People Discuss Their Questionable "Am I The Jerk" Stories

We've all been in that situation before; The kind of awkward spot that causes us to act in a certain way that we think is appropriate, but in reality, could be seen in a different light. Not everything is black or white, good or bad. It can be hard to know what to do in that exact moment, and so you resort to taking the "next right step." No good deed goes unpunished right? That's what makes these stories extra intriguing! There's a line that's been crossed, but the person did it because they thought it was right. Then, there are the stories that are just plain dumb...I mean, obviously! Like the guy who pretended to be an appletarian. Now, he's just a jerk! But the rest of them? You'll have to decide for yourself. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk

26. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay Home With The Kids While My Husband Goes To My Brother's Wedding?


“I’m a stay-at-home mom and my husband works full time. We have 3 kids and one of them is 2 years old. My husband helps a lot with the kids.

He’s a committed dad but is absolutely against babysitters due to an awful incident with a babysitter that was the reason his younger male cousin James got disabled years ago.

I don’t go out much since I have to take the kids with me and not every place is suitable for kids.

We received an invitation for my brother’s (who has been my husband’s friend since college) wedding which we later discovered was child-free.

My brother lives states away so the entire trip will take 4 days as well as my brother’s inlaws weekend dinner party (their tradition) I told my husband I want to go since it’s been a while since I been to a wedding and this one is special and suggested we get a trusted friend as a babysitter.

He asked if I was serious to consider leaving our 2-year-old with a babysitter and suggested that I do what I normally do and stay home with the kids while he goes to the wedding.

I refused and said I have as much right to attend as him since we both were invited. He said it wasn’t his fault my brother wants a child-free wedding and I should do this for the kids and sacrifice for their sake.

I still refused and said this was unfair and since he’s a parent too then he should also stay for the kids.

He looked at me and said, “That’s my best friend’s wedding you’re asking me to skip for Christ’s sake, are you kidding me?” Then said I was being petty for suggesting this and that I was basically choosing to go and party over keeping our kids safe.

He asked me to consider this a business trip what would I do? Go with him and leave the kids?…. I said I understand his paranoia of babysitters but really all my friends have sitters and at times they’re really needed.

He said I ought to know better than what my friends tell me and this wasn’t even up for discussion and when I kept arguing he called me selfish and said he won’t let me ruin his relationship with his friend because I was being spiteful for not being able to attend and that my brother will understand my situation.

He keeps asking who’s more important: a wedding party or my kids and said I was unreasonable for making my attendance the hill to die on.

AITJ? Am I being selfish for wanting to attend this wedding, my brother’s wedding after 4 years of not attending anything?”

Another User Comments:
“I have a hard time believing your husband is a good dad.

Every single sentence from him smells like entitlement and selfishness. If you can’t go to your brother’s wedding, so can’t he. Why doesn’t he stay at home and you attend? Since this never came to his mind he thinks less of you and your needs.

You are the servant for the children. Not his wife who is on the same level. This wedding shows you what kind of person your husband is and what he thinks of you. NTA.” MasterpieceOK4688

49 points - Liked by FootballFan, frha, Ninastid and 47 more

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Posiden1212 2 years ago
All of you are missing the point....... The guy getting married is her BROTHER for gods sake i think the sister should go instead of a friend
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25. AITJ For Wanting To Have My Wedding On The Day We Planned And Everyone Agreed On?


“My fiancé (22M) and I (22F) have been planning our wedding since June 2021. Before handing over a $3000 deposit to our venue we told both sides of our families that it would be held on February 24th 2023, and neither side had any objections.

I should mention that we are both close with our families and with each others families.

His mother (54F) has now suddenly remembered that his father (54M) goes on an annual golf trip every year with a bunch of friends and the 25th anniversary of this trip will be held over the weekend that our wedding is on.

Both of his parents and his entitled brother (25M) have now decided that FH and I need to change the date of our wedding so he can attend the golf trip away.

Each of them are completely disregarding the fact that we would lose the full deposit and all the money we have spent on “save the dates” and custom gifts for the bridal party, and they still believe that we are in the wrong and the date MUST be changed.

FH is barely being given any blame for this, with the majority of the fault being placed on me.

Especially from the brother who has called me a sook, a bee with an itch and heartless to name a few. The family refuses to accept any other solutions or options, or reason that his son getting married may in fact, be more important than attending his golf trip.

We are understanding that the trip is meaningful and a tradition, I just can’t comprehend asking my child to move their wedding date for ANY reason really?

Edit to add: My fiance is 100% on my side with this issue and has stated to his family the wedding date will not be changed.

Despite this, they continued to message him requesting we change the date as I guess they think he is a pushover and will convince me?

Also note: They have never acted like this before and we generally have a good relationship with them.”

Another User Comments:

IF IT’S SUCH AN IMPORTANT YEARLY OCCURRENCE THEY WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED IT! This probably came up after the fact and they have FOMO. Regardless, your wedding should take priority.

The golf game can always be rescheduled. I also find it pretty weird that the guys planning the trip would have a problem changing the date. I mean 25 yrs is a long time not to make accommodations.

I still can’t get over that this has been going on 25yrs and EVERYONE forgot.” Downtown-Trouble-71

Another User Comments:
“Someone I knew had their wedding that happened to land on the same weekend her FIL took his yearly camping trip to his family’s cabin with his childhood friends.

They had apparently been doing this since they were teens and even when they grew apart and moved away from each other, they still came together for this trip.

Know what he did when they realized the dates? He called up his friends and told them he couldn’t make it, but they were welcome to go without him, and he would give them the key.

Why did he do this? BECAUSE HE DIDN”T WANT TO MISS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DAYS OF HIS SON”S LIFE. In the end his friends refused to go without him, so they went the following weekend.

When asked if he regretted it, he said no because “It’s not like I won’t go camping with them ever again, but my son is only getting married once.” But then again that FIL wasn’t self-centered and knew what was important. NTJ.” CelticFire28

41 points - Liked by KayeItsMe, BJ, leja2 and 38 more

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mia 2 years ago
You checked the date with everyone. They said date was fine. Their fault. They are the ones being jerks.
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24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit For My Ungrateful Sister?


“Earlier this summer, my older sister left her youngest baby with me. He was only 6 months old at the time, and I had a 4-month-old. She was going to take her oldest (9) to an appointment, and obviously babies won’t have fun.

Whatever. It’s only an hour or two, right?

She drops him off and jets before I can ask specifics, like where they will be, how long the appointment is exactly.

Immediately, because babies are babies, he poops.

Check the diaper bag. 3 diapers, no food, a few sets of clothes and blankets. Cool, whatever. Because how long could she be?

Cue 3 hours later and apparently I’m a loser and a sucker because I get notified by my mother that she is actually at a theme park.

Obviously I was upset, but by now I’m out of diapers.

I have no baby food because my kid was still on milk only so I’m giving him bottles. At this point, I decide I can put some of my daughters’ cloth diapers on him.

They’re adjustable, it’s fine. I take a risk and hope this kid will eat applesauce until my husband can get off work and get some baby food.

It has now been almost 9 freaking hours.

He’s gone through 3 more diapers. Finally, my sister comes strolling in my house without knocking. She’s so happy and she grabs her kid, starts looking around, and then she noticed he was in a cloth diaper.

At this point she gets very quiet, looks me dead in the eye, and asks where his diapers are.

I tell her (in a very snarky tone, I will admit) that she only gave me 3.

I had to substitute. I told her that when she gets home, she can toss it into a plastic bag and I’ll be over the next day to pick it up.

She angrily rips it off, throws it at me, and leaves.

I’m livid, I’m tired, I’m never going to watch her spawn again. But the next day I get a call from our mother telling me that I should have just gone out and bought her a case of diapers and food because she’s on a shoestring budget, running the chance of getting evicted and just wanting to have a little fun.

I told mom that was crazy and BS because how was she going to a theme park????

So now it’s fall, and sis mentions to me that she has another appointment.

I told her right off the bat that I don’t care what the appointment is, I’m not watching her kid again. She lied to me, took advantage, didn’t answer when I called and was angry that I didn’t buy her diapers and food when it’s not my job to provide that.

She launched into me that I was condescending, and a jerk about the whole deal, and I always push my ideals on her. All of this shocked me.

I just hung up.

Mom the mediator calls me a few hours later and agrees that I’m ‘a little bit’ of a jerk because I could have taken care of my nephew without making her feel bad, and that I overstepped all those months ago.

She’s wanting me to apologize and buy her a case of diapers and maybe take her to lunch as an apology. I said I’d think about it. So am I being a pushy jerk?”

Another User Comments:
“Your mom can buy your sister a case of diapers and a lunch and annnnnnnything else she thinks your sister needs.

But you, OP, don’t have to buy your ungrateful sister anything. At least and until you get a genuine apology and a thank you for watching her baby last time. NTJ and your mom is a crap mediator/flying monkey/enabler.” LuvMyLongThyme

Another User Comments:
“Seriously! I don’t believe the poor don’t deserve nice things, because the nice things are what get us through the crap show of life.

(Also, nice things are often a better investment because they end up lasting way longer than the cheap alternative). But if you cannot afford necessities, then you cannot afford nice things.

Especially not a visit to a theme park, because that’s not even something that contributes to the household. That’s not an expenditure that pays dividends..” saucynoodlelover

Another User Comments:
“She is close to getting evicted, has no coin for diapers and baby food, but can spend the whole day in a theme park.

Probably bought the expensive food and drinks there, maybe souvenirs for the 9y/o she had with her. Her priorities are so messed up. And your mother should stop to interfering.

You and your sister are both adults. You have your own children, you don’t need your mommy if someone was mean to you. She must learn to back off. She makes everything just worse. NTJ your mother can watch the baby.” Acceptable_Abalone

37 points - Liked by leja2, LizzieTX, mapi and 34 more

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Danett77 2 years ago
That mom and sister duo sounds toxic as hell. Omg she thinks YOU should take HER to lunch and buy her diapers????
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23. AITJ For Wanting More Parental Control?


“My partner and I have been together 10 years. Never married due to commitment issues on her part. She conceived using donor sperm, and while the child is biologically and legally hers alone, I’ve been raising the child together since day one.

