’s very rude to drink liquor in front of children and at a grave’. My SIL told her to mind her own business and that we were doing it for my brother. The lady quickly got the kids and left. On her way, she told them ‘not to be like us and be drinking addicts’.
I don’t usually drink except on special occasions.
We went back home. My mom asked us how our visit to the grave was. We told her what happened and she said the lady was rude. But my aunt said that we should have stopped drinking and put them away in front of the kids.
I would have put the drinks away if the kids were paying attention but they were coloring pictures and talking. We all also only had one small drink.
My aunt has told some other family members about it and most are on our side but some are saying that the lady shouldn’t have had to see us drinking and we shouldn’t drink around a grave anyway.
Even though my brother loved the idea. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You do what you need to do to honor your brother. No one has any say in how you grieve, memorialize, and celebrate his life. There’s nothing disrespectful about drinks, especially since it’s an idea your brother loved. And honestly, I don’t see a problem in kids seeing liquor.
Chances are they wouldn’t know they were different from any other drinks if the grandma didn’t make such a fuss about them.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Grieve how you want to, celebrate his life with a margarita you wish you could’ve had with him, and tell that lady it costs zero dollars to mind her business.
Your aunt saying ‘But the kids’. Those aren’t your kids, and if they see their parents have a glass of wine or a beer it’s no different than what they witnessed you guys doing.” WiseBad1
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hold A Random Kid?
” “I (28f) have been friends with Beth (29f) for 3 years. I am single and child-free by choice because I don’t believe in marriage & I don’t like kids but I definitely don’t push or ‘blab’ about my ideals. I actually try and avoid conversations like that when it’s brought up because of all the comments I get when I do say something – If you know, you know.
Beth on the other hand wants kids and marriage, which I fully support because it would make her happy. Sadly, she’s had 3 miscarriages since she met her partner of 2 years but he has no intention of marrying her yet until he’s ‘financially’ stable.
So Beth and I went to grab dinner last night and as we were waiting for the takeout, a little girl came out from her booth and ran up to us and grabbed my leg asking to be held, I think she was 2.
I just kind of pushed my leg away from my body while Beth cooed and awed until the mother grabbed her off me. When they left Beth said ‘Wasn’t she the cutest’ and I said ‘She was something.’ Then our order was up and I grabbed the food and we started walking back to our separate apartments that were in the same building.
Beth then asked what I meant by my comment to which I said ‘nothing’ because I truly meant nothing by it. She then asked why I pushed the child away from my body and I said ‘Because I didn’t know her and I didn’t want to hold her, in fact, I think her hands stained my sweatpants’.
I then looked down at my sweatpants and there was a faint red stain from her spaghetti hands.
Beth then gave me a dirty look and said ‘Why can’t you just say she was cute?’ I was taken aback and said, ‘Because I didn’t think she was, she’s just some kid’.
Beth then stopped walking which caused me to stop walking and said that I was being insensitive to her and that she didn’t appreciate my lack of empathy for her feelings. I then asked what she was talking about and she said that she’s trying to express her wanting of children and my insensitive comments are hurting her feelings when it comes to the subject.
I then said I wasn’t trying to be insensitive to her feelings and reminded her that I’ve been there to help take care of her after every miscarriage and I’ve dropped her off at her IVF appointments on my days off even though her partner only helped once with both.
She then said that this conversation wasn’t about that, it was about being insensitive in the restaurant.
We then kept going in circles and I still don’t understand but she hasn’t been answering my messages all day.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You weren’t insensitive to the kid, Beth was just jealous of the attention she was directing toward you.
You have been there physically to support her. Sounds like she is having a hard time and needs someone to talk to about her heartache.
But, I don’t think that should be you.” odubik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As someone who feels exactly as you do about kids and marriage, it sounds like you avoided any type of argument and I would have reacted identically. You are 100% allowed to have your own opinions, wants, and desires for your life. You have supported her throughout her journey, and it sounds like she’s projecting her issues onto you because she’s frustrated. I would give her space, there’s really not much you can do.” thecloser64
6. AITJ For Excluding My Vegan Sister-In-Law From Our Family BBQ?
“My spouse and I got a house and we both have relatives living nearby, including our respective siblings and parents. Last year we decided to host a huge backyard BBQ party and invited friends and family. However, my spouse’s sister kinda ruined it.