The child will turn 6 soon. We both work full time and split the expenses but I do the lion’s share of chores if it matters.

Problem is, as the child grows, my partner becomes increasingly protective.

By protective, I mean she doesn’t let me use common parenting methods, like natural consequences and setting boundaries. Everything I try to do, she undermines/undoes it. This is NOT what we had agreed upon before having the child.

We took parenting classes, read books, and attended workshops. Now it seems she has thrown all that out the window. Our child can do whatever she wants, eat only jellybeans for breakfast if so she fancies, stay up past midnight if she still wants to play.

Of course, that is not healthy. She’s doodled on my work laptop and my partner wouldn’t even let me sit her down to explain why it’s wrong. In short, my partner doesn’t say no, doesn’t teach the child right from wrong, and doesn’t let me do it.

The kindergarten teachers have already complained a ton about behavioral issues and suggested that we have our child evaluated, which we did. The specialist gave us some insightful advice that she chose to ignore because she believes her child is perfect, and she is actively preventing me from carrying out that advice (such as setting a schedule, limit sugary foods etc.)

I tried to sit her down for a serious talk, more times than I cared to count.

She doesn’t see a problem. I suggested therapy and ended up going alone because my partner thinks the only one having a problem is me. The child apparently picked that up and thinks I’m the bad guy in the house.

I wanted to try harder because I really love the child even if she’s not mine biologically. But today I overheard my partner tell her that I “still need to earn the parent title” and I broke.

I pulled her aside and told her I can never be the child’s parent because she won’t let me. Now she’s mad, accusing me of trying to abandon our child and giving me the cold shoulder.

I think I’m the jerk because, while I didn’t say it in front of the child, she’s a smart kid and picks up things pretty fast. I think I’ve let her down.

INFO: She used donor sperm because of her commitment issues.

She wanted the child to be solely hers so that there will be no legal battles over custody should we break up. I ok’d the use of a donor because, well, the short answer is I don’t care about blood.

My parents are despicable people and their lineage will end with me. Also it’s legit donor that we picked together from a bank.

Another User Comments:
“Why are you still with this person? Seriously dude just leave.

You have no legal or biological connection to this kid and your gf has made it pretty clear it will never be yours. She doesn’t want you to parent the kid she brought into your lives entirely unilaterally so give her what she clearly wants which is a life alone with a kid she gets to mold however she wants.

Go live a life where you’re actually wanted and appreciated.” cynicaesura

Another User Comments:
“How on earth did this guy let it slide when THREE YEARS IN his long-term girl said she was having a kid but that she was using donor sperm so it wasn’t his child.

When these 2 break up this poor kid is going to wonder why her ‘dad’ upped and left when her mum won’t let him see her because she’s not biologically his.

This is one of the messiest posts I’ve seen on this sub NTJ NTJ NTJ please leave her and get a lawyer to sort out custody because after basically raising her as your own for 6 years surely you’d have a right to guardianship.” justhavingabrowsse

Another User Comments:
“It needs to be pointed out that this woman is also not fit to be a mother, what she’s doing is abuse.” jealousyyouredead

33 points - Liked by KayeItsMe, leja2, LizzieTX and 30 more

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Posiden1212 2 years ago
Wow that women sounds AWESOME lmao jk the little girl is a Karen in training........ The mom is just turning that child into a toxic person
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22. AITJ For Kicking Out My In-Laws?


“I kicked my in-laws out of our house this weekend and I want to the question forward as to whether or not I am the jerk in this situation or not?

My wife had twins on Oct 9.

Even though we knew twins may come early it was before her due date. Everything happened so quickly she did have an epidural. But she came through like a champ and everyone is okay.

Because of the world’s current situation and protocols at the hospital, my wife and babies got sent home fairly quickly since all were healthy.

My wife’s family lives in another state.

When we got home from the hospital her mom, dad and sister showed up just after we got home. They flew out after we told them about the birth.

We didn’t have a heads up but her mom said they wanted to help. Her mom said they were planning on coming closer to the due date to be here for the birth but the babies were early.

I have kicked all them out after realizing it wasn’t working.

Her mom and sister’s version of helping was to monopolize the babies. They complained if my wife took them to feed or hold and wanted them to sleep in their bedrooms instead of the nursery.

If the babies were sleeping they woke them up so they could hold them. My father-in-law just watched TV all day. They ate our food without replacing it, made meals for themselves but not us, didn’t put away their dishes and put their own laundry with ours and didn’t do any.

Mom and sister complained we wouldn’t let them take pictures to post on Instagram. They are loud when my wife was trying to rest. Her parents asked my wife to make them food because they were holding the babies.

Normally my wife is very good with boundaries for her family.

There is a reason she moved 1200 miles away and hasn’t been back to visit them in 10 years and why her invites to visit us and emails to them are rare.

But I could see how exhausted she was. They were upsetting her and making more work. So I told them to leave and said that they weren’t able to stay here or visit for the future because we have too much on our plate.

They accuse me of playing favorites because I didn’t say the same for my family.

But 1) no one from my family came over until we invited them 2) my relatives don’t stay long and leave on their own when they see my wife or the babies needing bonding/sleep/quiet 3) they don’t make a mess or take over the house 4) they are bringing us meals and doing chores without interfering (my aunt came and did our laundry last night while we were sleeping and we had no idea until the next day) I would throw my own family out if they acted like my in-laws.

My in-laws apparently they didn’t buy return tickets because they planned to stay for a long time.

I’ve blocked their numbers and emails because they were leaving us angry messages. Normally I’d let my wife handle this but right now she doesn’t need the stress and hasn’t objected.

She is more rested and says she feels better and that’s all I want.

Our ages in case it is relevant…my wife and I [=(28f), MIL (49F) FIL (54M) SIL (29F)”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and a LOT of folks on this sub would be wishing for a partner like you to provide support and boundaries.

It’s one thing to invade someone’s space but be extremely helpful to the point where it balances out (lots of in-laws after babies come) but a whole other thing to get in the way of bonding and creating work/expense where there should be none.

You did the right thing. Here’s to your happy, healthy family of four!” Tenkindsofsalt 

Another User Comments:
“Kinda sounds like her parents thought they were going to straight-up move into the house! No return tickets?! That’s insane.

Good thing he got them out before they could claim residency.” RedditUser

Another User Comments:
“You, Ma’am, are awesome. Do not change a thing. There is nothing more attractive and more lovable in a partner than a nice shiny spine. Keep doing what you’re doing. NTJ. NTJ. NTJ.” RedditUser

29 points - Liked by KayeItsMe, leja2, bejo and 26 more

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mia 2 years ago
Good for you. You need to set boundaries & stick to them now.
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21. AITJ For Not Trusting My Partner's "Sister?"


“So… my partner (26M) and I(24F) have seeing each other for just over a year. Started as friends with benefits, then things got serious. There’s one thing I can’t get over: he has an ex-partner that he says is “basically his sister.” They dated as teens, lost contact, and got back in touch when she had a kid in 2019.

This seems fine, cute even. I was excited to meet her and the kid, but just hearing about her is building discomfort. Here’s what I’ve learned that makes me question her and my partner to the point of reconsidering the relationship:

  1. She does OF and other adult stuff and up until a few months ago, she was sending my partner “personal pictures for feedback purposes” according to him.

  2. She drank and did illegal substances throughout her pregnancy and subsequently the child has several disabilities.

    I know addiction is a disease but I have had experiences with FAS that just…. broke my heart.

  3. She deliberately plays up her kid’s disabilities on social media as a way to sell more sets.

  4. She went through his phone to rate the pictures I sent him (no naughties) because she wanted to see if she was hotter.

  5. She constantly borrows ca-ching ching from him and never pays it back.

I’ve tried explaining to my BF why their relationship makes me uncomfortable but they both shut me down saying I’m being a jerk.

Am I?”

Another User Comments:
“RUN SO FAST. NTJ. Idk about you but I don’t send anything remotely risque to my brother involving myself…it’s also concerning that your partner seems to invalidate your concerns about their relationship.

Does he tell her about your concerns? Why does she know about them?’ glitteryunicornmerm

User Replies:
“He’s sent her screenshots of other unrelated conversations… so I’m assuming he told her about my concerns.

Idk. He is very… private. I forgive him a lot because he has mental health issues and was homeless for a while. But I can’t let this go…”

Another User Comments:
“I understand wanting to forgive things but at some point, you’re literally just making excuses for someone.

I did it for a long time…trust your gut.” glitteryunicornmerm

Another User Comments:
“It sounds like he’s a private person with OP, but not the “sister.” And that’s a red flag.

Especially since they’ve been together for a whole year. Based on what OP said, I think the sister wants to be more than a sister. She’d steal the partner with no regrets. OP should make it easy and leave. NTJ, OP. Go find someone who actually respects you.” writerofworlds

25 points - Liked by leja2, bejo, LizzieTX and 22 more

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soho 2 years ago
I would get out of that relationship. If him and her are sitting there discussing you like that and sharing things that really isn't her business and they're both trying to make you feel like the bad guy at some point she's going to get pissed and she's going to convince him to dump you and he'll let it happen. It's fine to be friends with your ex it's fine to be close friends but you don't send nudes you don't let some other girl compare your new girlfriend to them. You're being gullible if anything but not a jerk
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20. AITJ For Returning The Neigbor's Property Even If If Is Dog Poop?


“I bought my house about three months ago. When I moved in, I noticed there were a couple of dozen lumps of dried dog doo on one side of my front yard.

Before I mowed the first time, I went out and picked them up with a plastic bag over my hand.

The next day I noticed a couple more fresh turds on my lawn, so I kept an eye out for the culprit.

It didn’t take long to realize that my next-door neighbors have some sort of Benji-looking fluff ball of a pooch that they let out unattended a couple of times a day.

The dog would sniff around for a while, then run over into my yard and poop every time. It was as if he were trained that way. The daily poo accumulation rate seemed to be two or three.

I hardly knew my neighbors, so I was hesitant to approach them with this sort of issue right out of the gate.

I waited a couple of weeks, but I made sure to go out and pick up the poop while my neighbors were outside. One Saturday afternoon, I saw my neighbor out front while I was tending the garden.

I said hello and started a simple conversation. After a few minutes, I mentioned the poop and said it would be appreciated if they could pick it up after their dog.

My neighbor laughed and said that’s not from his dog… that there is a stray dog in the neighborhood that does that everywhere. Hmmm… what to do.

I decided to “train” my video doorbell to the poop zone and set the sensitivity to high.

Within a week, I had a robust collection of video evidence incriminating my neighbor’s dog. I’m no poo-pathologist, but it’s also pretty clear to me that all the poo in my yard came from the same doggo bunghole.

Armed with mountains of evidence, I took the opportunity to approach my neighbor’s wife when she was walking the dog.

I didn’t go into forensic details but simply asked her if she wouldn’t mind picking up after her dog in my yard. She also denied it, and the conversation ended awkwardly at best.

I spent several more days noodling over what to do and decided to take matters into my own hands.

I pulled a pitching wedge out of my golf bag and proceeded to chip dog scat from my front yard into my neighbors. Beyond solving my immediate problem, I could also work a bit on my short game.

This went on for some time.

It became a weekly ritual that I sort of enjoyed. I did it without shame and in broad daylight. Everything was copacetic until last Saturday.

I was out doing my thing when my neighbor’s wife barged out her front door screaming.

She told me that I can’t do that and called me every name in the book (including the obligatory A-hole word). I tried to keep my cool and told her that I was simply returning what was theirs.

The last thing I heard was that she was calling the police as she left. I continued and finished up my chipping session.

I never heard from the police, I haven’t seen my neighbors’ faces and I haven’t seen another poop on my lawn.

I’ll probably have a horrible relationship with my neighbors forever now, but my immediate problem is solved. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were simply returning their property.”del901

Another User Comments:
“Would be criminal to keep what is not yours! OP, fences make the best neighbors.

NTJ.” lotsofcache

Another User Comments:
“Lol yup!!!! While the methods were mostly passive-aggressive, it’s the kinda passive-aggressive I love to see, especially considering OP made an effort to directly confront the issue twice beforehand.

Who cares if the neighbors like you, they don’t seem to be all that likable and their reasoning behind disliking OP is basically that OP won’t take their poop (pun totally intended).

Also, threatening to call the cops over a neighbor returning your property? That’s so laughable that I may actually develop the abs that you see in body-building magazines lol.

I hope OP continues to fling the poop back to them and starts doing it Oprah style “one turd for you!!!!! And one turd for YOOUUUUU!”” mkat23

24 points - Liked by leja2, LizzieTX, really and 21 more

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supf 2 years ago
LOL good thinking, youre not the jerk, they are.
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19. AITJ For Threatening My Family When They Don't Support My And My Husband's Choices?


“Husband (50M) is a doctor but he quit his job for different reasons, the main one was that we have 2-year-old twins and we are expecting a baby and he doesn’t want to leave them with a nanny (neither do I).

We talked for months about this and he finally decided to quit, most of our family supports him in this decision because they know that it was really difficult to make, but some people in my (26F) family find it funny and don’t even try to hide it.

We (my parents and siblings) have a family group chat and there we send some pics of our kids and stuff, and yesterday I sent them some pics of my kids helping my husband to cook, pics my husband sent me while I was at work, and their first reaction was to laugh and say that I should check if he’s straight because it seems that he likes too much to play the wife role, they said that because since he quit his job he started online pastry classes, but that’s not something new, even though he had a job he always loved pastry and stuff and I knew that.

My sister (28F) said that it wasn’t okay to say those things, that the kids were happy with their dad and that was the only thing that should matter.

But my dad (73M) said something like that something was clearly wrong with my husband if he decided to quit a high paying job to play the role of a wife and bake cakes.

For me all this is really hard because I love my family but I also love my husband and our kids and I know that they are happy now that they spend more time together, that’s why I told my parents that if they continue to make fun of the decisions that my husband and I make they will not have a place in the lives of our kids, and they said that I’m just being dramatic, that they were only joking and that I have to learn how to take a joke.

But for me that wasn’t a joke, because a joke makes you laugh and I didn’t laugh at all. But all that makes me think that what I said may be jerk behavior, and some of my siblings think I am, they said my parents have “dark humor” and that’s why they said what they said, but I don’t know, am I the jerk for threatening them with that?

Edit: I’m not supporting him, he has worked for 34 years (counting the years he wasn’t a doctor) and has enough savings to live without my financial help.

Edit 2: Feel free to ask me anything about my relationship, but don’t tell me, “Well, you should lie about his age in your posts” or things like that, I love him and I’m not gonna lie about his age because I’m not ashamed of my husband’s age.

Edit 3: And for those who tell me I have “daddy issues”, well maybe I do, not gonna lie.

I guess this is how you end up when you’re raised by a babysitter while your parents spend more than 10 hours away from home because their top priority is their careers.

But despite that I wouldn’t change anything, I love the family that I created with my husband and I also love that he chose our little family over his dream job.”

Another User Comments:
“Time to go on an information diet with your fam.

No more picture sharing. No more stories. Limit visits. Your family will say something your kids will hear and ask why Daddy is being called a woman. Once they know you’re serious, hopefully, they’ll stop.

If they don’t, then go no contact. They don’t care about your words, your feelings, your boundaries. Now they have to earn a relationship with your family back.” Magically_Deblicious

Another User Comments:

NTJ. Your parents can take their “dark humor” and go and bully someone else with it. You don’t need to put up with that abuse. You are not “threatening them” with anything, you are taking steps to keep your family from being abused.

Put them on notice and tell them you’re going low contact because of their behavior. If they don’t back off or apologize, cut contact with them – at least for a while, to see if they take you seriously. They sound like the sort of jerks who’d make that threat “as a joke”, and assume you are as awful as there.” Reddit User

24 points - Liked by Ninastid, leja2, LizzieTX and 21 more

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Posiden1212 2 years ago
Please tell me your mom was pissed when your dad made those jokes about baking and cooking being a wifes job
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18. AITJ For Wearing Glasses To My Cousin's Wedding?


“My (34f) baby cousin Amy (24f) asked me to be a bridesmaid. Background: I have bad eyesight and wear glasses. I only take them off to shower and sleep.

Before the wedding Amy told me another bridesmaid was going to get contacts specifically for this, implying I should as well.

I reminded Amy that I don’t wear contacts but since I have multiple pairs of frames she can pick which set I wear. I showed her all my options.

She picks the neon pink ones because she likes how they look with my dress.

Fast forward to the day of the wedding. While we’re getting ready, Amy’s mom (my aunt) asks me if I need access to the mirror so I can put in my contacts.

I’m like, “No, I don’t wear contacts” and she makes this disgusted face but I find somewhere else to be before she can keep talking. We get all lined up and Amy’s mom starts fussing about my glasses again.

She asks if I can take them off for the ceremony which is a huge no. I cannot see ANYTHING without my glasses. She asks if I have a less flashy pair, and I say no, this the only pair I brought with me.

Amy tells her mom it’s fine and they kinda tussle but the ceremony is starting so that’s the end of that.

Now it’s time for photos and yet again Amy’s mom is coming for my medically required accessibility aids.

She tells me I’m ruining the photos and to take off my glasses. I protest that I can’t see without my glasses. She says I don’t need to see to smile.

I say I’m not comfortable putting my glasses down somewhere strange and she offers to hold them for me. I ask why the photographer can’t just adjust the lights but the photographer has a very clear “don’t bring me into this” reaction (poor guy).

This whole time Amy’s either trying to tell her mom to lay off or pleading with me just to do it. Finally, I say that I do not want to be photographed without my glasses and that’s final.

If I’m ruining the photos so much, they can continue without me. I take my bouquet and leave. Later at the reception, I keep my distance from Amy and her mom.

Before it’s over though I pull Amy aside to talk. She apologizes for her mom, I apologize for losing my cool. We hug and everything’s good between us.

That was Saturday and Amy’s on her honeymoon, but Amy’s mom out here slandering me to the world.

The photos went up on social media and when my grandma asked why I wasn’t in half the shots … yeah. My parents are on my side, but other people are saying I was stubborn for no reason and taking off my glasses wouldn’t kill me.

That might be the case but I wasn’t comfortable doing it. I’m not ashamed of my glasses and hate anyone trying to make me feel otherwise. Maybe my baby cousin’s wedding wasn’t the place to dig in my heels but I’m sick of the world acting like I’m ugly just for existing the way God made me.


Another User Comments:
“‘I reminded Amy that I don’t wear contacts but since I have multiple pairs of frames she can pick which set I wear. I showed her all my options.

She picks the neon pink ones because she likes how they look with my dress.’ It’s your cousin’s day and the two of you had already come up with an arrangement where you could still wear your glasses.

Your aunt is overstepping and since the disagreement is between the two of you, NTJ.” VeronaMoreau

Another User Comments:
“If OP is anything like me (prescription strong asf), I can’t really pose for a photo without corrective lenses.

My eyes look unfocused like no one is home, it’s honestly kinda creepy. Cousin’s mom would have whined about that too.” RedditUser

Another User Comments:
“It sounds like Amy’s mom needs glasses to see what an a-hole she was being. NTJ.” lotsofcache

19 points - Liked by leja2, LizzieTX, mapi and 16 more

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mia 2 years ago
Aunt was be unreasonable. Bride was fine with the glasses. They were necessary. Aunt had no business butting in.
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17. AITJ For Calling Out My MIL For Buying My Hubby The Same Birthday Present I Did?


“To start me and my husband’s mother always had a beef. Nothing personal she says but her actions shows she has a problem with me personally even though she claims to be the brutal honest and strict mother in law with all of her daughters in law.

Overall we are civil towards each other but I do my best to be supportive like anyone else is since she’s recovering from cancer.

My husband’s 30th birthday was days ago.

His mom called and was like ,”Hey I’d like to know what you’ll be getting for Tom this year.” I asked why and she said she was just making sure we don’t end up buying the same gifts since she knows him as much as I do if not more..