She’s a hardcore vegan, so we’ll call her ‘Erin’. Everything out of her mouth was something vegan-related and everyone was pretty annoyed and mostly avoided her. If she wasn’t going on about ethics, it was about health. She was basically shaming our older friends/relatives for not wanting to take care of their bodies. She told my father that his diabetes is from eating animal fat.
At one point, she even left to go to the store and returned with a ridiculous amount of VEGAN frozen patties (and bread and other items) and demanded we cook them up and serve them as an option. So to be nice, we cooked one pack… no one touched them. She was absolutely tiresome. Other than Erin, the BBQ was a hit.
So we did it again this summer.
When it comes to Erin, my spouse and I disagree. I do not engage with her and she knows I’m not fond of her. He and his parents think she is harmless, whereas my family hates her guts. I did not know this until recently, but Erin got into it with one of my cousins ‘Mary’ last year who tried to be friendly with Erin since Mary used to be vegan in the past but gave it up when it made her sick.
Apparently, Erin attacked Mary calling her ‘ignorant’ and insisting she was ‘doing it wrong’.
So I did not want Erin at this year’s BBQ at all. But I did not want to cause any drama. I didn’t even bring this up to my spouse. I knew that Erin was gonna go on vacation for a whole week this month, so as soon as she left, I set up the BBQ on a Saturday right before she was supposed to come back (Sunday).
Everything went perfectly as planned. However, Erin saw the photos on social media and was MAD. She found out from my spouse that I chose the date so she texted me that I was evil, heartless, and a bully for leaving her out. She also brought up other really personal things to attack me so I ended up blocking her.
Erin has since run to my spouse and her parents to complain constantly and won’t let it go.
So what could I have done differently? Was I wrong to schedule the BBQ when she was out of town?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she can’t play nicely with others, she should expect not to be invited. I don’t blame you at all for scheduling the BBQ when she was not able to attend due to how she behaved at the last one and the fallout caused amidst the rest of the attendees.
Answering questions about veganism if people ask? Fair. Asking for a pack of vegan patties to be cooked so then they have something to eat and also offering people the opportunity to try them if curious? Also fair. Being obnoxious? Not something you should have to tolerate.” User
Another User Comments:
“Erin sounds exhausting and I do not blame you for not wanting her there.
I don’t understand people who thrive on making others miserable. NTJ for avoiding her tantrums this year.
However, I don’t think you can do this every year without them catching on that this is intentional, and I could foresee Erin pretending to be unavailable just to catch you out.
I wonder what would happen if you hired someone to come and act being a friend of yours who would then babysit Erin.
Wherever she goes, her babysitter goes too. Every time she criticizes and bullies others, her keeper loudly exclaims something like ‘Erin! I can’t believe you would be so rude!’ Give her all the attention she wants but make it as unpleasant for her as she is making all your other guests.
In a reasonable world, you would be able to simply not invite her, but Erin isn’t being reasonable.” latents
5. AITJ For Putting Locks On Cabinets?
“I (20F) live in a shared apartment with 2 roommates, let’s call them Mary (20F) and Lucy (20F). We each have our own bedroom but share a kitchen and bathroom. I didn’t know either of them before moving in. Lucy informed us that she would only be living in the dorm 3 days a week and would be living with her significant other for the rest of the week and we agreed that she could take less of the shared cleaning tasks (vacuuming, taking the trash out) because she was living in the dorm less, but still had to keep her own stuff clean.
We also agreed that she could use our kitchen supplies (dishes, cutlery, pots, pans) to make her food because she didn’t want to bring any of her own stuff. Very quickly we realized that Lucy was also using our food and never washing her dishes. We even left a bowl of oatmeal in the sink until it was moldy to see if she would ever do it, but she didn’t.
We asked her on many occasions to please do her dishes and stop using our food but she kept ignoring us and telling us we were being dramatic. It got to the point where Mary and I were basically paying for another person’s meals for 3 days of the week.
To try to get her to stop, Mary and I put padlocks on every cupboard and cabinet in the kitchen to block Lucy’s access to our stuff.
Lucy got the message and finally bought her own food, but we still don’t trust her to do her dishes.
Lucy got incredibly angry and told us we’re denying access to part of the apartment that she was paying for and told us that we were breaking our agreement to not let her use our dishes.
Mary and I told her that she needed to buy her own dishes and then we’d take the padlocks off.
AITJ for leaving the padlocks on until she gets her own stuff?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, mostly. She broke the agreement by not taking care of your stuff, so it only makes sense that you took away the privilege of borrowing your dishes.
However, she is still paying rent and deserves to have a portion of the cupboards cleared out for her to store her stuff. If it was me I’d keep the padlocks on your cupboards though.” ThinScallion8697
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You used the words she had to keep her own stuff clean. So she did because she didn’t own any of the kitchen stuff.
She was being petty with the ‘own stuff’ part as in, well they said clean my own stuff but I don’t own this so I don’t need to clean it.
The padlocks take it a bit far but having dealt with food thieves, it’s understandable. Overall, honestly, she should just move out if she’s spending 4 out of 7 days with her SO.
Tell her to hit up her local dollar store if she doesn’t want to invest in her own dishes.” Apprehensive-Two3474
4. AITJ For Not Bringing Home Food For Our Roommate?
“I (36F) just hit my 4-year anniversary with my partner (32M). A friend of mine that neither my partner nor roommate knew sent me a monetary gift for a date. My partner and I haven’t been able to have a date the entire time we’ve been together, firstly because of money, and then the global crisis hit and we were stuck at home.
(The whole not going on a date thing is also because we worked the graveyard shift. Now he got a new job recently and he’s day shift but I’m still at graveyard shifts, it’s hard to go out when you sleep during the day LOL)
My partner and I decided to head off to a ramen shop in a nearby mall for a lunch date, just the 2 of us.
With the monetary gift, I bought the 2 of us lunch and a bottle of Sake PLUS an extra bottle of Sake (good sized bottle, not cheap either) for the roommate because we know he likes that stuff.
When we got home I went upstairs to take a nap (food coma!) and when I woke up my partner told me that our roommate asked where his food was.
My partner told him it was an anniversary date for just the 2 of us and the $ was gifted to US for said date, our roommate said ‘SO?’ and my partner told him that we got him something with our monetary gift that we didn’t have to get him, just because we’re friends and roommates doesn’t mean we have to include him in our date, especially since it was our first actual date.
The roommate called us jerks and is now treating us like we kicked a puppy or something, never mind the fact that I still made dinner for the household that night like I do nearly every night. I’d also like to mention that he was asleep when we left on our date because he works grave shift (as do I but I slept early) and he likes to get himself uber eats when WE are sleeping and not get us anything.
I don’t understand how I/we could be the jerks here since it was a DATE and the $ was gifted to ME for the date. But I’ll leave it up to you, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Roommates are a balance, to be GOOD roommates you need to grasp that you are not the priority in the lives of others.
It is nice when they decide to include you, but not a requirement by far. You did think of them, you got them a nice treat, but they had no place in YOUR anniversary.
Frankly, I’d suggest a new roommate, speaking as a person with five roommates who don’t pull this kind of nonsense.
Congrats on your anniversary, I’m glad you were finally able to celebrate with the person you care about!” Veldrin_Dalharil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But it is way past time for you to move out. He is lazy, taking advantage of you, and treating you like a mom.
He brings nothing to the household. Just look at the audacity and entitlement he has to expect you to bring food for him like a mother might do.
But he never provides food for you when he buys some.
It’s time to either tell him to leave or move out yourself. Stop doing things for him, stop cooking, stop cleaning, and stop buying things for him.” User
3. AITJ For Saying My Mother-In-Law Is A Bully To Her Children?
“I (31f) have been married for 4.5 years and have a child with my husband. My husband is estranged from his family and has been for a little while now.
My husband is the oldest of four. Luke, James, Ryan, and Cal.
Luke (my husband) and James were close growing up. Ryan and Cal were close growing up. Luke and James adored Cal as the baby of the family. They were awful to Ryan.
MIL did not like Ryan for unknown reasons.
FIL silently allowed it to happen.
Cal would defend and stand by Ryan.
Cal passed away at the age of 19.