I didn’t feel comfortable telling her but I did eventually.

She said, “Thanks, bye.”

We were planning to celebrate at a restaurant but his mom insisted on having the party at home to avoid infections and whatnot. Understandable.

The party went well.

She was all sweet and didn’t speak much until the gift opening. She insisted he opens her gift first and there it was, the $250 wristwatch I said I was getting him.

Same brand, color, price range etc. I was shocked but kept calm and handed my husband his gift. He opened it and was confused saying what a coincidence it was his mom and I got the same item.

Before I opened my mouth his mom loudly said, “Hmm, so that is why you called me on Tuesday? You clearly wanted to copy the gift I got for Tom…that is just so tacky.

I’m not sure why you’d do that!” I blew up at her saying she stole my gift idea and got him the same wristwatch I was going to gift him for some petty reason.

She acted offended and others started saying I should go easy on her since she’s a recovering cancer patient and did nothing wrong. My husband said he’d take them both but I took my stuff and walked out after I was told to apologize for lashing out.

I got home and felt crappy.

I didn’t apologize but I did get called a manipulative, dramatic bee with an itch by my sister-in-law for causing a scene and walking out my husband’s birthday.”

Another User Comments:
“Your MIL is a nightmare and you are NTJ.

She straight-up called you to steal your idea and then preemptively lie about it in order to glean sympathy and make you the villain. Forget cancer, but also forget her.

Oh, and it occurs to me that if she called you on cell or landline with call history you should be able to prove that she is the one that called you, not the other way around, in case it helps.” Malkom1366

Another User Comments:
“Why would your husband even think that you would think it would be a good idea to copy your MIL’s gift if you knew what she was giving him instead of giving him something else? But I can’t help feeling like your MIL got what she wanted by getting you to blow up and cause a scene, and potentially causing friction between you and your husband.” superbluecat

Another User Comments:
“Your mil is straight-up insane.” HiMyNameIsShadySlim

19 points - Liked by leja2, mapi, really and 16 more

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tane 2 years ago
Next time tell her something you know he won’t like n let her get it n you get the gift you intended to get
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16. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Parent My Child Even She's Babysitting Him Every Day?


“I’ve never gotten along with my mom. She gives nonstop unsolicited advice, obsesses about tiny things, and believes every conspiracy theory. I’ve tried my entire adult life to talk to her about how we could have a better relationship, but it hasn’t worked yet.

She shrugs off anything that would require her to change and keeps on keeping on. Before this year, we were low contact.

Then I had a baby, and my mom became our full-time babysitter.

We didn’t ask her to do this; we could pay for childcare, but she rushed to volunteer because she’s retired and has wanted a grandchild for a long time.

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to start an everyday relationship with someone I’d chosen to go low contact with.

Sometimes this whole arrangement works: my kid loves her, we don’t have to worry about a stranger taking care of our baby, any risk of illness is minimized, and it’s free.

And sometimes it doesn’t: my mom argues with my about every single one of my parenting choices, even the ones that seem obvious (no TV for the baby, no salt/sugar, my decision to breastfeed and then to wean, etc).

The other day, my mom asked if she could feed the baby a cookie.

(He’s 6 months now, and just starting solids.) I said no. A few minutes later, she asked again. I said no. I went into another room for a couple of minutes, and when I came back, there was cookie dust all over the floor.

I went to clean it up, and saw that there were cookie pieces in my baby’s mouth. It was more crumbs than anything, it wasn’t a choking hazard, but still.

Who feeds a baby cookies??

I flipped a wig about how this was not ok. And then my mom started screaming back at me about how I was making a big deal out of nothing, how ungrateful I was that she was taking care of my kid, how much she’d sacrificed to be there for me during this time, etc.

I said, sacrifice? I never asked her to sacrifice anything.

I never even asked her to take care of the baby. She volunteered! If she doesn’t want to take care of him anymore, no one’s forcing her.

She demanded to know what I would do without her, hire someone? Like I could find someone who does a better job than her?

I said, yes, if she doesn’t want to do the job, I’m going to hire someone who 1) listens to my basic rules about child care, 2) doesn’t force me to watch them so they don’t do crazy things like feed my baby cookies, 3) doesn’t spend all day giving me unsolicited advice and criticizing my parenting.

She hasn’t talked to me since, though she’s still coming over every day to take care of the baby.

My dad is demanding that I apologize. And I get it: they ARE doing me a massive favor, and I AM grateful. But I think I just told her the truth: this whole situation between me and her is untenable, and it would probably be better if I hired someone else.”

Another User Comments:
“It’s time for you to find new childcare.

Thank your mom for everything that she’s done, write her a nice card and send her appreciation flowers. You don’t have to go out in a flaming chariot of self-righteous anger, but if you wait too long, it’s going blow up and be much worse.

ESH Your mom sucks because she’s not listening to you, you suck for allowing her to be your full-time childcare knowing that she’s like this. It’s not good for your baby to be around all that tension.” CaliforniaJade

Another User Comments:
“It’s not just the tension- it’s the safety.

Six months is when most doctors recommend baby start trying purées. It’s great that OPs baby was ok but they might not have been.” Cat-got-ya-tongue

Another User Comments:
“You told her no, she directly went against that.

It’s not about the cookie, it’s about “your kid your house your rules”. I would consider talking to your local Nanny agencies about hiring a middle-aged Day-nanny. This way you get someone who is local, background-checked, fingerprinted, and has first-aid training, they come and go from your home on regular hours rather than living in with you.

Mom can join the nanny and the kids for outings and Nanny can stonewall mom if needed.

NOTE: I suggest a middle-aged person only because your mom will try to steamroll the nanny, and a person in their 40’s or so has a lot more ability to stonewall an idiot, than a 20-something who can be bullied with threats.

Of course a 20-something may be a wondrful nanny, but someone closer to your mom’s age will be a lot less likely to get bullied around by her.” Haunting_Sign_177

18 points - Liked by leja2, LizzieTX, really and 15 more

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mia 2 years ago
Your home, your baby, your rules. If she won't follow them, then get a nanny. And tell Mom to but out.
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15. AITJ For Laying Around In My Birthday Suit In My Own Room?


“So I (21, guy) live with my childhood best friend (22, also a guy) and have done for 2 years now. Up until last week, things were perfect between us.

However, he recently got a new partner (23, lady) and she honestly seems absolutely great except for one thing; she seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking.

She and I have quite a lot in common, and I actually like spending time with her. However, it bugs the heck out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first.

Now, she’s never walked in on me doing anything untoward; I’m usually just chilling on my bed or studying at my desk. However, on at least seven separate occasions now she’s done it first thing in the morning to ask if I want coffee.

I sleep in my birthday suit. Every time prior to the last one, I’ve been under the covers and she hasn’t seen anything. I always point out that she could have and she just giggles and says ‘but I didn’t.’

When she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, I intentionally slept on top of the covers.

Sure enough, she barges in at 7AM, begins to ask if I want coffee and sees my you-know-what. She immediately backed out of the room and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day.

My mate later pulled me aside and said I was totally out of order, accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointed out that I’d “threatened” to do it before (I literally just said “okay but what if I had no covers and you saw everything” before).

They’re now framing this to others that I’m some sick creep who intentionally slept without clothes on and lay in wait of her because that’s how I like it, and I’m kinda seeing how it came off that way.

AITJ for doing this?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew it was a risk when she barged in. How is she not the pervert? Also, have you considered getting a lock?” ] czhuk

User Replies:
“Considered it, unfortunately, the lease doesn’t allow it.”

Another User Comments:
“It seems like she’s the creep, constantly barging into your room knowing you sleep in your birthday suit? Start telling people you’re creeped out that she seemed intent on catching you in the flesh, see how she likes it.” PossibleCook

Another User Comments:
“The part where he mentioned she giggled and said “but I didn’t” is what gets me…

She is definitely aware of what she was doing. Total creep.” WitchBlade8734

Another User Comments:
“Yup – kind comes off like she WANTED to see OP without clothing which is why she’d come in without knocking. She was warned on multiple occasions. She kept barging in. She did it on purpose.” JustAsICanBeSoCruel

15 points - Liked by KlShearer, leja2, bejo and 13 more

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tane 2 years ago (Edited)
It’s all on her!
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14. AITJ For Having A Bowl Of Candy On My Desk Only When I'm Working?


“I 23f have a candy bucket that I fill up at work. I buy the candy with my own hard-earned savings. I used to leave the bucket on my desk even after I left work but I’ve started coming in and seeing the bucket completely empty.

And this isn’t a small bucket either, it’s a bowl candy dish the size of a dinner plate and about 5 inches deep and I only work with 3 other people on my floor.

It’s fine that people are enjoying the candy but I know it’s not normal to run out this much. I asked my coworker Nia about it and she said she saw someone from another department empty the bowl into their purse.

I was a bit angry so I decided that I’d put the bowl away when I left to clock out. Today, I came into a nasty note on my desk saying that if I don’t want people to have the candy then to just not put it out period since I wanna police people.

Nia says it is still my candy and I’m choosing to share but my other coworkers are saying that it comes with the territory of offering candy freely.

I don’t know, am I the jerk here?

(The candy is from Costco, I get 2 variety bags, 1 chocolate and one with sour straws and Twizzlers!! The bags are $16-ish, it usually lasts me all Halloween month.)

And the candy dish is just a pumpkin bowl from Michael’s.

Spook safely!!”

Another User Comments:
“Emptying the whole bowl to her purse isn’t sharing. NTJ.” Notz00mer

Another User Comments:”
Honestly, after hiding it today I’d be sure to leave my own note that points it out too.

“It’s impossible to share this much candy when someone from another department pours the entire bowl into their purse.” My petty ass would add, “Feel free to share your allotment from last week.” TomboyBarbie

Another User Comments:
“And an aggressive note about free candy is something only a jerk would do.

I’d spell out “OK” with candy before leaving and be done with it. No good deed goes unpunished, do something nice and it starts to be an expectation. People suck.” vicki_chicki

15 points - Liked by leja2, LizzieTX, really and 12 more

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mia 2 years ago
Your candy, you don't have to share. Let others buy their own.
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13. AITJ For Not Getting My Pregnant Wife Ice Cream AT 3 AM?


“Im 30M, my wife is 29F. Yesterday night my wife at 3 AM woke me up and said, “Babe, I want something to eat.” I wake up and say, “Hmm, ok what do you want to eat?”She says,”I want some ice cream.” I said, “Ok I’ll get you some from downstairs.

Which one do you want we have the vanilla or the chocolate one?”She said “I don’t want any of those, I want the Breyers Reese ice cream. I want that one get me that.” I said, “…but babe we don’t have any of those.”

She then says, “Well get me some please? I’m your wife come on? You know I got a baby in my stomach you’re feeding two people.” Keep in mind, we live in a rural area with a small population.

Convenience stores and grocery stores don’t open till 6 AM where we live, none of them do. The only one that is open is the Circle K one which is at least almost 2 hours from where we live that’s in the city nearby.

That’s how rural our rural area is! So driving 2 hours just to get ice cream doesn’t make sense.

I thought about looking into ordering that ice cream on go puff, or ubereats and I checked on my phone that none of that is available in our zip code.

So then I told my wife, “Well babe I guess you got to wait, sorry.

I can get you some when it turns 6 but there are still 3 hours left. I mean we still have chocolate, and vanilla ice cream at home you can eat that and when it turns 6 I’ll drive over and get you that it’s not a problem.”

Then my wife just makes a grunting noise and says, “Fine.” Turns out my wife texted her dad about it and he called me up and asked me why I didn’t get his baby girl the food she wanted.

I told him that we live in a rural area, and stores don’t open till 6. We don’t have any delivery options nearby and I can get it for her at 6 but not now.”

He told me I was being a bad father for not helping my pregnant wife.

AITJ?  (A lot of you are saying I should have mixed peanut butter in a blender with ice cream or give her ice cream with peanut butter. We don’t have any peanut butter at home so that wasn’t an option really).”

Another User Comments:

Just because someone’s pregnant doesn’t mean the world revolves around them. It was an unreasonable request, and the fact that you actually went through some lengths to at least try to fulfill it goes to show that you are definitely far from a bad father.” _Canzuk_

Another User Comments:
“The bigger issue is your wife tattling to daddy and then him butting in.

That needs to just stop. Or else he can drive 2 hours and get it. She’s being high maintenance and giving pregnant women a bad name. Definitely NTJ.” Littleballoffurr22

Another User Comments:
“OBVIOUSLY OP should’ve broken into a convenience store!!! His wife is pregnant!!! She deserves everything she wants the moment she wants it!!! The police will understand!!!” usernameemma

Another User Comments:
“Yes, this doesn’t really say “I’m mature enough to have my own child” to me.

I wouldn’t have gone for the ice cream (and I freaking love ice cream) and I would have lost my sh!t over the calling daddy thing. NTJ.” Yonk182

14 points - Liked by leja2, LizzieTX, mapi and 12 more

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deab 2 years ago
Daddy needs to stay TF out of your business. Sure...she pouted and told her dad about it, but it should not have gone further. Perhaps next time tell that to her AND dad.
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12. AITJ For Wanting My Food As Spicy As I Ordered It?


“I am currently on a business trip in another city. A few days ago, I dined in at a Thai restaurant near my hotel. I ordered green curry, and asked for 5-star spiciness.

My waitress laughed at me, and told me that I’m getting it 3 star. I corrected her, and told her that I in fact ordered it 5 star.

When she came back with my dish and I tasted it, it was not spicy at all. It wasn’t even a 3 star.

I sent the dish back, and it came back a few moments later with what appeared to be red chile flakes sprinkled on top. I asked her about it and was sarcastically told that I ordered it spicy.

I told her that it makes no sense to sprinkle red chile flakes on a green curry which is supposed to be made with green chiles. It honestly looked hideous, but I tried it anyway.

It still wasn’t spicy, so I sent it back.

When I got my dish the third time, it was exactly the same as the first one I got. So I sent it back again, only to have the red chile flakes sprinkled on top again.

It was, like that other time, not spicy—so I sent it back for the fourth time.

When I got my dish for the fifth time, I was happy to see that there were no red chili flakes sprinkled on top.

The waitress, in a very sarcastic tone, told me that they made it extra spicy just for me, told me that she was going to stand there and watch me eat it, and took away my water glass.

I tried it, and it was not extra spicy. But it was just barely acceptable, so I didn’t send it back. I told her so, and she walked away looking completely bewildered as I finished my bland meal.

The next day, I was still upset about it.

So that night, I decided to order the same dish from the same restaurant to my hotel room—but under a Thai name just to see if they make it any differently.

Sure enough, the food was very spicy just as I ordered. It was far better than the “extra spicy” dish I had at the restaurant.

I sent the manager an email detailing my experience at the restaurant, along with the waitress’s rude behavior.

I told them about the difference between my meal from that day and my delivery order. The manager apologized and told me that they will talk to the waitress in question.

They also offered to refund both of my meals, but I declined because I will be reimbursed by my company and do not plan on eating there again.”

Another User Comments:
“They DEFINITELY spit in the food at best.” blackbirdflying

Another User Comments:

Sometimes people will factor in a customer’s ethnicity when they decide what spicy means. The waitress was the jerk because she didn’t honor your request and then removed water. Awful.” Reddit User.

13 points - Liked by leja2, bejo, LizzieTX and 11 more

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mia 2 years ago
Glad you told the manager
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11. AITJ For Not Liking A Part Of My Girl's Body And Being Honest About It?


“So, me and my girl have been seeing each other for almost 3 years. We have fun together, and we really care about each other.  I will say that she’s the first thin person I’ve ever been with.

She’s flat, petite, and pretty short. Most of the girls I’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and I’ve always been a fan of well, a bigger chest size.

This all started when my partner and I were watching Netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if I was okay with her having a flat chest.

(She’s always been insecure about not having a womanly bosom).

I asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that I never really had anything to say about her chest size  (and that day she had been trying on lacy underthings and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the chest region.

That kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) She said she was just curious.

I told her I had to be honest and said that I’m not attracted to her chest size and that I actually prefer a bigger size.

It’s not a turn-off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. If I’m being honest, that’s why I usually prefer she faces away from me when we’re getting intimate.

She was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. She texted me later on that night and told me what I said hurt her a little.

She said we’ve been together for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like I lied to her. I told her I didn’t know what to tell her, and that I was just being honest (I was.).

Am I being the jerk here?


It’s been a few hours. I thought I should explain myself a bit more. I don’t know where to write this, so I’ll put it here for now.

I mainly started to realize the magnitude of what I did when there were people that started to agree with me.

When people started saying that my girl should’ve expected that type of honesty, lightbulbs started to click in my head. I didn’t expect there would be people that agreed with me.

I’m aware I screwed up.

I’m very much aware. I already texted her that I wanted to talk with her when she’s ready to. I‘m going to apologize to her in person and talk this out.

I came to realize that my honesty can be toxic, to the point where it hurts people I care about. I want to work on this from this moment forward.

Since I know people are going to ask; Yes, I’m debating about breaking up with her.

Mainly for her sake. She really is a sweet woman, and she definitely didn’t deserve the psychological damage that this could have on her. Relationships are different and hard.

I chose one that I had an instinct wasn’t going to work in the end, and I still went with it. That’s on me.”

Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My God you’re TJ.

You make her face away from you while you’re intimate because of her chest size, and then you TOLD HER THAT??? She must be totally freaking devastated! There is absolutely nothing wrong with preferring a certain body type, or certain physical characteristics, but this is the woman YOU chose, and have been with for 3 years.

Stop white-knighting with your whole “I was just being honest” routine. This was not necessary information for you to share with the woman you love, and you’ve probably set her up for some serious body image issues. YTJ.” SharpShel

12 points - Liked by leja2, LizzieTX, cindyb and 14 more

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dawo1 2 years ago
You are ABSOLUTELY the jerk. Face away from you when being intimate!? She deserves so much better than you.
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10. AITJ For Not Letting Strangers Into My Backyard?


“I was home alone and my fiancé was at work. We live in a nice home in a very safe part of town.

It was 1 pm and I was doing the dishes when all of a sudden the doorbell rang.

I went to check the peephole and it was a woman and man I didn’t recognize. I opened the door and asked them if they needed help. The woman introduced herself as Lacy and the man was her fiancé Todd.

Lacy told me she lived in my house when she was a little girl. She wanted to look at my backyard since that is where she had her fondest memories.

I told her no and it visibly upset her.

Her fiancé said it would only take 3 minutes, but I told them I didn’t know them and I was uncomfortable. Lacy then told me “I knew kindness was very rare these days” and they left.”

Another User Comments:

Just no, full stop. This is becoming a common tactic with home invaders (at least in my area.) They will ask to tour a house because one of them “grew up there.” If it appears that the person is home alone, they will assault them and rob the house.

Stay safe and stay smart everyone. NTJ.” XanderTHESheepdog

Another User Comments:
“Someone tried to pull that on my cousin last year, who lives in her grandmother’s house that was bought in the 60s.

Someone in their 30s tried to claim they grew up there. My cousin went “that’s funny cause my nanas had owned and lived in this house since 1963” and called the cops.

Using her cameras the cops recognized the person as a home invader/predator they had been looking for and caught them.” LittleRedCarnation

Another User Comments:
“I had this happen but it was actually true.

This woman had come to my door a couple of times over several months. She left notes and her phone number. I finally opened the door to her and went outside to talk to her.

She and 4 siblings grew up in my 80-year-old house and she and her 3 sisters have been having dreams that they needed to buy the house. She knew quirky things about the house, the door in the upstairs bathroom that goes to the attic.

That none of the kids would use that bathroom because they were afraid of the attic (I wouldn’t use it either – bad feeling in there). She knew about the bump out in an upstairs closet, the stove alcove, etc.

She left her number and the name and numbers of 2 of the sisters who were real estate agents. Said they would pay upfront and no selling fees.

Good deal since I plan on selling after the new year.