Ryan cut his family off.
My husband having gone through all this reflected and grew remorseful for his part in it all and sought therapy. And has deeply, deeply regretted his actions.
That’s most of the backstory simplified. But yeah, they bullied Ryan terribly.
My husband was honest with me from the beginning about it. He hates himself a lot for what he did to his brother. And I think he always hoped his mom and James would feel the same. But if anything MIL hates Ryan for daring to not stick around and be the black sheep forever.
His dad has never been outspoken about anything so we don’t know where he is on that. MIL found out I knew and didn’t like that I felt my husband hadn’t been a good person back then and disagreed with how he treated his brother. She accused me of being a bad wife for expecting him to live with the consequences.
When his mom turned on me and refused to stop he cut her and the rest of the family off for standing by her.
A couple of weeks ago I was out with some friends for coffee and saw MIL out with some of her friends. She started making digs at me and shaming me to her friends, saying I was a bad wife to her son and took him away from his family.
I responded that at least I never bullied any of my children.
MIL is furious that I said what I did and raged at my husband. She actually showed up at our house to do so. I wonder if I should have just bit my tongue and not said anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You lashed out, but in the context where she was really asking pretty explicitly for a comeback. You know what they say… If you can’t stand the heat… Marry a guy who’ll let you spew venom and just shrug, like your FIL.
I think you made a strategic error, but not a moral one. Here’s the thing – she likes venom and drama.
You don’t seem to. By engaging her when she was literally asking for it, you stood up for yourself, but you also fed the beast. She really enjoyed the emotions she got to feel between when your response enraged her and when she entered your house, ready to yell at you. She feeds off that hostility.
You seem not to. So you have to be careful – the only real way to win this game is not to play. Not like your FIL, but by not getting emotionally wrapped up in things she says.
Remember – they’re all about getting you to show that she can hurt you with her words.
Don’t let her see that. Think of someone whose words don’t matter to you. A crazy politician or celebrity that makes your eyes roll every time they make an announcement should work. Pretend she’s like that – just attention-seeking. Because she is.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“My guess is that Luke and James were nasty to Ryan because they saw that their parents hated him.
MIL’s friends, assuming that they have known her a long time, almost certainly know how she treated her son. And have told her that they agree with you.
Your husband behaved badly towards his brother. He knows he was wrong. He regrets it. Hopefully, he would like to reconcile with his brother. But his mother now has a maximum of one child who is speaking to her.
Your MIL picked an argument with you in front of her friends. You stood up to her. Which, like all bullies, she hates.
You are NTJ.” User
2. AITJ For Not Adjusting My Home's Temperature?
“I (31F) have severe chronic anemia a result of which is I struggle to keep myself warm and am always cold even with my iron pills and transfusions when my levels drop too low, it sucks but it has become a part of the life I’m used to.
I keep my flat at 28 C and never have it lower than that as lower is uncomfortable for me and even at 28 C I need to have a hoodie and socks on for additional warmth, which means my gas bill is higher than the average person but what can you do?
My partner (30M) attempted to stay overnight for the first time during the weekend and was horrified by the temperature complaining of being too hot constantly and wanting me to turn it down, I apologized but said I really couldn’t explain how it felt painful if I got too cold, for anyone who doesn’t suffer as badly as me with anemia imagine the pins and needles you get when playing in the snow for hours, that’s me when my temperature drops too low.
I finally caved and lowered it to 25 C throwing on an extra layer and offered him ice water and gave him a desktop fan to try and help him cool down while also staying warm myself but he was clearly uncomfortable and ended up going home at around 1 am as he couldn’t take it anymore.
I was upset by this but didn’t try to stop him as if he was that uncomfortable there was no point in him suffering.
On Monday he texted me telling me I seriously needed to go to the doctor if I was that cold all the time. I tried to explain I had been to the doctor about this and there wasn’t much we could do as we didn’t know what caused my anemia no matter what tests we ran.
He has told me that he can’t stay overnight if it’s going to be that warm and compared my home to a lizard’s terrarium which I admit hurt a little though I know he likely meant it as a joke. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and been cold? I’m cold when outside/in the office/in other people’s homes so why not?
I just like my home being a place where I can warm up a little though.