Still, don’t let anyone in your house.” PittsburghPam

Another User Comments:
“It’s such a shame that people do this. Because it would actually be nice to go and visit an old house, but it is very unfair to put people in that position. I’d have undoubtedly let these people in, and most likely have been robbed. Or worse.” Olives_And_Cheese

11 points - Liked by LizzieTX, really, Alliauraa and 8 more

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Lizzyfde 2 years ago
This happened to me but the lady said her dad built the house used to be a hunting lodge so her family didn't build the house...there is no way... I only let her on the porch...then I saw her car slowly driving around the neighborhood...luckily my mom's coworker was in the office in the basement...I had to run out with my son so I told her what was going on but that lady never came back
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9. AITJ For Asking My Guy To Remove His Mom's Ashes?


“New relationship. 2 weeks in. All the cuddles and long phone calls and romance one can enjoy. We hooked up for the 1st time last night and I kept being distracted by the small vial hanging from his neck containing his cremated mother’s ashes.

I don’t like it, but he told me he “always” wears it. Idk if I should bring it up or not. Would I be the jerk if I asked him to take it off occasionally, including during intimate moments?

Update: I brought it up last night.

He listened. He’s a good listener. I told him that I’m not asking him to do or change anything, that the last thing I want to do is cause him pain or discomfort, and that I just want to communicate how I feel.

He sort of rolled his eyes. He did not respond. It made me really nervous. But then, as we made out, he tucked it inside his shirt, because he noticed that I got distracted when I accidentally bumped it.

It was not fun topic but we got thru it. By the way, we’re 3 weeks into the relationship now. Wish me luck!”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. PROVIDED! that you are polite about it and you go into it with the understanding that he might not be willing to part on that one.

be polite be honest you good.” 1ncite

Another User Comments:
“I think it would be creepy to be intimate with your SO’s mom hanging around their neck. NTJ. Maybe asking if he’d be willing to take it off ONLY during special moments and explain it to him like this: “SO, I’m glad you keep your mom’s memory with you, but would you be uncomfortable having MY mother’s face at eye level when we’re that close to each other? That’s what it is like, like your mom is watching us hook up.

Could you just take it off until we’re finished?”” Trishlovesdolphins

Another User Comments:
“This is exactly what I thought too. NAH. OP maybe you can get a special small box to put the ashes in as a surprise when you talk to him about this? That way he won’t feel like he’s just tossing it on the end table or whatever.

He’ll be placing the ashes in a special box in a respectful way while also respecting your wish to not have his mother’s ashes in your face while hooking up.

You’ll be recognizing the significance of the ashes too which I guarantee will mean a lot to him. I started wearing my Papa’s thumbprint on a necklace after he passed away.

I have worn it basically every day since he passed away 8 years ago so I understand your bf’s connection to the ashes. I don’t think he’s a jerk for not thinking about taking it off which is why I chose NAH. You both mean well. Good luck with your hot and steamy endeavors OP!” RavenclawAliKat

9 points - Liked by leja2, really, Alliauraa and 6 more

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LizzieTX 11 months ago
NTJ. That would make me uncomfortable too. Any piece of jewelry that's distracting during intimacy should be removed, whether it contains cremains or not.
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8. AITJ For Jumping Out The Window When My Uninvited Ex Showed Up?


“Some backstory: I had been with my ex-fiancé Sarah for four years. We had been planning to get married in November 2020 but I found out at the start of this month that she was unfaithful to me.

She begged me to give her another chance but I broke it off.

The problem was that being two-timed on is, in my mind, completely emasculating and humiliating. So I never told anyone that was the reason we broke up.

For obvious reasons, Sarah also didn’t tell people we broke up because she was unfaithful. So people have “blamed” me for the breakup, including my mom. They just see that I dumped her out of the blue.

I’ve gone very strict with no contact with Sarah after I discovered she was two-timing me.

Sarah has been talking with my mom and has convinced her that if we could talk one more time, we would be able to reconcile. My mom has been applying hardcore pressure on me to talk with Sarah but I’ve explained that there’s no chance we will ever get back together.

So tonight, I go over to my mom’s place because she’s hosting family for Christmas Eve.

I’m there for a bit talking with my aunts and uncles and cousins when the doorbell rings and I can see it’s Sarah. I ask wtf is going on and my mom says she invited Sarah so we can work this out in the spirit of the holidays.

I’m angry now because the only way to explain my side of the story is to tell everyone I was lied to and deceived to.

Complete humiliation in front of my whole family. So as my mom goes to the front door, I go into the bathroom. My mom starts knocking on the door saying that I need to come out and talk to my ex like an adult.

I say screw it, kick out the window screen and get in my car and go home.

My mom called a short while ago saying she’s cutting ties with me over my behavior (she’s really fixated on me jumping out of a window) and that Sarah will always be like a child to her.

My sister called me after to ream me out for ruining Christmas. I broke down and told her that Sarah two-timed on me which is why I dumped her and didn’t want to see her under any circumstances.

She called me a big jerk who was lying to cover for myself. Am I really in the wrong?”

Another User Comments:
“Forget that. Your mom, Sarah, and your sister are all jerks.

The NERVE of her, to show up at your mom’s house! I’m angry just reading this! I don’t understand why your mother is so invested in Sarah. Why would you want to tell her Sarah was unfaithful to you, after how your sister acted? What a freaking mess! Not gonna lie, you kicking out the screen and taking off through the window is straight savage.

Reflexes up on legendary. NTJ.” IChooseYoursnorlax

Another User Comments:
“Sarah apparently told a plausible and sympathetic story. And mom is clearly already emotionally invested in the young woman she expected to be her daughter-in-law.

That’s common enough – we all hope to be able to love the people our children marry. But OP shut down, and wouldn’t talk to his family. He’s not obligated to of course and owes nobody explanations.

But his behavior would lead most people to assume OP did something to cause the breakup. And Sarah wants to get back together, convincing mom that it’s not really over.

That’s the only info mom has to go on.

So mom, believing her errant son is being offered forgiveness but is too much of a butthead to accept it, tries to help bring around the reunion.

Badly, as it happens – springing this on her son was an epic wrongheaded move that places mom firmly in the jerk column. You just don’t do that.

But then their son jumped out the bathroom window, a childish action that confirmed to everyone that he had gone completely off the rails somewhere.

Maybe mom is a manipulative witch.

But it is also plausible that mom was more misguided (ok, an idiot, seriously bad judgment) than manipulative and if the son had talked to her even a little she would never have pulled that stunt.” ditchdiggergirl

6 points - Liked by really, StumpyOne, dega and 3 more

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deab 2 years ago
First of all, you should not feel any less of a man or horrible embarrassment because your ex cheated on you. SHE should be deemed the embarrassment and terrible person for doing what she did to you, for crying to your mother and CONTINUING to manipulate you to your family. Please don't feel guilt and embarrassment.

Second, perhaps do what your mom is asking! Sit down with mom, sister and ex and have the ex explain why you two broke up! If she can do that and redeem you...boom...done. Mike drop and walk out.
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7. AITJ For Making Customers Feel Bad?


“I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. My coworkers who work weekends are:

James – the owner’s son, he goes to my school.

He’s a shift manager but it’s not a real formal thing, he’s a friendly guy.

Danielle – A college student who sometimes works weekends too.

So sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff.

Like literally blow up about nothing. I dunno if they’re in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it’s a lot…

Like how sad do you have to be to be a grown-up man taking your anger out on high school and college kids?!

So James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.

So one day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don’t make the coffee hot enough…

Which I couldn’t do a thing about because I gave it to him right out of the machine.

So James came in and was like “sir is there a problem here” and the guy started ranting at him too.

So he was just like “OP, this is unacceptable, you’re fired.”

I started acting real sad, like “no please don’t fire me, my family needs me to work. I need to bring home money.

I need this job, pleaseeee” and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.

The angry guy started to backtrack, like “It isn’t that big of a problem, you don’t need to fire her over it.

I didn’t mean it” and James was like “No, we pride ourselves on the best customer service”

Of course, after all that drama I still had my job, we were just acting.

And we’ve done it a couple of times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or I, James will storm in and “fire” us. And almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologize and say that they didn’t mean it.

It’s kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.

Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they’d gotten someone who desperately needs the work, fired.

AITJ for this joke?”

Another User Comments:

That’s a perfect way of dealing with hostile customers.” bellepunk

Another User Comments:
“Agreed! And when the hostile customers try to backtrack what they say makes it worth it. OPs tactic hopefully teaches them to stop complaining to service workers about things out of their control.” commadusarelius

Another User Comments:
“I disagree.

Just like giving a kid a cookie when they throw a temper tantrum simply reinforces that behavior, rewarding customers when they explode teaches them that ranting and raving get results.

So they’ll show up to another store or restaurant, something will tick them off and they’ll blow up again expecting employees to also bend over backward “…or I won’t hesitate to have you fired! I’ve done it before!”” imakesawdust

6 points - Liked by Alliauraa, StumpyOne, Kris1965 and 3 more

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deab 2 years ago
I think it's funny. If they DO feel vindicated due to your firing, take it a step further and ask if they feel like a real man getting a teenager fired from a job that supports his family all because of coffee? Screw people who complain over b.s.
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6. AITJ For Coming Up With The Most Hilarious Name For A Stuffed Tiger?


“My son won a stuffed tiger at the fair last night and said he had named him “Tig”. He asked me what its last name should be. I couldn’t help myself and just instantly replied “Bitties”.

Then I turned to my wife to share a smirk, but she was furious and quickly suggested a few different last names, but my son insisted that he liked “Bitties”, so now his Tiger is Tig Bitties.

My wife thinks it was completely inappropriate, I think it was a silly joke that went over his head and will have no negative ramifications.”

Another User Comments:
“NAH. You jokingly suggested a name, it’s not your fault your son happened to like it.

There will probably be no ramifications, but you and your wife can probably convince him to change the name if she dislikes it that much. Just think of a new last name and tell him in a really excited way that you ‘just thought of an even better last name!’ and I’d bet he’d go with you and change it.”  bdog1097

Another User Comments:
“It may have gone over his head, but what about when he repeats it in school or around adults? They laugh?”  Dr_Sploosh

Another User Comments:
“The joking going over his head might be harmless in the moment, but that changes when other people’s laughter at his expense go over his head.” silverscrub

Another User Comments:
“If I hear a child named his animal Tig Bitties I’m not laughing at him, I’m just laughing.