Maybe I was a rude host? I should have put his needs first.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: You have to have the heat that high or you’ll be in pain so no you don’t have to adjust the temperature for anyone.
But personally, I wouldn’t be able to sleep or be comfortable in that environment either. So it’s understandable your partner left that night.
And while his ‘joke’ was insensitive I understand why he mentioned the doctors because if he didn’t know you’ve been to several he’s thinking long term because if nothing changes it sounds like living together may be out of the question.” ImpossibleHand5086
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You’re not a rude host if your house is comfortable for you. Everyone is allowed to make their space comfortable for them. On the other hand, 28°C is really, really hot, so I can see where your partner was coming from. I don’t know if the terrarium comment is necessarily an insult, that’s just pretty much the first thing that popped into my mind as well, as someone who’s kept tropical pets.
‘Oh, my Geckos would love that’. It’s just a very unusual temperature to intentionally have in one’s home.
I don’t really know what the solution is here.” Nightfish_
1. AITJ For Saying Stuff To My Husband's Friend About Being Fat?
“My husband’s friend is fat. I have never said this to his or my friend’s face because I know that’s inappropriate. I’m not sure how heavy he is, but I know he exceeded the weight limit for a basic camp chair pre-2020 and has only gotten bigger so maybe close to 400 lbs? And under 6′-0”.
I know he is aware and sensitive about it but to his own detriment has only tried fad diets and gives up fast on eating healthy or exercising. It also doesn’t help him that he can be really arrogant with very wrong health-related information (like about diets and calories and stuff). Let’s call him Jerk.
Anyway, we all had dinner the other day. I made a healthy meal that I was pretty darn proud of. Not for him – mostly for myself. I’m about 7 months pregnant and had a gestational diabetes scare recently (failed my first test but passed the 3 hour one, yikes) so I’ve been trying to eat healthier with less simple carbs.
So I was bragging about how the shrimp kabobs, salad, and dessert were only like 600 calories. Which sparked a discussion about calories and diets.
Jerk said something like ‘2000 calories a day is nonsense because that’s what a 12-year-old needs’. I said ‘Yeah but 12-year-olds are also growing like 10 lbs and 2 inches a year. Vertically anyway.’ My husband jokingly asked, ‘Vertically, as opposed to?’ Without thinking… I turned to Jerk and said ‘Horizontally.’ And Jerk said ‘What is that supposed to mean?’
Y’ALL I’M NOT VERY FAST ON MY FEET. I fumbled for words for a minute until I said ‘Ya know, like expanding’ with hand motions because apparently I just keep digging my own grave under pressure. Jerk just said ‘Wow, screw you,’ and ignored me for the rest of the night.
I wasn’t trying to be mean.
My husband says not to worry about it because I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. But still… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hahaha no you’re NTJ
Jerk dug the hole, not you. If he doesn’t like how the shoe fits he shouldn’t have assumed it was for him.
You said a true thing, which is that growing kids need calories because they’re growing, and fully grown people expand horizontally, not vertically, if they eat more than they need to.
You didn’t comment on Jerk’s weight, or even try to sneakily imply so. Jerk’s the only one who decided that that applied to him.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You turned to him and said it directly at him. You wanted to take your shot, you took it. You disapprove of him and you made sure that everyone knew that you disapproved of him.
Also, bragging over a 600-calorie meal isn’t great. Bodies need fuel. It’s good that you’re getting your issues in line, but if you’re bragging about calories, you’re inviting the conversation about diets, and my guess is you wouldn’t have responded kindly to someone implying you were starving your baby in order to look better. Not that you were, but the comment would have hurt your feelings.
Also, nobody knows how much a body burns, or how anyone’s individual body chemistry reacts to stuff. Jerk may be fat because he eats too much, or he may be fat because his body has set him up that way. No one, including him, knows why, but you can rest assured he knows he’s fat.
Luckily for you, fat men are still fair game.” whiporee123
... "Y’ALL I’M NOT VERY FAST ON MY FEET."
I'm died laughing and let me just say, as a fat person, you are NOT the jerk. We know we are fat and if we get offended, it's usually because we don't expect other people to acknowledge the fact that we are, in fact fat... lol, society today is ridiculous.
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