The only ‘expense’ here are those looking to find a problem to dwell on.”  Whiterhino77

Another User Comments:
“That’s the point though, people are over sensitive. Some over-sensitive teacher or administrator can end up punishing him over it.

Not worth it for some dumb joke that won’t be funny in a day…” ClaudeKaneIII

Another User Comments:
“It’s more that the kid will be the butt of the joke.

They asked their dad for a name and thought he gave them a cool one, instead, they’ll realize they’re being laughed at. I was a paranoid kid when I realized people were laughing at me but I couldn’t get the joke but that might just have been me.”  muddlepuddle96

Another User Comments:
“Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how many times we have all been laughed at as children at our own expense for not understanding what was going on around us? Did this harm us all? No, it’s just a normal part of being a child.”  lituranga

3 points - Liked by really, Alliauraa, paro1 and 3 more

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deab 2 years ago
Hahahah! Kid is FINE!!! Enjoy the laughter and move on! I do agree with the person above, though, that if it really upsetting to mom, suggest another "way cooler" name. Maybe after a favorite super hero or something.
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5. AITJ For Ghosting A Girl I Like Because She Was Disinterested In Me Years Ago?


“So, to start off, maybe, it was a bit petty of me to be honest. Anyway, I asked this girl Clara out on a date about a year ago.

I was a completely different person then, and she turned me down. It stung like heck but it did encourage me to better myself. Since then I’ve gotten in better shape, became more confident, and generally, I’ve had more luck with girls.

I still never forgot what made me improve though, and that will always be a crappy memory.

Anyway, a few friends I’ve made since last year and I went out to a gathering.

I’m still fairly new in their circle, and surprise! Clara was there. I think she recognized me but I wasn’t sure. She and I hit it off, and at the end of the night, we had a date planned.

The date went pretty well and we went on our second one last Friday.

After this, I went home and thought about where to go next, and I realized I couldn’t really forgive her.

So, she hit me up asking if we were going out again, and I sort of make a joke of it, blew it off, and put her on mute.

I haven’t responded since then, and our mutual friends say she’s been pretty upset since she gets attached to people quickly, but the revenge I got was so sweet!”

Another User Comments:

Revenge for what? Do you think she had some obligation to go on a date with you just because you asked? Not only that, but you organized a date, then flaked and ghosted her? Damn man.

That isn’t just a jerk that’s like a ‘post very hot curry’ level of being a raging jerk. Vigilant1e

Another User Comments:
“Right? He said that he’s become a better person, but he still sounds like a petty POC.

He even admits he was a completely different person when she rejected him before, so obviously, he knew he wasn’t a catch back then and she has every right to not be interested in someone.

He changed, and she liked who he became, so she’s wanting to date… But, turns out he didn’t change after all.” RedditUser

Another User Comments:
“He’s not a better person, he’s just in better shape.

I’ve mixed those two up before when I was younger.” PicklePuffin

Another User Comments:
“Sounds like he was previously overweight and obviously pretty salty about getting rejected. Note to OP: no one is obligated to be attracted to you and physical attractiveness does not have any relationship to whether you’re a “good” person or not.” JStarshine

2 points - Liked by leja2, really, Alliauraa and 4 more

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Realitycheck 2 years ago
Jeez! Maybe she had other reasons to not go out with you a year prior. She gave you a chance now and you chose revenge over a potentially good thing. Hopefully mutual friends will tell her how big of a bullet she dodged. YTJ. Improve the inside a little now.
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4. AITJ For Becoming An Appletarian?


“I got the idea a few weeks ago to prank my friends my pretending to be an “Appletarian”, meaning somebody who only eats food products that are derived from apples and would only drink apple juice or apple cider.

I told them all that I had read on the internet that eating only apples was the healthiest thing for you.

When I first told them they thought I was joking, but they underestimated how committed I would be to a joke. So, whenever in the presence of one of my friends (or friend-of-friends/coworkers/etc who knew them) I was very careful to only be seen eating apples or drinking apple juice/cider.

Apples whole, apples diced, apple sauce, the inside of an apple pie, baked apples, candy apples with the chocolate shaved off, etc.

Finally, after about a week they bought that I had become an Appletarian.

They started giving me information about how unhealthy it was to only eat apples and growing increasingly exasperated by it. Some of them even got angry.

But I wanted to stick with the joke.

Finally, after the end of 3 weeks, I walked into what I was told was a movie night but was actually an intervention for me.

They were all super concerned about my well-being and had all sorts of information or whatever.

Finally, I started laughing hysterically. They were confused as heck so I told them I had been faking it the whole time and had been eating real meals outside their knowledge.

I even took out some beef jerky from my pant pocket to prove it and munched it.

I thought they’d appreciate the joke but they were actually really annoyed.

My girl even broke up with me over this because a few days ago, I had ruined our date night when I told the waiter I only wanted apples because I was an Appletarian and had “embarrassed her for a dumb joke”.

In my opinion, the joke was solid and they should appreciate my commitment to the prank.

But, did I go too far?”

Another User Comments:
“NAH. I may be in a minority, but I think this is freaking funny as heck. I feel like your girl over-reacted but maybe in the future, try including her in said prank.

Edit: because I don’t want to reply to this several times. When I mention including his significant other in the prank, I mean either his now ex if they get back together or any future partners.” DarthRen87 

Another User Comments:
“I disagree.

It directly affected her, and it caused her to spend emotional energy trying to help OP. She (and others) gathered material and coordinated an intervention all for him to be like “jk jk.” From the outside, it is 100% funny so I agree with whoever said it was “sitcom funny”.

But I could see myself leaving an SO over this. She was genuinely concerned and used real-life resources to try to help+was probably feeling a lot of crap.” Ambartenen 

Another User Comments:
“Well he did inconvenience others by the nature of them holding an intervention, he also inconvenienced his partner socially, she likely lost quite a bit of face with the friends who held the intervention, not only that, but probably felt extremely dumb for falling for something so crazy.

Perhaps the prank could have been funny if op had been finely in tune with when precisely people started believing him and revealed it was a prank when they were all on the cusp of losing doubt.

If the reveal had occurred on that cusp friends’ internal narrative would have allowed them to tell themselves they didn’t really believe it but wow they had me going.

Instead of taking a huge ego hit.” SimbaOnSteroids

Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go on record and say this is a quality prank. You should be ashamed for failing to recognize its greatness!!” Butters091

2 points - Liked by Alliauraa, paro1, krph and 5 more

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SiriusLee 2 years ago
So -- basically you had more committment to your prank instead of your partner and you're wondering why she's upset...
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3. AITJ For Blaming My Daughter For Not Getting Into The School She Wanted?


“When my daughter “Mary” was a senior, only a little into the school year, she “passed out” in the kitchen. Conveniently after I went to work and while her father was still asleep, her usual time to get “sick.” He never heard any bang sound.

I use air quotes only because Mary has always been very dramatic and thrived off attention. At one point, we debated getting her checked for some sort of disorder but ultimately decided not to because she was skilled at manipulating doctors to believe her lies even as a child.

For example: at six, Mary had this whole imaginary friend that, when her father and I confronted her, she admitted was made up. We pulled her from therapy then.

During all her school years, she was a terror.

We were constantly embarrassed in the guidance counselor’s office, pleading our case as parents doing our best. She didn’t turn in her homework, she had behavioral problems, she was “sick” more than anyone I’ve ever known to be.

But back to the concussion.

Immediately after the incident Mary planted herself facedown on the couch and texted me (apparently screens didn’t bother her too much then) that she hit her head. I kept asking what happened and she said she didn’t know, I called her and she kept saying the same thing, that her head hurt.

She stayed on the couch until the bus came and went. When her father got up and saw her there, he ended up taking her to the doctor at their first available appointment where she was diagnosed with a concussion.

It lasted past Christmas. She was cleared to go back in November but only for half-day, but we both worked until 4 pm or later. While I tried to get her to try going back for full days, she gave up and claimed it hurt too much, so we let her stay home to heal.

Well as you can imagine, with less than half the time of the other kids, Mary’s academic success was bottom of the barrel.

Plus she had to drop out of her AP courses, being too far behind. Add in the fact she slacked and slept entire days away while “sick” constantly and her college pickings were slim.

We doubted she would get many acceptances honestly, but she did manage a scholarship to her ‘dream college’ that halved the costs. She’d never mentioned it before.

We got as far as an orientation before we realized even with the scholarship, and financial aid, we couldn’t do the cost.

I did my best and brought her to the bank for a loan, but she couldn’t get what she needed.

She has never forgiven us, constantly claiming that we should have saved more, rather than she should have applied herself, or managed her time better to get a job.

I told her that she brought this on herself, that we warned her this would happen, and that she could have put in more effort. I said, “every assignment you never turned in is a dollar you wasted away.” She hasn’t spoken to us since, and she’s ignored every time I or her father tries to reach out.

TO ADD:  She was put in therapy because she started acting out after moving states.

Not because of the imaginary friend. The point is that she NEVER had an imaginary friend until the therapist asked us about the said friend and we confronted Mary about it.

She admitted to making it up then.”

Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Holy hanna, do you even like your child? The language used is mind-boggling.

1.) Imaginary friends at a young age is 100% normal.

Did you ever consider she “admitted” they were real because you put her in therapy over it? I would bet $$ you belittled her over it too.

2.) A real doctor diagnosed her with a concussion.

A very serious one by the details provided. Your language implies you belittled that too.

3.) Despite a severe concussion and missing school she still managed grades that qualified for darn good scholarship to what sounds like a very expensive school.

You blame her over this?

4.) Something doesn’t add up. Despite a 50% scholarship and FA, there wasn’t enough money to go. There are grants if you are low-income.

There are work programs to help with extra costs. There are a TON of things to help. You said you tried to get a bank loan. Based on your overall language and blaming her for not doing more — I doubt you gave a ton of effort into trying to make it happen.

Edit: Holy hanna! Long time lurker, but wow this blew up! Thanks so much for the awards!! RIP my poor inbox.

Edit 2: OP, I just saw your update about what you said to her about the assignments.

Yikes, lady!! Seriously. Your daughter is probably NC with you because of that statement rather than whatever the heck you left out on why she wasn’t able to go to college.

PS: OP, constantly changing your post to make you sound better is doing the absolute opposite. My heart aches for your daughter.” Beneficial-sale7510

Another User Comments:
“YTJ, for the reasons above; not for the reasons you think.

Look, she was struggling at age six and you pulled her from therapy because of something she said. At age six. Plus: 5). Your response now could have simply been, I am sorry we simply couldn’t afford it and were, and are, doing the best we can.” tropicaldiver 

2 points - Liked by really, Alliauraa, Creicrei11 and 1 more

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CatLover6 2 years ago
Something no one has touched on. You said that her concussion symptoms lasted past Christmas as if that somehow invalidated them. Look up post-concussion syndrome before you make that asinine judgment. As someone who had a concussion and is still suffering side effects years later screw you. You are far worse than a jerk.
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2. AITJ For Asking My Friend If Her Husband Is The Father Of Her Different Skin-Colored Triplets?


“A few years ago, my close childhood friend gave birth to triplets. Her husband is a light black man. Of the three, two were the same skin tone as her husband, and the third was much darker.

The skin tones made me a little suspicious that her husband might not be the father.

I pulled her aside privately and asked her seriously if her husband was the father.

She didn’t even listen or answer rationally, she just freaked out at me and acted super insulted and kicked me out. I reached out to her husband and told him about her reaction and told him he should get a paternity test and he called me a jerk and blocked me.

Neither has spoken to me since.

I’ve always thought that they dramatically overreacted and were probably hiding something because of their responses, but they’re still married and sometimes I feel bad about what happened.

I just felt a lot of empathy for her husband because I would be devastated if I wasn’t confident that I was the father of my future children.

Was I a jerk for asking privately?

Edit: Okay I get it I’m a jerk. I want to make it clear that I didn’t think the triplets had different fathers.

I’m not an idiot. I thought it was possible, given the skin tone of the third triplet, that all three were fathered by a darker man and the first two were a bit lighter because my friend was very fair.”

Another User Comments:

Genetics. One of his parents likely has a darker skin tone, and that came through in the grandchild. Not uncommon, super normal. You are a FLAMING jerk for this.

I cannot give a bigger YTJ.” Bryleigh88

Another User Comments:
“Agreed, as someone who is balding and has a father with a full head of hair, we sometimes get traits from our grandparents as well.

It all depends on what’s passed down.” Detroiter85

Another User Comments:
“My older sister is super light skin while I am very dark. This is common for a lot of people OP is a blithering idiot YTJ.” Somali_Imotep

1 points - Liked by leja2, really, Alliauraa and 2 more

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joefriday 2 years ago
Not only are YTJ but you're an inconsiderate asshole! I don't blame them for never wanting to speak to you again. I sure wouldn't! You definitely crossed the property line of MYOB!
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1. AITJ For Treating My Partner Like My Personal Chef?


“I’ve been with my wonderful significant other for a few years now, and we usually get along great, aside from this current issue. She’s a self-proclaimed “foodie,” which I honestly think is just selling herself short.

She’s a food genius. She can taste and smell a dish and then turn around and recreate it, or even make it better than the original.

If you taste something and wonder, ‘What’s that super subtle flavor?’ she’ll tell you, ‘It’s anchovy paste/sumac/lavender/some other obscure spice that you would never think of.’ When someone is cooking something and they go, ‘it’s missing something,’ she can tell you exactly what it needs.

(It doesn’t stop there, she knew I had touched a diesel truck at work one morning as soon as I walked into the house that night because she could somehow smell it on me.

It’s either really cool or really creepy, depending on the day.)

That’s not it, either. She heard about a lost family recipe and the next week, BAM, I’m eating my grandmother’s homemade sausage again for the first time in fifteen years.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday.

Even the most exotic ingredients aren’t out of her reach, either, and, even though it’s not about cost, I’ve saved up more being with her than I ever had in any other relationship.

The only place we really go for date night is ramen – she can’t figure out how to make the noodles, but she still tries so it’s just a matter of time – and sushi.

It was our anniversary recently, and I had noticed that our local fish counter was selling sushi-grade fish, along with the rolling mats and nori, so I suggested that we have homemade sushi for our anniversary dinner before going out and she got upset and said, “I’m not learning how to make sushi because then I’ll never get a real date ever again.” We ended up going out instead.

It kinda took me by surprise that she got so mad, though.

She’s lightly mentioned wanting to go out occasionally to places like Olive Garden “because she likes the red sauce” or other places because she likes the food, and now that I’m thinking about it, she’s gotten kinda gloomy because I’ve asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often.

She also brought up that food she cooks tastes better to me because she’s tasting and smelling it while it cooks so her senses are dulled by the time it’s served, but she has the most acute sense of smell/taste I’ve ever seen so I kinda think it’s just an excuse.

I just don’t think it’s worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that’s just as excellent.


I can honestly say that I’ve been a jerk and it’s really hurt my relationship with my partner.

It’s honestly a surprise that she’s still my significant other after everything. So her mom picked up the girls and I took her out to a really nice tapas restaurant.

She was very excited and seemed to enjoy herself, and I apologized for being stupid. After we took a walk and everything seemed perfect, so I asked her to marry me.

She said no.

She did it kindly, but she still said no. She said that it wasn’t a no forever, but she didn’t want to commit to a one-sided relationship and also said she doesn’t think that it’s fair that our relationship happens on ‘my schedule’ or ‘my terms’.

I’m pretty heartbroken. I thought everything was pretty okay between us, but she thinks we should go to pre-marital (pre-engagement?) counseling and the division of labor needs to change over a serious sit-down conversation.

So, everyone was right. I’m the jerk who almost lost the love of my life, and most of you were right – it wasn’t over restaurants.


The general consensus was, yes, that I am the jerk.

More than a couple people told me that they hoped my partner broke up with me. Well.

After I posted – and proposed and was rejected – things got pretty awkward between us for the first time in five years.

She started to get snappy at me easily, she stopped being as affectionate to me, she started making pretty much nothing but casserole. Everything changed – to clarify, she usually liked to make more involved food than casserole.

Then one day, like three weeks ago, she threw down the spoon she was using to serve the thousandth casserole this month, and snipped at me, “Do you seriously freaking think that I actually like eating at Olive Garden?”

She saw the post.

She was furious.

She doesn’t like Olive Garden – she’ll eat there because the kids love it and it’s cheap. I was right about the red sauce being non-acidic, but, well, in her words, she “never developed a taste for pasta, she’s Latino, do I ever see her make pasta? No.

A meal isn’t complete without rice. You don’t know me at all.”

She yelled about Olive Garden for a solid twenty minutes. It wasn’t just about Olive Garden, but it was a lot about Olive Garden.

Long story short, we’ve been separated for a few weeks now, and it’s not looking good.

She “loves and respects me but feels it’s best for her to respectfully disengage” from me for her own personal betterment.

So, yeah. I would do anything to fix everything.”

Another User Comments:
“Good lord, completely YTJ.

Read the last line dude.

You said you have your own private chef. Do you think your wife wants to cook every single night for you? Heck no. She makes sacrifices of her time every time she cooks for you, which sounds like a lot, so why can’t you sacrifice some of your time to take her out and possibly show her thanks for the things she does for you?

Geez man, you’re being thick.

Maybe that’s why she got upset at the thought of never being taken out for dinner again.

And I feel like you should bring this up with her directly if it’s upsetting you.

Maybe tell her you love her cooking more than any restaurant food and she’ll love the sentiment and want to cook more. Or maybe she’ll say she needs a break from cooking sometimes.

Just talk to her.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:
“Or maybe go further than just telling her you love her food and show it. Get another old family recipe from your (grand)parents, buy the ingredients, and tell her you want to learn how to make it.

When you say she knows exactly what the recipe is missing, ask what flavor profile she’s detecting.

Get involved. You’ll still save (groceries are cheaper than restaurants) but you have to contribute to both the creation and the clean up of the meal.

Otherwise, she will feel like a private chef instead of a partner.

And take her to Olive Garden once in a while. It’s inexpensive and who doesn’t love breadsticks? Even better if you make it a project with her to try and duplicate some of their dishes at home.

Edit 2: OP took her out to a restaurant to apologize and then proposed immediately after without showing any real behavior change? Darn, the nerve on this guy.

Idk if this is a jerk move or the OP is really just clueless.” 28lobster

Another User Comments:
“I’d be freaking livid if I came home from work, after already having expressed at one point that I “wasn’t going to learn something bc then we’d never go out again”, to see groceries and my partner saying “LOOK YOU’RE GONNA COOK THIS MEAL AND LEARN IT BY LOOKING AT MY GRANDMA’S RECIPE.

PS. LET’S DUPLICATE A DATE PLACES RECIPE SO THAT YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN.” Nah man, take her out once in a while, she obviously deserves it after the terrible view her partner has had of her.

“personal chef” lol imagine feeling like you NEED to cook for your man because you’re basically hired to do so. This ain’t it.” FFsofie

Another User Comments:
“10000% and she’s not even his wife – it’s his partner! And not for much longer if OP never takes her out.

This is the most selfish, least self-aware thing I’ve read. All OP cares about is saving money, didn’t even express his love or appreciation for her. Damn, hope she gets her crap together and leaves him. I imagine if he’s this selfish with this, it doesn’t just end here.” longtimelurker

-4 points - Liked by Alliauraa, krph and dawo1

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tane 2 years ago (Edited)
I can understand how she feels. I cook n do the dishes 95% of the time. The other 5% my husband surprises me with pizza so no cooking no dishes or takes me out for a lunch date. Those are the little things she’s missing. She truly needs to feel like you love her and want to spoil her on occasion. If occasionally you surprise her by going out, let her pick the place, kids or no kids it will go along way. And I agree with another comment. Help out with the cooking and dishes. She will feel like she’s your partner not your personal maid/chef!
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